Chapter 15

Ryan sat stiffly at her dining room table. After a small breakdown, she had managed to shower and get dressed. She glanced at her watch. It was four twenty, and just then there was a knock at the door.

Feeling like her feet were encased in concrete, Ryan forced herself forward. Flipping the deadbolt, she opened the door to find a smiling Leah standing on the stoop.

The smile was short lived when Leah looked at Ryan. “I said four-ish. Am I that late?”

Ryan couldn’t speak, so she simply shook her head, and stepped to the side so Leah could come in. After Ryan shut the door, Leah stepped toward the despondent woman, her arms outstretched.

“Don’t.” Ryan held her hand up, and stepped around a stunned Leah.

“Ryan? What’s going on?” Leah spoke softly, the concern in her voice apparent.

“You knew.” Ryan turned to face Leah, the tears flowing unchecked.

Leah reached for the distraught woman, but quickly thought better of the gesture as Ryan’s red, swollen eyes glared at her. “Knew what? I don’t know what you mean.”

Ryan turned and grabbed the diary off the dining room table, thrusting it at Leah. “My mother killed herself!”

Leah’s breath caught at the revelation, her eyes filling with tears. “God.”

Ryan blurted out. “Are you telling me she didn’t call you, she didn’t tell you?! Your fucking phone number is in the book right after her suicide note – addressed to me!” The anger and betrayal swirled inside Ryan, driving her rage. She had no recourse with her mother, but she would dole her wrath out to Leah in kind.

Leah opened the diary, her hands trembling as she turned the pages. “Ryan, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Ryan shook her head, and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Bullshit! You talked to her before she died. The two of you hadn’t spoken in years. Then suddenly you hear from her, and the fact she was going to drown herself never came up?!”

Leah crossed the room, and sat down at the dining table. Laying the diary in front of her, she continued to read through it. “I’ve never actually seen this. I’ve just been told it existed.”

Ryan snatched the book out from in front of Leah. “I’m not talking about this damn book! I’m talking about –”

“I know what you’re asking me, Ryan!” Leah stood up. Her defenses had finally been triggered. “And I’m telling you I didn’t know Karen was going to kill herself.”

Ryan hesitated. Leah’s raised voice felt like a slap in the face. “But she did call you?” Ryan forced her voice low, and took several deep breaths as the rage from moments ago began to give way to her need to understand.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Leah let out a deep sigh. “Yes. And yes, it did seem odd, but we just talked.”

Ryan sat down in the chair across from Leah. Both women were looking intently at each other. Ryan spoke first. “You’re lying.” Leah averted her eyes. Ryan craned her head down, forcing Leah to make eye contact with her. “I want to know what the two of you talked about.”

Leah stood up, and walked toward the front door. “I think I should go.”

Something occurred to Ryan, and she stepped in front of Leah, the two women practically colliding into one another. “Wait.” Ryan placed her hand on Leah’s shoulder. “What did you mean when you said you had never actually seen the diary?” Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Why would you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Leah stepped around Ryan.

“Jesus, why are you like this? Why all the unspoken, implied crap?” Ryan hurried around Leah, and stepped in front of her, effectively blocking her exit.

“Ryan, let me leave.” Leah’s tone was harsh, but she was unable to make eye contact with Ryan.

“Not until you explain.” Ryan willed her tone to something more congenial; otherwise, she knew Leah would bolt. “Can’t we be honest with each other?”

Leah’s eyes shot up, and a look of pure anguish crossed her face. “You’re not the one that’s been lying.”

Ryan felt a shot of elation course through her. She was hopeful this was the beginning of the truth. “Can we sit and talk?”

Leah hesitated, but finally nodded, and the two women went into the living room. Sitting down next to Leah on the sofa, Ryan squelched the myriad of questions that were shooting through her head. She instinctively knew Leah was going to control the pace of this portion of the conversation.

“How much of that diary have you read?” Leah sat facing Ryan, her leg tucked up under her.

Ryan thought that was an odd question to start the conversation with. “Ah, I skipped some of the more banal entries about crop rotation and how to not drop a stitch, but otherwise, all of it.”

