“Christian apologetics” refers to the effort to introduce our fellow travelers to the truth of the Scriptures and to the teachings of Jesus Christ. It usually involves evangelism for adults, as taught in Bible study classes and “witnessing” one-on-one. This chapter, however, will address the subject of apologetics for children, primarily as presented by their parents, but also in church school programs and other forms of religious education. It is also called the “spiritual training of children.”
As I wrote in the previous chapter, I consider this teaching responsibility to be the highest priority in living for parents and grandparents who are committed Christians. This explains why I have discussed the matter briefly in many of my parenting books. Your Legacy is the centerpiece toward which I have been driving. I know there is redundancy in those earlier books, but why wouldn’t I address the topic again and again if I really believe my own rhetoric? Charles Dickens wrote repeatedly about social injustice in his books; William Shakespeare focused often on the history of the British monarchy; Stephen Ambrose focused on war and other aspects of American history; and Jane Austen wrote about romantic love. Every writer has his or her central theme. Mine is child development, marriage, family, the quest for righteousness, and the salvation of children. Thus, I will articulate my primary message once more for readers who may have missed it.
To understand apologetics, we have to start with the basics. As we know, every good football coach begins his practice sessions in August with blocking and tackling, running and kicking. These are called “the fundamentals,” and they are drilled into players endlessly. Basketball coaches also begin the first day on the court with dribbling, passing, shooting, and defending. This is true for high school freshmen as well as the most seasoned professionals. By the time the first game rolls around, the moves and strategy have become second nature for those who “get it.” Those who don’t connect continue to ride the bench or they are “cut” from the team.
Learning the fundamentals was similar to what I went through in Army Basic Training. It was nine weeks of trauma, but very effective. Early in the ordeal, a craggy-looking sergeant with a booming voice held up a rifle and yelled this at us raw recruits:
“This is your friend. If you take care of it, it will take care of you. And don’t you ever, ever call it a gun. It is a rifle.”
He said it like he meant it. Privates who weren’t paying attention were screamed at and sent to KP, which consisted of sixteen miserable hours of kitchen duty. Only the most obtuse recruits referred to a rifle again as a gun.
We spent four hours a day for two weeks learning how take a rifle apart, how to clean it, how to repair it, how to sleep with it, and other stuff that bored me to tears. Most of us lost a nail before learning not to poke our thumbs into a jammed mechanism. I was trying to fix my rifle one day when the bolt slammed into my index finger. Boy! Did that hurt! Everyone else had an “M1 Thumb” for the rest of Basic Training. I was the only one with a black “M1 finger,” which was embarrassing to explain. The beat of my heart pounded in that digit for weeks. I still have a groove down the side of my index finger. You can be sure I only made that mistake once.
After all the classroom work, the sergeants marched us to the shooting range and things started to get interesting. I had learned the fundamentals and went on to earn an “expert marksman” rating.
Apologetics is like that. We should start teaching the fundamentals of the faith to children as soon as they can talk. My parents followed that plan. The first word I learned to spell was J-E-S-U-S. When I forgot it, my mother patiently taught it to me again. She told me He was my friend, and that He loved me.
The basics go from there to an understanding of who God is, what He accomplished in Christ, and what He expects us to do. This teaching must begin very early in childhood and continue as the years roll by. Even preschoolers are capable of learning that the flowers, the sky, the birds, and even the rainbows are gifts from God’s hand. He made these wonderful things, just as He created each one of us. This is one of the initial lessons in child rearing.
The first Scripture our children should learn is, “God is love” (1 John 4:8). They should be taught to thank Him before eating their food and to ask for His help when they are hurt or scared. Teach them to say elementary prayers, focusing on family members and those who are sick. Read to your children as they grow in maturity from The Children’s Bible or another simple version. Elaborate on the stories it tells because kids love to hear over and over about biblical characters.
The most effective teaching tool is the modeling provided by parents at home. Children are amazingly perceptive of the things they observe in their parents’ unguarded moments. This was illustrated for Shirley and me when our son and daughter were eleven and fifteen. We had gone together to Mammoth Mountain, California, for a ski retreat with another family. Unfortunately, our arrival coincided with a huge blizzard on that Thursday, confining us to the lodge and frustrating the parents and kids alike. Each of us would take turns walking to the window every few minutes in hopes of seeing sunshine that would set us free. It never showed up.
We were also “socked in” on Friday and Saturday, as the storm buried our cars in snow. By that time, the two families were bleary-eyed with cabin fever. Even our dog was getting antsy. However, with the dawn on Sunday morning, wouldn’t you know, the sun came streaming into our condo and the sky was a brilliant blue. The snow on the trees was gorgeous and all the ski lifts were up and running. But what were we to do? We had made it a lifelong policy to go to church on Sunday and had chosen not to ski or attend professional athletic events on what we called “the Lord’s Day.”
