‘So plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul, instead of waiting for
someone to bring you flowers.’
— Jorge Luis Borges
A woman’s choice is dependent on many factors: her temperament, her role models, her aspirations and ambitions, and her personal history. In the Indian mythology, women have been classified into three broad categories—Gauri, the domesticated one, Kali, the wild one, and Durga, who is an amalgamation of both Gauri and Kali. The women in our lives, too, show characteristics of these three but there is more to them in today’s day and age.
This category of women is a traditional stereotype who enjoys her domestic life and takes pride in her household. She rules the roost and her entire world revolves around her husband and kids; she is not driven by an ambition to be independent or have a career of her own. She is content to play second fiddle and sacrifices her ambitions, if any, for the sake of the household.
Even if her husband’s resources are not adequate, she is willing to manage with whatever is available rather than stepping out to work. Such women are from the traditional school of thought and believe that it is the husband’s duty to provide and theirs to run the household.
Some of these women choose to stay at home as they believe that they are able to live a stable and happy life with their husband’s resources alone, and that managing both the household and a job would require great effort. Hence, they choose to hold one fort rather than getting squashed between the two worlds.
The metrosexual women want the best of both worlds—a career and a household. They are ambitious about their careers. While some women work for their sense of identity and financial freedom, others work to achieve a better lifestyle and a secure financial future for their children. For some women, working is a compulsion and not a matter of choice. But for others, it is about doing justice to their education and contributing to society.
Life is no picnic for these women; neither their in-laws nor their husbands support or appreciate them. Those working under compulsion feel exploited and those who have a choice are subjected to the fury of their in-laws. They are made to feel guilty on account of any lapse in the household. Many women have had to succumb to these pressure tactics and forsake their dreams.
These women choose a spouse who supports the same ideology. These women like the option of marriage and career but opt out of having children. Their double income gives them a luxurious lifestyle and enough financial security for their old age. Since they don’t have kids to take care of, they use their income on travel and other adventures.
It is not as if the ‘witches’ don’t believe in love and marriage; they just don’t believe in conforming to the rules of the society. They will not marry because the society expects them to settle down, they will only get married if they find someone who makes them want to go that extra mile.
In olden times, witches were described as attractive and intelligent women. Since they were attractive, men were drawn to them, but since they were intelligent, too, men were intimidated by them. As men didn’t know how to manage their intelligence and the women couldn’t domesticate these ‘witches’, they were banished from the society.
The present-day witches are no different. Their life is not man-centric, and they don’t necessarily exhibit qualities attributed to their gender such as cooking and nurturing. They are mostly self-sufficient and do not need someone to complete them. But the society expects them to fit into a slot which has a ‘husband’ in the backdrop—dead or alive.
***
A woman’s world is full of choices and she deserves an equal chance to have access to them. Neither her parents nor the society should force their choices upon her. She is entitled to the freedom of choice. As elders, one should guide and educate them so that they are able to make informed decisions for their upliftment.
As a society, we need to overcome our gender prejudices and biases and strive to break free of stereotypes. We need to be more inclusive of those who don’t fit into our definition of normal, as an ideal society consists of everyone. With time, the norms are bound to change, and if we continue to not create space for the new norms, there will be unrest in society.