Leah took a deep breath, a tremor moving through her body before she spoke. “Our families have a very long and sordid history.”

Ryan frowned. “Our families? You mean you and my mother?”

Leah pursed her lips. “No. I mean our families. All the way back to what you read in that diary.”

“What are you playing at?” Ryan couldn’t fathom where Leah was going with this.

“The Allerton and Sebille families. Your ancestors and mine. I’m a direct descendent of Abigail’s.” Leah forced the words passed her lips.

Ryan shook her head. “Look, I don’t know what my mother told you about that diary, or what you know from your own people, or what the two of you thought was true when you were seventeen, but clearly my mother was not in her right mind.”

Leah rubbed her face with both hands. “Ryan, it’s true. All of it.”

Ryan felt the certainty of her world slipping away, and she was desperately clinging to it. “Karen had spent god knows how long reading through that diary, and convinced herself that what is nothing more than the writings of a very naïve twenty year old girl were true.”

Before Leah could interrupt her, Ryan pushed on, fueled by the certainty of the material world and the science that governs it. “Evidently, the idea there are witches somehow seemed more palatable to her than the truth. My family took advantage of people for as far back as anyone can remember. That’s the most human thing there is. You don’t need magic for that level of greed and mendacity to exist.”

Leah leaned back, resting against the arm of the sofa. “Jesus, I’m trying to finally tell the truth, and you don’t – or won’t believe me.”

“Believe what, that there are witches? That my family has hunted and killed, or financially ruined them for generations? Oh, and I don’t want to forget – you’re a witch.” Ryan had said the words with the most sarcasm she could muster.

“Yes.” Leah spoke with such certainty Ryan almost believed her.

“Leah, please.” Ryan reached for the woman’s hand, and was met halfway when Leah grabbed Ryan’s. A shot of heat went up Ryan’s arm and spread through her chest.

“It’s warm, isn’t it?” Leah whispered.

Ryan looked down at their hands, her eyes wide. “Yes, but I told you already –”

“I know. You told me how warm you feel when you’re around me.” Leah looked down at their hands as she chewed nervously on her lower lip. “Karen had the same reaction. Your aunt’s nose bleeds, your cousin gets something akin to an allergy attack.” Leah took a deep breath. “The child your ancestor carried – your great grandmother seven times back – she got terrible stomach cramps when she was around us.”

Ryan swallowed hard. She felt as if she and Leah were having the conversation underwater. Everything was slowing down, the air felt stifling, and Leah seemed blurry. “Us?”

Leah released Ryan’s hand. “Over the millennia most cultures have referred to us as witches or some variation of that, but we – I – am descended from a race of elementals.”

Ryan was shocked when instead of fainting dead away, she had a pertinent question pop into her head. “Which element are you?”

The corner of Leah’s mouth turned up. “Well, I’m – I guess you could say I’m water.”

Ryan stood up, and began pacing back and forth in front of the sofa. “I can’t believe I’m actually listening to this.” She stopped and looked at Leah. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve always felt like there were things you weren’t telling me, and – I’m sorry to just come out and say this – but are you mental?”

Leah’s face flushed, and her jaw set. “Are you asking me if I’m crazy?”

Ryan held her hands up in front of her. “No, no, I – well, sort of.”

Leah, exasperated, stood and began scanning the room. Spotting a half full bottled water on the end table, she picked it up.

Ryan cocked her head to the side, a doubtful expression on her face. “What are you doing?”

Leah placed the base of the water bottle in the palm of her hand. “Just watch.”

Ryan turned her attention to the bottle, and stared in amazement as small ice crystals began to form around its edges and the water began to expand inside the bottle until it was a solid cylinder of ice.

“Holy shit!” Ryan reached for the bottle, but then stopped. “Can I touch it?”

Leah smiled. “Of course. It’s no different than if you had left it in the freezer.”

Ryan took the bottle from Leah, mesmerized by how cold and solid it was. “Ah, I think this is a little different than my freezer.” Grasping the lid, she rotated the bottle. “What else can you do?”

Leah took the bottle back from Ryan, and wrapped her hand around it. “You know I usually only do kids’ birthday parties.”

