In her dreams the boy sometimes lives. Not often, but enough times to suggest there may be an alternate reality. A place where her life turns out differently. A place where the boy’s story doesn’t end with a headline and a blurred picture of a smiling face. Each night she wakes in a cold sweat and stares into the dark and clenches her fists so her nails dig into her palms. She prays to whatever God is listening, to whatever demonic force might be willing to make a pact with her. A straight swap. Her life for his. She listens for an answer but there’s only the sounds of a car passing by outside, a siren blaring somewhere in the distance, the rain spattering against the window. At some point she falls into another fitful slumber, tossing and turning until the alarm bleeps and her hand reaches out to silence the unwelcome intrusion.
She struggles out of bed, washes, dresses, eats. She sets off for work but the morning sun doesn’t warm her. Instead she remembers the cold of a mountain pass thick with snow. The sounds of gunfire. The thud of a heavy retort as an explosion rips through a crowded market. The stench of charred flesh and the streets echoing with the screams of men and women and children. The never-ending racket of helicopters. The eerie silence that descends at sunset and the sleep which doesn’t come easily after witnessing so much death. She remembers the joshing and the horseplay and reading dog-eared paperbacks while lying on a bunk in the daytime heat. The boredom. The fear. And the screams again. Always the screams.
In her dreams the boy sometimes lives. But mostly he dies.
Plymouth’s main shopping street measured five hundred metres, give or take a couple of strides. The street sloped gently upwards and ran west to east as straight as an arrow. If you had an eye for such a thing you could find several good hide sites, but the standout one was at the top of the multistorey car park down at the western end. You could lie there with your weapon poking through the metal guardrail or alternatively place yourself in a vehicle, open the front passenger window, and sit in the back seat. With a small gel bag on the sill the window would provide the perfect rest. The trajectory of the bullet over a range of five hundred metres meant there’d be a drop to account for but the buildings rose, chasm like, either side of the street, so crosswinds were minimal. If the target was walking to the west, towards the car park, you’d have plenty of time to make the shot. If they went into a shop you could simply wait until they emerged. No doubt about it, the car park was a standout position.
Rebecca da Silva stared up at the multistorey. She didn’t have to think about such things any more, but she’d been in the army for eight years and situational awareness was in her blood. Quite literally, since her father had served in the army too. Back in the nineties he’d been with the special forces in the Gulf War. ‘You thought Afghanistan was tough?’ he’d sneer, as if patrolling the streets of Kabul was akin to taking a stroll in the English countryside. ‘You should have tried SCUD hunting in southern Iraq. That was tough.’ She would nod and pretend to listen, all the while wondering if it was genes or upbringing that had led to her following in his footsteps. Perhaps it was serendipity or divine intervention. Perhaps it was plain rotten luck.
Silva was twenty-eight years old. Her father was British through and through, but her mother was born of Portuguese immigrants. Her parents had divorced when she was ten and at some point in her teens she’d adopted her mother’s maiden name. Partly it had been an act of solidarity with her mother, partly a rejection of her father. Her Portuguese side was evident in her light coffee-coloured skin and her dark-brown hair. Her eyes were a mixture of her father’s and mother’s, a grey-green that was the shade of the sea after a fierce storm. She was small, but lithe, strong and agile. In Basic Training, her instructors had been surprised she’d come in the top ten per cent on the loaded march. Her heart, she knew, carried a good portion of her mother’s easy-going southern European attitude, combined with a dash of the fiery temper which had undoubtedly hastened her parents’ separation. What was inside her head came from her father: a calm, stubborn orderliness that she’d done resisting and now used to her advantage. In the army both sides of her character had been invaluable.
Nowadays it was all she could do to remind herself that the military part of her life had ended when the judge advocate had sentenced her to twelve months in prison and dismissal from the service. The charge was negligence and, as her lawyer had been keen to explain, her situation could have been very much worse since initially there’d been talk of manslaughter or even murder.
She blinked as something moved against the brightness of the sky. Someone. There was a kid up there in the car park, held up by his father so he could look down on the street. The boy wasn’t much older than a toddler and he pointed at Silva and waved. For a second she wondered if she knew the kid, but then she realised it was the uniform he was interested in. Silva forced herself to give a half smile and waved back. As the boy laughed with delight, emotion welled up in her stomach. Sadness, regret, self-disgust.
