Cassie looked back over her first few weeks at Maidens Hill with a kind of awe. The days had drifted into each other, each one much like the other. She hadn’t seen Shayne again on the evening of Kimberley’s party. Parker had brought her in a tray with steak and salad at one point. The music had been doused shortly after 8pm, due to it being a school day on the Monday.
She’d slept a lot that first week, her body telling her she’d been pushing herself too much in the lead up to coming to confront Shayne. Packing up her house and putting things into storage had taken its toll, even though the heavy work had been done by the packers. It wasn’t only the decisions she’d had to make, but the resurgence of memories she’d put into her own cold storage years ago, now reignited by having to handle the small items that represented those memories.
There’d been enough stress underlying it all before she added the upcoming meeting and while she was still anxious, Shayne’s positive reception had eased most of it. His mother, she wasn’t sure about. They’d had Sunday lunch again the previous week and the in-between week the men and Kimberley had gone into their parents’ place for a social dinner with family friends on the Saturday.
Cassie had cried off on the grounds of still being too tired to go out at night and Shayne had accepted that. But not until he’d been reassured there was nothing wrong. The tiredness had been genuine enough. She was always tired. But she hadn’t felt up to being sociable with strangers, even with Shayne in support mode. The weeks of rest had made a difference, being pampered by Parker and free of any obligations apart from those implied by being a guest. She hated to admit it, but Shayne had been right. She’d needed a holiday.
Now it was exactly four weeks since she arrived, and she sensed Shayne was getting restless and frustrated. A series of problems had kept him busy, including one of his senior men being off work with a broken collarbone after a fall from a motorbike. Rain had delayed the shearing of his goats, putting out the schedule.
Cassie hadn’t been bored. Even after she was feeling more energetic. In her explorations with Shayne, they’d found a music room. Set up with a desk and a multitude of chairs, there was a magnificent old grand piano and a tall harp that had been shipped out from England by one of those well-heeled brides. Shayne had told her to go ahead and use the piano or any of the smaller instruments or music scores stored in the cabinets.
‘They’re better off used and we pay for someone to come out once a year to maintain them.’ He’d smiled. ‘This way I’ll feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.’
When she’d hesitated, he’d told her that Ben and his sisters had used them in the past. ‘This isn’t a museum. It’s a living breathing house, all of it is made to be used.’
She’d taken advantage of his offer and it was a real pleasure to be able to keep up her practice. She’d sold her own piano once she’d decided to give up teaching. It had been a good instrument, but a work horse.
One advantage to his regular absences was that she’d got to know Kimberley better. At least a couple of nights a week, they were on their own for the evening meal, with the men busy outside. While the girl still appeared to view Cassie with suspicion, she would often forget her animosity in her enthusiasm for her horsemanship and curiosity about Cassie. She believed there was a connection to the modelling world in Cassie’s past. Unless it was meeting Shayne at the fashion show that confused the issue. That series of fashion events had been a one off. She was more used to corporate work and conferences.
Cassie was quite happy to talk about the world of fashion if Kimberley wanted to chat. What woman didn’t like clothes in some form or another? The girl had the right shape and height if she were interested in doing some modelling work to fund her way through university. Not that it was likely to be a problem. Her father would have it covered.
The girl had even invited her to come out and watch her practice barrel racing. She’d asked if Cassie rode and, after her initial negative, maintained a lofty condescension while explaining the ‘what’ and ‘how’ of barrel racing and rodeo. Cassie had sat back and enjoyed watching the girl’s enthusiasm, envying her energy.
Now, making her way to the fenced in training yard beyond the stables, Cassie wasn’t sure if it was a sensible way to spend her Saturday morning. Except to help build a relationship with Kimberley. If the girl could accept her, it would make things easier in the future, whatever happened.
The yard itself was timber, the top rail a fraction below shoulder height. Cassie rested her forearms on it and scrutinised the ring. It was larger than she expected, close to rodeo size, and the timber wasn’t very old. Not new, but not like the smaller corral she’d explored on the other side of the stables that looked like Shayne’s great-great-grandfather might have built it, held together with wire and not much else.