Ryan couldn’t help but smile. “You’re making a joke?”

Leah shrugged. “I’m just relieved you didn’t run screaming – or worse.”

Ryan’s brow arched. “What’s worse?”

Leah shook her head. “Never mind. Just watch.” As quickly as the water had frozen, it thawed and was liquid again.

Ryan gasped. “How do you do that?”

“I have no idea.” Leah said plainly.

“Oh, come on. You must know.” Ryan insisted as she continued to study the bottle.

“I really don’t, and I haven’t always been able to control it.” A sadness settled over Leah.

Ryan studied Leah for a second. She seemed distant suddenly. “What happened?”

Leah’s eyes shot up, a startled expression on her face. “What?”

Ryan grinned. “The look on your face – it was like you had gone a million miles away.”

Leah sighed as she rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “Until I finished puberty, the powers were all over the place. One winter we had gone to visit family in Altona, New York.” Leah frowned. “I was ice skating with a boy I had met from town when he fell through a patch of thin ice. I – I thought it would be easy enough to heat the pond up.”

Leah looked up at Ryan. “You know, so he could just swim to shore.” She stopped talking, her breaths coming in short spurts. “But I got it too hot, and he nearly died from third degree burns.”

Ryan put the bottle back on the table, and pulled Leah to her. Holding her tightly, Ryan tried to reassure Leah. “It wasn’t your fault.” She leaned back so she could see Leah. “Impulse control is for shit with every adolescent.” Ryan smiled. “And most adults for that matter.”

 

Leah managed a small smile. “Thank you, but it was terrible. I swore I would never use my powers to harm anyone.” Shaking her head, Leah shuddered. “I don’t think I could live with myself.”

Ryan wanted to help Leah past her melancholy, and back into the present. “I couldn’t imagine you hurting anyone.”

The corner of Leah’s mouth turned up. “Who can say? To your point, I don’t even know why or how I can do what I do. I suppose there’s some science behind it. Genetics or something, but who would I ever trust enough to test that?” Leah said the last part with obvious sadness in her voice.

“You’re trusting me, though?” Ryan took Leah’s hands in hers. “Me of all people, considering who my family is?”

Leah shook her head. “No. I’m trusting you because of who you are.”

As much reassurance and affection as Leah’s words triggered in Ryan, her curiosity was nowhere near abated. “What else can you do?”

Leah tapped her index finger against her lips as she scanned the room before her eyes settled on Ryan. “Give me your arm.”

Ryan frowned. “My arm?”

Leah nodded, a mischievous smirk on her face. “Yeah, your arm.”

Ryan hesitated, but ultimately she trusted Leah, and stretched her arm out between them. “Be gentle.”

A quick smile flashed across Leah’s lips before she forced a more serious expression, setting her mouth in a thin, pursed line. The first touch of Leah’s hand on the underside of Ryan’s forearm sent a skittering of heat up into Ryan’s chest, but then the touch became cool, almost cold.

Ryan’s eyes widened as she stared at where Leah’s hand lay on her skin. “What’s happening?”

Leah’s gaze wandered from where her hand was, up the bare skin of Ryan’s arm, pausing at her shoulder. “Do you feel that?”

Ryan shuddered. “It’s all the way up my arm!” She looked back and forth between Leah’s hand and the light green of her eyes.

“The human body is roughly sixty five percent water.” Leah slid her hand down to Ryan’s wrist, and wrapped her slender fingers around it. “It’s contained in the tissues – blood, even bone.”

As Leah spoke, the coolness from before disappeared. Ryan felt a warmth growing deep in the joint of her wrist. It spread outward, and wound itself up her arm, wrapping around her forearm and settling deep in her elbow.

Something occurred to Ryan, but she hesitated before putting a voice to it. “Can you make it hotter?”

Leah’s eyes shot up to Ryan’s, a worried expression on her face. “Yes.”

Ryan nodded. “And colder too, I assume?”

Leah nodded, and removed her hand from Ryan’s wrist. “Yes.” Extending her arm to her side, and without looking away from Ryan, Leah turned her palm upward. A split second later, fine crystals of ice were appearing in the air around Leah’s hand, gently floating to the floor.

