Caitlin knew kissing Zak was a bold move but it felt right. She couldn’t explain it; nor did she want to. The minute her lips touched his, something inside her ignited and took her breath away at the same time.
She’d never been an advocate of chasing after broken men. Broken people tended to hurt those who tried to help them. But Zak’s broken pieces weren’t dangerous to her. She sensed his pain, which was deeply rooted in his grief over his sister’s death, and all she could imagine doing was trying to ease that suffering in the only way she knew how.
And she didn’t regret it for one second.
Maybe she was stupid and kissing Zak was the worst mistake she could’ve made but it was done and, honestly, judging by the way his gaze softened, he wasn’t about to push her away.
In fact, his arms circled her waist and pulled her closer. “Why’d you do that?” he asked, almost desperately. “I’m not complaining, I’m just... Hell, I don’t know, but I don’t want you to feel that you owe me something or any shit like that.”
Caitlin smiled at his bumbling attempt to put her at ease. “I kissed you because I wanted to,” she said. “Are you okay with that?”
“Yeah,” he answered, bobbing a short nod. “Yeah, more than okay, actually.”
A giddy warmth filled her up as she allowed him to plant her on his lap. She’d never sat on a man’s lap before. It felt perfect. “Can I kiss you again?” she asked.
“I’d like that.”
This time she kissed him a little more deeply, her tongue slipping in to explore his mouth. He tasted of peanuts and apple juice. His hands dipped down to cup her behind. The subtle squeeze of her butt made her mouth pop open a little more, which he fully took advantage of, sliding his tongue more deeply into her mouth.
She shifted to straddle Zak, feeling as if someone else had taken over her body—someone far more sexually experienced than she—and she was just happy to enjoy the ride.
A tiny moan followed as he pressed her against him, grinding the hard ridge of his erection against the seam of her jeans. Her nerve endings danced with pleasure, blotting out reason and logic. She knew they ought to stop but she didn’t want to, and judging by the way his kiss became more urgent, he didn’t, either.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his hands roaming her backside as if he couldn’t get enough. “I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable—”
Caitlin shushed him with a gentle finger against his lips. “I get it. You don’t want me to feel taken advantage of. I want this. As long as you won’t get into any trouble...”
Clearly, his expression said he shouldn’t be kissing her but he also wasn’t going to stop. His recklessness thrilled her in a dark, private place. Everything about her life had been tipped upside down, so why not enjoy this moment? She didn’t want to question what was happening; she just wanted to savor the pleasure of feeling another human being against her skin.
Zak hoisted her up as if she weighed nothing. She gasped at the sensation of being carried to the bedroom, aroused by the sheer masculine energy Zak put off like a pheromone as he gently laid her down and began stripping his shirt.
The saliva dried up in her mouth as every hardened ripple of muscle went on display before her and she had to clench her fingers tight to keep from petting him like a dog.
“My God, you’re a perfect male specimen. Have you ever considered donating your sperm?” She blushed, realizing too late that her comment was probably weird but Zak didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he just rolled with it, the light in his eyes burning holes in her soul. “C-condom,” she blurted out, suddenly very aware that they didn’t have any protection. “You don’t happen to have condoms in your jeans pocket, do you?”
“I don’t,” he admitted, advancing toward her with a sensual smile. “but there’s more to sex than just penetration. Besides,” he said, plucking at her jeans, revealing the creamy white of her hips and belly. “I wouldn’t be a gentleman if I didn’t let my lady come first.”
Come? Caitlin’s mouth dropped open as the import of his promise dawned. She gasped as he shimmied her panties free and gently parted her legs to gaze at her womanhood.
“I have a confession,” she blurted in a breathy whisper as he settled between her legs, looking like a man who’d just found the promised land and couldn’t wait to put down roots. He looked up, patient but ready to taste her secrets. She swallowed, not quite sure how to communicate that her sexual experiences were not exactly robust. When in doubt, go with the truth. “I—I, well, I’m not the most experienced and, uh, I’ve never, well, I mean to say, I know what an orgasm is because I’ve given them to myself but I’ve never reached that, you know, moment with someone else. So I don’t want you to feel bad if it doesn’t happen.”
