A few hours later as Giles lay in his bath, he thought that he had taken far too much for granted in his life. Water, gruel, and a hot bath ... simple things, really, but he’d take them over any luxury offered him.
Sabrina had sent up lye soap and a fine-tooth comb. Which was lucky, said his valet, for he was sure he had seen a louse or two in his master’s hair.
Giles only laughed. “Comb them out, then, John.”
He slept away the rest of the day and only awoke again in the late afternoon when the doctor came by again.
“You are feeling better, my lord?”
“Much, thank you, Doctor.”
“And drinking a lot of water?”
“Cool, clean water, which tastes like champagne to me,” said Giles with a smile.
“I am not surprised. You were dehydrated when I saw you last night. You may start eating solid food tomorrow.”
Sabrina came in after the doctor left and uttered a protest as Giles climbed out of bed.
“I am not ill, Sabrina.”
“No, and we wish you not to be.”
“Hand me my dressing gown, Brina.”
Sabrina helped him slip his arms into the burgundy silk and gave him her arm as he walked slowly back and forth around the room. He was muttering something under his breath.
“I beg your pardon, Giles?”
He looked down and smiled at her and said something rhythmically in Greek. “Now you, I suppose, would have been repeating mathematical formulas, but I kept sane with Aristophanes.”
“Oh, Giles,” his sister cried, and threw herself into his arms.
“No, now, Brina, I was not made a galley slave. Five days in a cellar isn’t really all that bad.”
“They might have killed you.”
“So they might have. But they didn’t. Thanks, I believe, to my wife?”
Sabrina pulled herself out of his arms.
“Clare was magnificent, Giles.”
“So I guessed. And where is she? She hasn’t been in to see me since morning.”
“She has been sleeping, too, Giles. To make up for the last four nights.”
Giles let go of his sister’s arms and walked slowly over to the wing chair.
“I am still a bit shaky, or I would go in to her. Will you have her come in when she awakes, Sabrina?”
“Of course.”
“Now tell me the whole story.”
Sabrina perched on the bed and told him what she knew.
“I will have to get Clare to fill me in on the details,” Giles said with a smile.
“Indeed. You have a valiant wife, Giles,” said Sabrina as she was leaving.
“I know that,” he said softly as she closed the door behind her.
* * * *
Clare approached Giles’s bedroom apprehensively. She found him in his dressing gown, seated in the wing chair with a book in his hands. His head was back and his eyes were closed, and for a moment she thought he was asleep. But as she walked slowly toward him, he opened his eyes and smiled directly into hers, which made her legs feel as shaky as they had yesterday.
“It is my lioness wife come to visit,” he said in an affectionate, teasing voice.
Clare blushed. “Hardly a lioness, Giles,” she replied. “I am pleased to see you up.”
“Yes, I am feeling much more myself. Except for my eyes,” he added. “They are more tired than I am now. I suppose it was the lack of light in the cellar.”
Clare shuddered. “It must have been awful, Giles.”
“Well, it was,” he admitted. “But not unbearable.”
“Why did you not tell them who you were?”
“And ruin Andrew’s case? Four or five days in that hole seemed like it would be easy.” Giles paused and gave her a crooked grin. “At first.”
“We were frantic.”
“I know. But I think I made the right decision,” he continued in a more serious tone. “I suspect it would have been very inconvenient for Tall Man and Toad to have a viscount on their hands.”
Clare nodded. “Andrew didn’t seem to think you were in danger, but they could have killed you and dropped the body anywhere. That is why I did what I did, Giles,” said Clare in a tight voice. She was still standing, and Giles motioned her to the bed.
“Come, sit down, and tell me your story, Clare.”
Clare sat on the edge of the bed and kept her eyes on the floor as she began.
“I was so afraid that once they saw Andrew in court and knew they had been tricked, they would get rid of you to save themselves. Andrew couldn’t go to them, of course.”
“So you went to 75 St. James Street?”
“Well, no. Actually, I summoned Mr. Oldfield here on the pretext that I wanted to settle a younger brother’s debts. He had never heard of Lord or Lady Whitton, you see.”
“And once he was here, you told him what?”
“I held a pistol to his head. And he knew I was capable of using it because ...” Clare paused.
“Why, Clare?” Giles asked softly.
“I told him I had been the notorious Lady Rainsborough before my marriage, and if he didn’t lead me to you, I was quite happy to shoot him and summon one of his partners.” Clare looked up and gave a shaky laugh. “I said I would happily pile the bodies up until one of them broke. He believed me.”
“I should think he would.”
“Once I had convinced him, it was not difficult. The chaise was at the door, and I kept the pistol pointed at him the whole time.”
“Yes, I remember seeing it in your hands as I was pushed inside.”
Clare looked down at her hands. “I truly couldn’t think of any other way, Giles. I hated having a pistol in my hands again. But I would have killed Oldfield and the others, too, to get you back,” she added defiantly.
“I believe you, Clare. And thank God he did, too.”
