The next month was an unsettling time. The sex between Dan and me was again bland, uninspired. I found myself masturbating at night, having all kinds of nasty thoughts, usually centered around Eddie. Sometimes I would get mad at Christine—why did she have to say what she did? I was contaminated with jealousy but also wary of her story. Things with Eddie had not ended well. Whatever Pandora’s box had been opened needed to be shut. But with the shutting of that box came the dulling of the marriage. Was there any way out?
One day I got sick of my head games and just called Cheryl. When I told Dan I was having lunch with Cheryl, he gave me a curious look. Cheryl’s offer was something we had never discussed, the one exception to my vow of honesty. Cheryl and I ended up in a bustling diner, so I couldn’t really talk to her the way I wanted. But I asked her to go on a walk afterwards.
When I got back that evening, I had renewed clarity. I wanted to talk to Dan, but he fell asleep early. I thought about letting him sleep through the night, but then that urge welled up inside me. I didn’t want to masturbate again. I turned on my bedside lamp and woke him.
“Dan, are you awake?”
“I am now …” Dan said with a sleepy yawn.
“Dan, I have to tell you something.”
“Yeah?”
“Dan, I haven’t been totally honest with you.”
Dan looked over at me, disappointment in his eyes. I could tell he suspected I had cheated on him.
“Dan, Cheryl made me an offer—after that night in the hot tub.”
“An offer?”
“Yeah. She said that I could have sex with Eddie, one time, on the condition that you agree, and both of you get to watch.”
“What?”
“She insists on these rules because she doesn’t want to hurt our marriage. She wants to help us.”
Dan’s look was skeptical.
“Cheryl tells me that honesty is a must in these situations.”
I paused, took a deep breath.
“She’s worried that if I don’t do something like this within the relationship, I’m going to do it outside the relationship.”
Dan was silent.
“She thinks I’m going to cheat on you sooner rather than later, and Dan, I’m worried that she’s right.”
More silence.
“This isn’t going to be easy for me to say or for you to hear. Cheryl thinks now that I’ve heard what a difference size makes to a woman’s pleasure, I’m going to have to see for myself. I’m going to be tempted to find out if that is what is missing from our sex.”
“Do you really think it matters that much?” Dan asked, hurt and defensive.
“Well, I don’t know. But here’s what I do know: Cheryl told me that of the more than 100 women Eddie has slept with, only three have not had vaginal orgasms through penetration—each and every time they had sex. And in all the times you and I have had sex, I’ve only had a vaginal orgasm a couple of times.”
I felt a mean desire to lay it on a little more. “And Cheryl says she usually comes on Eddie’s big cock multiple times every time they have sex.
“But there’s more …” I said. “I can’t put a finger on it, but there’s something about Eddie, something I’m drawn to. It’s not love; I don’t think I could ever love him. But it’s something very animal, something I need … something … I don’t know how to say this … something I’m not getting in our marriage.”
Dan was quiet, but the look on his face was not just hurt anymore. I could see jealousy, and horniness as well. No looking back—see this through.
“Cheryl wants to create a supportive environment for you to see someone please me in a way that, according to her, you can’t. She says it’s not your fault, but your penis is too small to fill a mature woman’s pussy. Vaginal orgasms are about being filled and stretched, and honey, that’s just not something you can do.”
I saw Dan’s cock twitching under the sheets. I pulled the sheets down and wrapped my hand around his cock.
“I do worry about it,” Dan said.
“What?” I asked, drawing him out.
“That I’m too small for you, that you need more, that somehow this is going to ruin what we have between us.” I was struck by his confession.
“Dan, that’s not something you need to worry about. I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to make that mistake.”
“Neither do I.”
“But Dan, we made a vow of total honesty, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well I have to admit that I’m curious. I’m curious to know what it’s like to have a big dick in me. I want to know what kind of a difference it will make. Not in our fantasies, but in real life.”
“You do?”
“Oh God, yes. Dan, I’ll be right back.”
I went to the bathroom, coming back with a toilet paper roll in my hand.
“Dan, this might be a little embarrassing, but Cheryl said it might help you to understand my needs. She said I should put this toilet paper roll on your cock. If you slip easily inside it, you’re too thin to fully please most women. If you don’t stick out the other side by a good amount, you’re probably not long enough. If you can’t do either, then Cheryl says you are definitely incapable of fucking a pussy the way it needs.”
I put the paper roll on Dan’s cock. It fit easily over his penis. His head didn’t quite poke out the other side.
“Wow,” was all I could say as I lifted the roll off.
Dan seemed ashamed, but his cock had never been harder.
“Did that make you feel inadequate?” I asked him while I straddled him and teasingly stroked his cock.
“Yes,” Dan admitted.
“But did it turn you on, too?”
“Yes!” Dan said as I stroked harder.
“Does it turn you on to know that you’re small?”
“Yes!”
“Does it turn you on when you slip your hard dick into me, knowing I can easily handle you?”
“Yes!”
“And does it turn you on to know that I can’t come on your dick unless we stroke my clit?”
“Uh!”
“And wouldn’t you love to see a big dick inside me, see what it could do to me?”
“Oh yes.”
“Well, you’re going to get your chance, Dan, do you want that? Do you want a chance?”
“Oh Linda, yes!!”
After Dan came, he worked my pussy with his fingers until I came hard also. But while it was a good come, it didn’t really knock me out. I slept fitfully.