“Jesus.” Ryan stuck her hand out, catching the fine grains of ice in her hand. “That’s amazing.”

Leah suddenly pulled her hand away. “It’s not difficult. Water is everywhere - short of living in a desert, and or in some buildings where the air is particularly dry because of climate control systems.”

Ryan could hear the strain in Leah’s voice, and put aside her heightened curiosity. She took Leah’s hand in hers, and sat down on the sofa. “Please sit with me.” Ryan patted her hand on the cushion next to her. “All of this is good. No more lies and half-truths.”

Leah bit her lower lip between her teeth as she considered the space next to Ryan. After several seconds, she sat down, still holding Ryan’s hand. “I should have told you before. Especially about Karen.” She ran her hand up the smooth skin of Ryan’s forearm. “I’m very sorry for that.”

Ryan fought back the urge to pull Leah to her. There was still so much she didn’t know in spite of the recent windfall of information Leah was willing to part with. Ryan still felt tense and unsure of what lay ahead for them.

“Tell me now, please.” Ryan placed her hand on Leah’s knee, and squeezed gently.

Leah took a deep breath. “Right.” Smiling she placed her hand over Ryan’s. “Karen called to say she was sorry for everything. I was shocked to hear her voice after so many years.”

“What’s everything?” Ryan wanted to respect Leah pacing herself through this, but Ryan felt as happy as Leah had made her to this point, she had only been allowed parts of the woman. Now she wanted everything.

Leah’s eyes filled with tears, her gaze unfocused as she was clearly remembering. “For what happened when we were younger.” Wiping at an errant tear, Leah continued. “You see, your family is very good with secrets.”

Ryan chuckled. “No shit.”

“They are particularly good at keeping secrets from each other. So much so, that tradition dictates only the oldest child is to know about the tells and the hunting.”

“So my mother didn’t know?”

Leah nodded. “My family didn’t know about the Myers either. I’m sorry to say they aren’t the only family with such a twisted hobby.”

Ryan frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Leah shook her head quickly. “No, I didn’t mean it like that – I just meant the Myers are one of many families that claim some divine providence in justifying the killing and ruining of elemental bloodlines.”

“Once your aunt realized who I was, or really what I was, she felt obligated to bring your mother into the fold.” Leah’s grasp on Ryan’s arm tightened. “I didn’t understand it at the time, but I can only imagine how terrifying it was for Karen. Not only was she dealing with her feelings for another woman, but she had just learned about her own history – and mine.”

Ryan felt as if she were being pushed toward the abyss. Leah was building to something, and regardless of Ryan’s need to know the truth, she wasn’t sure she was ready. She knew it was for the best that Leah was bent on continuing no matter how pained Ryan’s expression was.

“Lucy and Karen hired private detectives, and had my parents, my brother, and I pursued across the country. Assets were frozen, random and frivolous lawsuits were filed against my parents.” Leah shook her head, the heinousness of it still a burden. “My parents were audited four times in as many years by the IRS.”

Leah’s breath caught. “In the end, they poisoned every professional opportunity my parents had, blocked housing loans.” Leah’s expression hardened. “We couldn’t even rent an apartment at one point; so we lived with relatives.”

Ryan hated herself for thinking this, but she was relieved it hadn’t been worse. She had imagined all manner of horrific things. “At least you were with your family.”

Leah flinched. “My father couldn’t find work and drank himself to death within five years. My mother followed him three years later. My brother was incapable of moving past the losses, and drove his car off a bridge when he was twenty seven.” Leah cast her eyes downward. “No, we never really had each other again.”

Driven by only her need to comfort Leah, Ryan pulled the distraught woman to her. For a second she feared Leah would push her away, and that the history behind them would now come between them. To Ryan’s relief, Leah clung to her as tightly as Ryan did her.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I don’t have the words.” Ryan leaned her head back, gently kissing along Leah’s jaw and cheek. “Tell me what I can do.” She framed Leah’s face with her hands.