Stephen Holm wasn’t usually asleep at four in the afternoon, but then he didn’t often work a twenty-four-hour shift. When he’d stumbled back to his flat at seven that morning he’d tried to remain awake by fortifying himself with a cup of extra-strong coffee, but despite the caffeine boost he’d found his eyelids heavy. The long hours in the windowless situation room at MI5’s headquarters in Thames House had led to something akin to jet lag, and eventually he’d given up and gone to bed. For a few minutes he’d lain in the dark and tried to calm his mind and then he was out like a light bulb. Hours later he awoke in an instant as his phone blared out. He grabbed the phone and thumbed to answer.
‘Where?’ he said, sitting up, aware of his clammy skin as the duvet slipped off his upper body.
‘Tunis,’ the voice in his ear said, adding in a sympathetic tone, ‘Sorry, Stephen.’
The voice belonged to Martin ‘Harry’ Palmer, Holm’s friend in SIS, the Secret Intelligence Service, better known to the public and journalists as MI6. Palmer worked the North Africa desk and was Holm’s contact at SIS and his sometime drinking partner. They’d known each other for years, since way before either of them worked for the security services, and Palmer was an old hand to whom Holm could express his frequent dissatisfaction with work and life in general. If he wasn’t a friend then he was as close to one as Holm had, and Holm always appreciated the way Palmer managed to sound calm even when chin-deep in shit, his tone being similar to that of a weather forecaster reporting the possibility of a short rain shower: Pack an umbrella or a lightweight mac. Don’t worry, it’ll be brighter by the afternoon.
‘Tunis?’ Holm threw off the rest of the duvet, climbed from the bed and staggered from the bedroom. He headed down the hallway of his little flat and into the living room. The location given by Palmer had momentarily thrown him, and he tried to work the angles and come up with something that made sense. Nothing did so he picked up the remote for the TV and blipped it on. ‘How bad?’
There was a momentary pause before the answer came. ‘At least four UK citizens so far. Three other fatalities, a dozen critically or seriously injured. The total death toll could well rise into double figures.’
‘Right.’ Holm was staring at the TV screen, taking in the news footage at the same time as his mind began to run the numbers. The casualty figure was bad but manageable. The location – Tunis – was a nasty surprise.
Holm moved back into the hall and towards the bathroom, wondering if there was going to be time for a shower, thinking no, a squirt of deodorant would have to do. ‘Random or targeted?’
‘Targeted. It appears the attackers were after the head of a British-run women’s charity. She was killed along with a journalist who happened to be interviewing her at the time. The other dead are tourists: British, American, French and German.’
‘Shit.’ Holm worked the facts. American. French. German. Non-UK dead complicated the matter. For a moment he scolded himself for forgetting these were people no matter what their nationality. ‘Have we got anything from the Yanks yet?’
‘No, but BND has been in contact. They’re pretty upset at the misinformation you sent yesterday.’
‘Misinformation?’ BND. The Bundesnachrichtendienst. The German intelligence agency. Holm could imagine the director fuming at the killing of one of his citizens, irate that the warning the British had issued was so bungled. ‘That’s unfair.’
‘Fair or not, most of Europe went on high alert because of you lot and yet nothing happened. Then you cancelled the alert and when the attack happens it’s somewhere completely off the radar.’ There was a pause before Palmer continued. ‘You might like to start devising some elaborate excuse for the Spider on why you fucked up on this one, OK?’
Holm shivered as Palmer ended the call. The Spider. Real name Fiona Huxtable, Holm’s immediate boss and the deputy director of MI5. The Spider lived on the fifth floor at Thames House and spun sticky webs that could trap the unwary. Like many female arachnids, she enjoyed eating the male of the species alive, although in Huxtable’s case it didn’t involve sex beforehand.
He tossed the phone onto the sofa. In the bathroom he splashed water on his face and groped in the cupboard for a can of deodorant. The aerosol hissed out as he sprayed himself and he was struck by the thought that no amount of deodorant was going to prevent the stink Huxtable was going to kick up over this.
