CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The Deeper Meaning of Legacy
We come now to the essence of my message, which takes us back to the meaning of legacy. This word has several definitions, but the most basic among them refers to “an inheritance.” It’s what we hope to bequeath to our benefactors. Every adult should be thinking about what he or she will pass along, because we all know you can’t take it with you. Someone asked the friends of a very rich man who had died, “How much money did Ralph leave behind?” The answer, of course, is “All of it.” Job said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.” That thought is kind of depressing, isn’t it? Nevertheless, it confronts us all.
A popular bumper sticker reads, “He who dies with the most toys, wins.” It’s a lie. It should read, “He who dies with the most toys, dies anyway.” I hope you agree that a lifetime invested in the accumulation of worldly possessions will have been wasted if that turns out to be your primary reason for living. When all has been said and done, it won’t matter.
So let me ask you directly: Have you decided what assets you will leave to those you love? Is it money, or fame, or property, or gold, or diamonds, or a yacht, or priceless works of art, or stocks and bonds, or investments, or other aspects of wealth? Have you worked feverishly for decades to provide for those who haven’t earned what you’ll give them? Do you want to remove all the challenges and lessons that would otherwise help them to succeed? What will be the net effect of your financial gifts in years to come?
It is a moot question for most people, because they will never be able to pass along large estates to their children and grandchildren. Just getting by has been a struggle, especially in this economy. However, if parents do have significant assets to leave behind, research indicates that giving abundantly to offspring is risky business, although very few people seem to believe it.
I have in my library a book titled Rich Kids,1 by sociologist John Sedgwick. He reports a sociological study of young men and women who inherit large estates. The findings are striking and they are not good. The case studies presented indicate that those who come into wealth often fall prey to many temptations. They are more likely to become alcoholics, philanderers, gamblers, or at best, self-possessed and selfish people. The very characteristics that made their parents and grandparents successful, notably hard work, frugality, wise investments, and careful planning, are often diminished in the next generation. This isn’t always true, of course, but it certainly can be.
Human history also confirms the dangerous influence of money. Men and women have lusted for it, killed for it, died for it, and gone to hell for it. Money has come between the best of friends and brought down the proud and mighty. Even more important is what riches can do to the relationships between husbands and wives. If money is inherited by a woman, for example, her husband can lose his motivation to provide and care for her. She doesn’t need him as she did when they married. You may not agree with this, but I can tell you as a psychologist that it is true. A man’s masculinity can be assaulted by becoming unnecessary at home.
Shirley and I have been married for fifty-four years, and one of my greatest satisfactions in living has been the privilege of caring for, supporting, and “being there” for this lady since we were young. I enjoy her dependence on me and I’m also dependent on her in different but important ways. One reason our bond has been so strong is because we need each other emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Remember the popular song whose lyrics proclaim, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”2 I am the one who has been blessed by having a good woman to go through life with.
It’s also been my observation that nothing will divide siblings and make them combatants more quickly than a sudden infusion of money. Giving them a large inheritance increases the probability of tension and disharmony within a family. Sons and daughters often fight like cats and dogs over control of businesses, and they’ll resent those who are designated as decision makers. And heaven help the in-laws who are put in positions of leadership. The green-eyed monsters of jealousy and resentment lurk in the shadows, ever threatening to destroy the closest of relationships.
World-famous British primatologist Jane Goodall produced a video some years ago that documented behavioral characteristics of chimpanzees. The troop lived in relative harmony most of the time. They lounged around grooming one another and watching their babies. Then the researchers dumped a huge pile of bananas in the area. It was like putting a match to gasoline. The chimps instantly became violent and vicious as they fought to get at the fruit. They were biting and screaming at those near the center of the pile. It was quite a spectacle. One large male crammed four bananas into his mouth sideways, distorting his face. Then he ran away carrying about a dozen more. He was followed by three other males who were trying to tear the bananas out of his hands. Clearly, the abundance of fruit had turned the peaceful chimps into warriors.3
It is always problematic to apply the findings of animal research to humans, but there are similarities between chimps and people in this instance. What the chimps were displaying has a name. It is called greed, and we have all experienced it. This emotion can turn nice people into those who hate. The Scriptures condemn that behavior. Indeed, one of the Ten Commandments is “Thou shall not covet…”
Here’s another question you should consider: Do you as a parent really want to throw a large basket of bananas into the midst of your peaceful family?
