Something had changed since Bozeman, Jane decided. There was an added, intangible element between them that made her time with Kurt even better. Maybe it was just that they were more familiar with each other. After being together before, they’d built up some trust and could let go of any self-consciousness or embarrassment.
While they were making love, Jane allowed her body to move as it wanted to move without trying to hold back or overthink what she was doing. Bozeman had been purposeful—all about getting pregnant. But since she hadn’t planned on being with Kurt again, this time was different. She didn’t have the same excuse for being with him, but she also didn’t have the same constraint.
They shed their clothes almost as soon as she walked into his bedroom and he closed the door. Then they were hungrily kissing and touching each other, and only minutes later, he was moving inside her. Their lovemaking wasn’t frantic, but it was focused and thorough and exquisitely satisfying, and she could smell his warm, masculine scent all around her on his body and the sheets.
When it was over, she lay next to him, physically spent. It had been a long day, and this had been a wonderful release. But in coming to the ranch, she’d definitely crossed another boundary she shouldn’t have crossed. She’d just decided to move forward with a cryobank, if necessary. Why had she decided to sleep with him again?
She couldn’t come up with a good excuse. She’d simply craved his hands on her body so much she hadn’t been able to refuse. There was something about him that was beginning to appeal to her more than any other man ever had—not only the way he smelled but the way he moved and kissed and handled her body. He had a certain reverence for her when they were making love that made her feel special, as though she mattered to him beyond the here and now.
“Wow,” he said, still trying to catch his breath when they were through. “That was good.”
She could tell he thought it was way better than Bozeman, and he was right. It’d been so good, the guilt she’d been pushing away all evening began to jab her like a cattle prod. To escape the discomfort of that, she rolled away from him, got up and started putting on her clothes.
He leaned up on one elbow. “Are you leaving? Already?”
The fear of being discovered kept her moving. “It’s late. And we both have work tomorrow.”
“Okay. Um, that was quick. Will you come back again? Tomorrow or later in the week?”
She opened her mouth to say no but couldn’t force the word through her lips. “Maybe,” she said instead, and he got up and dressed so he could drive her back to her Mustang.
Mitch was back home, but Averil had just dropped him off at school. He’d been out of class for so long, doing his schoolwork with his father, that he didn’t want to go back, but she’d encouraged him by reminding him that it was Friday, only one day before the weekend, and they could stay in their new apartment for the first time tonight.
She hated that the place now reminded her of her last night with Jordan. She shouldn’t have allowed him to become part of this new phase of her life. The apartment was all about starting over and getting beyond the mistakes of the past.
At least since then she’d called and told him she didn’t want to see him anymore. He’d been shocked and angry, as she’d expected. He thought he was too good for her, so it was a blow that she’d broken off the relationship, but she was relieved. From now on, she was going to have the mental fortitude to do what was best for her and her son. And this apartment was a symbol of that. She’d slipped up once—because Mitch had been gone and she’d gotten too lonely—but she wouldn’t allow it to happen again.
As soon as she let herself in, she put down the basket of clean laundry she’d hauled from her parents’ house and up the stairs and propped her hands on her hips while catching her breath. Moving had been no small feat. She was exhausted after all the packing and loading and carrying she’d done, but the place was looking good. Her brother and two nephews had brought over some furniture they no longer needed, so she had beds, dressers and the orange couch and coffee table she’d bought, and her father had given her an old TV out of the garage she hadn’t even known he’d been storing. She’d also hung some pictures on the walls and purchased a few houseplants to make the apartment feel homier. Today all she had to do was make their beds, fill their drawers and drag over the last of Mitch’s toys and her toiletries. Then the move would be complete and her transformation into someone more independent and respectable, like Talulah and Jane, would occur. She was tired of feeling “less than.”
She turned on some music and had just finished making Mitch’s bed when she heard movement downstairs. Jane had arrived at the store. She was earlier than usual, Averil realized, checking her watch. She planned to leave her friend to get ready to open the store as usual, but remembering the hours they’d spent together Monday night, while Jane had helped her move, made Averil put on a pot of coffee instead.
Want to come up for coffee and a piece of avocado toast? The way I make it with pesto on the bottom and balsamic vinegar on top is to die for...
She assumed Jane would turn her down. She’d probably eaten before she left and had to get some stuff done or she wouldn’t have shown up so early. It was only eight thirty, and Jane had been leery enough of her lately that Averil knew they could get only so close, which made the quick, positive response she received a bit of a surprise.
On my way.
Averil opened the door leading to the stairs for Jane while she put two slices of thickly sliced sourdough bread in the toaster and two plates on her kitchen table.
Jane appeared in the doorway only a few seconds later.
“Come on in,” Averil said.