Silva turned away from the car park and back to the job in hand. She walked round the corner to where depressing flats stood above tired shops. She opened her postbag and took out a bunch of letters. Flat 2. She stuffed the letters into the slot, heard them fall onto the mat, let the flap clang shut, turned away.
The uniform. Red and blue, and she really hoped the boy in the car park aspired to be something more than a postal worker.
Next address. More letters. A dog growling behind the door. She shook her head as she heard the dog rip into the mail. Not her problem. She moved on. In the next flat a baby was crying, and over the child’s distress a couple argued. Obscenities flew back and forth. What love there ever was drained away by poverty and circumstance. Silva didn’t care. She drifted up the street and the day drifted with her. Just like every day. Work the round, deliver the mail, end the shift. In the evenings she retreated to the little boat she called home. It sat on a berth at the end of a pontoon in a rundown marina where nobody bothered her. She could cook herself a meal and try to sleep. Wake the next morning. Do it all over again. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. She took all the overtime she could and enjoyed the fact the job involved walking everywhere. She relished the constant movement, finally understanding Itchy’s affliction: if you kept moving you didn’t have to think. You lived for each step, each swing of the arm, each twitch of the head. Seventeen strides to the front door. Push the flap, shove in the letters, walk away. Twenty-five strides to the next house. Push the flap, shove in the letters, walk away. Walk, push, shove. Each bag of mail represented ten thousand steps. Ten thousand little segments of time when she wasn’t still, wasn’t thinking.
Monday to Saturday she worked, but Sunday she was forced to take off, so on that day she ran. Wind or rain, she ran. Often she pounded the same streets she’d been walking the day before, but sometimes she took her motorbike out onto the moor and ran up there. From the vantage point of a rocky tor, she could see the city of Plymouth sprawled below, the ocean beyond. Warships lay anchored in the sheltered waters of the Sound or moored up alongside in the dockyards. This was the largest naval base in Western Europe. Nuclear submarines came here to be repaired and refuelled, and there was a huge armament facility on the far side of the river. The military had been inexorably bound up with the place for centuries, and conflict had shaped the city. She’d wandered here after prison, searching for a cheap place to moor her boat for a few nights while she was visiting Itchy, and ended up staying. Out here in the far west she was as anonymous and unloved as the city was, but like the city she bore the scars of war deep inside.
The Afghan boy, yes, but the others too.
She remembered her first kill as if it was yesterday. He was a figure rising from behind a wall, gun in hand. The four hundred metres between the end of her rifle and the man in the sights compressed until he was no longer a distant enemy soldier. The scope magnified his features and she could see he was somebody’s son, somebody’s father, somebody’s husband. She slipped her finger from the trigger and raised her head. Her perspective changed from a restricted view of the man to a vista that took in a tree-lined road leading to a small fort. An armoured vehicle headed down the road, a squad of men marching behind. If she didn’t take the shot the man behind the wall would shoot at the patrol. Lives were in her hands. During training, her instructor had cautioned her not to overthink it, not to dwell on the morality of the act. Still, she was aware she was, for that one moment, God.
She lowered her eye to the scope once more, pulled the trigger, and the man went down. A figure crumpling in the haze, a mirage blurring the air as he died. Was that his spirit departing his body or merely a spiral of dust kicked up as he fell? She didn’t know, but later, lying on her bunk at the base trying to get to sleep, she thought back to the moment of the man’s death and wept. Then the next day she tried not to think of it again. She stuck the memory in a little box and pushed it to the far recesses of her mind. It’s what soldiers did.
Silva could count the number of local friends she had on one hand: Itchy, also discharged from the army for his part in the death of the Afghan boy; a woman who was a doctor whom she’d met on a run; a girl at the Royal Mail who’d been in the navy. Life in the military provided a ready-made family, but once you left you were on your own, all of a sudden shorn of the common thread which had sustained friendships through the most horrific of circumstances. Civvy Street seemed mundane and trite after the streets of Kabul, everyday worries trivial or even offensive when you considered the situation in other parts of the world. When you had pulled a trigger and ended an innocent young life.
