‘I think it’s time to think of marrying
somebody, when you feel you are not
having a good time anymore. Then marry
and just settle down.’
— D.H. Lawrence,
The Virgin and the Gypsy
With a job in her hand and a condom in her purse, this New Age woman set out to conquer the world; she now enjoys positions of power and influence. But the one thing, the only thing, that goes against her is neither her biological clock—thanks to medical science because of which women can now freeze their eggs, the IVF (in vitro fertilisation) treatment, or surrogacy—nor the snide remarks from the society, but it is her craving for romance, security, and stability.
The basic need that we all have is to be desired, cherished, and cared for by that one person who rules our world, and, in turn, we rule his. The fear of dying alone, without ever experiencing love, is unnerving. A woman seeks a sense of validation of her beauty and womanhood, which she further associates with motherhood, from the man in her life. She needs a man to acknowledge her beauty and intelligence.
Even though today’s woman is liberated, her innate nature of nurturing and wanting a perfect little family drives her to matrimony.
Having travelled the world and the seven seas, she sets her sail in that one direction—finding her perfect mate. Her quest is based on a bagful of fantasies and prettied-up notions, all of which were handed out to her since childhood through literature and fairy tales, romance movies, and heart-wrenching lyrics of undying love.
She yearns for that feeling of being hopelessly and passionately in love. It is easy and satisfying to be able to afford the best that money can buy, but the picture of a vintage man on a modern couch or a modern man on a vintage couch tending to their babies while she warms the food in the kitchen, is irresistible.
Tired of unwarranted male attention in the office, especially from married men going through a midlife crisis or from someone looking for something on the side to break the monotony of their dull marriages, she decides to settle down with her watchdog. The empty apartment seems to echo the emptiness of her life and she won’t be able to stand it much longer.
But, in her haste, she must not forget the prime quality that she has been looking for in her mate. No, she is not looking for someone with good looks, because she is well over it. Now that she is older and wiser, her priorities are crystal clear: she is looking for a provider. This is the primitive ideal—the man hunts while the woman cooks.
Picture this: He returns home, beams at her and tells her how beautiful she looks. Then he hands her the day’s hunt, aka groceries. They sit down by the fire for dinner and have a regular conversation where he tells her about his day at work and compliments the food. Then they waltz on slow music and retire with an intense lovemaking session.
Surely this isn’t asking for the sun or the moon. Can one’s expectation from marriage get any simpler than this? This is not a fantasy; it is simply a happily ever after! Then why and when did this realistic notion of marriage come to be termed as fantasy?