Kurt was still suprised he’d made the commitment to get Jane pregnant. To create a child. To know there was another person in the world to whom he’d passed on his genetic material. And to also know he might not—depending on what he chose—be included in that person’s life.
The potential for regret that raised was the most frightening part. But ever since he’d told her he’d do it, he’d been so excited he felt almost intoxicated.
He hadn’t surrendered all hope that Jane would finally give him a chance. If she slept with him—and getting pregnant could easily take more than one encounter, which was the best part of all—she’d have to see him in a different light. Maybe that would be enough to convince her the obstacles standing between them weren’t anything they should worry about. A five-year age difference was nothing. And he wasn’t going to get back with Kate even if Jane rejected him. It was sort of like the situation between Brant and Averil.
Of course, that had ruined Talulah’s friendship with Averil, who’d just started to make up after Talulah had jilted her brother at the altar. So as happy as Brant and Talulah were together, there’d been a cost, and Kurt understood why Jane wouldn’t be willing to pay that price when it came to her sister.
He brought his truck to a stop at the first traffic light on Lincoln Street. The two situations were as different as they were alike, he reminded himself. Kate loved Will, not him. She was only circling back because she was on the rebound. She needed someone to distract her from the pain of losing a relationship she thought would be for life—or convince her she was still desirable or whatever. It wasn’t as if he’d ever had her undying love...
Jane’s store was located on the next block. After the light turned green, it was hard not to slow down as he passed by and try to glance inside. But the glint of the sun against the glass storefront made that impossible.
Maybe he’d buy her a sandwich and take it to her. His brothers had sent him to town to get a few salt licks and pick up lunch for them. He’d suggested hamburgers from Rocko’s, but Miles had insisted on meatball sandwiches from Vidlar’s, so Kurt knew chances were good he’d run into Kate. She might be busy while he was in the store, which could save him from having to speak to her, but he figured he was going to run into her eventually. He might as well get it over with. He’d responded to her text this morning to say he was sorry he’d missed her messages last night, that he’d been hanging out at home and hadn’t been checking his phone. She couldn’t make too much of that—one way or another.
With any luck, she’d get back together with Will soon. That would be the best-case scenario for him. Then as he tried to get Jane pregnant over the next several weeks or months—whenever she wanted to do it—who could say what might happen?
A lot could change this spring...
He stopped at the feedstore first and saw Averil working the register. They spoke for a moment as he checked out, but he left as soon as he could. He knew she was no longer much of a friend to Talulah, and since Talulah was his sister-in-law, he felt protective of her.
He drove to Vidlar’s next. He’d called in the food order, but the deli was so slammed—prices were better here than anywhere in town, and the sandwiches were legendary—he had to wait. While he stood around, he stayed close to the counter where they were preparing the food and kept his attention mostly on his phone with only a peek here and there to see what Kate was doing in the pharmacy.
Fortunately, she was busy, too. When he heard his name, he looked up and grabbed the sacks Denise Johns was handing him as quickly as possible. Then he turned to go. But Kate had left the pharmacy and was walking toward him.
“Hey, you,” she said.
He forced a smile. “Hello.”
“You weren’t even going to come over and say hi to me?”
“I saw that you were busy,” he replied lamely.
She shoved up the sleeves of her work smock. “Sorry we couldn’t hook up last night.”
He knew she meant Sorry we couldn’t meet at Hank’s, but because they had hooked up in the other sense over the years, he couldn’t help thinking it was a poor choice of words. Or maybe he was just ultrasensitive to it because his attraction to her sister had grown beyond just his own little secret. “I was pretty tired. Not sure I would’ve been good company, anyway.” He cleared his throat as he moved the sandwich sacks to his other hand to be able to dig his key fob from his pocket. “I’m sorry to hear things aren’t working out with Will.”
A sulky look descended on her face. “It’s been terrible. Would you believe the douchebag cheated on me?”
“I can’t.” That response was sincere. He’d believed there was probably a good reason for the breakup, but he hadn’t guessed it would be this good. “With who?”
“The wife of some guy who owns an equestrian center. I doubt you know them. They don’t live in town.”
An equestrian center didn’t ring a bell, but the “married” part caught his attention. “Did you say it was with a married woman?”
“I did.”
Kurt whistled softly under his breath. “He should be careful. Her husband might come after him.”
“He deserves to have his ass kicked,” she said.
“So is it over for good?” he asked.
“As far as I’m concerned it is.”
That was disappointing. “That’s too bad.”
“I’ll get over it eventually.” She blew her bangs out of her eyes. “Might take a while.”
“You were together a long time.”
“Hey,” Leon Johnson called from the pharmacy department. “You said you had to go to the bathroom. Can you hurry? We’re getting behind over here.”