Away from Plymouth she had a few acquaintances scattered round the country, but they weren’t much more than numbers and faces on her phone. They weren’t people she could call up and talk to. Aside from her mother, there was really only one person who she’d ever been able to do that with and she had no idea where he was. She didn’t even know what country he was in. Besides, she’d burned her bridges with him. Ended it. Her decision, no regrets. None. At least that’s what she told herself every time he slipped into her thoughts.
More letters into letterboxes. Bills and court summonses and bad news. The occasional birthday card or a postcard from abroad. Somewhere hot and sunny where you didn’t have to stay behind hard cover or crap yourself when you walked down a street because your opposite number had found a standout position.
She came round the side of a block of flats and the car park loomed above her once again. The boy had gone and there was nobody up there now. Nothing but a mass of concrete and rows of cars and, above it all, a brooding grey sky the colour of gunmetal.
Holm stood by the sink for a moment longer. He examined himself in the mirror, trying to see beyond his reflected image, to somehow see the future. There was nothing but a creased brow and a face with a dozen craggy lines, lines which he knew had deepened in the past few years. Was that life and ageing or were the marks indicative of a more serious malaise? He wasn’t sure, but either way the job wasn’t helping and the current debacle marked a new low point in a career that had recently been short on highs. Perhaps he should just resign himself to the fact he was past it. His mind simply didn’t work in the same way as it once had. His creative juices had been sucked out by the constant stress of trying to stay on top of the latest threat. If you made a mistake, people died. And as Palmer had said, he’d fucked up on this one.
Big time.
He met his gaze in the mirror and wondered how in hell it had come to this.
Stephen Holm was a senior analyst at the Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre. Part of MI5, its role was to sift through intelligence and assess the threat level posed by various groups and individuals. Holm’s route into JTAC had been circuitous. He’d started his career as a beat bobby on the Met before moving to CID where he’d been attached to Special Branch. He’d joined Special Branch long before 9/11, when the word terrorist invariably referred to the Northern Irish situation. That had been a dirty war, but the enemy had been familiar. They had the same colour skin, worshipped the same God and spoke the same language. They understood there were certain rules both sides had to abide by. If 9/11 changed that cosy view forever then the British equivalent – 7/7 – brought it to the streets of London with a literal bang. JTAC had been formed in the aftermath of 9/11 as the security services realised they were way behind the curve, and Holm had moved across from the police to Five around then, taking up a position in international counter-terrorism. His assignment to JTAC had come at fifty, and in the intervening years JTAC had had many successes and a few failures, but nobody kidded themselves the war was even close to being won.
No, Holm thought to himself, not even close.
There’d been whispers of a possible attack earlier in the week. Some vague intercepts from GCHQ. A person of interest making an unscheduled journey. A word from Palmer that he’d picked up a nugget from a deep-cover contact in Belgium. All these things suggested something might be about to happen, yet none pointed to an exact target or date. Nevertheless, Holm had a gut feeling of impending disaster but – as he often said to junior colleagues – you couldn’t go to the Spider and offer her a mere hunch. You needed a juicy morsel if you wanted her to bite.
He’d scuttled round all week trying to extract information from various sources, even tapping an informant he usually reserved for times when an attack was believed to be imminent. The informant, bribed with a cup of sweet black coffee and a fifty-pound donation to a local homeless charity, had mentioned a mosque he’d attended in west London. There’d been a visiting cleric from Palestine. A meeting of a youth group where pictures of atrocities committed by UK, American and Israeli forces had been passed round. Talk afterwards.
‘Hotheads and idiots,’ the informant, a moderate who had no truck with extremism, said as he bent to sip his coffee. ‘You want their names?’
Holm had nodded, but knew this wasn’t it. This was just lads being lads. For all the religious fervour a leader could drum up among young, impressionable minds, he doubted the bravado was any different from that found among young men who followed other creeds or even no creed at all. There were morons in any country, from any culture, of any colour. He’d taken the names anyway, cross-referenced them and drawn a blank.
When Thursday evening ticked over into Friday morning, the chatter died to nothing. Bleary-eyed junior analysts kept casting him glances, and at a little after four a.m. Holm called it safe and sent everyone home. He remained in the situation room for another couple of hours and then checked out himself.
Safe.
Stupid idiot.
Holm gave himself another squirt of deodorant for good measure and returned to the bedroom to get dressed.