1963

TEENA APELES

Just weeks before my mom, Agnes, was to serve as the muse for the social club Lucena Varsitarians’ annual ball, her father passed away. He had been suffering from coronary thrombosis, which affects blood flow to the heart, and was kept in an oxygen tent at the hospital. My mom was at his bedside when he died. Despite her grief, she had no choice but to attend the ball as planned, having her hair and makeup done and donning the gown made especially for her. She had been selected to be the muse the year prior, and it was considered a great honor in her town.

My mom has always had to balance social obligations with her family’s needs. This juggling act started with being born into a Filipino family with eight other kids. It continued through her teenage years and later, when she mothered three daughters in the States, and persists even today, now that she’s in her seventies. My sisters and I call her out on this all the time. Maybe we’re just being selfish—but shouldn’t family come first? I’ve come to realize, though, that she has the capacity to give so much to so many. What may seem to be a struggle from my point of view is not from hers. She believes she can do it all: be the dedicated daughter, the amazing sister, the supportive wife, the caring mom, the doting lola (grandmother), the social butterfly, and even the town muse. And she’ll move worlds, cross continents, and drive on multiple freeways all night long to be there, for everyone.

Our family recently returned from a weeklong medical mission to her home island of Marinduque, which my mom organized with her large network of friends, Filipinos and Filipino Americans alike. We brought free medical care to six towns, from complimentary dentistry to cataract surgeries, serving thousands of residents. And there was my mom, each day, at the center of the action. On this trip, I was truly able to embrace that, for Agnes, being a mother isn’t her end-all. Perhaps back in 1963, the social club saw that this seventeen-year-old would become someone others would aspire to be and be inspired by. The perfect muse.