One of the Ten Commandments says, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy” (Exod. 20:8–11).
I learned that lesson as a child and never forgot it. Admittedly, whether to ski or not on Sunday is an individual matter and I’ll leave that to my readers to decide. For us, however, the Sabbath is set aside for another purpose. Furthermore, if we skied that morning, we would be causing employees of the ski company to be on the job. Right or wrong, this is what we believe. But that principle came under scrutiny after three days indoors. Everyone wanted to hit the slopes, and to be honest, so did I.
Shirley and I were going bonkers cooped up with all those bored kids. Therefore, I said to my family and friends, “You know, we don’t want to be legalistic about this thing [smile]. I think the Lord would grant us an exception in this case. It’s such a beautiful day outside. We can have our devotions tonight when we get home from skiing, and I think it would be okay to go.”
Everyone was jubilant, or so I thought, and we proceeded to dress for the outing. I finished first and was upstairs to prepare a do-it-yourself breakfast when Shirley came and whispered to me, “You had better go talk to your son.” He was always my son when there was a problem. I went to Ryan’s bedroom and found him crying.
“Goodness, Ryan, what’s wrong?” I asked. I will never forget his answer.
“Dad,” he said, “I have never seen you compromise before. You have told us it is not right to ski and do things like that on Sunday, but now you’re saying it’s okay.” Tears were still streaming down his cheeks as he talked. “If this was wrong in the past, then it is still wrong today.”
Ryan’s words hit me like a blow from a hammer. I had disappointed this kid who looked to me for moral guidance. I had violated my own standard of behavior, and Ryan knew it. I felt like the world’s biggest hypocrite. After I had regained my composure, I said, “You’re right, Ryan. There’s no way I can justify the decision I made.”
At my request, the two families gathered in the living room again and I related what had happened. Then I said, “I want you all [our guests] to go ahead and ski today. We certainly understand. But our family is going to attend a little church in the village this morning. This is how we spend our Sundays, and today should not be an exception for us.”
Members of the other family, both children and adults, said almost in unison, “We don’t want to ski today, either. We will go to church with you.” And so they did. That afternoon, I got to thinking about what had happened. The next morning, I called my office to say that we would not be returning until Tuesday. Our friends were able to change their schedule, too. So we all went skiing on Monday and had one of the finest days together we have ever had. And my conscience was quiet at last.
This is the point: I had no idea that Ryan had been watching me on that Sunday morning, but I should have anticipated it. Children get their values and beliefs from what they see modeled at home. It is one reason why moms and dads must live a morally consistent life in front of their kids. If they hope to win them for Christ, they can’t afford to be casual or whimsical about the things they believe. If you as a parent act as though there is no absolute truth, and if you are too busy to pray and attend church services together, and if your kids are allowed to play soccer or Little League during Sunday School, and if you cheat on your income tax or lie to the bill collector, or fight endlessly with your neighbors, your children will get the message. “Mom and Dad talk a good game, but they don’t practice what they preach.”
If you serve them such weak soup throughout childhood, they will spew it out when given the opportunity to make their own choices. Any ethical weak spot of this nature—any lack of clarity on matters of right and wrong—will be noted and magnified by the next generation. If you expect your moral and spiritual beliefs to be inherited automatically by your children without intentional training and modeling, just consider the sons of the great patriarchs of the Bible. I’m speaking of Isaac, Samuel, Hezekiah, David, and others. The great priest Eli, who raised Samuel in the synagogue, had two sons named Hophni and Phinehas. Eli was a good man but a passive dad, who didn’t take the time to discipline or train his children properly. They grew up to be wicked and rebellious. They consorted with prostitutes in the tabernacle and stole and ate the meat intended for sacrifices.
God pronounced judgment on these two men, and they died on the same day. Their father was so shocked when he heard the news that he fell backward, hit his head on the ground, and died.1 Most of the patriarchs saw some of their offspring reject God and die outside the faith. That is deeply unsettling to me.
Ministers sometimes fall into the same trap. In the past, it was common for them to believe that if they took care of their churches and fed their flocks, God was obligated to assure the spiritual development of their children. I wish that were true, but it often isn’t. The pastor’s family is his first mission field, and his evangelism must begin there. It is always tragic when a pastor who loves God and gives his life to the church then fails to bring his own children to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
This is what my dad was saying to me when he wrote, “[Your daughter] is growing up in a world much farther gone into moral decline than the world into which you were born.” He was helping me realize that my first responsibility was at home, and if I failed there, no other accomplishment would satisfy. It is true for today’s parents and grandparents as well. The culture is at war with us for the hearts and minds of our children. Both boys and girls are at maximal risk in a society that encourages teens to engage in the sexual idiocy of the twenty-first century, from binge drinking, to taking illegal drugs, to using pornography, to sex texting, to a host of other sinful behavior.