I know my views on this subject are unconventional and many of my readers will disagree. I understand their sentiment. One of the reasons people work so hard is so their children won’t have to. They love their kids so much they want to make things easier for them. Even so, giving abundantly to those who haven’t sacrificed and struggled to achieve should be done with the greatest care, forethought, and prayer.
Let me be clear. I am not criticizing those who have been blessed with significant wealth, nor does the Scripture condemn them. Abraham, Lot, David, Solomon, and Boaz all had enormous wealth in their day. However, there are biblical guidelines to be followed. The Apostle Paul has been quoted as saying that money is the root of all evil. It isn’t true. What he actually wrote is this, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many (sorrows)” (1Tim. 6:10).
Here is the crux of the matter: money is power, and power is inherently corrupting. Lord Acton said, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”4 That is one of the most astute observations of human nature ever spoken. Those who get their hands on power, especially when they are young and immature, are sometimes destroyed by it.
Jesus spoke more about money than any other subject, and most of his teachings came in the form of warnings. He told a rich young ruler to sell everything he had and give it to the poor. Why was He so demanding of this man who was searching for truth? It was because Jesus perceived that money was the young man’s god. He valued it even more than eternal life, and walked away from Jesus very sad (see Luke 18:22–23).
This will sound harsh, but it is what I believe to be true. If you mishandle the transfer of wealth to immature individuals who don’t know how to handle it, you run the risk of damning them eternally. Whether you give them large trust funds or small gifts, you really should teach them how to use those resources wisely while you can. The Lord’s work is usually underfunded, and our obligation is to give sacrificially to programs that feed the poor, care for orphans, teach our students, fund our churches and ministries, and spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Giving money lavishly to those who don’t know how to share their possessions is always a mistake.
Let me return to the central theme of this book. The legacy of which I write is not about money. In fact, it is almost irrelevant to the central premise. The greatest endowment for your children and grandchildren can’t be deposited in a bank. It can’t be sold or traded or borrowed. It is an unshakable heritage of faith. It is the only gift that will stand the test of time. Everything else will fade away. Only by introducing your sons and daughters to Jesus Christ will you help them secure eternal life. How is that accomplished? By starting early and being intentional about the spiritual training of your children. It won’t happen if left to chance. As we have seen, you also need to pray “without ceasing” for those you love (1 Thes. 5:17 NKJV). The appendices to this book provide specific “how to” information about handling this greatest of life’s challenges.
I said it before but it bears repeating. Modeling is the best evangelistic tool you have as young mothers and fathers. You might not have lived long enough to know that little boys and girls are watching your every move. In time, they will comprehend what matters most to you and what, deep inside, you don’t actually care about. Your mannerisms and your quirks and your anger and your pleasures and your language and your “toys” will be incorporated into their own way of thinking. What you say is important, but what you do is infinitely more powerful. If you say that Jesus is Lord of your life, but you don’t have time for devotions as a family while you are playing golf four hours every Saturday, the contradiction will be observed.
I’ll return to my godly father to illustrate how he transferred his beliefs to me. Through most of my childhood, he was an evangelist. He was not a perfect man, certainly, and he wasn’t even at home much of the time. He traveled four to six weeks on each trip, leaving behind the wife he loved and needed—because he knew I needed her more. I can’t describe fully the cost of that sacrifice for him. Nevertheless, when my father returned, he was ours, and some of my happiest days were spent hunting and fishing and playing tennis and building things with my six-foot-four dad.
Even so, this man’s greatest contribution to my life was not represented by what he did for or with me; rather, it was the consistency of his Christian testimony. It made the most significant impact on me! He attempted to bring every area of his being into harmony with the Scriptures he loved so dearly. There in his home where faults and frailties were impossible to hide, I never once saw him deliberately compromise the principles in which he believed. Jesus Christ meant more to him than life itself.
We’ve been talking about money. Here is how Dad felt about it. During the wartime years when everything was in short supply, he would drive hundreds of miles in an old car to visit a church that had called him to preach. They were usually small congregations, especially in the early years. Travel expenses were high and the “offering” given to evangelists was usually pitiful. In order to reduce costs, he typically stayed in pastors’ homes during ten-day meetings. It was difficult, but being there gave him a firsthand look at the financial needs of the ministers and their families. More than once I remember my dad coming home after such a trip to greet my mother and me with warm embraces. Sooner or later, Mom would get around to asking the big question, “How much did they pay you?”
