Cassie breathed a sigh of relief as they turned up the driveway, heading for home in the Subaru wagon Ben usually drove. It was feeling like home after all these weeks. Surprising, considering she’d never expected to stay. Not in the house as part of the family. Everyone had been so accepting, even Kimberley, after her initial suspicions.
There’d been no pressure either way from his family, something that also surprised her. Perhaps they’d learned from the Courtney incident. Perhaps they accepted Shayne was a grown man, able to make his own life choices. He was the parent of a daughter nearly grown and he seemed to have a done a good job. It couldn’t all be because of his family support, though that wasn’t to be dismissed.
If she accepted Shayne’s proposal, the annex would have to be abandoned. A wife would live in the main part of the house with her husband, upstairs with Shayne in the redecorated master suite with the nursery next door.
It had last been done up years ago, but Cassie liked the colours, the drapes and bedding in a rich dark green ornamented by gold tassels and the kitchenette and sitting room echoing the colours. The colours complemented the richness of the Victorian era timber furniture. Dawn was keen to freshen it up and Shayne trusted her to do it well.
‘Are you too tired to join me in the lounge? Parker left us a salad for dinner.’
Cassie jerked her attention back to Shayne. She noticed they’d pulled up near the pool, leaving only a short walk to the annex corridor.
‘You aren’t heading straight back into town?’
‘I was up at dawn, and I’ve been at the Showgrounds all day with Kimberley and Samson and meeting up with the committee. I’m looking forward to some downtime.’
He’d had a strenuous week, too. Not only on the farm, but with all the rodeo competitors using the facilities, in between supervising Kimberley going through her paces. ‘I’ll need to freshen up. When will I meet you?’
A quick glance at his watch and he shot her a smile. ‘An hour be all right? We could have a picnic meal in the lounge, seeing it’s only the two of us.’
It sounded nice. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d been alone, simply being together. ‘I’ll be there.’
They parted, him to the entrance near his office and her to the annex. It only took a few minutes to douse herself in the shower to get rid of the dust and sweat from the arena. She hesitated over clothes but decided a relaxing evening at home required comfort rather than style.
Black leggings and an oversized pale pink t-shirt were her favourites, even before her pregnancy made her skin sensitive. The knit fabric was cool and soft, the wide waistband on the leggings gentle on her expanding belly. Her damp hair she braided into a single fat plait, not worrying about straightening it. Shayne had said he liked her curls. Make-up was too much like hard work, and she rarely used it anyway unless she was working in that kind of environment. If she was going to live here, Shayne would see her at her worst.
He’d had a preview when they’d spent those two weeks together at her hotel, so it wouldn’t be a surprise. She’d never worn make-up in the morning when she headed out for a run, and he’d joined her most days.
Cassie stalled as she went to leave the room. Was she seriously considering taking up his offer? She was hoping for too much. The twins were thriving. If they survived, what did that mean about her curse? It was too hard to believe she could have it all, but maybe if she shared her history with Shayne, he would understand where she was coming from. It was long past time to be honest about everything.
It had really struck home when Shayne had looked so hurt at finding out his cousin knew more about her past than he did. He’d covered it quickly, but she’d seen the flash of pain darken the brilliance of his eyes. She’d been so busy protecting herself, she hadn’t been fair to him. Letting him into her pregnancy was one thing. Hiding her past when he’d exposed his own tragedies was selfish.
She huffed out a breath. It was fixable and she could do it over the meal. If he was hanging out at home, they would have time without the constant interruptions from Kimberley and the responsibilities of Maidens Hill.
The lounge was empty apart from Barney snoozing on the doggy mat in front of the fireplace. It had the advantage of being warm in winter and cool in summer. The tiles underneath would be cooler than the carpet. It was no wonder the smart old dog had made it his own. He opened one eye and the tip of his tail flicked once in acknowledgement of her presence before he fell back into whatever dog dreams he was enjoying. Even Barney was accepting her, and there was a warm place in her chest for that small blessing. She could be sure of his acceptance, a hint that he saw no threat in her or sensed any animosity from the people in his world.
She’d barely arranged herself on the fat couch facing the television when Shayne nudged past the half-open door with a fully laden tray. He placed it on the coffee table in front of her with a flourish. Two covered plates, cutlery, and a jug of orange juice and tall glasses with a handful of ice in each one. Her mouth watered at the thought of the icy, freshly squeezed juice. Parker always watered it down, so the acidity didn’t upset her sensitive stomach and added a touch of home-grown lemon juice, which gave it a refreshing bite.
