Since our apartment days, we’ve evolved this “garlicky” recipe MANY times over. Today, we marry it with schmaltz (Yiddish for chicken fat, ya didn’t think I knew that, did ya?!), brown butter, and a whole lot more garlicky making-out amazingness.
2–4 SERVINGS
11 ounces any kind of dry noodles (spaghetti, linguini, medium-width Quon Yick brand noodles—whatever floats your boat)
½ tablespoon brown butter or clarified butter or butter
½ tablespoon chicken fat (schmaltz)*
1 tablespoon medium-minced garlic
1 teaspoon chicken bouillon
1 teaspoon oyster sauce
1 teaspoon fish sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons chopped scallions
2 tablespoons fried shallots
Black pepper, coarse ground
Parmesan cheese, grated, to taste
BALLS OUT
40–80 SERVINGS
13¾ pounds any kind of dry noodles
10 tablespoons brown butter
10 tablespoons chicken fat (schmaltz)*
1¼ cups medium-minced garlic
6⅔ tablespoons chicken bouillon
6⅔ tablespoons oyster sauce
6⅔ tablespoons fish sauce
6⅔ tablespoons sugar
2½ cups chopped scallions
2½ cups fried shallots
1. Since we’ve given a very broad choice of noodles above, let’s make this clear: We prefer “al dente” noodles. I don’t know what it is about people who have become so accustomed to overcooked Olive Garden–esque brainwashing about noodles and why people expect al dente at Italian places and not so much at Asian places. Tsk tsk! Get some chew. Get some bite. Chinese people invented noodles before Marco Polo brought ’em back, and it’s now time to reclaim what was originally ours (or “theirs,” since I’m Vietnamese) and not let Italians take all the glory for being OCD about noodles.
2. Bring a pot of water to boil over high heat. Add a pinch of salt. Once the water reaches a rolling boil, throw in noodles. Start a timer to keep track of your personal optimal noodle cooking time.
3. While the noodles cook, prepare an ice water bath in a large bowl for shocking. (If you’re cooking a small batch of noodles, rinsing them in a colander with cold water is fine, too. Just make sure to run the noodles under water until they cool completely and you can’t feel any warmth in them.)
4. Stir the cooking noodles often. Get all that starch off of them. If they’re thinner noodles, I would say check around the 5-minute mark and every subsequent minute after until you get a good bite on the noodles.
5. Be warned, al dente doneness with many dry noodles leaves the middle looking raw. But who cares what your eyes tell you? What do your mouth and tongue tell you? (Does it taste sexy good? Does it need to cook a little longer? Trust yourself, “use the force, Luke!”)
6. Once the noodles are cooked to your liking, immediately shock them in the ice water bath for 1–2 minutes. Remove, then transfer to a colander. Quickly rinse off any remaining starch.
7. Add butter and chicken schmaltz to a pan over medium-low heat (don’t burn the butter!). Brown the garlic. Then add bouillon, oyster sauce, fish sauce, and sugar. Mix until the sauce turns a uniform color.
8. Now increase to medium-high heat and add the noodles, quickly mixing, tossing, flipping your pan a bit (if you’re comfortable with and good at it) to coat noodles using the heat to quickly cook that flavor in so well that the color of the sauce permeates every noodle as if the dark side of the Force has taken over and no previous rebel force colors remain (because the dark side in this case is FLAVOR!). Remove from heat and transfer to a plate.
Then do that twisty motion with your hands or tongs to make the noodles look like a chef-y pretty plate o’ noodles. Garnish with chopped scallions, fried shallots, black pepper, and freshly grated parmesan cheese.
* If you can’t find and/or are too lazy to make schmaltz, double up on the brown butter—it’ll ALMOST be as good.