His low, deep chuckle sent tiny electric snaps up and down her nerve endings as he drawled, “Oh, baby, did you just throw down a challenge? I believe you did. Well, sweet girl, I accept. Now, lay back and let me do my work.”
This was really happening.
Oh, sweet heavens, it was happening.
And it was happening over and over and over.
Her last coherent thought before tumbling into a sexually induced exhaustion was What the hell have I been missing out on? Immediately followed by If Zak could reduce me to a quivering ball of flesh with only his tongue and fingers, what else could he do?
Was she a terrible person for desperately hoping to find out?
Zak listened to Caitlin sleep. A lot of firsts had just happened between them.
First, he’d made sure Caitlin came so many times that by the end she’d started begging him for mercy, but the sound of her coming had become its own aphrodisiac. He smiled as he gazed at the soft swell of her exposed hip—a spot he’d quickly discovered was a wildly effective erogenous zone—and inhaled a short breath as his manhood threatened to jump to life once more.
No penetration but he could still feel the touch of her hand curled around his shaft as she’d helped him find his own release.
It’d been worth it.
The sweetness of Caitlin in the throes of passion was something he hadn’t anticipated but he wanted more. God, he wanted so much more.
Of course this was all wrong. Couldn’t exactly put in his report that he’d shagged the scientist he was supposed to be protecting.
CJ would never let him live this down.
This was something Xander would’ve done back in the day but not Zak.
Xander was known for playing fast and loose with the rules, not Zak.
So what was his next move? He could already hear Scarlett’s irritation at his situation. How was he supposed to remain sharp, impartial, unmoved by emotion when he felt a certain level of possessiveness with Caitlin? He’d kill anyone who tried to hurt her.
But what happened when the job was over?
Would it hurt Caitlin to leave her behind?
He couldn’t deal with the thought of Caitlin hating him, believing he’d taken advantage of the situation.
Even though she’d assured him that everything was consensual, his guilt nagged at him.
This was why you didn’t mess with people on the job.
Solid advice that he usually abided.
What was it about Caitlin that spun his top?
She was blunt, yet, at the oddest moments, shy. The disparity was probably something that appealed to him but he didn’t really have the luxury of puzzling things out. The best thing to do would be to sit down with Caitlin and explain how he’d stepped out of line and it wasn’t going to happen again.
Would that hurt her feelings? He flexed his hands, wincing at the aches and pains that lingered from a lifetime of being on the receiving and giving side of a beatdown.
Hell, they all joked that by the time they were in their fifties, they’d be unable to move.
Of course, none of them actually believed they’d make it that far, so why worry?
But he thought of Xander—the one they all thought would eat a bullet first. Now Xander was in the FBI, running shit like a boss. Hell, he now wore suits when before he couldn’t be pressed to wear a clean shirt—and he was all responsible and shit like a normal Joe.
And “normal Joe” was never something that could be applied to anyone within Red Wolf.
Yet Xander had found his center and a respectable career that didn’t include killing people, so maybe that meant there was hope for all of them.
Except CJ. God love him but he was batshit crazy.
Caitlin stirred and opened her eyes. A sleepy smile curved her lips and it took everything he had not to taste that smile.
“You sleep okay?”
“Like the dead,” she admitted. “How about you? Did I snore?”
“If you did, I didn’t notice,” he answered. “You want some coffee?”
“That would be amazing,” she said, yawning and rolling to her back to stretch like a kitten next to a warm fire. “I know this isn’t a vacation by any means but I’m more relaxed than I’ve ever been in my life. You can infer whatever you like from that statement.”
He laughed. “I think you just gave me a pretty nice compliment.”
Her smile curved with Cheshire cat accuracy. “So you’re not just a dumb jock.”
“Oh, don’t go filling my head with smoke, now,” he teased before climbing from the bed. “I’ll make the coffee. Meet me in the dining room for a chat.”
“That sounds ominous.”
He didn’t want it to seem that way but he knew the conversation was likely to be awkward. Best to do it over coffee.
Within minutes the coffee was ready, and, carrying two steaming mugs over to the table, he settled in a chair, trying to ignore how beautiful she looked in the morning.