The barrels were placed ready in the arena and over near the chute leading to the stable yard Shayne, wearing his battered Akubra on his head, was adjusting the straps on a neat bay quarter horse gelding.
Kimberley was already mounted, wearing a helmet, and watching her father closely.
As Cassie watched, he stepped back, and Kimberley set the bay at a slow trot around the course. He was a beautiful animal, his dark coat glossy in the sun, his mane and tail gleaming black.
Intent on watching the action, she failed to notice Shayne approaching until he was only a few paces away on the other side of the fence.
‘Enjoying the weather?’
She glanced up at the crystal-clear sky. ‘It’s a beautiful day.’
‘The nights are getting cooler, but we usually get nice weather this time of year.’
Talking about the weather. Nice one. ‘Kimberley looks very competent on her horse.’
‘Samson was a champion before we bought him. He has a lovely nature.’
‘Why Samson?’
Shayne leaned against the fence, his eyes on the pair still trotting around the course. ‘We didn’t name him. I always assumed it was because he’d had his hair cut, so to speak.’
It took Cassie a moment to make the connection. ‘Oh really. You’re making gelding jokes.’
He shifted his gaze to her. ‘Believe me when I say I have every sympathy for the horse.’
She couldn’t keep her face serious, and his eyes lit up as he returned the smile.
Kimberley’s voice came loud and clear. ‘You ready, Dad?’
He held up one hand, displaying a stopwatch. ‘All good.’
His attention was all on his daughter as she vanished into the chute area. A few moments later, Cassie could hear the pounding of hooves as the horse picked up speed. They rocketed out of the passage as Shayne clicked the button on the stopwatch.
The girl was good, only clipping the second barrel slightly as they went around, without knocking it over.
‘Fifteen seventy-eight.’
Kimberley muttered something, stroking Samson’s neck. ‘We’ll do another run.’
Shayne nodded and turned to Cassie. ‘This will be the last run today. You almost missed out.’
‘I had a phone call as I was coming out. I hope Kimberley wasn’t offended.’
‘She’s had some good runs. At least you turned up.’
Horse and girl flew into the ring and Shayne was ready, watching with his thumb on the stop button. Cassie counted automatically. In moments it was over, and Kimberley returned to the ring, walking the bay slowly around the circuit. It had been a better run and to Cassie, it was faster by several seconds.
Shayne sauntered over to talk to her, showing her the watch. It must have been a good time, because her smile was wide.
Cassie wasn’t needed here, so with a wave to Kimberley, she headed back towards the house.
‘Hold up.’
Shayne matched her slow pace once he caught her. ‘You didn’t overdo it, I hope.’
‘No, but it’s getting hot, and I’ve been on my feet for a while.’
‘Next time, come around to the side nearest the stables. There’s a mini grandstand you could sit on.’
It was dusty here, away from the house, with tracks of vehicles and horses mixed with the distinctive hoofprints of sheep and goats and at least one alpaca print. ‘Do you bring the flocks through here?’
‘Occasionally. We spell the paddocks regularly. Animals with cloven hooves are harder on the soil and they overgraze if allowed to, which discourages regrowth.’
‘You really have your head wrapped around the whole farming thing, don’t you?’
‘Is that a polite way of saying you feel neglected?’
‘Maybe.’
He removed his hat and scrubbed his fingers through his hair. ‘I’m sorry. I had plans, but weather and staffing defeated them.’
‘I’m good. I know you had no choice. I was stirring.’
His expression lightened. ‘Seriously, I didn’t expect things to get so hectic.’
‘Are they better now?’
‘Noel’s going to be out of action for a few more weeks, but I’ve someone who can give me a hand. He’s in cattle, so his calendar is different. Luckily, with all the rain, he’s not having to hand-feed at the moment.’
‘That must be a relief.’
She veered over to head for the door into the passageway to the annex, expecting him to keep going to the side door nearest his office. ‘I’m okay. You don’t need to escort me back to my room.’
