‘Walking.’ Gwynne glanced at his watch. ‘After midnight.’ He sniffed. ‘Why?’
The girls sat together in the hut that Miss Kingston used for her Fitness and Survival program. Gwynne had dragged three folding chairs from a pile in the corner and sat opposite them. His face was hard.
‘Why not?’ said Jen. ‘We couldn’t sleep. Went to the memorial.’ She sniffed, and Pan stifled a laugh. She had to hand it to Jen – the girl had balls.
Gwynne gazed at her for a moment. ‘Infirmary broken into,’ he said. ‘Know anything about that?’
‘Why would anyone break into the Infirmary?’ replied Jen. ‘What’s there?’
‘Drugs,’ said Gwynne.
‘Any taken?’
Gwynne didn’t reply. He turned to Pan.
‘You a problem, Pandora?’
‘Not me,’ said Pan. She decided she might as well take her cue from Jen. ‘I’m a good student. Never in trouble.’
Gwynne sniffed. ‘You are a problem. Be careful. Both of you.’
‘Can we go now?’ said Jen. She yawned. ‘It’s very late and there are classes tomorrow, you know.’
‘Turn your pockets out,’ he said.
‘Are you kiddin’?’ said Jen. ‘Why?’
‘If you have nothing to hide . . .’ Gwynne shrugged. Pan glanced at Jen and then got to her feet, Jen following suit. Carefully, deliberately, they both turned their pockets inside out. There was nothing in any of them. Gwynne glanced at the girls, but he seemed to have expected that any search would be fruitless.
‘Your watches?’ he said. ‘Where?’
‘Took them off,’ said Jen promptly. ‘Before we went to the cairn. Is not wearing a watch a problem for The School?’
Gwynne shrugged.
‘Go,’ he said. The girls stood and made towards the door. Pan concentrated on not limping. She didn’t want Gwynne asking to see her feet.
Gwynne stopped them before they left. ‘Be careful,’ he said. His voice was soft, almost contemplative. ‘Be very careful.’
Jen gave him a smile. ‘Always, Mr Gwynne,’ she said. ‘Always.’
The walk back to the dormitory was uneventful. The lights had gone out at the Infirmary and the night closed in upon them. As far as they could tell, they were alone in the grounds and the search had been called off. They know they found the people they were looking for, thought Pan. They walked in silence until they reached the shower block.
‘We need to talk, Pandora,’ Jen said. ‘I’ll meet you at the monument at seven-thirty tomorrow. Physical activity. And the running track seems a good place to continue clearing those damned stones.’
‘Okay,’ said Pan. She yawned. The lack of sleep and the fact that she’d missed out on dinner meant she was physically and mentally at the end of her resources. They entered the dormitory quietly, aware that the previous night they had disturbed everyone’s sleep. Pan crept to her bed at the far end of the dorm. As she slid beneath her blanket, she hoped that tonight she would be spared the nightmares.
Something rough was propped on her pillow. She scrabbled for it in the dark as it slid down beneath the blanket. Her fist closed around a lump of bread. Hard canteen bread, but bread. She bit into it gratefully, tore lumps off with her teeth. Only when she finished did she wonder where it had come from. Jen, probably. Jen knew they would miss dinner and must have left something for her to eat. But, even as that thought formed, Pan knew she was wrong. Jen hadn’t left this for her. It was Wei-Lin. She knew it in the core of her being.
It didn’t take long for Pan to drift off to sleep, but in the few minutes before unconsciousness, she thought about the implications of what they’d found in the Infirmary. But her last thought was of Wei-Lin, sleeping opposite, and the debt she owed her – a debt that had little to do with a lump of hard bread.
The temperature was definitely rising, a new season kicking in. Pan rushed through breakfast, a breakfast at which Wei-Lin pointedly did not ask where Pan and Jen had been the previous night. Pan didn’t know whether to be worried that no one asked for an explanation or relieved. But she did notice that few of the team met her eyes. She knew she should confide in them, but that would only put them in danger, so she stayed silent, and ate her gritty porridge.
