‘I could easily forgive his pride, if he had
not mortified mine.’
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
The New Age woman does not live in a fool’s paradise; she wants a career and a decent bank balance for rainy days. No, she has not necessarily given up on love, but she refuses to play a second fiddle to anyone. She believes in love, marriage, and the joys and perks of the household but without being made to feel that the guy and his family are doing her a favour by choosing her. She believes in sharing the expenses of the household and demands an equal footing in the relationship.
However, if truth be told, such ideals are difficult to sustain since men are not willing to go that extra mile for the sake of the relationship. They are complacent and ignore the marked disparity in the contribution to the working of the relationship.
According to Jeffery Stokes, a sociology professor at Illinois State University, ‘Traditional gender roles can push women to do more of the “emotional labour” in their marriages.’26 Stokes adds, ‘When marriage is a gender-unequal institution, husbands are going to get more out of it than wives are.’27 The wives, too, are subconsciously trapped by their gender roles and, unlike the husbands, can’t be indifferent to the state of their marriage, including the household chores.
Women are also plagued by the feeling of guilt if the marriage disintegrates. No matter how self-reliant a woman is, the society expects her to make the compromises. Keeping all evidence aside, the onus of a failed marriage is also conveniently thrust upon her shoulders. She is taught that patience and endurance are gender-based virtues. What is interesting is that these words of wisdom come from the members of her own sex. Eventually, words like compromise and adjustment become an essential part of her dictionary but not the man’s. Hence, this makes marriage a gender-unequal institution.
The regressive soap operas in the East further propagate the message that a woman must make herself indispensable to the man through her services. Once she becomes a habit for him, he will become utterly dependent on her and will not be able to function without her. Even if these women are successful in their own right, they are taught to put in the extra effort, both physically and emotionally, so that they are ‘worth’ having around.
Although life after divorce is not easy for a woman, especially in the countries where there is a lack of support, sometimes separation is the only choice. Once out of the wedlock, a woman is perceived as someone without morals. The perverts and opportunists approach her and allude to their availability in case the woman wants her physical needs fulfilled. This is another reason women continue to stay in a bad marriage.
Divorced, widowed, or single, a woman’s reputation is under constant surveillance by the society; it is their favourite hobby. The society thrives on any gossip or rumour that a single woman’s most innocuous acts generate. These women become easy targets for the society to feel superior about its assumed moral superiority.
A single woman is made to feel inadequate and pitiable. No matter how successful she is professionally, the verdict of the society is that only a man can complete a woman and make her life worth living. Women may have reached the stars, but if they have failed to reach a man’s heart and hearth, they are not worth anything.
Even if women are stuck in miserable, loveless, and abusive relationships, as long as they are part of a couple, the society is at peace. If anything, such a woman becomes the epitome of endurance. On the other hand, if a woman is happily single, she is perceived as a direct threat to the social order. In the eyes of the society, she is clearly setting a bad example for her sisterhood. Moreover, she is likely to invoke rebellion in millions of girls who don’t believe that marriage is the be-all and end-all of life. The society is also ill at ease with the possibility that a woman can be at peace with her own company and solitude.
It is high time people got a life and left single women alone!