Tears streamed down Leah’s cheeks faster than Ryan could wipe them away. “There’s nothing to be done. I decided many years ago to move past it. The alternatives seemed too bleak.”

Ryan had waited for and wanted the truth practically since meeting Leah. Now, faced with it, she did not know what the next steps were. Her mind still clung to the reality she had known her entire life, and she wondered if it wouldn’t be easier if she had just stayed tethered to her questions. The answers seemed no less confusing than the lies.

Leah sat back, her arms falling from around Ryan’s shoulders. “I need to go.”

Ryan shook her head. “What? Why?”

Leah ran her hand through her hair. “First off, I’m a mess. Second, I need to think.”

“About what?” Ryan’s breath caught as she waited for Leah’s response.

Sniffling, Leah stood. “Us.”

Ryan stood and followed Leah toward the front door. She wanted to grab Leah, and tell her they would do better to solve this together, but Ryan hardly felt she was in a position to insist Leah do anything. “I don’t want you to leave, but I understand why you need to.”

Leah turned toward Ryan, and cupped the younger woman’s cheek in her hand. “Thank you.”

Ryan turned her lips to Leah’s palm, and then took the woman’s hand in hers. The heat that shot up Ryan’s arm was no less intense now that she understood its source. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Ryan mustered the courage of her convictions to tell Leah she would call versus asking if she could. The fear that Leah may tell her not to bother sat at the pit of Ryan’s stomach, like a sour lump.

A quick smile flashed across Leah’s lips. “Okay.”

Then Leah was gone. Ryan stood with her hand still clutching the doorknob of her front door. She felt strangely detached from her life, as if everything she had just learned were unfolding before her in a movie. The tragedies, the loves, the losses not feeling as if they were Ryan’s, but some fictional character whose fate was unknown.

Ryan managed to drag herself up the stairs to her bedroom, and collapse onto her bed. She felt as if she had run a marathon, and every part of her body ached. Curling up, she pulled the blanket from the foot the bed over her.

In the coolness of her room, and the darkness of the cocoon she had immersed herself in, a quick burst of air escaped Ryan’s lungs as if she had been punched in the stomach. Taking a deep breath, Ryan began to sob.

It was a release born of shame that her family was murderers, that the woman she loved had borne the brunt of the Myers’ insane cruelty, and that her mother had lost herself in her guilt and self-inflicted degradation.

Of all these tragedies and injustices, one fear threatened to swallow Ryan completely. It was that in spite of Leah and her finally having the courage to face the past, it would prove more than either could bear. Ryan could lose Leah anyway.

***

“Thank you for the update, Ryan. The projections look great.” Donnie smiled from across the conference table at Ryan.

Ryan wasn’t sure how she had managed, but she had held herself together for the better part of the week, in spite of the fact Leah hadn’t returned any of her calls. She had left six messages and had finally broken down and called the bookshop.

“She’s out of town on business, Ryan. Can I give her a message?” Marty had answered nervously as Ryan inquired about Leah. Ryan once again wished the man would become a better liar or give the sport up all together.

“No message. Just let her know I called when you talk to her.” Ryan didn’t see the point in bullying the man, and could respect his loyalty to his friend and business partner.

As the meeting adjourned, Ryan slid her laptop into its bag, and wondered if she should just drive out to Leah’s house after work. It would be harder for Leah to ignore her in person.

Ryan was trying to honor the fact that Leah clearly needed space, but the silent treatment was wearing on Ryan’s nerves. When she and Leah parted company at Ryan’s house over the weekend, it had not occurred to Ryan that Leah was only humoring her when she agreed Ryan should call her. She thought the relationship meant more to Leah than empty gestures.

“Plans for tonight?” Linda was standing beside Ryan, a legal pad of paper tucked under her arm. She was dressed impeccably as always in a sage colored pencil skirt and a dark brown button-up blouse.

“What?” Ryan had been lost in her thoughts, and hadn’t even noticed her co-worker standing next to her.

Linda grinned. “I asked if you were doing anything tonight. Several of my girlfriends and I were going to go out for a drink, and I thought you might need the distraction.”

Ryan frowned. “Why would I need a distraction?”

