EQUATIONS

One of my theories is that, for everyone you know, there’s a word or a phrase that, if you say it to them, it will destroy them. It’s what Grandpa Dykhouse calls your True Name.

“It appears in countless stories worldwide,” Grandpa Dykhouse (forte)said.

“Brace yourselves! I know that look! King Gunga is about to enter librarian trance state level eleven and unleash his full power!” Jordan (forte)shouted.

“Like the story of Rumpelstiltskin, when the queen can’t save her baby until she learns the name of the spirit,” Grandpa Dykhouse (mezzo-forte)said, ignoring Jordan. “The story of Tarandando. The story of Titteliture. Or stories of changelings—do you know what a changeling is? In some stories, spirits will sneak into a house to steal a newborn child. Then the spirits will leave behind a fake child that looks just like the one that was stolen. That’s the changeling—the fake child. But here’s the trick. The spirits can only steal a child that hasn’t been named yet—the spirits don’t have any power over a child that has been named.”

“Or like the story of Mr. Mxyzptlk,” Jordan (mezzo-piano)added, but no one knew what he was talking about.

Grandpa Dykhouse says a spirit can be defeated if you know its True Name. But I’ve known for years that a person can be defeated the same way.

It’s like the math.

Since first grade, I’ve had the same equations.

Nicholas Funes = Boy With Zero Friends.

Nicholas Funes = Boy Who No One Would Want To Kiss.

Nicholas Funes = Boy Whose Mother Wishes He Had Never Grown Older, Whose Father Never Says I Love You.

My name is Nicholas Funes, but that isn’t my True Name. To destroy me, you would only have to (pianissimo)whisper into my ears, “You are friendless, unloved, unlovable, unwanted.” Then you’d have all the power over me that you could ever want.