Particularly when he could smell her on his body.
And he wanted to taste her again.
Actually, he wanted to do more than taste—he wanted to be inside her. Shaking off where his thoughts were going, he focused on the job.
“Okay, I know you’re a straight shooter so I’m just going to come at this in a straight line. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I take full responsibility. I should’ve been the one to put the brakes on and I didn’t. I’m sorry but we shouldn’t do that again.”
She sipped her coffee, regarding him with quiet interest. He’d half expected a show of tears but when none came, he actually felt more anxious. “Okay,” she agreed.
That was it? Okay? “You’re not hurt, I hope,” he said.
“Why would I be hurt?”
“Well, I don’t want you to think that it’s something you did wrong. I’m the one who was in the wrong. I’m here to protect you, you know? I mean, lines get blurry when you don’t keep things on their own side.”
“I understand.”
“You’re making this entirely too easy.”
“Would you like me to make it difficult?” she asked with a mildly perplexed look.
“Well, no, of course not but...are you sure you’re okay?”
She shook her head, sipping her coffee. “I’m not sure what the right response is if you’re disappointed that I’m not falling into hysterics because you don’t want to engage in sexual activity with me.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I want to,” he blurted, immediately blushing, but he couldn’t have her thinking that she wasn’t desirable. “Hell, you’ve got me all twisted up in knots. The question isn’t whether I want to, because, damn, girl, I want you so bad.”
Her tiny gasp reminded him too much of how she came so sweetly beneath his tongue. His cock hardened almost instantly, causing him to growl with frustration and need but it wasn’t going to happen. Still, he wanted her in the worst way.
“I’d gladly lock us up in the bedroom and spend all our time getting our cardio in the old-fashioned way but that’s against the rules. More important than the rules is the fact that it puts your safety at risk and I’m not willing to do that.”
“Rules are important,” she murmured. There was a spark in her eyes that he didn’t trust, but, damn, it was seductive as hell.
“Yeah, exactly.”
“I respect your position.”
“I’m glad.”
But then she leaned back in her chair and said, “Here’s the way I look at it—you’ve awakened something in me I never knew existed and I’m not ready to put it back to bed just yet. Particularly when, let’s get real, the danger I’m in makes every moment worth seizing. I’ve spent my life on the outside staring through the window at the party. Well, if the party is about to end, I’m not going to stand outside anymore.”
He understood where she was coming from but he didn’t want her to get hurt. “If I do my job right, once the threat has been resolved, I go back to Virginia and you stay here. I’m not the staying kind, you feeling me?”
“Who said I wanted to keep you?” she countered with a quizzical smile.
Okay, ego blown, but yeah, he supposed he’d assumed she’d cling to him.
“So you’re okay with just getting your groove on for the time being and then kicking me to the curb when the time comes?”
“Well, I’d probably strive for a little more tact but let’s be real for a moment. We are nothing alike and have little in common. I wouldn’t expect a fairy-tale happily-ever-after, nor would I know what to do with such an obligation. My work is everything and I don’t see that changing.”
This was the most surreal conversation he’d ever had with a woman but it made a certain amount of sense. However, his ego was howling. “Easy to say but I’m not so easily forgotten,” he replied with a sure smile that probably came off as cocky but she didn’t seem to mind.
“I never said I’d forget.” She smiled. “But I will move on.”
The tension in the room crackled. He would’ve given his left nut to be that coffee mug as her lip dragged across the rim, her tongue darting to catch a tiny drop of liquid. “Are you sure?” he asked, almost desperately.
Her smile widened with a sexy coyness that he’d never thought he’d see on Caitlin. Where’d his awkward scientist go? The woman who tripped on her own feet and walked into doors because she was too focused on her work to pay attention to such little details? He liked this newfound confidence, even if he wasn’t sure he liked the idea that walking away from him was going to be easy.
And there it was, a slightly tremulous quality to her smile that gave her away even as she said, “Don’t worry Zak... I’m sure.”
Maybe she was right, now wasn’t the time to sit outside the party, waiting for it to end. Now was the time to grab on to every moment available to them and live it to the fullest because who the hell knew what tomorrow would bring.