Linda glanced down, shifting her weight as she leaned against the conference table. “Well – not for nothing, but you’ve been out of sorts this week.”

Ryan looked around the conference room. Linda was the only one of her co-workers that remained. Lowering her voice, Ryan forced herself to sound calm. “Have people said something?” The idea that she had not done her best, or that somehow her work was suffering because of the absolute mess her personal life had become, set off a wave of panic in Ryan.

Linda stood up. “Oh, god no. I didn’t mean to imply – I just noticed you didn’t seem yourself.”

Ryan nodded, relieved that at least she had mostly managed to keep it together. “Oh. I’m busy tonight, but thanks for the invite.” Ryan picked up her bag. “And the concern.”

Linda nodded, a warm smile lighting up her face. “If you change your mind –” She tore a piece of yellow paper from the legal pad and taking a pen from her pocket, jotted a series of numbers down. “Text me.”

Ryan took the piece of paper. “I appreciate it.”

There was an awkward moment when Linda clearly wasn’t sure if the conversation was over, but then she managed a quick nod, and left the room.

Ryan sat down in one of the high back leather chairs, and tilting her head back, took several deep breaths. She couldn’t continue to live in this in-between space she was stuck in. She would drive to Leah’s house, and resolve things one way or another.

A light vibration went off in Ryan’s front pant pocket, and she pulled her phone out. Her brow furrowed when she saw Carol’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, what’s up?” Ryan was genuinely happy to be hearing from her cousin.

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know I’m in town for the weekend, and would love to see you.” Carol spoke quickly, clearly excited.

“And you didn’t just want to pop over to my house unannounced?” Ryan jabbed. The two women hadn’t left things on the best of terms during Carol’s visit a couple weeks ago, but Ryan had never been able to stay mad at her cousin.

“That’s fair.” Carol conceded. “Are you free tonight?”

Ryan pursed her lips. She wanted to see Carol, but needed things resolved with Leah. “I have a meeting right after work, but I could meet you for drinks around nine.”

“Excellent. I’m staying at the Monaco again. Do you want to just meet in the bar there?”

“Sure.” Ryan smiled, and thought if things went badly with Leah, at least she had time with Carol to look forward to. She assumed, based on what Leah had shared about the first born rule, that Carol was blissfully unaware of the real reason her mother was advocating for Ryan to stop seeing Leah.

The two women said their goodbyes, and Ryan glanced at her watch. It was a little after four, and she wondered if she might just call it a day. She could drive out to Leah’s and let the proverbial chips fall as they may.

Resolved to do just that, she went to Donnie’s office and asked if she could leave early. Her boss was happy to approve the early departure, and less than ten minutes later, Ryan was in route to Oella. Traffic was worse than she had expected, and the usual twenty minute drive took nearly forty.

The late hour and the dense trees throughout Oella cast Leah’s home in shadow as Ryan drove up the narrow driveway. Seeing Leah’s car, Ryan suddenly remembered, that with everything that had happened, she had never asked Leah about the discrepancy in her accident story. Ryan didn’t really care at this point. She would be happy to just have Leah speak to her. Never mind explaining away a random white lie.

Ryan stepped onto the covered patio, and knocked on the door. She willed herself not to knock again immediately, and counted to thirty in her head to ensure she didn’t seem too eager or worse, come off as aggressive.

After the countdown in her head came and went, Ryan knocked again, and again began counting to thirty. On twenty three, there was a faint clicking sound, and the door opened. Leah was standing in a pair of gray sweat pants and a purple Ravens V-neck cotton t-shirt.

Ryan couldn’t interpret the expression on Leah’s face, so she opted to be blunt to avoid any confusion. “You weren’t returning my calls, and I was worried, and I missed you.”

Leah didn’t speak, but stepped to the side and gestured for Ryan to come in. Shutting the door behind them, Leah stood with her back to the door. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you.” Leah’s voice was low. “I thought you might come by, especially when Marty phoned and told me you had called the shop.”

Ryan swallowed hard, her throat and mouth suddenly dry. “What’s going on?”

Leah walked past Ryan, and sat down on the sofa. The memory of the first time she and Leah had sex on that sofa cascaded over Ryan in a warm wave.