‘I’m heading that way to get some things out of the storerooms. Mum asked me to find them so I can take them when we go in tonight.’
She’d forgotten the regular family meal was at his parents’ place this weekend. Was trying to forget having agreed to join them this week. ‘I thought you said they moved out. Do they keep a lot of their things here?’
‘These are historical records she wants for a display at the museum. Old ledgers. We keep them in the old cool room, which we can regulate for humidity and temperature.’
‘You have a lot on your plate. That rodeo ring is something else. Did you build it for Kimberley?’
He paused at the door, holding it open for her. ‘No. It was originally built for Courtney. That’s why it has the chute for the barrel racing.’
She eyed her door, wondering if it would be ruder to walk away or ruder to ask the question. ‘You wouldn’t marry her, but you were willing to spend a fortune on her? How does that work?’
Shutting the door, he leaned one shoulder on the glass. ‘Let’s say I hoped that by encouraging her in one ambition, I was distracting her from the other one I wasn’t prepared to fulfill.’
‘I don’t understand how you avoided marrying her if that’s what she wanted. There must have been a lot of pressure.’
‘My mother was the hardest to resist. Dad told me I had to make up my own mind.’
‘While she was here, did you have a relationship?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘You mean a sexual relationship?’
‘I guess. I mean, you’d already slept with her, and she was around all the time.’
‘It would have been an easy trap to fall into, you mean? No. I wasn’t going to blur the lines. She was a stranger when she first came here and with so much at stake, it was easy to keep my fly zipped. We became friends, but nothing more.’ He chuckled. ‘Nana told me to pay her some money and send her off but keep the baby.’
Cassie glanced over at the stables. ‘Which is what happened, effectively. Although she didn’t get much use out of the training ring.’
‘That was an excellent investment for the property. The old training yard is falling down, anyway. It’s close to a hundred years old. We loan the ring out to neighbours, and it gets more use in the runup to the rodeo, which generates some income. Ben and Brittany were into dressage and show jumping in their teens, so it gave them somewhere to practice.’
Except Brittany was dead, and Ben no longer rode. ‘Kimberley must have been young when you lost your sister.’
‘Around four. She doesn’t remember much. To her, Ben has always been a grump with a limp and Brittany is never mentioned.’
‘Your parents don’t talk about her?’
‘Mum won’t and Dad can’t. You noticed there aren’t any family photos downstairs. Mum’s choice. I have some in my office and in my bedroom.’
‘That can’t be a good thing.’ Cassie tried to swallow the hypocritical words, but they were out there now.
Shayne frowned, his eyes studying her face. ‘You don’t talk about your family either. Or is it only with me you don’t share your past?’
‘You’re right. I don’t talk about myself. I’ve always been private.’
‘Are all your close family dead?’
‘Yes.’ She bit the word out, but he didn’t back off. If anything, his gaze sharpened.
‘Have you been married or engaged? Committed?’
She’d been unforgivably nosy about his family; she couldn’t justify being cagey about her own past. Not that she had to over share. ‘I was engaged once. It was a long time ago.’
He straightened, as if her words triggered an alert. She shouldn’t have added the time frame.
‘What about since we met?’
‘Hardly.’ She touched her bump. ‘I had other things on my mind.’ Including him.
She shifted closer to the door of the annex. ‘Look, what business is it of yours, anyway?’
‘If you marry again, he’ll be a stepfather to my children. That gives me a vested interest in your future relationships.’
Huffing out a laugh, she turned away. ‘I have no intention of even thinking about marrying again, Shayne Smith. You can be sure of it.’
‘Why not? Most people want to have relationships.’
‘Most people aren’t cursed.’ She half smiled at her own drama. ‘Anyone I’ve ever been close to in the past has died. I have more consideration for people than to expose them to that kind of risk.’