Her friend’s smile seemed a bit wan, and the rings under her eyes suggested she hadn’t had much sleep.
Averil quit worrying about the food she was trying to prepare and straightened. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Jane replied, but it was hardly believable.
“What are you doing here so early?”
“I couldn’t sleep last night, and Kate was around to feed Papa breakfast, so I said I had to take care of some things.”
“Said? You didn’t?”
“Not really,” she admitted.
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
“I was...thinking.”
“About...?”
“Things.”
“That’s vague.” She gestured toward a chair. The table had seen better days. Someone had left it on the side of the road with a sign that read Free, and she’d picked it up because she needed a table and was out of money. It had four chairs with it, but two were so broken she’d had to leave them behind.
“There’s too much to go into,” Jane mumbled. “But it’s nice to be here and have someone serve me coffee and breakfast. Thank you.”
“What’s wrong, Jane?”
“Nothing,” she replied.
“I’ve known you too long to buy that,” Averil said and slid Jane’s plate toward her.
“I think I’m screwing up my life,” she admitted.
Averil poured the coffee. Her mugs weren’t anything fancy, either. Her mother had let her take a few, and they were the oldest ones, all of them chipped. But at least she had cups. She’d decided she wasn’t going to dwell on the negative. She’d spent far too much time doing that the past few years. “Well, I seem to be somewhat of an expert at screwing up my own life, so tell me what’s going on, and I’ll tell you if you’re in any danger.”
This comment brought a genuine smile to Jane’s lips. “You’re too hard on yourself. You know that?”
“Not really. I’ve been an idiot. But I feel ready for a fresh start, so...thanks for acting as though you didn’t mind if I moved in here.”
“I don’t mind. I’m jealous it’s not me, but since I can’t do it, I’m happy for you,” she said and seemed to mean it, which made Averil feel even better.
“Jane, tell me, what’s going on.”
When Jane still hesitated, Averil cocked her head. “You can trust me, you know,” she said softly. “I won’t let you down. I promise.”
Jane must’ve believed her, must’ve remembered that she’d been solid before marrying and divorcing Chase, because tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m so glad to have you back,” she said.
Averil reached across the table, and Jane accepted her hand. “I’m happy to be back. Now tell me what’s wrong, and let’s see if we can fix it.”
“Something’s different with you.”
Startled by this unexpected comment, Jane looked up to see her grandfather watching her closely. They’d just had dinner, and he was sitting in his recliner watching TV, which meant the volume was so loud she could scarcely think. She’d assumed he was engrossed in the World War II documentary she’d put on for him, so she’d let her mind wander and had no idea what kind of expressions had flitted across her face as she relived her latest rendezvous with Kurt. “What do you mean?” she asked.
Papa had once been so perceptive. Occasionally, he seemed to be his old self—as shrewd as ever. The clarity in his eyes at this moment suggested now was one of those times. “You’re quieter these days, preoccupied.”
“I hadn’t realized anything had changed,” she said, hoping he’d let it go at that.
He twisted around, presumably to see if Kate was in the room. She wasn’t. She was in her bedroom talking on the phone to Will. From the occasional snatches of conversation Jane could make out—when the narrator on TV paused for a few seconds to show video clips or pictures—it sounded as though she’d lost a necklace their mother had given her and thought he must have it because it hadn’t made the move when they picked up her stuff.
He brought his chair into more of a sitting position. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
She wished she could confide in him. She could use someone to talk to. She couldn’t share the latest with Talulah or Ellen, didn’t want them to know she’d seen Kurt after they’d expressed their concern about the risks she was taking. Since visiting the ranch nine days ago, she’d told Averil what she was doing and how she was doing it—everything except how Kurt made her feel on a personal level. She’d made their relationship sound perfunctory—merely a means to an end—because that was all she felt safe acknowledging to herself. That she enjoyed him as much as she did was just a bonus. It didn’t change anything. But the “friend time” she had with Averil in the mornings after Averil took Mitch to school had helped. She was coming to trust and enjoy Averil again.
Still, there were moments when she doubted involving her old friend had been a wise decision. Given the division between Averil and Talulah, it might not end well. There were definitely moments when she worried about that.
“Nothing’s changed,” she insisted.
“Don’t you like having Kate live here?”
“I don’t mind it,” she said and, for the most part, that was true. She loved her little sister, was glad Kate hadn’t married Will. Jane hated hearing her talk about Kurt all the time, though. That added guilt and stress to her own life, especially because she should’ve started her period today. Was it going to come? Was she just late? Or...did it mean she’d conceived? “This is your house,” she told Papa. “What matters is whether you’re okay with having her here.”
“I’m fine with it. I love having both of you around.”
She smiled. “I’m glad you’re not home alone so much these days.”
