The gush of fluid trickled down the inside of the trackpants. Cassie stepped back from the rug onto the polished timber. It would be easier to clean up than the carpet. Everything was going in slow motion, even Shayne as he held up his hands, assuring her he would not touch her. His expression was concerned, but she’d seen the hurt in his eyes at her physical rejection. Coming on top of her verbal dismissal of anything between them, he was probably thinking she was a waste of space.
Why had she lost it? She’d been so determined to wait until Jordan was on the mend before saying her piece.
A sound dragged her attention away from Shayne. Dawn was at the door, a tea tray in her hands. Cassie wondered how much she’d heard. Too much, if the rigid expression on her face was any indication.
She put the tray down on a side table. ‘I’ll grab some fresh clothes and put them in the bathroom.’
Left alone with Shayne, Cassie gestured at her belly. ‘You were right. I’m sorry I was such a bitch.’
‘Women in labour get angsty. I’m sorry I pushed back. You didn’t need me getting all in your face over things that aren’t important.’
Not important? He thought her telling him she wouldn’t be in a relationship with him wasn’t important. That told her where she stood. Though going into labour was enough to put a lot of things into perspective. ‘I need to ring Doctor Reece.’
‘I’ll do that while you clean up.’
The trickle was almost to her ankles, so he was right, again. Luckily, the trackpants were absorbing most of it. ‘You have the number?’
He nodded, already pulling his phone from his back pocket.
Dawn was back with a bundle of cleaning cloths. ‘Off you go. I’ll take care of the drips.’
It was a relief to freshen up. Dawn had put some sanitary napkins with the clothes to catch any further leakage. She thought of everything. It was hard to imagine her losing the plot after the death of her daughter. Her second daughter. But grief did strange things. Cassie knew she’d been unlike herself for years. Maybe she still was. She’d been fearless as a child. Now she was letting herself be ruled by fear.
She pressed her palm against her belly. ‘I’ll change, I promise. I won’t let your lives be ruined by my fears.’
Shayne was still on the phone when she returned to the lounge. Not the doctor. It sounded like Kimberley. He hung up.
‘I’ve asked Kim to grab your bag and Ben will bring it into the hospital. Doctor Reece is on his way. He was still in Bialga. He said he’d call ahead and organise things with Jen Parker.’
‘He’s coming here?’
‘Yes. He said something about tossing a spare crib into the back of his car and he’d be on his way.’
‘I thought I’d have to go to Bialga.’
‘He would rather you weren’t on the road.’
A ripple of pain crossed her stomach and the ache in her back eased momentarily. ‘I think I’d be happier at the hospital. Contractions have started. That’s the third one so far.’
‘Doctor Reece wanted to know. I said you hadn’t had many, only back pain and one when your waters broke. He seemed happy with that, but said he wanted you there as soon as contractions became regular.’
Cassie hadn’t been to the hospital apart from the evening when she’d come with Shayne for a birthing class. They hadn’t gone into the main building; the classes being held in the Community Hub next door.
A man in pale green scrubs rushed up with a wheelchair as they walked through the Casualty entrance. It seemed like Doctor Reece had warned them she was coming because once he confirmed her identity, they headed through Casualty and down a long corridor and then around a corner to face another similar hallway. ‘I hope everyone else knows where we’re going.’
Shayne touched her hand on the arm of the wheelchair. ‘Maternity is in a separate wing at the back. It has a view over the creek.’ He grimaced, as if the random comment had embarrassed him. He probably thought a water view wouldn’t interest her. Now, any distraction was welcome.
Of course he’d know. Even if it were sixteen years ago, not much would have changed apart from the technology. She hoped the technology was up to date. Though Doctor Reece wouldn’t be happy about her giving birth here if it wasn’t.
Another contraction had her gritting her teeth.
Shayne’s brow creased. ‘That seems quick.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘Definitely closer. Those first few were ten minutes. This was more like seven.’
The wardsman seemed to pick up pace and the automatic doors at the end of the corridor slid open.
A couple of nurses were setting up the delivery room when they arrived. The wardsman helped her onto the bed and then took the wheelchair away. Leaving her with two strange nurses and Shayne.