After washing her dish, Pan left for the running track. She jogged, but there was humidity in the air and she was sweating heavily after less than a kilometre. When she arrived there were only a couple of students at work. Jen stood alone at the memorial. Pan joined her.
‘Want to know something strange, Pandora?’ said Jen. ‘My lock picks and the file are missing. Someone found the hiding place.’
Pan shrugged. ‘Not surprising,’ she said. ‘We came out from behind the cairn; Gwynne searched us and found nothing. Easy to work out where we might have stashed things.’
‘I guess. But it’s a real bummer. Not the picks. I can make them again. It’s the folder. It would’ve been useful.’
Pan wiped the sweat from her forehead and turned her face towards the sky. There was no cloud cover, everywhere she looked was an arch of powdered blue, and small birds circling high in the sky. The air was fresh and warm. It felt like a new beginning. She lowered her eyes and searched Jen’s face.
‘You believe me now, Jen?’
Now Jen shrugged. ‘Meaning?’
‘That The School has us imprisoned, that the world as we knew it is going on out there without us. That the whole story of the virus is a lie, implanted into our memories?’
Jen sat on a rock at the base of the cairn and ran her hands through her hair. She sighed. ‘To be honest, I don’t know what to believe. That The School has secrets it’s hiding from us, that we don’t know the full story? Sure. I saw enough at the Infirmary last night to convince me of that. But all the rest . . .’ She opened her arms. ‘Hey, it’s a bit out there, you know? I mean, I remember the virus, the terrible deaths. So do you. So do all of us. It’s asking a lot to believe that what I remember is some kind of manufactured crap.’ She met Pan’s eyes. ‘But I’ve got an open mind. That’s all I can say.’
Pan watched the other students grunting with effort as they shifted stones, and she felt no guilt. If anything, she felt sorry that these kids – and they were kids – could be working so hard under such false pretences. And who knew how damaged they were as a result of their fake memories. Whoever was really in charge of The School should be the one feeling guilty, not her.
‘There’s only one way to be sure,’ she said finally. ‘Only one way to convince you. We need to get out of here and see for ourselves.’
‘Yeah,’ said Jen. ‘I know.’
‘And you’ll come with me?’
Jen grinned. ‘You couldn’t stop me, Pandora.’ She spread her arms to encompass the School’s grounds. ‘The daily grind. The crap classes, the routine. I hate routine, always have. And I also have problems with authority.’ She laughed. ‘I’ve heard that so many times I’m finally prepared to believe it. So, yeah. The School doesn’t want me to leave, so that means I’ve gotta leave. Hell, yeah, Pandora. I’m outta here.’
‘You said you had a plan.’
‘I also said you wouldn’t like it.’
‘So tell me.’
Jen unscrewed the cap from her water canteen and took a long swig. She offered it to Pan who shook her head. Jen placed her canteen at her feet, laced her fingers together and gazed up at the sky.
‘How is it possible to get out of here, Pandora?’ she said. ‘Give me the options. As you see them.’
Pan gave the question thought. Although she had determined that escape was the only solution, she hadn’t given much attention to the practicalities. Now Jen was forcing her to do just that. She spoke to give her thoughts some form.
‘We could go through the wall again. I’ve done it twice, once with you and once with Nate. Then we could steal a boat and take to sea, find our way to land, check out what’s going on.’
Jen said nothing, but simply kept her fingers locked together. Pan looked up at the surrounding landscape. ‘Or we could go over those mountains,’ she continued. ‘Again, it’s something we’ve done. Okay, not over the top, but when we went to find Cara’s body we showed it’s possible to climb at least part of the way.’
Still Jen said nothing.
Pan racked her brains, but could come up with nothing else. ‘What do you think?’ she said.
Jen took her time replying, as if carefully processing Pan’s ideas.
