(FIDLAR)
When I first moved to LA in 2011, FIDLAR (Fuck It Dog, Life’s a Risk) were one of the most notorious, and rowdy, live acts. The party quickly turned into a hazy, heroin death-trip, and lead singer Carper barely made it out alive.
The weirdest thing that ever happened to me during a show was on New Year’s Eve. I can’t remember which year, but we were offered to play a show in Highland Park, which was five blocks away from where we were all living in this recording studio warehouse. It was strange because this place was so close, but we had no idea there was a venue around there. Since it was so close, we started making this drink with Everclear and Tampico, which is basically shitty fruit punch. We put it all in a fucking huge cooler and brought it with us. It tastes like sweet rubbing alcohol. It’s horrible. We got to the place, and it was just a fucking trailer park with no stage. We set up in front of the trailers and started taking this weird drug that was like fake molly. We started playing, and I immediately got an electric shock, because the whole thing was wired through extension cords. We could barely play because we were fucked up and getting moshed.
While we were trying to play, this older woman from the trailers came up behind us, pulled down her pants, and just shit right in front of everybody. To my right, there was this steaming pile of shit. She pulled up her pants and walked back to the trailers. We tried to play it off like, “Uh, that was totally planned. It’s all part of the show.” To top it off, we loaded up my fucking Volvo with gear, and it broke down. Then the tow truck driver was completely wasted, so I had to help him hitch the fucking car. It also sucked because I had just met this girl that I was into, and we were gonna go back to the warehouse to party. It was all over once the goddamn Volvo broke down. You don’t hear about literal shit and bands much anymore. I think GG Allin took it to a whole other level, so people don’t even try anymore. It’s a shame.
Playing big stages or festivals like Lollapalooza is definitely not as much fun. It’s fun to see that many people going crazy or the sound being great in a legendary venue. But I miss the days of playing the smaller, DIY shows because it’s way more fun. It’s like learning to play sober. I had to realize that if I was gonna keep doing this for a long time, I had to learn to not get fucking wasted every night. It sucks to say, but it’s a lot more fun playing wasted. I’ve done it both ways, and it’s just way more fun. Everything is way more fun. When I first got sober, I was really nervous about playing. Every once in a while, I still throw up before shows, strictly because of anxiety. But right when we start playing, it goes away.
The thing about playing shows on heroin, and I think this is a universal, scientific truth, is that it kills your low end. You don’t hear lower frequencies as well. It feels like you’re floating, and it’s a fucking horrible drug to play on. You can’t hear shit. The best way I can put it is that it feels like you’re being compressed. On top of that, you throw up a bunch. I was constantly ducking behind the amps to throw up during shows. Everyone knew what was going on, and I didn’t try that hard to keep it a secret. I remember the day we found out China White heroin was in LA. We were doing a West Coast tour with Off! We only had black tar heroin in LA, so I was drooling. “Oh my God!” We found a bunch of white from Australia, and I bought a shitload of it. I was shooting up this China White dope every night before playing, and I only had a broken needle. The tip was fucking bent, so it was like I had to hook it into my veins. Super gross. I don’t know about the air bubble thing with needles because I’ve shot a ton of air bubbles and didn’t die.
Anyway, in the middle of the tour, I fucking ran out. I was kicking in the middle of the tour, and I was playing these shows totally dope sick. I remember Dimitri Coates, the guitarist for Off!, saying, “You’re a dark motherfucker, man.” That’s all he kept saying to me. At one point, Keith Morris pulled me aside and said, “You’re gonna kill yourself.” Everybody knew, because I looked like I was kicking drugs. You can’t hide that look. Did Keith saying that to me make any difference? Nope! We did a tour with the Pixies, which was about the biggest deal in the world to me. On the tour, I realized that I still wasn’t happy. We played Lollapalooza, and I was still miserable. I went to rehab, and when I got out, I was all ready to just start shooting smack again. Right after I got out, I got a call from Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day. He told me to stick with it. It was this weird happenstance of a random phone call that stopped me from tripping out about shit. Ever since that call in 2015, I haven’t touched smack.