Jane didn’t go after Averil. She would have if she thought it’d do some good. But she didn’t know how to reach her childhood friend these days. The chasm between them seemed too wide.
“That didn’t go over very well,” Kurt said.
“Why not?” Ranson seemed shocked. “I know Averil had a thing for Brant. But it’s been a few years. And they never even dated. Surely, that’s not the problem—is it?”
Jane had known Averil would be upset by the news. She’d never expected to have to deal with it tonight, though. “I think...it’s a lot of things,” she said, but she didn’t go into detail because she didn’t want to share Averil’s problems with the Elway brothers. Or anyone else, for that matter.
Ranson gave her a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset her.”
“It’s okay.” Jane nudged him playfully with her shoulder. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was just excited about the baby. “She would’ve heard eventually.”
The waitress came by to take their order. Kurt got a draft beer and Ranson a Guinness.
“I can’t believe Brant stumbled onto that box at the diner,” she said, imagining how things must’ve gone down. “What were the chances?”
“Right?” Kurt said. “I know Talulah’s probably sad that what she had planned for the surprise didn’t work out. But the real story is even better. He’ll be telling that for years.”
Turning her empty mug in a circle, Jane toyed with the condensation on the table. “Now the whole town will find out. And Talulah planned to keep the pregnancy quiet until after the first trimester.”
“Why?” Ranson asked.
Jane didn’t want to say. It seemed like it’d be bad luck. “Just to make sure a doctor has confirmed it and given her a solid due date and all of that.”
Ranson made a clicking sound with his tongue. “A lot of people are settling down.”
“We’re getting to that age,” Kurt pointed out. “Has Ellen set a date for her wedding?”
“She’s talking about having it this summer,” Jane told him.
The waitress reappeared with their drinks. “She’ll probably be having a kid soon, too,” Ranson said as Kurt sucked the foam off his beer. “That makes me feel old.”
Given what Jane was hoping to get from Kurt, it was hard for her not to look up and catch his eye. But the fact that he immediately pulled his gaze away let her know it might be something else that wouldn’t go the way she wanted.
After Averil left the bar, she drove slowly past the dessert diner. It was thriving, just like Talulah and Brant. Everything they touched turned to gold. So what was going on with her? She’d done all she could to be happy. But she couldn’t seem to recover from the wrong turn she took when she got involved with Chase. Her life simply hadn’t been the same since she met him. It’d been like having a giant asteroid strike her and now she was barely hanging on, hoping it wouldn’t cause the complete extinction of the person she’d been before.
Her phone signaled a text message. She didn’t have Bluetooth in the old rattletrap car that was the only thing she’d gotten in her divorce—because she’d bought it with her own money, and they hadn’t been together long enough to accumulate much else—so she had to wait until she got home to see who was trying to reach her.
Then she saw that the message was from her mother.
Don’t forget to lock the front door when you come in.
What the hell? Did her mother think she was still in high school?
Averil couldn’t take it anymore. She was going in, signing the lease on the apartment, scanning and emailing it back to LaVeryle immediately, so she could move out as soon as possible—at the first of the month, which was only three weeks away.
After parking in her designated spot on the grass so her parents could get their vehicles in and out of the garage—after all, she was a guest in their home—she collected her purse and trudged to the door.
“You’re back already?” her mother said when she came in, turning from the kitchen sink, where she was running water for dishes.
The house smelled of beef and garlic. Her mother was always cooking casseroles and putting them in the fridge so food was readily available to whoever wanted to eat. That she could simply warm up a delicious meal whenever she wanted was one of the advantages of living with her folks. But she couldn’t lean on them forever. “Yeah, I’m back. Where’s Mitch?”
On the way home, she’d planned to play Hungry Hippos, Operation, Husker Du or some other board game with him before bed. She was suddenly feeling like a bad mother on top of everything else, simply because she’d let her own mother take over and do so much for her son.
“I put him to bed at eight thirty, as usual,” Dinah said.
Averil tossed her keys in the drawer where the scissors, tape and other utility items were kept. “And he went to sleep?”
Her mother turned off the water and looked over at her. “Why wouldn’t he?”
Because he wouldn’t do that for her. When she tried to get him to bed that early, especially when he didn’t have school the following morning, he kept creeping into the hallway, trying to slip into the living room so he could watch more TV with his grandpa. Or he’d quietly close the door, turn on the light and get out his toys.