“I’ll be there in just a sec,” she told him, then rolled her eyes when he was no longer looking. “It was hard to work with him before I broke up with Will,” she said to Kurt. “Today, it’s almost impossible.”
“One day at a time,” Kurt reminded her. “You’ll get through this.”
“It doesn’t feel that way right now.” Her chest lifted as she drew a deep breath. “What are your plans for tonight?”
He tried to think of a quick excuse for why he wouldn’t be able to go out with her. But he was afraid if he gave her one, she’d just ask about tomorrow or contact him again on the weekend. He needed to put a stop to her thinking he was an option. “I’ve been doing a little online dating and plan to have a Zoom call with someone I met.”
“Oh...”
“But maybe this weekend, we can get a group of people together to shoot some darts or pool.”
“Yeah. I’ll text you if I’m available.”
“Sounds good,” he said and made sure she went into the bathroom and wasn’t watching him before he turned left after leaving the pharmacy and strode down to her sister’s store with the extra sandwich he’d bought.
Jane was ringing up a set of candelabras for a customer when Kurt came into the store. As he opened the door, the buzzer went off, and once she caught sight of him, she couldn’t quit smiling. Knowing what they were going to do—and how intimate they’d have to get in order to do it—made her feel daring and reckless and even a little giddy.
Would she be this excited if she were getting pregnant via a cryobank? she wondered. Or was Kurt part of the reason she was suddenly so breathless?
“Thanks for coming in,” she said to Sean Jamison—the only attorney in town. “Tilly is going to love those.”
“I know. She told me to make sure I got them for her,” he said with a laugh.
Jane maintained a polite smile until her first customer of the day left. Then she felt her smile falter as Kurt moved closer. A secret liaison with her sister’s former boyfriend probably wasn’t the wisest move...
But when her eyes met his, she knew she wasn’t going to back out. She was hooked—not only by the desire to have a baby, but by the way she was going to make it a reality. She suddenly had an excuse to look at Kurt in a brand-new way, was able to contemplate and imagine things she never would’ve allowed herself to imagine otherwise.
Her eyes dropped to his hands as he gave her a sack from Vidlar’s. Big and slightly calloused from working outside, they looked capable and strong—and they would soon touch her body in the most intimate of places.
“Thought you might like a sandwich for lunch,” he said.
She swallowed hard as she tried to dispel the images in her mind. “You brought me lunch?”
He shrugged as if to say it was no big deal. “I had to pick up some sandwiches for me and my brothers, anyway, and thought... Well, Vidlar’s is just down the street, so I was already close.”
She obviously knew where Vidlar’s was located. Her store was only a block away. And her sister worked there. But she found his reaction—the slight embarrassment for doing her this kindness—endearing. “That’s very nice of you.”
He grinned as he tried to play it off. “What can I say? I’m a nice guy.”
“Who came with food at the perfect time. I was just thinking about what to do for lunch.”
“I wanted to be sure you weren’t going hungry—or changing your mind about—” he lowered his voice even though there was no one else in the store “—our plans.”
“I haven’t changed my mind. Have you?”
“You don’t have to worry. I’m in.”
More images popped into her mind—images of Kurt as she’d seen him at the lake once, in just his swimming trunks, and the memory of him staring at her lips at Hank’s the other night.
She cleared her throat again. “Good,” she said. Then she tore her gaze away from him to peer into the sack. “A meatball sub?”
“I hope you like that kind of sandwich.”
“I do. It’s one of their best. Thanks for thinking of me.”
“You bet.” He started to back up. “I’d better get going. My brothers are blowing up my phone, wondering where the hell I am. I think they’re getting hangry.”
“Kurt?” she said, stopping him.
He looked back at her from near the door. “What?”
“Should we do it this weekend?”
His eyebrows shot up. “That soon?”
“I figure why wait?”
“Where?” he said.
“Bozeman is a nice place to visit.” And they didn’t know anyone there, so there’d be no one to recognize them when they walked into a motel room together.
“Saturday?”
She nodded.
His grin hitched up on one side, making him even more attractive than usual. “We can meet on the far side of the ranch, leave your car there. No need to drive separately, since no one, not even my brothers, will be likely to see it there. At least, that’s how I’d like to do it...”
Hoping to quell the butterflies in her stomach, she drew a calming breath. “Me, too.”
“Okay. I’ll text you,” he said. Then he left and the door swung shut.
It was plenty cool in the store—the temperature was only in the sixties—and yet Jane was sweating. “Oh, my God,” she murmured. “I must be losing my mind.”
Averil had often complained about her ex-husband not taking more of an interest in their son. But now that Chase had invited Mitch to California, and she’d had to drive him to the Bozeman Gallatin Field Airport, where Chase met them to take him back, she was feeling a little bereft. She could use the time to get settled in the new apartment and prepare his room for when he got back in a week, which was exciting. But she was going to miss him. Since she’d alienated her closest friends, it felt like he was all she had.