‘I think,’ she said, ‘that going over the wall – or under it – isn’t going to work another time. After last night we’re in The School’s sights. I imagine they’ll ramp up security, not just at the Infirmary, but everywhere. Especially the wall.’ She glanced at Pan. ‘You’ve done a good job of convincing them you’re a problem. Probably both of us now. If your idea that the watches are a way of keeping track of us is true, then they’ll also know you are onto them. Same applies to that chip in your back. You were out by the Infirmary, but I guess the tracking systems – if they exist – said you were tucked up in bed. Big problem. Of course they’re gonna be watching you. And the wall. It won’t work. Not now.’
‘What about the mountains?’ asked Pan.
Jen sighed. ‘That’s impossible. Getting over the peaks would challenge much better mountaineers than us. Even if we made it, there’s no guarantee the other side has anything but more of the same. No food. And we’d freeze to death up there, guaranteed.’
‘Then how?’
Jen met Pan’s eyes and didn’t flinch.
‘We can’t go by land, so that leaves only one option.’
‘Yes?’
‘We fly, Pandora.’
The day passed as it always did. After physical activity there was a classroom lesson. This time it was on basic animal husbandry, but Pan sat lost in her thoughts, disengaged from the class. Lunch was a solitary affair as well. Little conversation was directed at her. Wei-Lin chatted to Sam and Karl and tried to bring Sanjit into the conversation, though he made only the occasional remark. But Pan and Jen ate their meals in silence. For Fitness and Survival, Gwynne took them through a range of unarmed combat techniques. He made no reference to his interrogation of the two girls, but focused entirely on the techniques of disabling an opponent by attacking pressure points, as well as other unsavoury methods such as gouging the eyes. Pan came out of the session bruised but not broken. In personal development Dr Morgan also said nothing about the previous night’s activities, but simply conducted the cups test again, making annotations in his notebook, though Pan made little effort and didn’t care whether she was right or wrong. Another solitary meal followed and then it was free time. She returned to her dorm and sat on her bed, gathering courage.
It was time to make amends . . .
Pan found Wei-Lin in an area close to the wall. She was practising archery, four or five arrows in her quiver. As Pan approached, she stopped to watch. Wei-Lin had made her own target, a bale of hay, set up against a rock. A crude bullseye was drawn in the centre of the bale, an arrow impaled close to one side of it. Wei-Lin drew another arrow, nocked it and lifted the bow. Even Pan, inexperienced as she was with the techniques of archery, could see that Wei-Lin’s technique was fluid and impressive. She drew the bow in one easy movement and released. The arrow flew and hit the very centre. Wei-Lin did not hesitate but pulled another arrow from her quiver. Pan watched until Wei-Lin had exhausted all her arrows and waited while she strode over to retrieve them from the target.
‘Wei-Lin,’ Pan called. ‘Can I talk to you?’
Wei-Lin looked up at her, pulled the arrows from the target and then strode back to her mark. She took an arrow and nocked it into the bowstring.
‘Sure, Pan,’ she said. ‘What do you want to talk about?’
‘I’ve come to apologise.’
‘About what?’ Wei-Lin raised the bow, drew and released. The arrow hit the outside edge of the bale and she clicked her tongue in annoyance.
‘Please?’ said Pan. ‘Can your practice wait?’
Wei-Lin took another arrow from the quiver, but as she drew it up to the bowstring, she seemed to sag. She dropped the bow at her feet and turned to face Pan, her hands on her hips.
‘I am angry at you, Pandora,’ she said.
‘Please don’t call me Pandora,’ said Pan. ‘You’ve always called me Pan. And I know you’re angry. You’ve every right to be angry. That’s why I want to talk to you. I might not be able to make things right between us, but I know that you deserve an explanation for my behaviour. For cutting you out.’
Wei-Lin’s face relaxed and she cast her eyes to the ground. It was as if Pan’s words had leeched her anger. One hand went from her hip to her face and she wiped at her eyes. Suddenly she appeared small and tired. Pan wanted to hug her, but knew she didn’t have the right, so she stood and waited. Wei-Lin sat on the rocky ground and crossed her legs. She glanced up at Pan.
