Appendix A
Two Quick but Critical Reflections
Reflection 1—Your Partnerships Matter
Before I even prayed, David Brandershorst was an answer to my prayers.
Because he was a true friend, Red played a significant role in Andy’s escape from Shawshank. Because David is a true friend, he played a significant role in my escape from my day job.
In the early days, when my dream was still a part-time passion, David came along and supported me. When Your Secret Name launched, David volunteered and helped me spread the message of hope and healing. Support came first via encouragement and then evolved along the way. Eventually he created resources, managed technology, and taught content.
We ran our first Your Secret Name conference in early 2011. Our products and services expanded significantly with each year. David transitioned from occasional volunteer to full-time partner.
Although there’s much more to the story, I included this much in this book because I want to prepare you for your own partnerships. Healthy ones propel your business. Unhealthy ones kill it. One of my friends, Paul Martinelli, says, “Partnerships begin on the back of a napkin at a party and end in front of a judge in a courtroom.”
Translation? Tread slowly, as in all relationships.
Don’t simply accept help; prequalify your partnerships. They’ll keep you (and your partnerships) from trouble. Keep three filters in the forefront of your mind—strategy, intentionality, and clarity.
Strategy—Know the Rank
1. PARTNER UP
Partnering up takes place when two individuals or organizations form a longer-term, mutually beneficial relationship. True partnering up occurs when each party brings unique and specific value to the relationship in an area where the other is lacking.
2. COLLABORATE ACROSS
Collaborating across takes place when two individuals or organizations form a shorter-term, event-based relationship. True collaborating across occurs when each party brings similar value to the relationship.
3. MENTOR AROUND
Mentoring around takes place when two individuals form a flexible, intentional relationship. True mentoring around occurs when one party clearly brings more value to the relationship and shares their experiences, usually as responses to the other party’s questions.
Intentionality—Know the Rationale
Because of your success, people will come to you and propose partnerships, if they haven’t already. But a request alone isn’t a good enough reason to partner. They need to know enough about you and your business to explain why the partnership will be beneficial to both of you. Put responsibility back on them, since they’re the ones proposing.
People will tell you, “We should partner together.” Your reply should be, “Sounds interesting. Why do you think so?” If they can’t explain their rationale, then they don’t have enough awareness about their value or your business. Chances are they like you and they’re attracted to you. Acknowledge the honor in their requests, but treat them as potential clients, not as permanent partners.
Clarity—Know the Roles
David and I use a what, why, where model to keep it simple. We each know what we do, why we do it, and where we fit in. It creates efficiencies and prevents us from tripping over each other. This simple exercise took us three hours because of the relevant issues it naturally raised. I encourage you to try it in the future with your teams.
1. WHAT DO I DO?
Kary—I’m a soul on fire igniting souls on fire.
David—I’m transforming and helping others transform.
2. WHY DO I DO IT?
Kary—Because souls aren’t on fire, and we don’t see things the way they are but the way we are.
David—Because people need to reach their potential by becoming all God created them to be.
3. WHERE DO I FIT IN?
Kary—I create a process that ignites souls on fire through speaking, writing, and coaching.
David—I create structures and deliver resources that fuel transformation.
Reflection 2—Your Legacy Matters
“I’m lucky I discovered my dream job,” Molly the librarian told me.
I believed her. Who wouldn’t? Her enthusiasm for kids radiated in her words and actions. I met her at the summer reading table. My kids had completed all their “bases” and earned free tickets to the minor league baseball game in our city.
“Congratulations, kids!” she exclaimed. “I bet you enjoyed reading your books this summer.”
In the first thirty seconds of watching her interact with my kids, I could tell Molly had discovered her dream job. Curious about DJs of all kinds—librarians included—I asked her the quick backstory for her discovery.
She gave all the credit to her parents. “They absolutely loved their jobs and communicated their excitement regularly to us kids,” she told me. “My mom worked as a speech pathologist in the public school system and my dad as a district attorney. Seeing them on fire, I couldn’t imagine doing anything but what I absolutely love too.”
Because her parents found passion to pursue their dream jobs, Molly found the courage to pursue hers too.
If you’re stuck in a day job, don’t forget Carl Jung’s words: “The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parent.”[1]
Remember—you wound your legacy by staying in a job that’s killing you. And the opposite is true too. You give kids permission to pursue their dream jobs when you pursue yours.