She’d just delivered another carload of stuff to the new apartment when she came out to find Jane’s Mustang still parked in the alley, even though they’d said good-night when she came in and the store was closed. Ellen’s truck was now there, too, along with Talulah’s van, which she’d had wrapped with the logo of her dessert diner. The three of them were obviously together, hanging out at the diner after hours.
Telling herself she didn’t care that she’d been left out, Averil pulled her keys from her pocket and opened the door to her car, which was so old it squeaked. She went as far as to get in and put the key in the ignition before stopping. The situation was never going to improve if she couldn’t overcome her hurt and resentment. Did she want the next couple of years to be as lonely as the last one or two? If so, she might have her own apartment, but she’d have no one, other than her son, to enjoy it with.
Gathering her nerve, she took her keys and got back out, forcing herself to approach the diner even though she knew it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable. As she drew close, she could see through the small square window in the 1950s back door that the lights were on. She could hear laughter and voices, too, which made interrupting even more difficult.
She almost talked herself out of it and went back to her car. She knew none of the three of them would be happy to see her. She’d never been close with Ellen, who’d come on the scene not too long before Talulah’s great-aunt died. Jane had chosen Ellen over her, which Averil had to admit she sort of deserved. And Talulah...
Well, Talulah had the most reason to dislike her.
Averil stood in the alley, deliberating whether she should take such an emotional risk. She was just starting to feel better, stronger, but she was still fragile in a way that was difficult to define. If they made it clear they didn’t want her there, she didn’t feel she could take the rejection.
But if she didn’t make the attempt, nothing would change, and she’d continue to be an island indefinitely.
Was she ready to put her life back together again? Could she really set aside her jealousy and disappointment and be the kind of friend she wanted to be? Only then would any type of reconciliation work. Halfway measures had done nothing. She couldn’t effect any real change—be genuine and trust that her friends were being genuine—by trying to move forward without truly forgiving.
It’d been years since she and Talulah first became estranged. If Charlie had moved on and married someone else, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But he hadn’t. He still regretted losing Talulah. And yet... How had the loss of her friendship with Talulah helped him in any way?
She couldn’t see that it had. It was just hurting her.
Taking a deep, bolstering breath, she raised a hand to knock.
She didn’t knock loudly. She was too intimidated for that. She told herself if someone didn’t hear her and come to the door right away, she’d simply leave and try to forget the sound of their laughter.
That would probably be for the best, anyway, she thought as she waited.
She turned toward her car and was about to walk away when light spilled into the alleyway as the door opened, and she was standing face-to-face with Ellen.
Ellen’s eyes narrowed. “Hey,” she said flatly.
Talulah and Jane typically tried to act pleased when they bumped into her around town. At least, they were both polite and managed to smile. Ellen didn’t play that charade. She’d once caught Averil making derogatory comments about Talulah in the grocery store and had called her out right then and there, creating a public spectacle. Ellen was like that—she was bold and determined and fiercely defensive of those she loved, and she didn’t care about causing a scene.
Averil resisted the urge to reveal her insecurities by clasping her hands tightly in front of her. “Hey.”
“Who is it?” Talulah asked.
Ellen didn’t answer. She just stepped to the side and held the door open wider so Talulah could see for herself.
“Oh! Averil...” Talulah got up from the table where they’d apparently been sitting, crowded around a laptop. “Is everything okay? Are you moving into the apartment right now? Do you need help?”
Averil regretted interrupting. Talulah and Jane had once been like sisters to her, and yet she’d never felt more uncomfortable in her life. “No, I...I saw your cars and thought... I just decided to say a quick hello.”
“I’m glad you did,” Talulah said, but Averil wished she could slink away and forget she’d ever interrupted.
“Hi, Averil!” Jane waved from the table. Ellen had already sat back down and was sipping from a glass of wine as if she was patiently biding her time until Averil was gone. Averil got the impression Ellen couldn’t believe Talulah was even bothering to be nice to her after what she’d done.
“We were just looking at...” Talulah started, then stopped. “Well, we were planning...”
Ellen spoke up. “We’re putting on a baby shower for Talulah, so we’re trying to figure out the invitations, decorations and food. But you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
Stung, Averil stiffened. “Of course I’d like to come.”
Jane quickly jumped in to smooth over Ellen’s brusque statement. “We don’t have to continue with this right now,” she said. “There’s still plenty of time. Would you like to come in and have a glass of wine?”
The fact that Jane, rather than Talulah, had extended the invitation spoke volumes. It said she was comfortable enough to do that, even though she didn’t own the diner. It also said she was feeling the same tension Averil was, because she was trying so hard to smooth over it.
