‘Chastity in the female is merely lack of
temptation; in the male, merely lack of
opportunity.’
— Lois E. Bueler, The Tested Woman
Plot: Women’s Choices, Men’s Judgments,
and the Shaping of Stories
Men mature by the age of 43, if they mature at all.5 If they fall in love, then, no matter the age, their symptoms and actions are identical to that of a teenager. A woman in love is no better, but the difference between a man and a woman in love comes to the fore when they are married. A married man easily gives himself away when he is cheating—a perpetual smile, an extra dose of attention to the spouse, outstation visits, and absence of sex. A man refrains from sex with his wife when his needs are being met elsewhere, and this is a major giveaway.
A woman, on the other hand, is extra cautious. She treads gently and is very guarded of her personal items. The thing that goes against her is that she has to go through the bedroom routine in spite of not wanting to. She may have found her fulfilment elsewhere, but if she were to constantly turn her husband down, it is quite likely that he will suspect.
Not all men cheat. Attraction, temptation, and imagination are one thing, but there are a whole lot of men who don’t get the opportunity. If they do, they will act first and think later.
Once, in an astrology class, the teacher was talking to the students about which planet in which house indicates sound character, and then he quickly specified—a woman’s character. The class responded with a laugh, and asked, ‘How do we get to know of a man’s character?’ The teacher answered bluntly, ‘Men have no character, they are opportunists.’ Not all men hunt for an opportunity, but should the opportunity present itself, they will, in all likelihood, capitalise on it, not worrying about the consequences.
However, in the great Indian epic Ramayana, a man’s character is not to be treated with frivolity, as is the case in various households in the Indian subcontinent even today. It is not a well-known fact, but Lakshmana, the brother of the protagonist Rama, who accompanied him to the forest, is also known to have proven his chastity by fire.
Men are quick to justify their excursions—they grovel and snivel looking for forgiveness even when the wife is not interested. The justification is more for their own comfort than actual guilt or remorse. The women know that, eventually, the blame will be reverted at her, citing reasons such as lack of enthusiasm and/or boldness.
The truth is that men venture out for their own reasons—to get a reality check on their stud-factor, for the thrill of the chase, midlife crisis, or the boredom and insecurity that sets in with time. Ultimately, they confess to not feeling attracted to their partner anymore.
Strangely, some men, mostly with a feudal mindset, treat their wives like a ritual propriety. They are averse to their wives exhibiting their passionate or sensual sides as they read it as a sign of poor character. They want their women to be dormant during the sexual act since it reflects her domesticated character. Such men categorise their women into two types—the demure and chaste goddess, who is a wife and mother of his children, and the wild and adventurous sex goddesses, his other exploits. They prefer to act out their fantasies with women they categorise as untamed and of the wild sort. This attitude subconsciously percolates in households dominated by feudal mindsets, no matter how urban their lifestyle may be.
In some cases, nowadays, women actually encourage their husbands to go for sexual excursions. This can happen when the wife is unable to cope up with the husband’s libido. The frequency can get on her nerves. She feels relieved that the load is off her, literally and figuratively.