The two women introduced themselves. Audrey was a midwife and Kate a paediatric nurse. She was setting up for the babies while Audrey did the checks on Cassie. Things sped up from there. Not only had Cassie needed to change, but they put a gown on Shayne as well.
It was a relief to see Jen Parker arrive, tugging on a gown over her scrubs. ‘Nice to see you again, Cassie. All ready to meet your babies?’
‘Well and truly.’
The doctor spent some time with the Doppler, checking the heartbeats, monitoring them through a contraction. She beamed at Cassie when she finished. ‘They are both sounding fine. A little stressed during the contractions but recovering well after.’
Jen chatted as she checked Cassie’s blood pressure and then there was the sting of a needle with little wings she said was in case she needed an IV line.
Something she said struck a chord. ‘Are you related to Parker from Maidens Hill?’
The doctor paused. ‘Of course. He’s my uncle. Small town stuff. You’ll get used to it.’
When she left the room, Cassie turned to Shayne. ‘Did you know that?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why didn’t you mention it when she did the ultrasound?’
It came out like an accusation and she hoped he wasn’t thinking she was jealous or something. She was feeling weird and scatty. One minute wanting to cry, the next wanting to bite someone’s head off.
Shayne shrugged, a roll of his shoulders that stretched his father’s polo. He was so damned attractive.
‘She’s not local, so I don’t really know her. Parker usually visits her in town. She doesn’t come out home, or at least I’ve never seen her.’
A contraction hit and any intelligent thoughts went out the window as she focused on her breathing. The midwife came to monitor the babies’ heartbeats. It wasn’t until she moved away again, Cassie realised she’d been gripping Shayne’s hand. He flexed his fingers and she saw dusky red crescents on his palm.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Isn’t this where you’re supposed to tell me it’s all my fault and I deserve to suffer?’
There was a rush of activity at the door and Doctor Reece came in, accompanied by Morgan Cavanaugh. The red-headed doctor looked a little frazzled, and Cassie wondered how Becca was going.
The two doctors stood at the side away from Shayne. Both tall men, but Doctor Reece was more classically handsome with his blond hair and a face that looked way too young for a specialist. Morgan murmured a few words and then vanished again.
Doctor Reece laughed. ‘I hope you don’t mind him not being present. He’s got his own situation to take care of.’
Cassie shook her head, too focused on her next contraction. It was a sign that Becca hadn’t delivered yet. It looked like being neck and neck. Poor Morgan. It had been a big day for everyone.
‘How are you travelling?’ The obstetrician was checking things as he spoke, his long fingers probing her stomach. ‘Doctor Parker says you’re in transition, so you’ll have the urge to push. Ready for that?’
Cassie nodded. ‘I wanted to push the last time, but the midwife said not yet.’
As if his arrival was the trigger, her body kicked into gear. She’d expected everything to get stressful, hectic, but Doctor Reece was incredibly calm as he delivered the first of the twins, handing him to Jen Parker, who went with the paediatric nurse to check him over. The room seemed to fill up with people.
Doctor Reece frowned over her distended belly, pushing with his long hands. ‘B2 has turned partway, so this should be easier than I expected.’
The midwife used the foetal monitor, the galloping sound of the heartbeat filling the room.
Shayne looked a little wild-eyed at the doctor’s casual comment. Cassie wanted to ask more questions, but the contractions had accelerated again. Doctor Reece and the midwife hovered with their hands on her belly. ‘Don’t push yet. He’s not engaged.’
Shayne leaned forward. ‘Is he okay? Surely it’s not good for him.’
The midwife, Audrey, reassured them. ‘We’ve been checking him regularly. There are no obvious signs of distress.’
Cassie gritted her teeth. ‘In the baby maybe.’
That seemed to amuse the doctor and he suggested Shayne rub her back. It occurred to her she was a sweaty, blotchy mess. She could never pretend to being cool, calm and collected in front of him now. He’d know it was fake.
‘You can push now.’ Audrey sounded sympathetic, but Cassie had no time to consider anything but the pain roaring through her body. The midwife delivered this one, the doctor standing to one side, looking as if he did this every day of the week. The irritation with his calm demeanour dissipated the moment Audrey held up the baby. He squawked and Cassie’s heart pinched. Two boys safely delivered. Tears pricked at her eyes and Shayne’s grip tightened.