As if he knew, Shayne filled the glasses and handed her one before planting himself beside her on the couch. ‘Have you been waiting long? I couldn’t find the juice. Parker put it in the cold room.’
‘Just arrived. Thanks for this.’
He wasn’t touching her, but he was close enough for her to notice the freshly showered scent of him, all leather and citrus. He’d trimmed his beard at some point, too, if the smoothness of his neck was any indication. He’d taken a leaf out of the comfort book and wore a body-hugging tee and soft, jersey-knit exercise shorts. His muscular legs were solid, with light hair, the skin slightly paler than his forearms, proof that he wore his jeans or moleskins working out in the paddocks. That hadn’t changed in the months since they’d met. The all over colour of his body and legs would come from his swimming, but the solid muscle would be from working. She’d seen how hard he worked and the long hours. Handling the sheep and other animals was a very physical job.
She took a hasty gulp of the drink and nearly choked, saving herself with a cough, holding the glass away from her body in case she spilled it.
Shayne took it from her, inserting his large hand behind her back and rubbing it in a circular motion that was remarkably soothing. ‘All good?’
Nodding, Cassie retrieved her drink. ‘Teach me to be greedy.’
‘Greedy isn’t always a bad thing.’
There was a gleam in his eye she recognised from their time together before he’d vanished back into his own world, leaving her behind. A pity she wasn’t allowed to act on the sizzle of attraction that was burning through her body. He was everything. His scent, his physical presence, his mind, even his sense of humour.
‘You had my number. Did you ever think about calling me?’
A flush of colour skimmed his cheekbones. ‘More times than I like to remember. I should have done it. It would have saved a lot of time.’
‘What would you have done?’
‘Come to see you. I thought you weren’t local. Had probably flown in from Sydney or Melbourne. It didn’t occur to me you were from Brisbane.’
‘Because I was staying in the hotel. Do you ever travel down south?’
‘To Sydney for the Royal Easter Show.’
‘Would you have contacted me if you were going?’
He leaned back, twisting his glass in his hand. ‘Probably not. I was convinced you were a city slicker, and I wasn’t going there again. Not after the last time. Especially in Sydney.’
‘That was where you met the other one who wanted you to live in the city?’
‘Pretty much. I wasn’t going to get burned again. No matter how much I … How much I was attracted.’
She wondered what he had stopped himself from saying. ‘It’s still the same. I might have been born in the country, but I haven’t lived there for a long time.’
‘Tell me.’
Cassie took a deep breath, and then another, placing the half empty glass on the table. ‘Longbourne was in my family for almost as long as Maidens Hill has been in yours. Sheep, with the occasional excursion into cattle and a very brief trial of alpacas.’
‘Nathan said there were alpacas when he bought it.’
‘My father had just bought a few to see how they went before the accident.’
‘That was ten years ago?’
‘Closer to twelve. It took a couple of years for probate to go through and allow the sale.’
He was counting on his fingers, his brows drawn together. ‘You were eighteen. Why weren’t you with them?’
‘I was at the Bialga rodeo with Brian Casey, my fiancé.’ Even now, after all these years, the pain still stabbed a little. ‘The bull he was riding hit him after he dismounted. He’d made the eight seconds, but he stumbled when he hit the ground. The bull was still bucking, and it twisted and landed on him.’
She’d been watching and jumping up and down cheering and that moment of exhilaration, followed immediately by the horror of seeing a tonne of bull trample on the man she loved still caught her breath. It took a moment to recover. Shayne reached out and wrapped his hand around hers, warmth sending the oxygen back into her lungs. ‘He was wearing the vest and helmet, but it wasn’t enough.’
‘Did he …?’ Shayne’s words came out choked.
‘No. But it was bad. His neck was broken and his pelvis crushed. So many internal injuries. He survived.’
Shayne’s fingers tightened. ‘How long?’
It was as if he could read her mind. ‘Four years. He was in a rehab facility for most of it. We were hoping to get him home when he caught pneumonia. He couldn’t fight it.’
‘Were your parents coming to be with you after the accident?’
‘Yes. Terry was with them. My twin brother. I can’t imagine how it happened. They were used to watching out for animals. According to the police, they must have hit a big ram at speed and left the road. The front passenger side was mangled and the wheel ripped off. The corpse was still on the road when they were found. The car rolled and ended up with the driver’s side wrapped around a tree. They were dead on impact, according to the coroner. It was my fault. They wouldn’t have been in such a hurry if I hadn’t called them about Brian.’