Though the danger is equally applicable to males and females, this is what I wrote in my book Bringing Up Girls:
Let me ask some rhetorical questions to those of you who are raising girls. Do you hope your daughters will be sexually promiscuous even from their early teen years? “Certainly not!” I can almost hear most of you saying. But indulge me for the purposes of illustration. Do you prefer that your girls be brash, loud, and aggressive in their relationships with males?
Do you hope they will be easy marks for boys seeking sexual conquest? Is it your desire that they imitate rogue masculine behavior, such as being quick-tempered, immodest, insensitive, and disrespectful of others? Do you want them to be foulmouthed, crude, rude, profane, and discourteous?
Is it your desire that they dress provocatively in order to attract the attention of guys, revealing more than they conceal? When they become teenagers, do you want them to look like prostitutes, pumping up their lips with collagen and their breasts with silicone? Would you like them to dangle rings from their body parts and dye their hair green, orange, purple, and pink? Do you want them to be so ashamed of their bodies that they feel compelled to diet at nine years of age and are afraid to eat by thirteen? Are you comfortable with professors who will encourage your nearly grown daughters to experiment with lesbian relationships and tell them that bisexuality is an even greater trip? Do you hope that your girls will learn that marriage is an outdated institution that should be redefined or discarded? Do you want them to disdain the cherished spiritual beliefs you have been teaching them since they were babies? If these are your aspirations for your vulnerable little girls, and I’m sure they are not, then you need do nothing to achieve them. The popular culture will do the job for you. It is designed to turn this generation of kids into politically correct little MTV clones.
The influence of the entertainment industry, Madison Avenue, the Internet, hip-hop musicians, some public schools, liberal universities, and other institutions is shaping and warping youngsters and infusing them with harmful ideas that will rob them of the innocence of childhood. As a result, some of our girls will lose their prospects of having a productive and happy marriage. The stability of their future families is hanging in the balance. This is what lies in the paths of children whose parents are overworked, distracted, exhausted, and uninvolved. Without their care and concern, the culture will take them to hell. I have witnessed it a thousand times. Even with proper parental supervision, many of our kids are on the bubble.
I am most concerned about the children among us who are chronically lonely. Their parents are gone much of the time, leaving them to fend for themselves. Human beings desperately need each other, and those who are isolated do not thrive. Not only do lonely children tend to get into trouble, they also become sitting ducks for abusers who understand the emptiness of their souls and use it for their own purposes.2
Again, what you teach your kids in the early years is critical. Researcher George Barna confirmed what we have known—that it becomes progressively more difficult to influence children spiritually as they grow older. The data shows that if a person does not accept Jesus Christ as Savior before the age of fourteen, the likelihood of ever doing so is slim. Here are his disturbing findings:
A series of studies we conducted regarding the age at which people accept Christ as their Savior highlights the importance of having people invite Jesus into their hearts as their Savior when they are young. We discovered that the probability of someone embracing Jesus as his or her Savior was 32 percent for those between the ages of 5 and 12; 4 percent for those in the 13–18 age range; and 6 percent for people 19 and older. In other words, if people do not embrace Jesus Christ as their Savior before they reach their teenage years, the chance of their doing so at all is slim.3
Specifically, we must do what we can to assure that our boys and girls are established in their faith and have a clear understanding of right and wrong. That is not a generally accepted responsibility. The politically correct ideology contends that all behavior and beliefs are considered equally valid. Nothing is morally wrong and absolute truth doesn’t exist. This is called moral relativism and it is the prevailing philosophy in the academic community and in the culture at large. This view holds that children are born good and become corrupt only when they interact with an imperfect society.
Sadly, the concept of sin has no validity for many people because it implies the existence of an eternal Father who judges the affairs of humankind. That makes no sense to unbelievers. We, of course, know and revere Him as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Others are utterly oblivious to Him.
Many churches no longer discuss the concept of sin, choosing instead to focus on positive thinking and that which is “uplifting.” Certainly, encouraging words have their place in Christian teaching, but Scripture is explicit on the nature of evil. The Apostle Paul said, “The wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23). King David wrote, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me” (Ps. 51:5). Jesus’ disciple, John, wrote, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). How can representatives of Christ justify “hopscotching” over basic scriptural principles in this manner?
