‘The white torso of the man had seemed
so beautiful to her, opening on the gloom.
The white, firm, divine body, with its
silky ripple, the white arch of life, as it
bent forward over the water, seemed, she
could not help it, of the world of gods
. . . That body was of the world of the
gods, cleaving through the gloom like a
revelation. And she felt again there was
God on earth; or gods.’
— D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley’s Lover
When Lady Chatterley is consumed with wild and rapacious desires while seeing the gamekeeper wash himself, he instantly becomes wary of her intentions. Likewise, in the Indian epic Ramayana, when demoness Surpanakha, Ravana’s sister, exhibits her brazen lust for the exiled prince Rama and his brother Lakshmana, she is viewed with disgust and hostility. The episode is depicted with an undertone of mockery and ridicule and presented in a comical fashion. The message, however, is loud and clear—any woman who expresses her desire for a man is a demoness, and a woman who is chaste and worships her husband is a goddess.
A lustful woman is a disgrace to womanhood. A true woman is a sexless creature, free of desire. She is coy, and the very idea of sexual intimacy makes her go red. Ironically, in a country famous for its exclusive art and literature dedicated to sensuality and erotica through the Kama Sutra and the temples of Khajuraho, a UNESCO world heritage site in Central India, the women are forbidden from exploring their sensuality without the sanctum granted by marriage. Their reservations about the sexual act are so strong that they would not even admit to marital sex. The society is comfortable with the idea where women are perceived as sexless creatures who engage in the sexual act only within the approved bounds of marriage and, essentially, with the idea of procreating.
The act, for them, is more of a duty rather than a medium of pleasure. Since most marriages are arranged in the Indian subcontinent, women are reduced to being the provider of sexual services rather than being equal partners in the act of physical love. It is an exploitative equation, not an erotic one. Love driven solely for the sake of sexual gratification is clearly a male prerogative. Women can be forgiven romantic love, but to want sexual love is utterly despicable since, according to the doctrines of patriarchy, it leads to moral degradation of society.
Erica Jong explores the concept of the term ‘the zipless fuck’ that she coined in her novel: ‘The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not “taking” and the woman is not “giving”. No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.’28
The very thought that women are capable of fancying the zipless fuck, let alone live it, is revolting to men. Even a hint of sexual desire in a woman is perceived as a threat to the family and, consequently, the society. The simplest and swiftest solution to this threat is to marry her off as her desires will be controlled and kept in check by her husband, either by way of repression or exploitation.
But why do men feel uncomfortable when their ‘objects of desire’ metamorphose into ‘objects that desire’? What is so deplorable about a woman’s sensuality? Why does the society feel threatened when women acknowledge their erotic self, especially in a country where the female desire was a crucial part of its classic literature?
Women are just as entitled to pleasure as men. Then why do men seem intimidated by these feisty women?
Women who acknowledge themselves as sexual beings change the dynamics of the ‘game’. Men need a challenge to prove their masculinity, and women are just another form of prey for them. And, when their prey turns into a predator, there is no thrill of the chase and the fun vanishes from this game of hunting. Erica Jong shares in her novel that the basis of the rule of ‘playing hard to get’ was that when men were hunters, women avoided them due to the risk of pregnancy and the fear of dying at childbirth. So, these men often took women against their will which, in turn, also boosted their fragile egos. Hence, today, even if a woman is interested in a particular man, she plays hard to get so that the man can get a sense of victory in this conquest.29 Among other things, some women are also disgraced for being easy. Since there is no challenge in this so-called game, there is no self-aggrandisement and, eventually, men end up feeling used or exploited as they get a taste of their own medicine.
However, while the objective of pleasure may be the goal for both men and women, unlike men, whose lust is goal-specific in nature, a woman’s lust is person-specific. For a man, any woman is just a means to an end, but for a woman, the means is just as important as the end. A man’s brain is incapable of separating the two—the means (any woman) from the end (pleasure); thus, men are known to visit prostitutes. Fulfilling their lust is as objective a need as fulfilling their hunger.
For women, even when they seek sexual gratification, they need some sort of a connection, a chemistry which could stimulate their brain to make the act pleasurable. It could be anything that draws her towards him—his resources, charisma, love, power, reputation, youth, or beauty.
Men fail to understand this subtle but grave difference. They presume that if a woman indulges in sex outside the sanctum of marriage, she is driven purely by lust, just like them. Not being able understand the emotion-specific connection, such women are labelled as wanton. Many a crime are committed in the name of moral policing. Much to the horror and disbelief of these women, they are mostly perceived as ‘available’ by men.
Desiring women also pose a threat when they are in a relationship. While it is all right for men to admire, chase, lust after, and fantasise about other women even when they are in a relationship, when women express their lust for another man, they feel insecure. Their reputation as a lover, along with their honour, is instantly at stake and they set out to destroy their nemesis.
In Indian mythology, when a group of rishis was performing a yagna (consciousness-based Vedic performance), a naked Shiva, one of the three primary manifestations of God in Hinduism, passed by with his phallus erect—the erect phallus is the result of spiritual enlightenment. On seeing Shiva, the wives of the rishis lost their interest in the yagna and set out to pursue him. This enraged the rishis and they decided to destroy Shiva.30
The game of comparison is excruciatingly demeaning to the fragile male ego, hence, according to them, the women who desire are best subjugated and repressed. Coy and demure, mute and complaint, and shy and blushing is how men prefer their ‘objects of desire’; such women are their ultimate fantasy!