It was almost an anticlimax after the anxiety of those early months. Shayne had been a tower of strength, his hand taking a beating. She’d tried to clutch the sheets instead, but he’d gently taken her hand and held on. Maybe the emotions were because of her hormones, but the wave of feeling that swept over her as she registered his persistence in supporting her through the birth almost choked her. He was so good to her and so patient when she’d tried to rip out his heart to save hers.
The moment the obstetrician placed one boy on her chest was too much. She blinked to hold back the emotion. The tiny scrunched-up face with its button nose and wisp of dark hair reached out and grabbed her heart irrevocably. The other boy, wrapped in a cocoon that revealed only a matching nose and quiff of hair, was placed in Shayne’s arms by Jen. His eyes met hers and she saw his lashes sparkle with unshed tears.
‘Thank you, Cassie.’
There was so much in those simple words. His regard warmed her even as the midwife pressed down on her belly to expel the afterbirth. She cleaned up and moved away. The rest of the activity in the room faded. It was only the two of them with their children. Safely delivered. Whatever happened from now on, they were a family.
* * *
Shayne swallowed back the sensations as his whole body reacted to the intensity of the experience he’d shared with Cassie. No matter what the future held, this moment in time would be a connection between them. The small body in his arm received the overflow, a wash of protectiveness for this tiny person and his twin in a way he hadn’t experienced for anyone since Kimberley was born.
Cassie looked exhausted, her face blotchy and puffy from the effort she’d put into the delivery. Deliveries. Not one, but two. She amazed him. Her shadowed eyes were tender, absorbing the little one feeding greedily, his legs pushing on her reduced belly. ‘I still can’t quite believe it. Both safe and sound.’
Doctor Reece came over to Shayne and poked a finger under the baby’s chin. ‘Some days are good days. Have you picked out names?’
Cassie looked at Shayne. ‘I was never quite game to settle on names because it seemed like tempting fate. I suppose I can’t go on calling them B1 and B2.’
Doctor Reese chuckled. ‘Suit yourself, but it could be a problem down the track.’
‘Frederick and Aaron.’ She blurted it out like it had been stuck in her throat. Perhaps it had. She’d ticked them off on the list but hadn’t been ready to commit. Not until they were safe.
Shayne nodded. ‘He’ll get Freddie, but I’m good with that.’
Jen came over. ‘We need to check them over thoroughly because of being premature once the other one has a quick feed. Audrey will clean up and organise Cassie so she can go to her room. Your family is in the waiting room so you could update them while you wait. It won’t be long.’
He handed the baby to her reluctantly and leaned over to kiss Cassie on her soft mouth. ‘I’ll make sure Tess knows, will I?’
It twitched into a weary smile. ‘Please.’
It was hard to drag himself away, but the nurses and doctors were doing their thing, ignoring him as he hovered at the door.
His family. Sucking in a breath, he made his way along the corridor from the birthing rooms to the public area. Everyone was gathered in one of the side rooms and he stopped dead, seeing them all there. It took a few moments to realise the Taites and Cavanaughs would be there for Morgan and Becca. Even Morgan’s two older children were sitting with the group, eyes glued to their phones.
‘Well?’ Kimberley was bouncing.
Dawn looked almost excited for her as she came in for a genuine hug instead of her usual air kiss.
‘Safely delivered. Two bonny bouncing boys. Freddie and Aaron.’ He gave the weights, one a little lower than the other, both smallish but not drastically so.
‘Congratulations, how wonderful! You named one Freddie?’ Dawn sounded doubtful.
‘Frederick, but he’s going to get Freddie, so I figured I’d start as I mean to go on.’
His father stood up to shake his hand. ‘How’s Cassie?’
‘Exhausted. She was amazing. I thought there might be a problem with the second one, but the doctors did something and he finally came out smooth as silk.’
Tess was there, lurking on the perimeter. ‘Hey, Tess. I was going to call you.’
‘Dawn let me know so I got my skates on.’
The questions bombarded him, so when Morgan appeared, he was glad to relinquish the centre of attention. He looked as drained as Shayne felt.