Here’s another question: If nothing is offensive to God, why did Jesus come to this earth? Why did He have to die an agonizing death on the cross? Wasn’t it to provide a remedy for sin and depravity? If good and evil don’t exist, what exactly was the mission of the Messiah? Its meaning is rooted in righteousness, as defined by the eternal God. He holds each of us accountable for it. Someday, “every knee shall bow to me; every tongue confess to God” (Rom. 14:11b). That is what I believe with all my heart, and if you agree, then you should be teaching it to your children.
Let’s consider the Scriptures that speak to the issue of spiritual training of children. The first and most explicit instruction is addressed to parents and is found in the book of Deuteronomy. It leaves no wiggle room. This passage is a transcript of the final speech given by Moses to the children of Israel, after he had led them out of Egypt and through forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Only two men who began that journey would live to enter the Promised Land. They were named Joshua and Caleb. The rest would soon die because of their rebellion against Moses and Jehovah.
There were millions of Israelites by that time, and their descendants would soon cross the Jordan River and take possession of the Promised Land. Thus, what we read in the first few chapters of Deuteronomy are the final directions given to those who would fight for and inherit the Land promised to Abraham. It was a historic moment, and every word was given by inspiration to Moses.
It is significant that the first chapter of that speech, quoted in verse 39, was addressed to parents about their children. Moses said, “[They] do not yet know good from bad.” That makes my case, doesn’t it? Then Moses spoke to the people. Here is his unmistakable message, which echoes down through the ages:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deut. 6:4–9)
Notice that Moses wasn’t simply offering a “suggestion” to parents about the spiritual training of their children. He called that assignment a commandment, and there was urgency in his words. It is not enough to mutter “Now I lay me down to sleep” with your exhausted child at the end of the day. Spiritual teachings are to be on our minds and in our conversation throughout every waking moment. We should look often for opportunities to talk about Jesus and His tender mercies. By the time your sons and daughters are grown, they should have no doubt about the fundamentals of the Christian faith.
There is another rarely quoted Scripture that tells us how God feels about the family. It is written in Malachi 2:15, and states emphatically why the institution of marriage came into existence in the first place.
Has not the Lord made (men and women) one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
The institution of marriage was created not for our purposes, but for the Lord’s. And why? Because He wanted us to raise our children to be brought up to serve Him. How can we ignore this divine plan?
There are many other Scriptures that emphasize the same instruction. Perhaps the most important is from Psalm 78, which states precisely what God wants parents to do regarding the training of their children. These verses were intended not only for the Children of Israel, but for you and me. This is our assignment. Read these verses very carefully:
O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, things from old—what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. They would put their trust in God and not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. (Ps. 78:1–7)
One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. (Ps. 145:4)
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. (Ps. 34:11)
The living, the living—they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness. (Isa. 38:19)
Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. (Joel 1:3)
God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation.” (Exod. 3:15)
These Scriptures are “marching orders” for people of faith. Again, they are addressed specifically to parents, and all of us can understand them. No other commandments in the entire scope of Scripture speak so emphatically to the responsibility of raising children. That assignment can be summarized by one verse written by the Apostle Paul in the book of Ephesians. It says simply, “Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4 KJV).
Now I will share something with you that will explain my passion for the issue we have been discussing. It espouses a theological perspective that some of you might not accept. It has been my lifelong conviction that if a Scripture addresses a specific issue in straightforward language, it should be accepted as written. We need look for no other interpretation. The biblical writers said what they meant and meant what they said. So it is with regard to the certainty of life after death.
When the Creator blew the breath of life into Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, He made them in the image of God. Respected commentaries interpret that to mean all human beings were given eternal souls and they will live somewhere forever. Those who have been “washed” in the blood of Christ and whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life will be in Paradise eternally. Those who reject the gift of forgiveness and salvation will be lost forever, separated from God and His saints. The word “hell” is one of the most frightening and disturbing words appearing in Scripture, but Jesus Himself spoke of it as a literal place. We can’t ignore those emphatic words, because they bear the authority of Christ.
This is what is at stake as we set out to introduce our children to the Savior. We can’t make their decisions for them, but through prayer and careful guidance, we can influence their choices. The way we handle that responsibility has awesome implications for the future. If our children reach maturity and die without accepting the good news of the gospel, their parents will never see them again in the life to come. That understanding didn’t come from me. It is straight from the Word of God. This is the source of the urgency of which I have written.
Now is the time to introduce your children to Jesus Christ. That training should begin early and continue for as long as you have moral authority over them. May the Lord bless you as you fulfill this divine responsibility.