“No reason,” she muttered and crossed the living room, where her father was glued to an old Western and didn’t even look up.
“Is something wrong?” Dinah called. “You seem upset.”
“I’m not upset,” she yelled back and went into her room, closing the door behind her. Talulah was pregnant. Brant would never leave her now, and Averil would have to witness her former best friend growing big with his child—a child she’d always wanted to have.
He would never have left Talulah, anyway, she realized. She’d been hoping and dreaming for something that would never happen.
On the brink of tears, she dropped onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the drone of the TV down the hall.
She didn’t want to hear that blaring in the background, didn’t want her mother putting her son to bed and then acting as though it was easy, didn’t want her mother telling her to lock the front door when she came home as if she was still sixteen.
With a sigh, she got up and took the lease from the envelope she’d put in her purse. She’d just sat down at the small desk where she used to do her homework and was about to sign it when the door opened.
“Averil? What’s going on?”
She was thirty five, and her mother couldn’t remember to knock before coming in. “Nothing,” she said. “I’m fine.”
Dinah jerked her head to indicate the document she was about to sign. “What’s that?”
Averil leaned back so she could see for herself.
“You’re signing a lease?”
“For the apartment above Jane’s store.”
“Why would you do that when you can live here for free?”
“I’m feeling smothered, Mom. I have to get out, live my own life.”
“Smothered! Your father and I have been good to you!”
Squeezing her eyes closed, Averil lifted her hand and took a deep breath before looking at her mother again. “Please don’t start.” She’d heard this lecture more times than she could count. “I realize I’m lucky to have you. And I’m grateful for all you’ve done, but...I have to be on my own.”
“What about Mitch?”
“What about him?”
“Are you going to leave him here with us?”
“Of course not!” she cried. “He’s my son.”
“But you just got that new job at the feedstore. How will you work?”
“I’ll bring him over so you can watch him—if...if that’s still okay. Otherwise, I’ll have to pay for childcare.” To do that, she’d probably have to go on government assistance or something. But she didn’t care. She was going to move out.
“He’s used to being with me.”
“And we can keep things that way. That’s no problem.”
Her mother glared at her. “I would like to know why you’re doing this.”
“Because I feel as though it’s important. For my sake. For Mitch’s. And it’ll probably be good for you and Dad, too.”
“We don’t mind having you here,” she said.
“I’m glad of that. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I just don’t want to be living with my parents anymore at this age.”
Her mother’s lips compressed into a thin line.
“Can you let me go? Please?”
Dinah’s rigid body language finally softened. “It’s just...scary,” she said. “We love you and Mitch so much.”
“I know. You want to protect me, and you have. I’m only moving five minutes away, Mom.”
Her mother finally nodded. “Okay. I understand.”
The few games of pool they played turned out to be fun. Jane always enjoyed Kurt. Ranson, too—just not as much. In her opinion, he had some growing up to do. But Kurt, who used to be far too much of a daredevil for her, had turned into the kind of man who had a calm, understated manner. He drew people to him without even trying. He also noticed certain nuances she felt escaped most other guys, which impressed her. And he had such a healthy ego he didn’t mind losing. He’d go easy on his opponents at pool just to keep it competitive, wouldn’t actually start trying until the end, which meant he risked being unable to pull off the win. Or he’d go ahead and let her win and pretend he hadn’t.
He was such a good player, she knew what he was doing, even though he protested every time she accused him. He probably could’ve made a fortune as a pool hustler. But then, she got the impression he was good at most things. She admired how hard he worked at the ranch, too.
In short, the more she was around him, the more she believed she’d never find a more perfect sperm donor. She felt he would oblige her, too, if only she could leave town with the sample he gave her—or leave shortly after she was inseminated—so he’d never have to see her visibly pregnant or face the reality of the baby.
But she couldn’t leave right away, couldn’t even promise when that might be possible. Papa—and the unknown where he was concerned—stood in the way.
Jane texted Talulah and Ellen, hoping they’d both come to Hank’s. Ellen and Hendrix, her fiancé, were backpacking in Colorado—she’d forgotten about that—but Talulah and Brant came down after closing the diner to have a drink. Talulah ordered a glass of cranberry juice, since she could no longer have alcohol, and they laughed and talked as they shot pool.