He stood, silent and still, his eyes dimming to a dull grey green. She’d never seen eyes so variable. Like a mood ring she’d had as a kid, a gift from Tess. Only on her the colours had faded to nothing and it was buried somewhere in her vintage musical jewel box with the dancing ballerina, another present from Tess. By all rights, her cousin should be dead too, but she’d come close, so maybe it still counted.
A sudden jerk brought him back to life. ‘You should be resting. I’ll see you at lunch.’
He stalked into the house, the door clicking shut behind him. Shaking herself into action, she did as he suggested, showering off the dust and sweat and putting her feet up on the bed. She should organise to see Tess. The weeks had gone by with only their usual exchange of messages. Slack, considering she’d been living in the same town for a month. She reached for her phone before she could procrastinate.
A date settled, she found herself half dozing with Shayne Smith on her mind. She was learning a lot about him, and he was gradually drawing her to share her own past. He’d wonder about her after that outburst. Maybe she was a little odd. Losing people did that to you, took a little piece of who you were with them. If enough of them died, how much of yourself was left? How much did you have to do to hide the emptiness that was impossible to fill?
Her stomach rippled and she laid her hands over the movement. Had she been so absorbed she hadn’t noticed the hollow space inside was no longer empty? Those early months had left her too terrified to believe her babies would survive. She hadn’t realised she was believing they might escape the curse. It would give her a family of her own to love.
* * *
Shayne flung himself into the chair in his office. The woman was keeping secrets, and it was frustrating as hell. She’d sent her excuses for lunch, claiming she needed to rest before going out in the evening. Parker had taken over a light meal before letting Shayne know, so there’d been no good reason to disturb her.
He’d thought opening up would encourage her to do the same. She’d responded, but not with what he expected. What the devil did she mean by being cursed?
Opening the top drawer, he pulled out the framed photograph of Brittany he kept on his desk when his parents weren’t around. He planted it in the spot he usually kept it and determined he would leave it there. It was long past time he gave up being oversensitive about his parents’ grief. He’d grieved too, and the photo was a comfort. Sometimes he was afraid of forgetting what she looked like.
Maybe he could understand Cassie’s sentiment. Sometimes he wondered if his own family were cursed. Both he and Ben had an abysmal taste in women. It had been because of Ben’s ex-girlfriend they’d lost Brittany. His own experiences had made him wary. Yet amidst all the caution he kept urging on himself, he wanted to trust Cassie.
After all the lessons he’d learned, he kept hoping Cassie had a touch of the ambition that had made Courtney and Louella pursue him. Even the suggestion of her marrying someone else had made him bite his tongue so as not to give himself away. At the same time, her declaration against marriage had hit him fair in the gut.
Brittany’s bright eyes watched him from the photograph. Be patient, they seemed to say. It was hard sticking to his plan when he wanted more. Wanted Cassie to see him as someone she could depend on. Someone who could be not only a father to her children but a husband to walk beside her. He smiled wryly. Who was he kidding? He wanted a lot more than simple companionship. He wanted her back in his bed and the most obvious solution, to seduce her, was totally off the table. For the time being.
If he could keep her here after the birth of the twins, he might stand a chance of reminding her of how spectacular they’d been together. In the meantime, it was all about getting to know her. Letting her get to know him. He wasn’t sure which would be the toughest ask. If only the damn weather and the normal vagaries of farm life allowed him to spend time with her.
With luck, the strategies he’d put in place would make a difference. There were usually a few people around wanting short-term work with the seasonal nature of most agriculture. Today he’d been lucky enough to snabble a married couple from the US doing a working tour of Australia. They’d be arriving in the district on Monday and had put an ad on social media. They could help with the general work, but he still needed someone with animal husbandry experience. Coming into autumn was about the worst time with fruit harvesting and for some cattlemen who preferred calving before winter. His cousin Jordan had split his herd with the bulk due in spring so he could spare a man to help Shayne out for a few weeks.
With the extra hands, he might even make it in for dinner most nights now.