“I know I should have said this last weekend, but I thought a little distance would make it easier to think and clear my head.” Leah sat with her elbows resting on her knees, and Ryan couldn’t imagine anything good was going to come from this exchange since Leah could barely look at her.

“Has the distance helped?” Ryan asked the question without being sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Leah rubbed her face with both hands, and Ryan noticed for the first time since coming in the house how tired Leah looked. Her usually bright eyes were dim, and she had faint circles under them. “No. It hasn’t helped.”

Ryan willed herself to walk across the small living room, and she knelt down in front of Leah. “Then what? Why haven’t you –” Ryan’s words were cutoff as Leah pressed her lips to Ryan’s.

Leah clung to Ryan as their tongues met, and a faint whimper escaped the blonde. Leah stood, and while still kissing Ryan, started to unbutton Ryan’s pants.

“Wait.” Ryan leaned back, and took Leah’s hands in hers. Leah leaned forward, her lips finding the soft skin of Ryan’s neck. It took all of Ryan’s will to move Leah away. The skin where her mouth had been was still hot. “I – I mean I want to, but I think we need to talk first.”

Leah stepped back from Ryan, her head lowered as she walked to the recliner and sat down. “I’m sorry. I missed you, and –”

Ryan could see how much Leah was struggling, and she wanted nothing more than to hold her and reassure her. The tragedy was she didn’t know if any reassurance she might offer would turn out to be true.

Taking a seat on the sofa, Ryan took a deep breath. “I understand, but we haven’t really resolved anything.” Ryan sat on the edge of the sofa, her hands resting on her knees. “I know it sounds silly, but as good as the sex is, it’s far from everything I get from being with you; so if we can’t fix the everything – I – just don’t know what then.”

Leah’s eyes filled with tears. “I know you’re right. I’ve been locked in this house for the better part of a week, and I’ve done myself no favors by giving into a lot of self-pity.”

“Why self-pity?” Ryan had never thought of Leah as a depressed or negative person, and to hear the struggle in her voice, and know Ryan was part of the cause, soured Ryan’s stomach and made her heart race.

Leah laid her head back, the recliner rocking slightly with the shifting of her weight. “You know I’m forty five?” Ryan nodded. “And I’m not naïve, I know I look thirty.”

Ryan grinned. “You look great.”

Leah chuckled. “You’re sweet. I look a mess in this getup, but do you know why I look thirty?”

Ryan shook her head. The furthest thing from her mind the past week were Leah’s looks. Though the age gap had initially been a mild concern for Ryan, it seemed incredibly trivial in light of recent developments.

“We’re long lived. I don’t mean eighty or ninety. My grandmother lived to be a hundred and thirty three. When she died, she looked eighty.” Leah leaned forward, her eyes fixed on Ryan. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Ryan wasn’t sure what the point was. In spite of being impressed as hell that Leah could live well beyond the century mark, Ryan was at a loss as to what it had to do with their current situation. “Sorry. I’m not following.”

Leah sighed. “It means I have lots of time to be alone, to be afraid, to be angry. It scares the shit out of me. You – us – scares the shit out of me.”

Ryan had a hundred things she wanted to say to Leah. Arguments and counter arguments, but she could bring only one into focus. “I love you. That matters so much more than any amount of fear or anger.”

Leah stared, unblinking at Ryan for several seconds before she spoke. “I love you.” Leah wiped at her tear stained face. “Shit, I can’t stop crying.” She got up, and moved so she could sit next to Ryan. Their knees touching, Leah took Ryan’s hand. “I have a confession.”

Ryan winced. “I’m bracing myself.”

Leah smiled, absently cupping the side of Ryan’s face with her hand. “I wasn’t as reserved as you with I love you, and I said it – not often – but when it really didn’t count.” Leah kissed Ryan softly on the cheek. “You’re the first to really count, and I can’t decide if that’s incredibly romantic or frightfully tragic.”

Ryan laughed. “I’m going with romantic, but I’m biased.”

