In this segment, we shall explore our notions, perceptions, biases, conditioning, and responses that we acquire and are subjected to regarding marriage, sexual experiences, and our relationship with the opposite gender.
Our mindset is the outcome of the truth that we have inherited from our cultural background through mythologies, literature, and customs. These inherited cultural truths have a direct impact on our attitude and behaviour and, eventually, condition our thoughts and feelings. Unless we understand the origin of our attitude, behaviour, and, most importantly, the truth behind gender prejudices that we have been carrying from our past, we will be stuck in the quagmire of stringent and obsolete beliefs.
This exploration will create an awareness which will, perhaps, facilitate the process of reflection and initiate an inquiry into our habituated mindset. It will also help us transcend the acquired limitations and prejudices that hinder our holistic growth as an individual. The clarity of thought would enhance the quality of our relationships and make us worthy individuals.
For any progress—material, intellectual, or spiritual—to take place, we need to expand our mind and view humanity in its totality. This can happen only when we break the taboos and irrational notions surrounding human sexuality which are the basic premise of gender prejudices and inequalities. These notions clearly interfere with our ability to form healthy inter-gender relationships.
Instead of having a healthy outlook, we have stigmatised a natural part of our cohabitation and magnified it to a degree that it impacts and hinders our overall development and personality. The energy that we consume in trying to segregate the genders could be utilised in focusing on more constructive aspects of our personality.
The civilisations that have addressed the regressive mindset and prudery have progressed and enhanced their living conditions, but the civilisations that are preoccupied with this normal aspect of life are stuck in the swamp of poverty and illiteracy. The world around us has changed phenomenally. The cultural truths were once relevant in the past, but they do not respond to our present-day needs. We cannot let what is irrelevant in today’s time to colour our judgment or govern our perception.
Unless a relationship, marriage in particular, is based on individual liberty and equality, the happiness quotient of the society is bound to be negligible. The road to gender equality is complicated since it involves dealing with various gender differences that influence the dynamics of a man-woman relationship and impacts issues such as abortion, childbearing, divorce, marital rape, etc.
Infidelity is yet another murky territory when it comes to gender biases. While men usually do not have to bear the wrath of the society for finding physical satisfaction outside marriage, the society is cruel to its women for doing the same. The basis of these prejudices lies in the traditional notion of locating one’s honour in the women of the household. Unless we view infidelity as a human-failing issue rather than a gender-related one, the society will disintegrate.
Infidelity is painful for anyone who has experienced the betrayal of trust; its impact on a marriage is irreconcilable. Even if the couple decides to continue with the marriage, the ghost of the third person lurks in their bedroom. The breaking of trust is something that leaves a crack in the glass and appears each time the couple sees their reflection together.
What stings the couple the most is their assumption that they know their partner so intimately. Truth be told, do we even know ourselves like we think we do? Every once in a while, don’t we surprise ourselves by acting in a manner that is out of our predictable character? Hence, it is a tad ambitious to claim that you know and understand another human mind!
Love means different things to different people, and not all of it is poetic. The common understanding of love is that it is based on certain terms and conditions. Love thrives only when these terms and conditions are met and, if not, love vanishes into thin air. Such a love is conditional and, often, leaves people disillusioned in a relationship.
Relationships are bound by duty, not love. They are not meant to be understood but sustained. And the key to sustaining any relationship is to fulfil our duty towards it. A husband-wife relationship, too, is no different and is bound by duty . . . love is just a minor accompaniment.
It is a husband’s duty to pay attention to his wife, and it is a wife’s duty to fulfil her husband’s needs. When either one disregards her/his duty, the other is bound to transgress and give in to desire. This causes immense grief. But infidelity should be used as an opportunity to reflect on our lapses and make amends.
Infidelity hurts, and just like love, hate, joy, and sorrow, hurt, too, is an emotion. Since all emotions are fleeting, this, too, shall pass, and the couple will emerge stronger than ever.
Life is an emotional roller-coaster ride, and we often find ourselves trapped in the spokes of these emotions. We can enjoy this ride only when we are centred in the fulcrum of our duties. As long as we are focused in our duties, we enjoy the myriad emotions without losing either the essence of our being or our sense of duty.
Beyond the shackles of human biases, norms, and expectations, there is a world full of immense beauty and mystery waiting to be explored. An evolved life partner can add great value to this journey of exploration. Together, the man and woman can sail through the sea of life, enjoying each other’s uniqueness and celebrating their togetherness.