He would smile sheepishly and say, “Well… uh.”
She then said, “I know. You gave it away again, didn’t you?”
Dad would reply, “Yeah, Honey, I felt like I should. You know, that pastor has four kids and their shoes have holes in them. The oldest daughter doesn’t even have a winter coat to wear to school, and I just couldn’t leave there without helping them out. So I raised a ‘love offering’ for the pastor’s family on the final Sunday night and contributed my check back to them.”
Mom knew what that meant. Bills would come due without the money to pay for them. Yet to her credit, she would always smile and say, “If that’s what God asked you to do, then you know it’s okay with me.”
Then the inevitable would happen. A few days later, our money would be exhausted. I can still recall Dad asking Mom and me to join him in the bedroom where we knelt in prayer. He always prayed first.
“Dear Lord, we come to You today with a small problem that You already know about. It concerns our shortage of money. You told us if we would be faithful to You in our good times, then You would stand by us in our hour of difficulty. We have tried to obey You and to share our resources with others; now my little family is the one in need. We ask You to help us especially at this time.”
I was only nine years old, but I was listening carefully to what my father said to God in those moments. You can also be assured that I was waiting to see what the Lord would do in response, and I was never disappointed. I tell you truthfully that money always came from unexpected sources in time to meet our need. On one occasion that is still vivid in my memory, a $1,200 check arrived in the mail the day after our humble family prayer. My faith grew by leaps and bounds as I watched my parents practicing the scriptural principles on which their very lives were founded.
It is also true that my mother and father were not able to accumulate a nest egg during their working years, and I was concerned about them as they grew older. I worried about how they would pay for medical expenses and related obligations in their retirement years. I think my mother was worried about that, too. Women do tend to fret about things like that.
One day long after I was a man, my parents were scheduled to go out to dinner with friends. As usual, Dad got ready first. He was lying on the bed while Mom combed her hair. As she turned to look at him she noticed that he had tears in his eyes.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
He hesitated and then said, “The Lord just spoke to me.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked.
“He told me something about you,” said my father.
“Then you’d better tell me!” insisted Mom.
“Well, I was just lying here thinking,” he said. “I wasn’t even praying, but the Lord promised me that He was going to take care of you.”
They wondered what the strange revelation could have meant and then went on with their evening plans. In my final telephone conversation with my dad, he told me this story. Five days later, my father suffered a massive heart attack from which he never recovered.
Being an only son, I was responsible for my mother’s financial affairs after my dad’s passing. I was alarmed to see that after the sale of her house and redeeming a couple of small life insurance policies, she only had $46,000 to take with her into the future. The church denomination in which my father had served for forty-two years offered almost nothing in the way of retirement benefit for its older ministers. The church had millions of dollars in its preachers’ benevolent fund, but the leadership provided my mother with a paltry $58 per month—barely enough to keep gasoline in her car. Other men who pastored small churches that couldn’t even make Social Security payments were hard-pressed to survive. It was disgraceful. If I hadn’t been able to help provide for Mom financially, she could have been stuck in county facilities for the rest of her life.
Six years passed and Mom contracted Parkinson’s disease. She was hospitalized permanently. Her condition worsened and she required more and more care, eventually needing skilled nursing supervision twenty-four hours a day. Even in the late 1980s, the expense was in excess of $50,000 per year. Here’s the miraculous part of the story: Right on schedule, the value of the Coca-Cola stock Dad had inherited from his father almost fifty years earlier began to rise in value. Mom lived five more years before dying in 1988, and would you believe, I never gave her a cent because she didn’t need it. The Lord kept His promise. He took care of Myrtle Dobson until the day He called her home.
By the way, bequeathing money to offspring doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It all depends on the need and the preparation made for it.
I had watched the life and times of my parents as the years unfolded through my young eyes. The faith that I learned at their knees is still vibrant, and it lives today within the hearts and minds of our grown children. God is faithful! And He keeps His word.
I can’t close this book without sharing a passage in Scripture that puts our entire discussion into perspective. It is reported in 1 Chronicles 28, when King David had grown old and knew he was dying. He called together his officials, military leaders, business managers, and “mighty men” to hear his final words. In the assembly that day was his son Solomon, whom God had chosen to succeed David as king. A very touching and historic conversation then occurred between the dying monarch and his young heir.