Shayne was very still. It was hard to read his expression. Shock, most likely. It was such a litany of disaster. Not that much more than his family had been through with his sisters and Ben’s injury, give or take a few deaths, but coming all at once, it had knocked her both mentally and physically.
It frightened her that sometimes she had trouble remembering what they looked like. Like his mother, she’d put away the family albums from when she was a child. She’d lost most of her digital photos when her computer crashed not long after Brian’s death. Even the pain was fading along with the memories. Somehow that was the most frightening thing of all. It had been all she had to hold onto.
His other hand cupped her cheek. ‘There’s nothing I can say that will make it better. I can’t imagine what you went through.’
The touch dragged her back to the here and now. She forced a smile but even that didn’t hurt as much. ‘Now you see why I think I’m cursed.’
‘Not cursed. Misfortune piling on misfortune. One thing leading to the rest.’ His gaze shifted to her stomach. ‘Was that when you lost your baby?’
That penetrated. A sharp hollowness that dissipated as she felt the new life in her belly. ‘How did you know?’
‘If your fiancé was so injured, I thought you must have been pregnant beforehand.’
‘I was at the hospital waiting for Brian to be flown out to Brisbane when a policeman came looking for me. I thought it was about Brian. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Wouldn’t believe. I rushed out of the hospital because I’d left my phone in the car. I fell down the stairs. The baby came too early.’
She exhaled, looking down at his fingers tangled with hers. ‘Misfortune piling on misfortune. You were right. It seemed like it would never end. I had lost everyone. Everything. They kept saying Brian would probably not survive. As it was, I couldn’t follow him to Brisbane for over a month. First, I was in the hospital being fixed up after the miscarriage. Then I had to fly out west to sort out my family’s deaths.’ She glanced up. ‘Nathan’s family were very good to me. They helped sort out everything. Once the funerals were done, I went to Brisbane. Not that Brian missed me. He was in an induced coma for weeks.’
‘I don’t understand how I never heard about it. Surely it made the news.’
‘It must have been not long after you lost Brittany, and then there were Ben’s injuries. I doubt if you were watching the news. If you did see it, it wouldn’t have registered.’
His brow creased. ‘Maybe I heard something about it. There’s something niggling in the back of my mind. Something Nate said when he bought the property. But you’re right. We had so much on our plate there was no room for empathy for someone else’s trauma.’
* * *
Shayne swallowed a ball of regret. Not that he would have been any help to her back then, but the urge to protect Cassie was strong. She’d made it through by herself in the end. Not unscathed, but still a beautiful person on the inside. She hadn’t let it embitter her. Only the fear still lingered, and she kept it well hidden under the serene surface.
She took a long swallow of her drink and placed the empty glass on the table. It seemed like that was the end of the revelations for the moment. She’d need a break, so he lifted the lids off the salad plates and handed her one. The salmon was in small pieces and the entire meal was easy to eat with just a fork.
He waited until she’d eaten a reasonable amount before asking another question. ‘Did Brian have family?’
She flinched. ‘Parents and a sister. They don’t want to be in touch. Brian was their golden boy. I’m only a reminder of what they lost.’
‘So you have been pretty much alone, in terms of family?’
‘There’s Tess and my aunt and uncle. Tess is here, but her parents retired to Bialga.’
‘What about Michael Long?’
‘It’s only a distant thing. There was a lot of acrimony over my dad’s divorce from his mother. He came to the funeral, but his mother didn’t.’
He thought about it for a moment. ‘I guess that’s something I can offer you. I’m over-endowed with family.’
‘They’ve been very kind. I didn’t expect that.’
‘Even Kimberley?’
She snorted. ‘It took a while. I think what convinced her to accept me was the thought that she would move away next year and leave you all alone. She figured better the devil she knows rather than you hauling your lonely self down to the pub for a hook-up and getting caught by a stranger.’
‘It might just happen. You’ll have to save me from that dreadful fate.’
She dumped the half empty plate back on the tray. ‘You don’t really get it, do you? I don’t want to take the risk of caring. It hurts too much.’
His chest tightened. ‘Do you think you could care? For us … me, I mean.’
Her mouth curled up at one corner. ‘You’re a pretty good guy. A good lay. Decent father. What’s not to like?’
‘But it’s too much of a risk. What about the babies? Will you love them?’
‘I already do.’ She splayed her fingers over her belly. ‘I know they’re at risk, but I can’t not love them.’
‘But you choose not to love anyone else. That’s not rational. It’s not even possible.’