“Oh, I’m okay when I’m here alone,” he said. “I’ve got Otis, don’t I, boy?”
Hearing his name, Otis got up and wagged his tail before padding over to give her hand a lick. She scratched behind his ears before he returned, as he always did, to Papa’s feet.
“We love being here with you,” she said.
“I wish Ruby would come home,” he said. “I sure do miss her.”
And with that, Jane knew she’d lost him again. That was the hardest thing about dementia, she decided. There were times when she was able to once again connect and really grab hold of the grandfather she’d always loved and respected, only to have him slip away moments later. For her, dementia meant a constant state of mourning. “I miss her, too,” Jane murmured.
Kate came out of her bedroom. “Can you believe it?” she said. “He claims he doesn’t have my diamond necklace, but it was on the dresser before I moved out.”
“Are you sure?” Jane asked. “Because I feel like we would’ve seen it.”
“I was so upset I wasn’t thinking straight. I just grabbed whatever I could.”
“But what would he want with it?”
“Are you kidding me? He wants to punish me for leaving him! He thinks I should forgive him and come back.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going over there.”
“Right now?”
She scooped up her keys from the bowl on the coffee table. “Yes. I’m not going to let him keep my necklace. Mom gave that to me for high school graduation.”
“Do you think pounding on his door after that big argument’s a good idea?” Jane asked at the same time Papa said, “What’s going on?”
“It’s okay,” Jane said, scooting forward to put a reassuring hand on his knee.
Kate was so upset she didn’t even acknowledge their grandfather’s question. “I don’t care if it’s a good idea,” she said, keeping her focus on Jane. “I can’t not go. I have to get my necklace!”
Jane jumped to her feet. “I’ll go with you.”
“Are you sure?” she said. “Because he’s not going to treat us very well.”
“Who’s not going to treat you well?” Papa asked, clearly bewildered. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Jane told him. “We just have to pick up something. We won’t be gone long.”
He managed to get out of his recliner, but he still held the remote in his hand. “Wait. Where are you going?”
“To Will’s house,” Kate said while she grabbed her jacket.
“Who’s Will?” he asked.
By then, they were walking out the door. “Don’t worry. Just watch your show,” Jane called back, “and we’ll be home soon.”
Will had been drinking. Jane could smell the alcohol on his breath as soon as he answered their knock. It was almost as if he’d been sitting in the living room, waiting for them because he’d popped out of the house like a jack-in-the-box. “I don’t have your damn necklace,” he insisted before Kate could even say anything. “What would I want with it?”
“It’s got to be here somewhere,” Kate said. “Just let me look myself.”
“No! You don’t live here anymore,” he said. “You can’t just barge in anytime you like and start going through my shit. Your snooping is what caused all our problems in the first place.”
“My snooping?” Kate cried. “It was your cheating, you son of a bitch! How dare you try to blame everything on me!”
“Oh, you’re brave enough to call me names now that your big sister’s with you? Is that it? What’s she going to do? Huh?” He gave Jane an unexpected push, which made her stumble back, and that set Kate off like a match to dynamite.
“Don’t you dare touch my sister,” she screamed, shoving him, and as soon as he caught his balance, his face filled with even more rage.
“You’re such a stupid bitch!” he yelled and slapped Kate so hard Jane saw her head snap back.
“Oh, my God! What are you doing?” Jane tried to get between them, to stop what was happening, but Will shoved her again. This time, it was just to get her out of the way, but he’d used so much force she fell and hit her mouth on the concrete. Stunned by the blow and the eruption of sudden violence, she lay on the ground for several seconds before she had the mental wherewithal and the physical strength to get back on her feet. By then, Will had grabbed Kate by the hair and dragged her inside, and Kate was yelling for Jane to call the police.
“Do you see your fucking necklace?” he was yelling. “Huh? Do you see it? Maybe you want to look in here.” Their voices grew fainter as he dragged her down the hall. “Or here.”
The adrenaline that shot through Jane made her knees weak. Her mouth was bleeding—she thought she might’ve loosened a tooth—and her hands were shaking so badly she dropped her phone. Once she recovered it, she couldn’t seem to hit the right numbers. The next thing she knew, there was a voice on the phone, but it wasn’t an emergency operator. It was the last person who’d called her. Kurt had tried to reach her last night to see if she could come over again, but Kate had been in the living room until almost midnight, so she hadn’t been able to get out of the house.
“K-Kurt,” she stammered as soon as she heard his voice. “Can you...can you call the police? Will’s beating up Kate!”
“What?” he cried. “Where are you?”
“At his house.” Only belatedly did her befuddled mind register that he might not even know where Will lived. In case he didn’t, she added, “N-never mind. I’ll call the police.”
“I’ll do it,” he said. “And I’m on my way. Just get out of there.”
Then he was gone.