‘The worst form of inequality is to try to
make unequal things equal.’
— Aristotle
When we talk about gender equality without considering the gender differences first, we make a mockery of the term equality and defeat the purpose of attaining an environment which is conducive for individual growth, irrespective of gender. Here are a few differences which are best accepted graciously:
Men are physically stronger than women just as women are emotionally stronger than men. In case of an adversity, women have the ability to cope with the situation or the task at hand rationally and gracefully. Men usually react to the smallest of problems as if they are dealing with a life-threatening disease.
On the other hand, women have the gift of endurance. Most women continue to do their daily needful even on the days when their menstrual cramps get the better of them. We are also aware of the excruciating pain a woman has to bear during childbirth; still, most women choose to go through it more than once. Even when it comes to the matters of the heart, most men whine and resort to alcohol to get over a heartbreak. Whereas, women, once they realise that the relationship has no future and is over for good, move on and are all business.
A man primes at the age of 24 whereas a woman at 37. However, when it comes to their reproductive ages, nature is not as generous to women as it is to men. A woman’s reproductive cycle is fettered to the tide of time. While a man’s body keeps up with the sperm production until his dying day, a woman cannot bear children once she hits menopause.
This contributes to gender inequality since it brings a sense of urgency in women to settle down before it is too late for her to produce children. Women have to fight their clock to find themselves a partner, whereas men are in no such rush.
When a woman feels settled in a relationship, she expects to marry the man as soon as possible. Bringing up a child is a tedious process, and she wants to be young and energetic to be able to attend to the needs of her child. She also wants to have the option of having more than one child, and this can only happen when she marries at the peak of her youth.
This biological difference changes the dynamics of a man-woman relationship and the chase reverses. The more the guy delays the decision, the more anxious a woman gets.
Women who have had to end the relationship after investing as much as a decade into it, grow bitter as they are aware of their decreasing fertility. It also narrows down a woman’s choices and chances of finding a man before settling down with him. Eventually, in her bid to catch those last years of her reproductive life, she ends up compromising on her choice of mate.
Reproduction with medical help is now a possibility, but it costs a fortune and, therefore, is not an economically viable option.
It is best to accept this gender difference graciously as mother nature cannot be fought with or fooled. Men do have the luxury of delaying fatherhood, but women are sitting on their biological time bombs.
The womb is nature’s gift to a woman. If she wants a child, she can get a man to impregnate her and have a child to raise on her own. The medically advanced technique of impregnation has some women rushing to the sperm bank rather than seeking a partner. Whereas, men have to go through an elaborate paperwork process and pay a fortune to hire a womb. However, the womb is not entirely a boon; it is a bane as well. If the woman is not keen on having a child, she has to take certain precautions to protect her body from an unwanted pregnancy. Any lapse in this regard will expose her to the procedure of abortion which can be detrimental to both her physical and mental health.
Also, in the case of a clandestine affair, a woman’s body has to carry the evidence of accidental pregnancy. The fear of being shunned by the society and the sense of shame drives many young women to suicide, especially in rural areas where both medical help and keeping a secret are no less than a joke. Hence, a woman and her womb are both a liability and an asset.
There are some basic social skills in which gender differences take a completely different shade. These are the social skills that become a virtue when one gender practices it and a vice when the opposite gender exercises it:
Economising is seen as a virtue in women; in fact, they are taught to be careful spenders. A woman who knows the art of economising is greatly valued for this skill. A man feels safe with the knowledge that his resources are not being unnecessarily exploited. In the Kamasutra, there is a famous tale about how a man, who is on a lookout for a wife, gives a fistful of rice to several prospective women to see what they do with it. The woman who makes the rice go a long way, by using it in every possible way, was seen as a worthy woman, a good housekeeper (grihini). Hence, a woman who makes judicious use of her husband’s resources is worth her weight in gold.
The same trait in a man has an adverse effect on women. Women like it when men indulge and pamper them. If the man is a careful spender, it makes the woman believe that he may not share his resources with her or their future kids.
Men say the most passionate, romantic, and bizarre things to have their way with women. A woman needs affirmation from a man, especially of her beauty. She wants to feel exquisite and special, and men work their way on this weak nerve of hers. The more a man speaks of a woman’s beauty, of how different he finds her from the others, the more attractive, comfortable, and happy she feels in a relationship; it boosts her confidence like nothing else. In fact, some women get so carried away by these words that they become conceited and start acting superior. Such women are a vulnerable lot. It comes as a punch in the gut when the man they think loves them transfers his attention to other women.
What women fail to understand is that men use the same expressions for all the women just to get their way with them. They do it with such sincerity and conviction that women believe it to be true. But that is what the game of love is all about—ego.
It is a make-believe emotion in which we allow ourselves to be easily deceived. But there is no poetry, beauty, music, or work of art in this game. Unfortunately, we draw our inspiration to live based on these deceptions, hence, we buy this shop talk. These words exhilarate us, colour our world, and recognise our existence and assumed sense of uniqueness.
Men are the purveyor of dreams for women. They seduce the women into believing that there exists a place, on God’s green earth, where no worries or obstacles can touch them, and a place where they can eternally live embraced in love. Men provide women with an escape from reality and become the doorway to the world of fantasies and happily ever afters.
A woman’s heart is constantly looking for an escape from her dreary, inconsequential, and incomplete existence. She wants to be transported to the magical world of passion and ecstasy. Like the tune of the Pied Piper, she allows herself to be drawn by the music of his words and falls into the abyss of love.
But if men fake love, women fake passion. Starfish Syndrome (when having sex, the female lies on the bed like a starfish and doesn’t contribute to it in any way) is a nightmare come true for most men! A man not only has to do all the hard work but also deal with the woman’s lack of response that is detrimental to his perception of being great in bed. Most men believe that they are not just good but exceptional in bed—provided they are willing for their women to draw a comparison. A man’s big fat ego claims that he is the best lover any woman can hope for. This belief that they can satisfy women in bed, is ultimately proven when a woman climaxes. But since this is not always the case, rather, rarely the case, women have learnt the art of faking it.
In the Victorian era, women were taught to indicate their satisfaction with a mild whimper to please the husband. Later, they learnt it as a means to feed his ego. Women know that below the belt is a man’s Achilles heel; it can make or break the relationship. Women who want to continue the relationship know the importance of faking it. She knows that it is the best way in which she can express her love for him.
Promiscuity is detrimental to a woman’s reputation. She is, perhaps, judged more harshly by the women than by the men of the society. A woman feels threatened by promiscuous women and protect the men of their households just as a man protects the women. Women are aware of how gullible men are when it comes to an easy lay. It blocks their sense of judgment and leaves the family open to disgrace and troubles that any association with a stray woman would invite.
On the other hand, promiscuous men are braggarts. They boast of their conquests and the ‘variety’ they have experienced in life. Even if they are in a relationship, they are oblivious to the insult they inflict on their partners by such claims. Boasting about their various exploits do wonders to their self-esteem and enhances their reputation as a Casanova. They revel and gloat within their male community as they regale the group about the theatrics they performed to seduce their prey.