‘I love Tess.’ She lifted her hands to her face, covering the lower half. ‘I think I’m scared. Scared to take things further, deeper.’
‘You’re going to have the occasional affair and then wave them goodbye so you don’t get involved? That’s not much of a life. Not much of a life for your children.’
Colour leeched from her face. ‘I don’t. I wouldn’t. You, us. That was the first time since Brian passed away.’
He shouldn’t feel good about that, but his heart grew about three sizes larger. Not that he’d ever been a grinch, but he’d been protecting himself too, until Cassie. It had been damned hard to walk away. ‘Why me?’
‘It was so physical. It didn’t scare me the way anything sentimental might have done. I hadn’t felt it before. Ever. Not even with Brian. With him, it sort of grew. There was none of the instantaneous combustion.’
It had been something he’d never experienced before as well. ‘We were good together, and not only in bed.’
‘Bathroom, wardrobe, table, wall.’
A laugh tumbled out of him, unexpected. ‘That too. I was thinking more about the times we weren’t having sex. We didn’t agree on everything, but it was damn close. It was the best time I’ve ever had with a woman. Certainly the first time I wasn’t relieved to get up in the morning and walk away.’
Her hands dropped to her thighs, her fingers kneading the muscle. ‘Was it really like that for you, too?’
‘It was only the city thing that stopped me from inviting you back here for a visit. I find myself even willing to compromise a little. There could be opportunities to get away if you feel the need to head for the bright lights. I could come with you. Just for a week or two at a time. Maybe longer, depending on what time of year.’
‘You’d do that, for me, if I was missing the city?’
‘I want you to be happy. I think …’ he paused to try and formulate the words. ‘I think that would make me happy as well.’
He wasn’t going with the love words. Any expression of feeling might frighten her away. Love had hit her hard, and she was still feeling the pain. She had been lonely for a long time, he guessed. Maybe that was why she’d fallen into his arms so quickly. But she’d stayed. Let him stay. She could have turfed him out the next morning, but they’d settled in like old lovers. If old lovers were so keen to make love every chance they had. There’d been plenty of breaks, of course. She’d had her work to do and he’d attended his events. But neither had lingered elsewhere, to his knowledge. Every spare moment had been spent together.
‘I assumed you were a model, but that’s not it, is it? What were you doing at the fashion parade?’
‘I’m an accredited Auslan interpreter.’ She moved her hands gracefully.
‘Your job was interpreting the announcer’s words for anyone watching with a hearing impairment?’
‘My brother Terry was born profoundly deaf, so it was a second language in our home. I wanted to use it after he died, and I can get work easily. Some I do as a volunteer, but I was getting paid for the show events like the fashion parades and awards presentations.’
‘They provided the accommodation?’
‘It was easier than travelling in every day, especially as some events went late at night.’
‘They didn’t mind you having a guest?’
‘They had told me I could bring a partner or family member if I wished. It made no difference to the room rate.’
His breath eased out. ‘That’s why you wouldn’t accept me paying my share of the room, only the fridge items.’
That small curl of the lip grew. ‘I hardly wanted to make a profit out of the best shag of my life.’
‘The best? I like the sound of that.’ He put his plate on the coffee table. ‘What a pity we can’t test it out, see if anything has changed.’
‘I could do something, only not anything that would get me overexcited.’
‘That leaves a tiny margin. I don’t think anything we did together wouldn’t overexcite me. How about you?’
‘Same same.’
‘A kiss?’ He leaned in, breathing in the scent of her, spiced with orange juice and salad dressing.
‘A very chaste kiss?’ She said it like she doubted it was possible.
Her head tilted up, bringing her lush mouth tantalisingly close.
A drop of his head and his lips brushed hers. They clung, and he deepened the kiss, stroking his mouth along her lips, tasting the softness with the tip of his tongue. Not pushing. He didn’t want to ask for more than she was prepared to give. Chaste wasn’t in his repertoire with women, but he could work on it. For Cassie, he was discovering he was willing to do a lot of things he’d been uninterested in before. This was about her. Her needs. Her health and keeping within the bounds of safety.
It was nice, in a good way. Sweet and tender, her response tentative but giving. His body was reacting, but he was a grown man. He could control himself.
She shuddered, and he pulled away. ‘Too much?’
‘Perhaps. I liked it though. It was different.’
Nothing like the athletic physicality of their time together. Tenderness had come to him unawares, getting to know her over these last weeks, even with all the interruptions of his work. There would always be some of that, but he was changing what he could to give himself more freedom to work on building this family, whatever shape it ended up b`eing.