Giles got up and sat down beside her on the bed. He took her hands in his. “You have small hands, Clare, but I am grateful that you held my life in them, for they are stronger than they look. As you are.”
“They were shaking so I had to clutch the pistol with both of them,” she murmured. “And I was holding on to it so tightly that I couldn’t let it go.... Oh, Giles, I wish ...”
“You wish what, my dear?”
“I wish I were ...” Clare paused and took a deep breath. “No, I don’t. I don’t wish I could be the Clare you fell in love with. I just wish you could love who I am now.”
Giles wanted to catch her up in his arms and prove both his love and passion physically, but he forced himself to sit very still. “I have thought a lot about what you said to me, Clare. Indeed, I have had nothing but time to think these past few days. And maybe the darkness of that hellhole made some things clearer. You were right. I have not wanted to face the truth of what lies between us.”
“And what is that, Giles?” she asked quietly.
“My anger, for one thing. I was furious, Clare. And I couldn’t allow myself to be. I thought it would make things more difficult for you and for all of us, and so I ignored it. As I ignored my heartbreak.” Giles let go of her hands and said lightly: “My heart did break, you know. But I blithely ignored that and went on being your selfless friend Giles. You hurt me so very much when you chose Rainsborough, Clare.”
“I knew I must have,” she whispered.
“I am ashamed to confess that a part of me was almost glad that you eventually suffered from that decision, too. When you lost your baby—I didn’t know the reason then, of course—I thought to myself: had she married me, this wouldn’t have happened. And in the courtroom, when you told your story, there was again that dark side of me that smiled to himself and thought: “Maybe she deserved this, for being so foolish as to let her passion blind her.” Giles put his head in his hands and groaned. “Oh, God, I am so ashamed to admit this. And when we made love, do not think it was all you, Clare. Sometimes I would hear that dark voice saying: ‘You didn’t really wish for a passionate response, did you? Look what it led to last time.’ ”
Even though she knew Giles needed to say these things, it hurt to hear them, and Clare could not stop the tears or check her sobs. Oh, please, Giles, please, she thought, do not leave me alone in this now. If he couldn’t somehow love her despite all this, she knew they would stay cold and separate the rest of their married lives. She sat crying for what seemed a long time, but it was only a minute or so before Giles, so afraid of touching her, touched her anyway.
He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Clare. Or maybe I did,” he wondered aloud. “But we had to have the truth between us at last.” Her shoulders finally stopped shaking, and Giles let her go. Her blond curls were all tousled, her eyes swollen and red, but she had never looked so beautiful to him. He leaned over and gently licked the tears off her cheeks, his tongue reaching into the corner of her mouth, where they had gathered. As he started to kiss her, he felt her shiver and pulled back immediately.
“If you don’t want me, Clare, I understand.” She answered by pulling him down to her again and opening her mouth to his.
Their kiss was long and deep, and Clare wanted it to go on forever. She moaned with disappointment when Giles finally released her.
He looked down at her and said tenderly and humorously: “I am not sure what I can promise you tonight, Clare, for I am still a little tired from my ordeal. But I would like it if you stayed with me tonight.”
As an answer, Clare merely busied her hands with the belt of his dressing gown, and Giles laughed softly. After she released the knot, he turned her around so that he could open her dress.
They both stood up at the same time, so that their clothes fell from them, and Giles caught her to him.
“I think you have recovered, Giles,” said Clare with a low laugh as she felt his manhood pressing against her thigh.
“We shall see just how much endurance I have, though,” he teased as he pulled her down on the bed.
The beginnings of their lovemaking had always been good, and this was no exception. But at first, both of them were wondering what would happen at the end. Soon, however, they were lost in sensation: Clare melting away as Giles lazily circled her breast with his tongue, and Giles, realizing that his tiredness had certain benefits, for he was in no rush to experience his own release, but content to move slowly.
They were lying side by side, and Giles was languorously running his fingers up her thigh and slowly seeking out her center of pleasure. Clare was lying still, wondering if she would experience the same block as before. And for one moment of fear she did. She knew Giles felt her stiffen as his fingers found her and started their slow, gentle caressing. It was as though a wall dropped between them.
And then something in Clare, life, love, whatever it was that had enabled her to say “no” to Justin at last, rose up from the depths of her being. She was only conscious that her voice was saying: “Yes, yes.” Perhaps I needed to learn “no” before I could say a “yes,” she thought wonderingly as Giles moved on top of her and entered her. His movements were at first as excruciatingly and pleasurably slow as before, but as she closed her legs around him and drew him in deeper, all his languor fell away, as did her hesitation, and they let their passion drive them to a shattering climax. Clare’s ecstasy had been almost silent, but Giles sobbed out his wife’s name as he found his release. When he lifted himself off her, she touched his wet cheek as he smoothed her hair back from her face.
“I never dreamed ... but, no, I have dreamed for years,” Giles whispered. “But it was never like this.”
“I am not sure where you begin and I end, Giles. I think I felt your pleasure more than my own. Yet that might not be possible,” she whispered shyly.
Giles gathered her in his arms, and they fell asleep in moments, like children.