‘So talk,’ she said.
And Pan did. She told her everything that had happened after their group had returned from the island, the last time she had spoken openly to her. So much had happened, and Pan felt ashamed she hadn’t even made any effort to communicate. There were reasons, true. But none of the reasons were sufficient. So she told Wei-Lin about her feeling that Nate might not have died, despite the evidence of their own eyes, that The School was manufacturing the memories, that the virus might not be real. She told her about her trip under the wall with Jen and what they had discovered there. She talked about the Infirmary and the mysterious elevator. She mentioned her belief that their watches were a means for The School to track their movements. She finished with the idea of escape.
Wei-Lin did not interrupt and when Pan finished she sat quietly for a minute or so. Pan found the silence uncomfortable, and it was a relief when Wei-Lin finally spoke.
‘We were told you would say something like this,’ she said.
‘What do you mean? Who told you?’
Wei-Lin sighed and glanced up at the sky as if for help. For a moment, Pan thought she wasn’t going to reply.
‘Members of the Student Representative Council,’ she said finally. ‘They have been talking. Nothing formal, of course. Just chats to various leaders within the student body. Not just our team. Everyone.’
‘Saying what?’
Wei-Lin met Pan’s eyes. ‘The truth?’
‘Of course.’
‘They say you’re delusional, Pan. That you’re emotionally unstable. The death of Nate, on top of what happened to you – what happened to all of us – when the virus hit. The tragic death of Cara. All of those things would be enough to turn the most balanced mind, but yours was never balanced to start with.’
Pan wondered why she was surprised. It was a clever strategy for The School to try when it was under threat. Who would the students believe? Their own memories or the delusional theories of a traumatised victim? It made perfect sense. Nonetheless, she felt bitter and defeated. No wonder her team refused to meet her eyes.
‘So what do they say about Jen?’ she asked finally.
Wei-Lin picked up the arrow at her feet and toyed with it, straightening the feathers. ‘That Jen is just a rebel who doesn’t like authority. That she has linked herself with you, not because she believes your insane theories, but because it gives her an opportunity to do just what she wants. Everyone knows she craves action and this gives her the reason to indulge herself.’
‘I see.’ Tears sprang to Pan’s eyes and she closed them to keep them from spilling. She would not cry. She would not give in. But, in her time at The School, she had never felt more like surrendering to her emotions and purging them in any way she could. It took her a few minutes before she could trust that her voice would not break.
‘And what about you, Wei-Lin? What do you think?’
Wei-Lin kept stroking the feathers of the arrow, over and over. She cocked her head to one side, but didn’t raise her eyes.
‘I know what I remember, Pan. I know what I saw. It doesn’t make sense to think none of that happened. It’s cruel.’
‘Cruel?’
‘I saw my mother and my sister die. I told you I didn’t remember much of the days before my rescue and that was partly true. Partly. There are some things I do remember, and maybe I’ve been burying them because the only alternative to that is more pain than I can bear.’ She put the arrow down and selected another, went through the same procedure. ‘My sister was the first to go. She was six years old. I held her in my arms while she coughed and coughed and sprayed blood. So much blood. It was difficult to believe that such a tiny body could contain so much.’ She shuddered, took a breath and struggled for control. ‘Then she stopped breathing and I was glad. Glad. Because it meant she was no longer suffering. Mum tried to get her body out of my arms, but I refused. I just held her until she went cold. Then it was Mum’s turn. She . . .’
This time Wei-Lin did meet Pan’s eyes. Her own contained so much suffering that Pan almost shied away from her gaze. Suffering and anger. Yes, anger was there as well.
‘Now you say my sister is alive. And my mother. Can’t you understand that being offered that hope is cruel? I want to believe you, Pan. Of course I do. I want my family back and I would do anything to believe it’s possible. But it isn’t possible. They’re dead and no amount of wishing will change that. All you’ve done is bring my pain back. It had never gone away, of course, but I was learning to deal with it. We all are. You’re picking at the scabs of our misery and everyone will hate you for it.’