‘We have a son. Well cooked.’ He shot a twisted smile in Shayne’s direction. ‘Not as spectacular as two, but we are both thrilled with the result. His name is Sam.’
It was a relief to sit down and let the activity swirl around him. With thoughts of Jordan on everyone’s mind, there was an almost frenetic happiness at having good news. All he wanted now was to get back to Cassie.
Shayne went to Cassie’s room as soon as he was given the all clear and found her fast asleep. She looked very young, with her hair in a braid and wearing a simple nightdress in a pale blue with pink flowers. One of the maternity ones she’d ordered on-line to replace her usual t-shirts while she was in the hospital. ‘For decency’s sake,’ she’d laughed.
Given the late hour, he’d persuaded the family to come back tomorrow so Cassie could rest. It was vindication for their disappointment to find her resting. He was a little disappointed on his own behalf, still hyped up with all the emotion, but she desperately needed the sleep.
It was well after midnight when the last relatives cleared away after a peek through the big window in the old-fashioned nursery. The twins were easy to spot in solitary splendour in their special cribs and the nurses wheeled them close to the window for everyone to ooh and ahh over. They let him inside to visit and he spent some time with his finger tucked into Aaron’s tiny pink hand. He’d visited with Freddie, but Aaron seemed like he needed a little extra. He looked so frail compared to his brother.
The midwife was checking them while he was there and gave him a smile. ‘We’ll bring them to Cassie when they wake. Freddie is a good weight and will likely only need to be in here for twenty-four hours max. It looks like he was being greedy because Aaron isn’t doing as well.’
‘He’ll be okay, won’t he?’
‘He’s breathing well, and his nervous system seems good so far. Most babies born at this age are fine. It was only because he’s been sharing his twin’s placenta and it was uneven in these last couple of weeks that he’s a bit behind his brother. Especially his weight. He’ll need to be kept warm for longer because he’s light on fat deposits.’ She must have read his concern. ‘Don’t worry. You’ll get plenty of cuddles. They’ll do better in between feeds in the incubator, but we’ll have them in the room with you as often as we can. They’ll thrive with lots of contact with you both.’
Shayne looked at his sons, naked except for a nappy in the incubator. Like a baby chicken, except Aaron looked more like a skinned rabbit. Freddie was fatter and his skin didn’t have the reddish tinge. He could really relate to Cassie’s fear for them now that he could see the results of that competition in the womb. Technically, he knew twin pregnancies often favoured one over the other, but until he’d seen it in his sons, it hadn’t meant as much.
His world had changed, and it wasn’t only the babies. Cassie meant more to him than he’d dreamed, even in that first flush of time together when the twins were conceived. He would be grateful forever for the opportunity their conception had given him to mend the mistake he’d made by walking away.
He’d dozed off on the armchair in Cassie’s room when the night staff brought the two boys in for a feed, wheeling them in regular cribs, all bundled up in soft blankets.
Cassie blinked herself awake, looking a little startled when she noticed him sitting in the corner. ‘I thought you’d have gone home.’
‘I was in the nursery once we got rid of the family.’
‘Should I have seen them?’
‘You were out to the world and it was way past visiting hours. They got a look at the twins before they were kicked out. It was agreed on to let you rest, but they’ll be back tomorrow. Or later today, to be strictly accurate.’
The midwife helped Cassie with feeding Freddie while Aaron slumbered on. Shayne wondered how they would cope if both infants wanted to be fed at the same time. As if his thoughts had disturbed the little guy, Aaron started muttering and let out a strong wail.
The nurse looked up from writing her notes. ‘Would you like to pick him up, Shayne?’
He hesitated for only a moment before scooping up the squalling baby, resting him on his shoulder and patting the tiny body. It had been sixteen years, but maybe it was automatic, though he was pretty sure Kimberley had never been quite this small.
Whether it was surprise or the change of position, he quietened, hiccupping gently in Shayne’s ear. He smelled of fresh linen and a touch of something he recalled as sour milk. At the same moment, he felt the damp patch on his shoulder. ‘The blighter has perked up on me.’