A ping on his phone forced him to drag it out and look at it. Fortunately, it was only an update from the man checking damage to the fences near the road and nothing he needed to attend to personally. It reminded him that time was getting away, and he’d persuaded Cassie to come into his parents’ place for dinner this time. A casual barbeque, so it would be earlier in the evening. The casual thing might have persuaded Cassie to front up with the promise of an early night.
A quick shower to dispose of the smell of horses and sheep and he was ready to go. He’d dragged out his cream chinos and a light blue shirt in due deference to his mother’s idea of casual. Jeans were only ever worn for work in her mind. He pulled on his tan dress boots over the Sylvester and Tweety socks his daughter gave him for Christmas. There was no point in going overboard with the Oxford lace-ups he only wore when absolutely necessary. These days, you could even get away with dress boots for a wedding. Something to keep in mind, though the bride usually had a say in those kinds of choices.
He had no concerns about what Cassie would wear tonight. She was always beautifully dressed, even with her changed shape from the pregnancy. His daughter he wasn’t so sure about. He still hadn’t taken her shopping. Definite Dad fail, which meant he couldn’t complain at what she might be wearing.
It was a good thing he’d braced himself because Kimberley was already defensive when he met her in the hall. If he’d allowed his surprise to show, it might have turned into a disaster. Not that the clothing was a disaster.
‘Nice outfit.’
Kimberley relaxed. ‘Cassie gave them to me. She said she wasn’t likely to fit into them even after the babies are born. She got a box of stuff out of storage she thought might be useful.’
‘We should reimburse her.’
Kimberley sputtered. ‘Da-ad. She gave them to me as a gift. Besides, she said she’d be donating them if I don’t want them. They’re in good nick, but they’re years old.’
Shayne eyed the vaguely retro apricot capris and white sleeveless top knotted at her waist over a matching apricot crop top, leaving a narrow strip of flesh showing above the waistband. Not even a father could have any objections to her displaying the barely there glimpse of pale skin. He would have liked to see it on Cassie if he was honest with himself. He looked lower and wasn’t sure if a pair of white Converse would have been Cassie’s first choice for shoes. They were fit for purpose in this situation.
‘Have you got your licence?’
She pulled her wallet out of a side pocket. ‘All set, Dad. I’ve got my phone too for the app so Ben can sign off on my hours.’
‘Where is Ben?’
‘He’s bringing the car around the front.’
He glanced at his watch. ‘I should get Cassie.’
‘She’s ready. I saw her in the lounge room before.’
Before he could make a move, Cassie appeared in the doorway.
‘Did I keep you waiting?’
‘Not at all.’ He waved off Kimberley. ‘You get going. We’ll catch up.’
His daughter grimaced. ‘Like I’m going to be crawling all the way to town.’
There was no chance to retaliate as she dashed out the front door and down the steps. Ben was climbing painfully out of the Subaru. It was higher off the ground than most sedans, but Shayne wondered if any vehicle would be easy for his brother.
He turned his attention to Cassie. ‘Kim is going with Ben. She still needs a few more supervised hours for her licence.’
‘She’s keen.’
‘More determined to get her licence the first moment she can.’
Guiding her to the door with a light touch on her elbow that zinged his fingertips, he looked over her chosen outfit. Another of the loose flowing summery dresses with large orange and purple hibiscus flowers on a green leafy background splashed over the light cotton fabric. Ballet flats in a similar purple and matching fine chiffon scarf finished the outfit.
Her hair was straightened into a silky curtain.
‘Why do you do that to your hair? It must take a lot of time.’
She fingered a lock that fell over her shoulder. ‘Don’t you like it?’
‘You know you always look beautiful, but surely it’s energy you could be conserving.’
‘It’s hard to keep looking neat when it’s curly.’
He could see she was embarrassed, and his throat tightened. ‘I’m sorry. It’s your hair, your choice. But if you’re doing it because you think I expect you to dress up all the time, then you should know I like it curly just as much.’
Her mouth curved up at one end. ‘I’ll keep that in mind.’