But there was no way Averil was going into that kitchen. With Ellen glaring at her, it felt like she’d be walking into a lion’s den. “No, you three go ahead.”
“We could walk down to Hank’s,” Jane offered.
“I don’t want you to feel you have to stop what you’re doing because of me. Mitch is in California with his dad, and I have a lot of stuff to get done while he’s gone, so...really, when I saw the cars here, I just wanted to say hello.”
“We’re glad you did,” Talulah said.
Ellen’s lips formed a straight, colorless line. Averil saw that when she glanced over but pasted a smile on her own face to cover for the terrible numb, stinging sensation that’d come over her. “Thanks. Have a great night.”
In case anyone was still watching—maybe through the window—she made sure to keep plenty of energy in her step until she reached the car and got inside. By then, no one could see her anyway, but she was imagining the three of them returning to that table to talk about how surprised they were that she’d had the nerve to knock.
So much for trying to extend an olive branch, she thought, and fought back tears as she started her car.
Usually, Kurt was so busy the days flew by. But this week, every hour seemed interminable. He couldn’t wait for Saturday—and yet he was nervous about its arrival. A nagging voice in his head insisted he should back out of his agreement with Jane. And yet...he couldn’t make himself do it. He was too excited about getting his hands on her. To think he’d be able to hold her against him and kiss her bare skin and neck and lips after he’d fantasized about doing that for so long made it difficult to breathe. It didn’t help that he hoped their intimacy might be the catalyst he’d been searching for to get them into a serious relationship at last.
“Look at this stuff Talulah’s been sending me,” Brant said.
They’d just come into the house after a long day on the ranch. Brant usually headed straight home—or since it was Thursday and the diner was open, he would probably stop by there first—but their mother was over. She’d made her broccoli-cheddar soup, and there was no way he was going to miss having a bowl.
“It’s all so damn cute,” Brant said, grinning like a smitten little boy as he handed Kurt his phone.
Kurt swiped through pictures of various cribs, dressers, changing tables, wallpaper, animal prints—even stuffed animals. “You’re doing the nursery already?”
“Why wait? The doctor confirmed the pregnancy this morning. Our official due date is November 10.”
That meant if he got Jane pregnant right away, she’d be due around Christmas, less than two months later. What would that feel like—to know Jane was carrying his child?
It was nothing he’d expected to happen just a few weeks ago. But he liked it. It made him feel connected to the woman he’d wanted for a long time. He wanted to be part of the whole process—the pregnancy, delivery and beyond—so he was glad she seemed open to that. But it would be an emotional rollercoaster if he couldn’t get her to change her mind about him. Even if he did get her to change her mind, and they became committed to each other, would she still want to move away once her grandfather passed? What would that do to his life?
His thoughts were sobering. But the dangers didn’t change his mind, which was a little scary. Did taking what he wanted now mean he’d suffer later?
“I think we should go with the white crib,” Brant commented, taking his phone back and looking through the pictures again.
“Brown would be a safer bet,” Kurt advised. “I feel like regular wood could go either way—for a girl or a boy.”
“We’re having a girl,” Brant informed him.
Kurt felt his eyes widen in surprise. “I thought it was too early to tell the sex of the child.”
“It is. But after being the oldest of four boys, I want a sweet little girl.”
“That’s sexist,” Kurt teased. “Girls can be difficult, too, you know. Regardless of the gender, I hope you get a hellion just like me.”
“Fortunately, they broke the mold when you came along,” Brant grumbled and handed his phone to Ranson, who’d overheard them from where he was in the kitchen and come out to take a look.
“It won’t be easy to wait most of a year,” Ranson said.
“You’re telling me,” Brant said. Then Miles came in from outside and had to see what they were talking about.
“What’s going on?” their mother called from the kitchen. “Why is everyone in the living room? Are you coming to eat or not?”
“Yeah, we’re coming,” Brant hollered back and reclaimed his phone. “Want to see some of the stuff Talulah and I are thinking about buying for the nursery?” he asked her.
Ranson and Miles trailed after Brant as he went to show their mother what he’d shown them. But Kurt hung back. Would he soon be helping Jane search for baby furniture?
“It’s about time you gave me a grandchild,” he heard his mother chide Brant. Jeanie had been coming over, cooking and cleaning for them more than ever since she’d heard the news. The baby was all she could talk about. She wanted a girl, too, since she never had one of her own.
Again, Kurt’s plans for Saturday loomed large in his mind. As usual, what he was doing wasn’t nearly as conventional or safe as his older brother. He couldn’t imagine his family would be too excited about his plans. Fortunately, Brant had been as good as his word and not told anyone, even Talulah. Kurt had that going for him, but if things went the way he and Jane hoped, it couldn’t remain a secret forever.
Maybe his mother would forgive him if it meant she would soon have two grandchildren...