Since Ellen wasn’t there, Brant was the only one who had a chance of beating Kurt. But in three games, he only managed to do it once. Then Talulah said that after a long day at the diner she was too tired to continue standing, so they found a booth and listened to the band while talking about the baby—what sex it might be, what they might name it, if they’d be excited to learn they were having twins.
Twins didn’t run in either family, so it was a long shot, but it was fun to consider.
Midnight came before Jane realized it, and everyone was ready to go home. She smiled and waved as Brant took his wife’s hand and they left the bar. She thought Kurt and Ranson would leave together, too. But as they were walking to the parking lot, Kurt asked if she’d give him a ride home.
“Sure,” she said.
When Ranson swayed while holding out a hand to get the keys from his brother, she worried that he might need a ride, too, and insisted they both go with her—even though it would mean they would have to return to get the truck tomorrow and cram Ranson, who was over six feet tall, into the back of her Mustang. She wanted the chance to talk to Kurt. She guessed that was why he’d suggested she drive him home. But it wasn’t until they arrived at the ranch, and Ranson got out and went in, that they had some privacy.
“Tonight was a good time,” she said when he looked over at her.
“I enjoyed it, too, which is why I feel so bad about what I have to tell you.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’ve already guessed.”
“I’m sorry, Jane. I wish I could do it. But knowing you were out there somewhere with my baby would be too hard. I’m afraid it’s all I’d think about. I’d be so curious as to whether the baby was a girl or a boy, what he or she was like, whether you had what you needed... It just wouldn’t work for me.”
She felt an acute stab of disappointment in spite of expecting his refusal. After tonight, she’d wanted him to be the donor more than ever. She really liked him. But she couldn’t say she didn’t understand, because she did. In his place, she’d probably make the same decision.
“Well...you wouldn’t want to be part of the baby’s life, would you?”
The way he’d framed his response made her curious.
He sighed as he glanced away. “That route is just not how I envision... I mean, the whole concept is foreign to me.”
She nodded and forced a smile, trying to be a good sport. “No worries. I knew it was a lot to ask.”
“I feel doubly bad because you didn’t ask. Not really. You just opened up to me about what you’d like to do, and I sort of volunteered—”
“We’d been drinking,” she broke in, waving off his regret. “You weren’t making a commitment.”
“Still. I feel like I’m backing out on you.”
“No. It was nice of you to even consider it.”
He stared at her for several seconds, as if he wanted to say more.
“Really,” she insisted. “Don’t think about it again. There are other...avenues available to me.”
“A cryobank—and what else?”
“Well, basically a cryobank,” she said with a laugh. “So I have one avenue. But it’s an avenue that should work—and it’s not that expensive.”
“After you get inseminated you’re going to move away?”
“As soon as I can. But that depends on my grandpa, of course.”
“What you’re doing for him is so admirable.” He rubbed his forehead. “It says a lot about who you are.”
She shrugged off the compliment. “I wouldn’t be who I am without him, so he did his part first.”
“How do you feel about Talulah’s pregnancy?” he asked. “It must be hard to be excited for her when you want a baby, too.”
“Not really,” she insisted.
“I don’t think Averil has the same attitude.”
She managed a lopsided smile. “Fortunately, I’m not in love with Brant.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said with a laugh.
She had to chuckle, too.
“What don’t you like about Coyote Canyon?” he asked.
“It isn’t that I don’t like it,” she replied. “It’s a great town. But don’t you ever want to get out and see more of the world?”
“Not necessarily. I’m happy here. And if I want to travel, I can do that later.”
“What about meeting someone? Don’t you want to get married?”
He toyed with his phone, which he had in his hand. “Eventually.”
“Well, this is such a small town, it’s hard to meet someone.”
“What about you?” he asked. “Do you see yourself married with kids? Or just...with kids?”
“If I meet the right man, I’d love to get married,” she said. “But I don’t want to hang all my hopes on that and then have it not happen.”
“Got it.” He reached for the door handle. “I’d better go in. Thanks for the ride. Again, I’m sorry I’m not the right man,” he said and got out.
Jane stared after him. Something about his final words had given her pause. They’d seemed...loaded somehow. He meant he wasn’t the right man to donate sperm, didn’t he?
She shook her head as if that would rid her mind of the idea that he could’ve meant anything else. “Of course that was what he meant,” she said aloud. “He’s five years younger than me. And he went out with Kate!”