Leah’s lips found Ryan’s. The spark of heat the woman’s touch elicited in Ryan triggered a quiet sigh from Ryan. She rested her hand on the back of Leah’s neck, gently pulling her closer. Leah pulled back, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but whatever she meant to say was caught somewhere. Instead, Leah stood, pulling Ryan to her feet.

Leah began leading Ryan back into the bedroom. Ryan’s body was already on fire with anticipation as Leah gently pushed her back onto the bed. Leah pulls her t-shirt over her head, and Ryan smiled to see she wasn’t wearing a bra. Ryan was mesmerized as Leah slowly pulled her pants and panties down, kicking them to the side to stand naked in front of Ryan.

Ryan couldn’t remember ever seeing anyone as beautiful. Leah’s skin was slightly tanned, and her perfectly shaped breasts sat just above her rib cage. Her waist tapered, and then the swell of her hips led down to her toned, sleek thighs.

Without a word, Leah slowly removed Ryan’s clothes. Her fingers and hands traced exposed skin as she moved along the smooth planes of Ryan’s shoulders, along the swell of her breasts, and down the curve of her stomach, her hands coming to rest on both of Ryan’s hips.

Bending down, Leah ran her tongue along Ryan’s jutting hip bone, across her abdomen, and then she gently placed a series of kisses up Ryan’s stomach. Her lips lingered at the side of Ryan’s breast.

Ryan’s body was on fire as Leah’s hands and mouth moved over her skin. The doubt and hesitancy that had plagued Ryan all week were washed away, and even though part of Ryan knew nothing had really been resolved, her body overrode her mind so she didn’t care.

Leah slowly lowered herself between Ryan’s legs. Their eyes met for a moment before Leah was kissing Ryan again, her mouth growing more urgent as she found Ryan’s. Ryan wrapped her arms around Leah’s shoulders, pulling her closer, the heat her touch triggered spiraling waves of warmth through Ryan.

Leah shifted, and a second later Ryan gasped as Leah entered her with two fingers. Leah buried her face in the side of Ryan’s neck, her breath hot against Ryan’s skin as she thrust the full length of her fingers into her.

Clinging to Leah, Ryan moved her hips in unison with Leah’s fingers. The feel of Leah’s body against Ryan was nearly more than she could take as shards of electricity ripped through her. Ryan ran her fingers through Leah’s blonde hair, entwining them in the silky strands as Ryan was desperate to pull Leah even closer.

Bringing her legs up, Ryan wrapped them around Leah’s waist. Leah moaned. Leaning back, her eyes met Ryan’s. A thin film of sweat covered both women’s bodies as Leah sped the rhythm of her fingers up, their gazes still locked as Ryan began to tremble under Leah.

Releasing her legs from around Leah’s waist, Ryan opened herself wider for Leah. Leah lifted her left leg up, and straddled Ryan’s thigh. Ryan gasped as Leah’s wetness coated her leg, the scent of vanilla and sex filling the room.

Leah thrust her fingers into Ryan as she pushed against Ryan’s thigh. Ryan lifted her hips in unison with Leah as she frantically grabbed and clutched at the woman’s arms and shoulders. “Leah.” The word came as Ryan exhaled, and a moment later both women cried out as they climaxed.

Leah slowly eased her fingers from Ryan, her breath coming in short pants as she slid up to lay her head on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan wrapped her arms around Leah, her body still shaking from her release seconds before.

“You’re wonderful.” Ryan smiled as she kissed the top of Leah’s head.

Leah looked up at Ryan, her eyes slightly out of focus as a small smile found her lips. “I love you.” Leah pushed herself up, and knelt between Ryan’s legs. “You’re incredible and beautiful.”

Ryan blushed, enjoying Leah’s appreciative stare. “I love you.” She suddenly felt fearless, unbound, and euphoric. Leah’s kisses, her touch, were transforming.

Ryan had never tried hard to stave off her feelings for Leah. She knew there was still so many things they would have to face. Neither of them could really know what would happen, or if there was an inevitable sheer cliff out in the distance they might plummet over. It didn’t matter to Ryan, for as she laid wrapped in the warmth of Leah’s embrace, she felt all too happy and grateful for the fall.