‘Do you hate me, Wei-Lin?’
Wei-Lin returned her gaze to the arrow and started the smoothing routine once more. The silence lengthened.
‘No,’ she said finally. ‘I don’t hate you, Pan. But I can’t buy your story. I just can’t. I’m sorry.’
‘No,’ said Pan. She wanted to reach out to touch Wei-Lin’s shoulder, but resisted. ‘I’m sorry, Wei-Lin. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Or anyone.’
‘Have you wondered why The School would be doing this, assuming your conspiracy theory is true? What’s in it for them?’
Pan got to her feet. ‘Of course I’ve thought about that. And I don’t have any answers. Yet. But I am going to find out. Are you going to tell anyone I’m planning to escape?’
‘No,’ said Wei-Lin. ‘I think it’s best if you do escape. See for yourself that you’re wrong. Then at least you might be able to put this behind you.’
Pan started to walk away, but turned after a couple of paces.
‘How’s Sanjit?’ she asked.
‘Why do you ask?’
‘You serious, Wei-Lin? I’m concerned about him. His outburst at the session with Dr Macredie, blaming himself for what happened to Nate. Talking about trouble following him around.’ Pan spread her hands. ‘I know you were trying to get him to open up, that time in the canteen, and I just wondered . . . I don’t want to see him hurt and it worries me that he’s so closed off from the rest of us.’
Wei-Lin got to her feet and slung the quiver over her shoulder.
‘Like Cara?’ she said.
‘Exactly.’
‘You know something, Pandora?’ Wei-Lin put her hands on her hips. ‘You talk the talk, but that’s about it. You’re worried about Sanjit, but you’ve never seriously tried to have a conversation with him. Maybe you’re too wrapped up in all of this . . . fantasy, but you don’t have time for any of us, except Jen. It’s not good enough to say you care. You need to show it.’
Pan bowed her head. Wei-Lin’s words stung, but she was right. I haven’t been a good friend to any of them, she thought. I’ve let them down the same way I let Cara down. She knew her determination to get to the bottom of The School’s secrets left no room for thinking about the feelings of others. I want to uncover the truth to free them, but it isn’t enough. We are all suffering, in the here and now, and they think I am making it worse, not better.
She felt Wei-Lin’s hand on her shoulder.
‘I’m sorry, Pan,’ she said. ‘That was uncalled for. Don’t worry about Sanjit. I’m looking after him. Karl is doing the same when they’re in the dormitory. He doesn’t say much, that kid, but I think he’s strong enough to get through this.’
‘Has he told you anything about his past?’
Wei-Lin laughed. ‘If he had, I wouldn’t tell you, Pan. No offence, but if he ever does confide it would have to stay between us. As it is, I think I’ve convinced him he is not to blame for Nate. As for anything else . . .’ She shrugged. ‘He’s a closed book and I’m not going to force him to open up.’
Pan nodded. ‘You’re wrong about one thing, though, Wei-Lin,’ she said. ‘Your words weren’t uncalled for. I have been selfish and preoccupied. I will try to do better in the future, but I need to see what’s out there in the world. I don’t think I’m going to be of any use until I’ve achieved that.’
‘Then go. Find out once and for all. And don’t worry about the rest of us. We’re survivors, remember? It’s what we’re good at.’ Wei-Lin leaned forward and kissed Pan on the cheek. ‘Be safe, Pan.’
Pan walked away in the general direction of the dormitory, the kiss burning on her skin. She would get out of The School. She would find proof. She would alert the authorities about the existence of this bleak prison. Pan fed herself images of government troops coming in over the wall, arresting the staff and liberating the students, returning them to their families. She imagined newspaper headlines and television reports all over the world. There would be trials. There would be justice. There would be answers. And she would be vindicated.
For all that, at the back of her mind was another thought. What would she do if all she found in the outside world was death and the rotting remains of billions of corpses?
What then?