‘Oh dear. I’m sorry.’ Cassie watched his manoeuvres to put a cloth over his shoulder without disturbing the baby too much with wide, curious eyes. Freddie was ignoring everything but his feed, one small hand patting Cassie’s bare breast. She adjusted her hold slightly. ‘You look like you’ve done that before.’
‘I thought I would have forgotten, but it must be like riding a bike. I did a lot of walking the floor with Kimberley once she was weaned, and Courtney left her with me for long periods while she followed the rodeo.’
The nurse left them alone, confident they could cope. Maybe they would. It was clear it would take two sets of hands and he knew all the changes he’d put in place to make it easier to be around the house more during these early months would be worthwhile.
They swapped out the babies once Freddie had his fill and Shayne took over burping him. ‘We make a good team.’
‘I guess we do. Thanks for staying and helping. In fact, thanks for everything. I don’t know how I would have gone with the labour without your support. Especially when things were dicey there.’
‘I wanted to be there. Not only for the babies’ birth, but for you. It was important to me to experience it with you.’
‘It was such an amazing feeling. Though I’m pretty sure I looked and sounded like a bright red helium balloon.’
‘You were amazing. Braver than I would ever be.’
‘I thought I was the coward here.’
Shayne gingerly sat down with a sleeping Freddie in the armchair. He studied his crumpled face, searching for the resemblances. ‘I’ve been a coward. Finding all the justifications in the world for not being honest with you.’
Cassie rested Aaron on her shoulder, giving him a break. He tired faster than his brother. ‘Isn’t that my line?’
‘I guess we’ve both been holding back. I should have told you I love you long ago, but I was afraid it would send you running. It never occurred to me it might be something you needed to hear.’
‘You love me?’
‘It was never about the babies, though I love them to bits. When you came to see me, I was so relieved because I didn’t have to make the first move.’
‘Did you want to?’
He laughed, a wry sound that hurt his throat. ‘I’ve pushed you about giving into your fear, but I was afraid too. Dead scared of being hurt again, knowing this time would mean so much more. It was only two weeks, but it felt like I’d known you forever, loved you right from that first night. That might seem extreme, but you were somehow right. The connection blew my mind. It was never only sex. Though that was great too.’
She coloured, still looking down at the sleeping Aaron. They were already distinctive personalities. He adjusted his hold on Freddie, sleeping placidly with his full stomach, waiting for Cassie to speak.
‘I never would have started anything if I’d thought there was any danger of it being more than sex. I told myself that’s all it was so I could indulge. I think I was kidding myself from the start. It wasn’t like me to go with a stranger. I didn’t live with anyone else after Brian’s accident. I didn’t want my privacy invaded. It never felt like an invasion with you.’
‘I won’t rush you, Cassie. It’s going to be full on with the twins. But I love you and want to spend my life with you, however that looks. Partners, co-parents, lovers. Whatever works for you.’
Her eyes met his, a little crease at the corners matching the upward curve of her lips. ‘Do you think Dawn will let you get away with an informal arrangement?’
‘I can deal with my mother.’
‘I know. I also know she only wants what is best for her children. I can understand that so much more now I’m a parent.’
‘What do you think is best for our children?’
‘A supportive family, and where possible, all parents involved in their lives. They could have that here.’
‘You’ll stay?’
‘Not only that, but I’m also prepared to make Dawn happy and marry you. If you still want me.’
His skin prickled with moisture as his heart galloped, hammering against his ribs. ‘If … It’s what I’ve wanted from the start. I didn’t want to compromise your choices. That’s the only reason I backed off. What made you change your mind?’
‘I love you. It doesn’t really matter what format it takes. In the end, I want to be with you. Only with you.’ She gave a little snort. ‘And Kimberley, our Freddie and Aaron, your parents and grandmother, uncles and aunts and cousins who’ll be reckoned by the dozen. And Parker. He’s a big plus in the equation.’
A lightness settled in his aching chest. ‘You’re marrying me for Parker?’
‘Food is very important to me.’
‘I’ll give him a raise.’ Aaron nuzzled at Cassie’s breast, expelling little bubbles of sound. ‘Seems like you aren’t the only one interested in food.’
She glanced at the clock. ‘He’s going to be the picky eater.’
‘Do you want me to leave?’
‘No.’ She reached out to touch his knee. ‘Stay.’
‘Always.’