‘I’m not going to ask you to decide now. You can take as long as you want. But I will ask that you stay here while you make up your mind. I need you to be safe and here there is always someone around. You going into labour on your own in a place in town is the stuff of my nightmares.’
‘I’ll stay. The way the rental market is, I’m unlikely to find anything closer than Bialga.’
His gut twisted and he rubbed his stomach as if that might ease the tension. ‘Too far away. I thought about moving into town with you, if you really wanted to get away, but it will make things tough with all my other responsibilities.’
‘Kimberley would not be impressed.’
‘You understand, don’t you?’
‘It would be ridiculous. There’s plenty of room here and I have my privacy.’
The knot eased. ‘You’re happy here?’
‘How could I be otherwise? Waited on hand and foot. Chef-cooked meals and never lonely.’
A catch in her voice at the last word told him that the company was as important as the cooking. ‘Have you lived alone since your fiancé passed away?’
‘Since before then. I took a flat near the hospital while he was there. Once it looked, when we hoped he might come home, I bought a block of land in the suburbs and built a place that would be fully accessible. I still have it. It’s being rented, as I didn’t want it to stand empty when so many people need a home.’
She’d lived in the house she’d built for her fiancé. Except there would have been no memories for her there because he hadn’t lived to join her. She didn’t need his protection, but he wanted to give it to her all the same. Wanted her to need him.
She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand, and guilt pinched at him. He’d put her through the wringer with his questions, but they’d had to have this conversation. They had to understand each other if they were going to make something of this relationship.
‘You should head for bed. It’s been a long day.’
Her smile was more of a grimace. ‘You’re not wrong.’
There was a hesitation. Her mouth parted like she had stopped herself from saying something more and he waited, hoping.
‘Would you come with me?’ She made a dismissive gesture with her hand, a graceful wave that made him wonder what she looked like when she was translating. ‘Never mind. It’s not like I can offer you anything to make it worth your while. It was only, I’d prefer not to be alone right now.’
He pressed his hand on her knee, giving it a squeeze. ‘I’d love to. Let me put these things away in the dishwasher and I’ll follow in a few minutes.’
Her eyes widened and her lashes slowly lowered in a blink. ‘That would be nice.’
Nice. He could think of all kinds of other words. But the one that stuck was progress. That she’d asked, even though she’d doubted his willingness, was a big step for her in his mind. She was so independent, even a minor concession was major. ‘I want to be with you. I’ll try not to push, but I’m not saying no if you give me a chance.’
Cassie nodded and let him help her up, saying goodnight to Barney as she left the room. He stacked the plates and headed for the kitchen, working fast. He didn’t want to give her a chance to second guess her invitation.
It took longer than he’d expected. A message from Kimberley asking if she could stay the night with a friend needed clarification. After the conversation a few weeks ago, the question of the friend’s identity was more important than ever.
The door of the annex was slightly ajar, and he entered after knocking, securing the door behind him. Cassie was in bed, her hair still in the braid and wearing one of the oversized t-shirts she favoured, in a vivid pink that looked great with her dark colouring.
Her eyes lingered on him as he stripped off to his undershorts. He could have kept on the Tee but with two of them in the bed, body heat was going to be a thing. It was something he’d noticed during their time together because he wasn’t used to sharing a bed. Hadn’t ever wanted to until Cassie.
They didn’t speak as they settled together, her wrapping herself over the pregnancy cushion, him wrapping around her, one hand resting against her belly where the twins were moving.
Shayne was surprised they didn’t keep her awake, but almost immediately her breathing steadied. Exhaustion will do that to you. Time slipped away while he enjoyed the closeness, the feel of his children moving under his touch. He was dozing off when his phone buzzed, and he muffled a curse as he reached for it. Fathers didn’t enjoy the luxury of ignoring their phone.
It was Ben, bringing home Samson in the horse float. He’d need a hand, so Shayne slithered out of the bed and yanked on his clothes.
‘Are you leaving?’ Her voice was sleepy, half awake.
‘I’m going to unload Samson and put him in his box.’
She shifted, lifting her head. ‘Will you be back?’
‘Do you want me to come back?’
‘Of course. I always want you.’
His throat tightened at the truth she’d revealed. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I’m done. Go to sleep.’
‘Mmm-hmmm.’
The sigh went straight to his chest, wrapping around his heart. He wanted this chance so much. Once, he’d thought another surprise pregnancy would be the worst thing that could happen. Now his gratitude for the opportunity to be with Cassie jangled through his whole body, clamouring for a future he’d never known he wanted.