The advice David gave that day was of great significance, not only for Solomon but also for you and me. A person doesn’t waste words when the death angel hovers nearby. Picture the scene, then, as the old man offers his last thoughts to his beloved son, who would carry on his legacy. This is what David said, probably with strong feeling and a shaky voice:
And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. (1 Chron. 28:9)
A lifetime of wisdom was packed into that brief statement from the godly king. Notice first that David advised Solomon to “know” God. He didn’t say “know about God.” I know about Abraham Lincoln, but I’ve never met him. David wanted Solomon to be acquainted personally with the God of Abraham, Isacc, and Jacob, whom he had tried to serve with a willing mind.
It is also my best advice to you as we conclude these thoughts about Your Legacy. Advise your sons and daughters, above all else, to get to know God and seek His will for their lives. If they make that their priority, they will find Him. Jesus Christ will lead them. He will bless them. What a wonderful promise! But it is conditional. If they turn their backs on the Lord, He will cast them off forever. You owe it to your children to emphasize that sobering warning as well.
In conclusion, I ask parents again: What will be your legacy on behalf of those you love? Will you help them build a foundation of faith that will sustain them through the trials of life and take them into the better world beyond? Will they be there to greet you and the rest of your family and Christian friends on the other side? That is my prayer for you.
A day of celebration is coming like nothing that has ever occurred in the history of mankind. The Guest of Honor on that morning will be One wearing a seamless robe, with eyes like flames of fire and feet like fine brass. As we bow humbly before Him, we will hear a great voice out of heaven saying:
Now the dwelling place of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Rev. 21:3–4)
And, again the mighty voice will echo through the corridors of time:
Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. (Rev. 7:16–17)
This is the hope of the ages that burns within my breast. It is the ultimate answer to those who suffer and struggle today. It is the only solace for those who have said good-bye to a loved one. Though the pain is indescribable now, we must never forget that our separation is temporary. If our children and loved ones have given their hearts to the Lord, we will be reunited forever on that glad resurrection morning. As the Scripture promises, our tears will be banished forever!
I’ll meet my great-grandfather George Washington McCluskey for the first time, and see my great-grandmother, Nanny. Big Mama and Little Daddy will be there, too, standing beside Robert Dobson and Little Mother. Shirley’s stepfather and mother, Joe and Alma, will be on hand. My mother and father will also be there. My dad will be straining to catch a glimpse of our arrival, just as he and Mom did for so many Christmas seasons when Shirley and I flew with our children into the Kansas City airport. They will have so much to tell us that they’ll be bursting with excitement. Mom often complained that Dad would want to hustle me off to some distant planet he’s discovered while exploring the universe. Your children and loved ones who died in Christ will also be in that great throng, singing and shouting the praises of the Redeemer. What a celebration it will be!
This is the reward for the faithful. This is the crown of righteousness prepared for those who have fought a good fight, finished the course, and kept the faith (2 Tim. 4:7–8). Throughout our remaining days in this life, therefore, let me urge you not to be discouraged by temporal cares. Accept the circumstances as they are presented to you. Give the highest priority to the spiritual training of your sons and daughters. They deserve your best.
I will leave you with a sweet little poem that I have loved for many years. It was written by Florence Jones Hadley, who would have understood what I have written.
Are All the Children In?
I think at times as the night draws nigh
Of an old house on the hill,
And of a yard all wide and blossomed-starred
Where the children play at will.
And when the night at last came down
Hushing the merry din’,
Mother would look around and ask,
“Are all the children in?”
Oh, it’s many, many a year since then,
And the old house on the hill
No longer echoes to childish feet
And the yard is still, so still.
But I see it all, as the shadows creep,
And though many the years since then
I can still hear my mother ask,
“Are all the children in?”
I wonder if when the shadows fall
On our last short earthly day
When we say good-bye to the world outside,
All tired with our childish play,
When we step out into the other Land
Where mother so long has been,
Will we hear her ask, just as of old,
“Are all the children in?”5
The last word: Give your children and loved ones a simple but profound message as you prepare to step into the next world, “BE THERE!” If you accomplish that purpose, it will be your greatest legacy.