Lexi blinked back the tears burning her eyes as she watched Cole and Brokk leave later that morning. In the tree above her head, the crow Cole left behind cawed loudly and ruffled its feathers but didn’t take flight.
Cole assured her that even if this crow became surrounded by a murder of others, it would return to her the second she raised her arm. She was tempted to test this but decided against commanding the beautiful creature when it wasn’t necessary.
When the brothers vanished from view, she turned away and trudged back to the manor. As she walked, she felt like the weight of the world was bearing down on her shoulders.
He’d said he would return, and she wanted to believe him, but as she walked, she prepared herself never to see him again.
He’s a dark fae; she reminded herself for the umpteenth time.
But she had to keep doing it because she needed it to sink in, or she might end up with a shattered heart.
If he never returned, it might take her years to recover from the blow, but she would recover if she were expecting it. But if she had her hopes up and he never returned, it would make things so much worse.
He’s also lycan. That niggling thought refused to die no matter how many times she tried to kill it. Such an idea was dangerous as it would only lead to her getting her hopes up.
The lycan could be the most loyal immortals when it came to their family and their mates, but she wasn’t family, and he’d never mentioned mates to her.
Dark fae or not, his father loved his mother deeply.
But there was no mention of love between us!
She realized she was spiraling into a dark well of despair and hope that needed to end. She didn’t know why he was so adamant about returning to her, but she wouldn’t allow herself to believe it was for anything more than what they’d shared these past few days.
He liked her; she didn’t doubt that. And she liked him, probably too much, but that didn’t mean it was anything more.
He could quite possibly become completely distracted in the Gloaming and forget she existed.
She refused to get her hopes up too much about his return, but she wasn’t going to turn into a moping, melancholy mess because he’d returned home… as she’d always known he would.
Even if he never returned, she had a life to live and things to do. One of those things might still be in her tunnels and most likely seething because she hadn’t returned in days.
Lexi slipped back into the manor and headed for the kitchen. She’d fed well on Cole this morning, but she hadn’t satisfied her human appetite yet.
Sahira was standing at the stove, stirring a pot as she worked to replenish the rest of her healing salves now that Brokk was gone. Sitting beside her, Shade was working to clean his paw, which he lowered to study Lexi when she entered the room.
“Have they left?” Sahira asked.
Lexi opened and closed a couple of cabinets, but most were empty. Thankfully, their garden would start yielding some produce soon, and the goats would provide milk and cheese while the chickens produced eggs.
They wouldn’t have as much now that the market was gone, but they were better off than most, and they would get through this. If push came to shove, they could travel to another marketplace, but the closest one was now an hour away.
She didn’t want to think about making that journey as she closed the cabinets and went to the fridge. She opened the refrigerator and removed a piece of cheese.
“Yes,” she said as she took a knife from the drawer and sliced off a couple of pieces from the block.
“What happened to your neck?”
Lexi sighed. She’d dreaded this conversation and had hoped that Sahira wouldn’t notice or question her on it, but now that she had…
“Cole,” Lexi admitted, and Sahira’s eyes darkened as her hand tightened on the knife. “It wasn’t on purpose!”
Lexi told her what happened, and though she didn’t think Cole would like her revealing his nightmares to her aunt, she couldn’t hide them from Sahira. If her aunt didn’t know the whole truth, she would hate Cole, and Lexi couldn’t have that.
When she finished, Sahira’s hand relaxed a little on the blade, but she still looked murderous.
“He’s dangerous,” Sahira said.
“Not to me.”
“Your neck says differently.”
“He’s not dangerous to me. This was an accident. It won’t happen again.”
“If it does, I’ll castrate him.”
Lexi gulped. “He doesn’t sleep when I’m there. He stays up the entire time instead because he wants me to stay with him.”
Sahira’s brow furrowed, and her mouth pursed. “That’s… odd.”
Lexi didn’t respond.
“I still don’t like it,” Sahira said.
“I know.”
Her aunt sighed and set down her knife. “Here.” Sahira reached into her apron pocket and set a bottle of blue liquid on the counter near her.
“What’s that?” Lexi asked around a mouthful of cheese.
“Birth control. Use it.”
Lexi almost choked on her cheese but managed to swallow it. “Sahira—”
“Take a sip every night, and it will keep you from getting pregnant now and in the future.”
Lexi cursed the blush creeping up her cheeks as she studied the liquid and her hand fell involuntarily to her belly. She knew it wasn’t possible, but the idea of Cole’s baby caused a small thrill of excitement to course through her.
“Cole is on birth control,” she said.
“Hmm,” Sahira grunted. “It won’t hurt to have you both on it. Besides, he might have used it wrong or messed something up or forgotten to take it, so there is always that possibility. And….”
“And what?” Lexi prodded when Sahira’s voice trailed off.
Sahira lifted her head, and their eyes met. Then she tossed some herbs into the pot. “And you’ll be prepared for the next man.”
Lexi felt like Sahira had slapped her, but she managed to keep herself from recoiling. She kept telling herself she was prepared for Cole not to return, but hearing Sahira say it slammed the reality of it home.
Her aunt didn’t expect him to return, and she expected Lexi to prepare for the next man who entered her life. The idea of another man touching her the way Cole did made her stomach clench; she couldn’t even consider that possibility right now.
“He said he would come back, but I’m not so sure,” she admitted.
“Hmm,” Sahira muttered.
When Lexi grasped the bottle, she didn’t realize how close it was to the flames beneath Sahira’s pot. She yelped and pulled her hand away when the fire burnt her finger.
“Are you okay?” Sahira asked.
Lexi sucked on her burnt finger as she slid the potion into her pocket. “I’m fine.”
If Cole returned, she would use it when she was certain she wasn’t pregnant, but not now. She couldn’t bring herself to use it if there was a small chance she carried his child. It would be difficult to raise a human, vampire, lycan, dark fae baby on her own, but she would do it.
“Thank you,” she said.
Sahira grunted again.
“I know he’s a dark fae, but….” Lexi’s gaze shifted to the window and the crow sitting in a tree across the way.
“But?” Sahira prompted.
“But I think he’s a good man.”
Sahira grunted again. Lexi kissed her cheek.
“I love you too, auntie,” she teased.
Sahira rolled her eyes. “Ass kisser.”
Lexi chuckled and folded the rest of the cheese into a napkin. “I’ll be in the stables.”
Sahira didn’t reply as Lexi made her way out the door and toward the stables. She slipped inside and closed the door behind her. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself before entering the feed room.
She lifted a couple of bags of feed and tossed them aside to expose the trapdoor beneath. The door blended so seamlessly into the floor that anyone who didn’t know it was there would never see it even without the bags on top.
Removing the bottle from her pocket, Lexi hid it in one of the horse’s feed tubs, so she didn’t accidentally break it. Then she lifted the door and slipped into the shadows below.
She closed the door behind her. From experience, she knew the open space the moved bags created wouldn’t attract any attention as there were other spaces like it within the feed room.
Lexi lifted the flashlight from the hook below the door and clicked it on before descending the steps. The beam played across the walls as she sped through the tunnels and in the direction of where she last saw Orin.
She didn’t know if she expected him to be there or not; if he was, she imagined he was pretty pissed over her absence. Despite knowing that, she didn’t feel any apprehension over encountering an irate dark fae down here. She’d had enough of bossy, overbearing men, and she wasn’t about to let this one run all over her again.
She was almost to the place where she last saw Orin when low, gravelly words issued from the shadows. “Where the fuck have you been?”