‘In her first passion, a woman loves her
lover, in all the others all she loves is love.’
— George Gordon Byron,
Don Juan
Women are vain and sensual creatures. They thrive on romance; it is their oxygen. They ail when there is no romance in their life. They are like the proverbial fish out of water. Unlike men, women are happy romancing their spouses. The men, after the chase of the spouse is over and, in all likelihood, has become the mother of his children, find romance pretentious and absolutely unnecessary.
The fact that she is a part of his life is indication enough that he loves her, or, at least, he wants her around. The proof of his love lies in ensuring her well-being. Romance, to him, after marriage seems childish and, to a certain degree, fake and dramatic; it is a means to an end. Just like his career goals, his spouse, too, is one of the goals that need to be achieved through hard work. Once achieved, his approach changes, and his physical needs take priority over her emotional needs.
Women fail to understand or accept this. She had not waited all her life just to be a part of a couple and to experience such indifference! Marriage, for her, is a platform where she wants to enact all her romantic theatrics and fantasies. She expects the same degree of sensitivity and attention that he had showered on her in the beginning of their relationship.
As for a man, once she is his forever, the practical aspect of life resumes importance, and the fantasy world or the theatrics he had used to woo her, eventually take a backseat. For him sex becomes purely functional and based on his need; tenderness is now passé. He is blissfully happy with its constant supply as it saves him a lot of time, effort, and sometimes even hard cash that he would have to invest if he were to go hunting for it.
The delicate and emotional woman, after a while, finds the whole act crude and coarse as there is no room for her sensuality. She feels as if her orgasms are made of ice, that is, if she is still lucky to have them. Tired of being treated like a nobody, she either finds solace in her house, children, and career or decides to take a lover.
Totally disappointed with her marital life, she sets out in search of romance and its trappings—mushy talks, surprises, flowers, chocolates et al. She sees these as an emotional expression of the man who is trying to woo her. For the man, as always, it is just a means to an end. Once the chase is over, he is emotionally bankrupt. The woman does not realise this initially, but when she understands the situation, she feels cheated.
It is a Madame Bovary Syndrome—she goes from one partner to the other, with the hope that maybe this time she has got it right; but each time she is disillusioned. The man she is in search of continues to elude her. The sexual act that she indulges in is the expression of her overflowing emotion. She is overwhelmed by the attention he is showering on her, and it works like an aphrodisiac. She then reciprocates by allowing the man to devour and enjoy her. She gifts herself to him for making her feel alive, cherished, and, most importantly, desirable. She expects the emotional connect to last forever.
But her beginning is his end. Ultimately, the truth dawns on her, and she returns home empty-handed and emotionally exhausted.