He normally used the Landcruiser for running around locally, keeping the Lexus for travelling to the city if he wasn’t towing the horse float. It wasn’t new, had been his father’s for a couple of years before they downsized to a slightly smaller hybrid when they moved to town. It was a choice between her having to climb in or climb out. Maybe he should have co-opted the Subi.
Cassie folded herself into the front seat, her long legs briefly displayed as her hem slid up. Shayne closed his eyes. Must. Not. Lust. After. Pregnant. Woman. He shut the door once he was certain she was strapped in correctly.
He’d already tasted the scent of her as she’d brushed past him. In the car, he’d be surrounded by it. Something that reminded him of the herb garden under the floribunda roses, and something only her. It was going to be a long few months. The last month had felt like forever.
He turned onto the road and slowed immediately. His men were still rounding up the sheep who’d found their way through the damaged fence, aided by a couple of kelpies. The kangaroos had slowly wiggled their way through at a weak spot until the mesh had pulled away from the stay wires near one of the wooden posts at the corner of the paddock. Once a single sheep found the gap, it was inevitable the rest of the flock would follow.
A soft sound dragged his attention from the milling sheep, and he glanced over at Cassie. Another whimper had him pulling over to the side of the road, heart thumping.
‘Is there a problem?’
‘I’m fine. Fine.’
But she wasn’t. Beads of sweat were forming on her upper lip and forehead. She was terrified.
‘It’s quite safe. The sheep will scatter if I go slowly.’
She nodded, her eyes fixed ahead, looking at the sheep on the road. ‘I know. It’s not … rational.’
Her hands were clasped protectively over her stomach. ‘Have you been in an accident? Did you hit a sheep at speed?’
The head shake was jerky and uncoordinated. ‘Not me.’
Something clarified as their earlier conversation came to mind. ‘Your family? Is this what happened to your family?’
She dashed a tear from her cheek, but her hand went straight back to the mound of her pregnant belly. A single nod gave him his confirmation. There was still something he didn’t understand.
‘Have you been pregnant before?’
Her head twisted to face him, her dark eyes luminescent. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘I don’t know.’ How did he explain what was pure instinct? Something about the way she clutched her belly. ‘The thought suddenly came to me.’
Dropping her chin, she stroked her stomach. ‘It was a long time ago.’
Everything for her seemed to happen a long time ago. As if she’d lived in stasis for years. And now he’d made her cry. ‘I’m sorry.’
He reached down to unclip their seat belts. Shifting in his seat, he reached for her, dragging her to rest her head on his shoulder. There was no resistance. Her body melted against his, her arms releasing their hold to lie loosely around his waist. The console kept their lower bodies apart, but hopefully this would be enough contact for her. ‘I shouldn’t have probed. It wasn’t the time.’
Yet if he hadn’t, he might never have learned the truth. Part of it, at least. There was more to learn. Why she hadn’t been with them? What was the story behind her lost child and how did it connect to the long-ago engagement?
The men were moving the flock further along the road, aiming for the gate into the next paddock. The road would be clear in a few minutes, but he wasn’t sure if Cassie was up to socialising.
‘Would you like to go home? You can come to my parents’ place another time.’
As if this breech of hospitality had broken through her grief, she sat up. ‘No. I’ll be fine. If I can freshen up.’
He missed the warmth of her against him. Bringing his mind back to practicalities, he dug into the console and found some fresh wipes and she took them with a shaky smile. ‘Always prepared.’
‘A habit from when Kimberley was young. I always needed to clean her up.’
She scrubbed her face and hands and presented it for inspection. ‘Do I look all right?’
He took her chin between thumb and forefinger and twisted it gently from side to side. ‘Beautiful as always. A little red rimmed, but it will settle by the time we get into town.’ On impulse, he leaned forward and kissed her full on her ripe mouth. The softness and taste pulled him in, and it was a struggle to release her. It almost felt like her lips clung. He straightened up on the seat and reached for his seat belt. ‘Sheep are gone. If you’re certain you’ll be fine.’
‘I’m always fine. You should know that by now.’
The wry tone reassured him, though he wondered exactly what fine meant in her case. One more thing to find out.