20
Over dinner that evening, Freddie pushed the food around her plate as Jason’s words echoed in her mind. We’re replaceable and expendable. Supply lines aren’t. He knows we know. He can’t risk any more leaks. She frowned at the fork.
“What’s the fork done to you?” Jason sounded amused.
“I didn’t like the way it looked at me.” She smiled, but failed to keep the worry and irritation out of her voice.
“What’s up, Freddie?”
Forgetting Debs and Vic sat at the table with them, Freddie let everything spill. “How can you sit there, acting and eating like nothing’s happened, Jace? When you know someone wants us dead, but not just any old someone. Someone we’ve known and trusted and worked with for years.”
“We have to eat or we get sick.” Jason took another bite. “We already had this conversation.”
“I know it comes with being a PI, so don’t get me wrong here. But doesn’t being expendable bother you?”
“Of course it does.”
“Jace, they won’t stop until we’re dead. They already tried to take us out once.” Freddie tossed her fork to the plate and pushed back in her chair. “I’m sorry, I love my job, but it’s not worth dying over. Nothing is. But you? You just sit there and act like being on a hit list and dying on the job is the most natural thing in the world.”
Jason glanced at his sister, then back at Freddie, taking her hand in his. “That’s because I’m not afraid of death. The actual dying bit bothers me a little. I don’t want to burn or drown, but death itself? No.”
“Why ever not?” Freddie looked askance at him.
“Because I know that death isn’t the end.” Jason turned to Vic. “Do you have a Bible I could borrow?”
Freddie rolled her eyes. “He’s a pastor. Of course he’s got a Bible. That’s a bit like asking the Queen if she has a red robe and a crown.”
“But I don’t want to borrow those.” He laughed as he squeezed her hand. “Let me rephrase it. Please could I borrow a Bible to save me running upstairs for mine?”
“Sure. I have one in my study. I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you.” Jason turned back to Freddie. “Are you scared of dying?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Why was he asking such stupid questions? He was the abnormal one for not being afraid. Death was the end, no matter what else she wanted to think. Or was it?
Vic came back with a Bible and handed it to Jason.
“Thanks, bro.” He turned it over in his hands. “It looks new.”
“It is.”
He turned back to Freddie. “Why are you scared? You believe in God, don’t you?”
They’d had this conversation before. She pointed to her head. “Here.” Her hand moved to her heart. “But here? You left me for God. He took Dan away for being in the car at the wrong time. He stopped me from having kids. Why should I believe in Someone who has it in for me? I mean, there’s a hit squad after me now. And anyway, why would He want me back after I walked out on Him?”
“God doesn’t have it in for you, and He didn’t send the hit squad after you, either. Bad things happen because we live in a sin-filled world. It says in Hebrews thirteen, verse five, He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. He loves you and wants you with Him. He sent His Son to die for you to show you that. All you have to do is trust Him.”
“But—”
“No buts. Once God is in control, nothing can tear you away from Him. Not even death, just like Vic said on Sunday. It’s also in Psalm 27.” He turned to it. “Verse one. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? And again in verse five. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me.”
He ran his fingers over her hand. “See, there is nothing new about being hunted down, or being on a hit list. But taking your life is all they can do. If your soul is hidden with God, you’ll never really die. Nothing can take away God’s love for you.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is.”
Freddie turned away, shaking her head. “God won’t want me. I’ve spent too long hating Him.”
“Hey.” Jason put a gentle hand on her face and turned it towards him. He held her gaze. “You hated me for a long time, and I still love you and want you around. I always will love you, just like God does. All you have to do is return to Him.”
Is it really that simple? Are you out there, God, just waiting on me to come home? What do I do? Show me, help me…
As if Jason knew her inmost thoughts, he squeezed her hand. “All you need to do is acknowledge you’re a sinner and put your trust in Jesus. I can give you some passages to read if you’d like.”
“I don’t have a Bible anymore.”
“You can keep that one,” Vic said.
“Are you sure? It’s brand new.”
“I’m sure.”
“Thank you.”
Jason wrote down a list of passages and handed them to her. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” She stood up. “I’m going to call it a night. I’m tired. I also want to read this before I crash.”
“All right, I’m not staying up long tonight. Too much doing nothing has worn me out.” He winked at her. “But then I’m old, right?”
“Ancient. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” He grabbed her hand. “Freddie—”
She knew he wanted to pray with her, but she wasn’t ready. She gently pulled her hand away. “Jace, you can pray if you want, but this is really something I need to do on my own.”
“Sure—and yes I will pray for you. We all will.”
“Thanks. Goodnight.” Freddie left the room and headed upstairs, hearing Vic leading them in prayer and mentioning her name. The fact others were praying for her didn’t bother her like it once had. She sat on the bed, the Bible and list of passages in her hand, mind whirling. Surely it can’t be that simple? Is it?
Opening the Bible, she found the verses and read. The wall of ice she’d erected around her heart, slowly melted as the words penetrated her mind. Her eyes filled as she read Romans 6:23. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Then as she read the final verse Jason had listed, John 3:16, the dam inside broke. It was as if a light suddenly went on and the missing piece finally fell back into place.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Falling face down on the bed, words and tears tumbled as she found and leaned on her Savior, finding real peace for the first time in years. She was no longer alone.