Chapter 58

Crucial Conversations

Ellen sat across from Lisa in a quiet booth in the dining room at Jake’s Famous Crawfish. It could have been the same table the Salder family had shared when Lisa was a little girl and she’d burst into tears at the sight of the restaurant’s signature dish. As on that night, her daughter’s eyes were red from tears, yet no simple remedy would ease her distress this time.

Only a few hours had passed since Victor and Sheila’s arrests. Ellen had asked Lisa repeatedly if she wanted to go home and rest. But Lisa refused and insisted it was time she finally heard the whole truth.

From the front bar, sounds drifted in of patrons and staff celebrating the post-quake reopening of the restaurant. Ellen could hear Patrick and Theo cracking jokes, Jamie’s infectious laugh, and Roderick’s outrageous flirtations with the bartender. She longed to join them if only to delay this conversation for a few more moments.

“Lisa, what I’m about to tell you won’t be easy to hear. Most of it you know. Are you sure you want me to tell you the rest?”

Lisa nodded.

Ellen began. “First, you need to remember how much your father loved you. Being a stay-at-home dad was the greatest joy of his life. And he did it for me too. He knew how much I loved my job, and he understood my ambitions.”

Ellen placed her hand over Lisa’s for a moment. Lisa’s face blurred slightly as tears formed in Ellen’s eyes. She blinked them back and cleared her throat. “It all started to fall apart when Ben went back to work and took on Victor Smith as a client. We didn’t realize then what kind of a man he was. You were just eleven years old. Ben promised that the job would be part time, and that you would still be his main priority.

“At first, it was fine. We even socialized with Victor and his wife, Anne, if you can believe that. We’d meet out for dinner once or twice a month. Anne was such a sad thing, so nervous and timid around her husband. Ben always had a soft spot for damaged goods.” Ellen couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice. She took a sip from her wine glass, wishing she had something stronger.

“After a few years, the part-time job turned full-time, and handling both his workload and your schedule started to overwhelm him. We managed at first, then, overnight it seemed, you turned into this moody, secretive teenager. Just when you needed him most, Ben wasn’t there. And to my great regret, neither was I. You started skipping classes, you changed how you dressed, and left your old friends behind. Then came the drinking and drugs. When you came home from rehab, things were better for a while. You finished the school year, turned sixteen, and passed your driver’s test. Ben and I thought you deserved a reward and so we gave you his old car for your birthday.

“Then, one night while Ben was away at a work retreat, you drove home drunk after a party. I tried to reach your father, to ask for his advice, but he didn’t answer. He’d told me the retreat was at a resort in the mountains and that cell service would be unreliable. So, I did what I thought was best. I grounded you and took away your car keys. You were so angry with me. You locked yourself in your room and wouldn’t talk to me. The next morning, I woke up and you were gone, and so was my car. I tried calling, but you didn’t pick up your cell phone. When I saw you’d left it on the kitchen counter, I panicked. I had no idea how to find you. I spent hours calling your old friends, your teachers, your classmates. No one knew anything. I felt like I didn’t have a choice, so I called the police and reported my car stolen.”

Ellen paused and glanced cautiously at Lisa, but her daughter sat silent and attentive, for once not protesting or arguing over Ellen’s interpretation of events. “And your father . . . I called and called. Still no answer. I tried his partners at the firm, and they said there was no business retreat and that Ben had taken a few days off. Finally, desperate, I called Victor. He said he had no idea. Then he asked when Ben had left. I answered, and he was quiet for a long time. He told me Anne had left town the same day.

“I hung up and a moment later my phone rang. I picked up, praying it was Ben. That he’d tell me he really was at a conference and not sleeping with his client’s wife. But it was a police officer in Eugene. She’d found you. By this time, it was almost midnight, and she took you to that juvenile detention facility to spend the night.

“I tried to sleep for a few hours, but couldn’t and just kept calling your father again and again. Nothing. At dawn, I drove south to pick you up. It broke my heart seeing you in that horrible place. I’d failed you. Ben had failed you. I realized I needed to take control. And I did.

“Your father finally called when we were driving back to Portland, and I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to give him the relief of knowing you were safe. When he returned home, I asked him if he was cheating with Anne. He nodded, like he knew an apology would get him nowhere. I was so angry and humiliated. He just stood there while I ranted on and on about how he’d destroyed our family, how he’d betrayed our marriage, and broken his promise to take care of you.”

Ellen paused and closed her eyes, the moment replaying in her mind. She’d hoped to spare Lisa of any of this and let the girl keep her father on a pedestal. It was too late for that. And it felt good to say the words out loud, to share the burden. “He asked, what can I do? I told him to end the affair. He said it was already over. I told him that we needed to get you in treatment. If he refused, our marriage was over. He agreed to the Academy. I knew you’d never go willingly. I was sure that you would run away again, and the next time I wouldn’t be able to find you. So, I took the school’s advice, fool that I was. I had them stage the kidnapping. I’ll never forgive myself.

“Months passed. Ben and I were in therapy, and I really thought we’d work through our problems. I visited you and you seemed to be doing so much better.”

Lisa looked about to interrupt, and Ellen quickly said, “I know now that wasn’t true. I only saw what I wanted to see.” She took another sip of wine. She set the glass down and kept her eyes on the clear liquid, turning the glass slowly by its stem. “Then, he was found dead. There was no security footage. From the bruises, they could tell your father had fought back. As far as I knew, there was only one person who had any reason to hurt Ben—Victor—and he had an alibi. He was hosting a party at his home with a dozen guests who all swore he never left their sight.

“With Victor out of the picture, I looked at other enemies. My enemies. You probably wouldn’t be surprised that I have quite a few. Did someone go after Ben to get to me? If you came home, would they hurt you? I tried to believe what the police told me was true. That it was a mugging gone wrong. But I couldn’t take that risk. So, I refused to let you leave the Academy. God, I cursed Jamie’s parents when they worked to have you released. At first, I was terrified. But weeks, then months went by and nothing happened. I convinced myself that the police were right. It was a random attack. Then, today I saw the video footage from the parking garage, and I finally learned the truth.” Ellen took Lisa’s hands in her own. She blinked back tears, not wanting to breakdown and lose her voice at this, of all moments. “I should have let you come home when your father died. I was so wrong. Can you ever forgive me?”

Lisa pulled her hands away. She slowly unrolled a linen napkin, setting the silverware aside, and wiped away her tears with the cloth. “Thank you for telling me the rest. I’m sorry Dad hurt you. Maybe if you’d told me what was going on, we could have helped each other.”

Ellen nodded sadly. “Yes, maybe we could have.” She noted that her daughter hadn’t answered her question.

Lisa met Ellen’s eyes. “Patrick is really important to me. I know he must be a terrible reminder of what happened between Dad and his mom. Can you ever look past that?”

“I can,” said Ellen with a reassuring smile. She had conflicting feelings about the boy, certainly, but keeping Victor Smith’s son firmly on her side seemed a wise move. As long as she never had to see Anne again. Seemed unlikely, she thought. Lisa and Patrick were young. They would never last.

Lisa nodded. “Mom, I don’t want you to run for governor. I know I can’t stop you, but what if I mess up again? I’ll be under a microscope, and this time you won’t be able to just hide me away.”

“Lisa, this time we’ll help each other. We’ll take it one step at a time, together.”

“Promise?” asked Lisa.

“I promise,” said Ellen, meaning it.

“I miss Dad.”

“Me too, honey. Everyday.”

Jamie’s laugh erupted again from the bar, and Lisa smiled. “Mom, let’s go join the party.”