When Jane got out of bed on Saturday, Papa was already up, as she’d come to expect. She found him sitting on the front porch, gazing at the mountains and enjoying an unseasonably warm morning, Otis by his side.
She was still tired from being out so late and stewing after she got home about whether she should move forward with the pregnancy—and, if so, when. It would be smart to wait another year, at least. That was the thought that kept creeping into her head, and as impatient as she’d become, she couldn’t deny the wisdom of it. Then she might know more about Papa and his mental state—and whether she’d be forced to put him in a home.
One more year wouldn’t matter, would it?
Yes. It felt like it would. She’d miss the experience of having a child at the same time Talulah did. And she’d rather spend the next year pregnant than get pregnant in her new city, right when she wanted to explore. Since she had at least a year to wait in Coyote Canyon, anyway, it seemed like a good use of time.
“Hey, how’d you sleep?” she asked as she carried two mugs of coffee outside with her.
“Slept great,” Papa said, but the words were automatic. He’d say he slept well even if he’d been up all night. He’d never been a complainer. That was one of the characteristics of her grandfather she loved the most, and fortunately, that part of him hadn’t changed as his mind deteriorated.
Not yet, anyway.
He looked up as she put his coffee in his hand. Whenever he could remember how to work the coffee maker, he’d brew a pot himself in the morning, since he got up much earlier than she did. But she’d noticed there was no coffee today.
“I’m glad,” she said with a smile.
“What about you?” he asked as he brought the mug to his lips.
She felt as though she’d barely shut her eyes before her alarm went off and she wished she could go back to bed. But she had to get going. She sold more on Saturdays than any other day of the week, and she still had to prepare Papa’s meals before she opened the store.
Fortunately, she wouldn’t be gone as long as she was during the week. The store was open ten to six on Saturdays, instead of ten to eight. Sundays were even shorter, since she was only open from noon to five. And she was closed on Mondays.
She was already looking forward to her day off. That was when she did the majority of the cleaning, grocery shopping and meal preparation they needed to get them through the week, so she worked hard that day, too, but at least she had a break from her regular routine and could spend more time with Papa. Even though their neighbor was good to check in on him often, she was always less anxious if she was around herself. “I slept well, too.”
“Don’t you have to work today?”
“I do.” It was only eight. She never left this early, but she didn’t point that out. She sat next to him and studied the mountains as he’d been doing.
Would she miss them when she moved to San Francisco?
She supposed she would. She loved the rugged Montana countryside. She wouldn’t be surprised if she wound up back in Coyote Canyon when she got older. There was just so much of the world to experience and discover before then.
“I’ll leave in an hour and a half,” she told him. “Aren’t you hungry? Wouldn’t you like me to make some breakfast before I go?”
She was mostly teasing. She cooked him breakfast every morning, even if he said he wasn’t hungry.
“If you’ve got the time.” He held up his cup. “Coffee tastes good.”
He liked the way she made it, but all she did differently was grind the beans of her favorite brand instead of using the canned stuff he relied on. “Glad you’re enjoying it.”
“When’s your grandma coming home?” he asked.
She froze. He was starting to talk about Nana a lot more lately, and most of the time he acted as though she was still alive. It always put Jane in a difficult position. She didn’t know whether to remind him of the painful fact that Nana was gone for good or play along.
This morning she chose not to ruin the peace and tranquility they were enjoying. “Hopefully soon.”
“I sure miss her,” he said. “Seems like she’s been gone a long time.”
She cleared her throat so she could speak around the lump that’d formed there. “It does indeed.”
They sat in silence, the obedient Otis unleashed at their feet, for the next few minutes, enjoying the beauty around them as well as their coffee. These were the moments Jane cherished, because she felt they were some of the last good moments she’d have with her grandfather.
“I thought I’d make potato tacos for dinner tonight,” she commented. “What do you think?”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“And Nana’s salsa to go with them.”
He didn’t ask why Nana wouldn’t be making the salsa herself. If he was expecting Ruby back, that would be a logical question. But he wove in and out of reality, probably knew even as he’d asked when she’d be coming home that there was something futile about it—that it was more hope and longing on his part than anything else. “That sounds even better,” he said with a nostalgic smile.
They talked about getting some more horses. He said he missed having them, so Jane told him she’d look into it, even though she had no plans to do so. Then he pointed out the antics of a prairie dog burrowing to one side of the driveway, and they chuckled.
When the prairie dog disappeared from view, she told him she’d sold the dresser they’d refinished together. He asked when they’d be working on something else, and she assured him she was always on the lookout for their next project.
After they’d both finished their coffee, she took his cup, but before she got up, she said, “Papa?”
He turned his head to look at her.
“How would you feel if I were to have a baby?”
A baffled look came over his face. “I thought it was Kate who had a man.”
She set both cups on the small table between them, scooted forward in her chair and reached out to take his hand. “It is. But I’m getting older, and I don’t have any prospects for marriage—not in the near future. What would you think if I were to have a baby anyway?”
“On purpose?” he said with a scowl.
She smiled as she nodded. “Have you ever heard of a sperm bank?”
“I’ve heard of it...”
But to him it was probably like asking if he’d heard that Elon Musk was planning to start a colony on Mars—it was that “out there.”
“If I use one, I could have a baby. I wouldn’t have to wait anymore. I wouldn’t have to wonder if I was ever going to become a mother. I wouldn’t have to risk missing out.”
She thought he might find what she was saying so radical he’d start swearing about how crazy the world was getting and that the younger generations didn’t know what they were doing. He went off like that occasionally, when he encountered something that was completely out of his comfort zone—like a girl wearing big gauges or tattooing or piercing her face.
But he remained peaceful as he stared down at their clasped hands. She felt like it was the comfort of that physical contact that grounded him, calmed him. “I’d help you in whatever way I could, sweetie,” he said. “You know that, don’t you?”
She lifted his hand to kiss his knuckles. “Yes, I know,” she said, but would he even remember having this conversation?
Thanks to the warm weather, the first breath of spring, the store was as busy as Jane hoped it would be. She sold a couple of lamps she’d found at an estate sale, a leather side chair she’d moved in from the storage room just last week, two scented candles, an entire collection of arty pink French dishware and several other gift items—all before noon. She hoped her luck would hold out. The more successful she was, the more money she could save and the more she’d be able to offer a child.
She was just eyeing the clock, trying to figure out when there might be a lull in foot traffic so she could close for a few minutes and run down the street to get lunch when her sister walked into the store with a bag smelling like that problem had been solved.
“Brought you a sandwich,” Kate announced as she set it on the register desk.
Jane opened the top of the sack and peered inside. Kate had brought her a Philly cheesesteak sandwich—her favorite offering from the small deli inside Vidlar’s, the five-and-dime-type store where Kate worked as a pharmacy technician—and some chips. “You must’ve read my mind,” she said. “I was in too big a hurry to eat with Papa this morning, and I was beginning to sorely regret it.”
Kate had her long blond hair in a loose bun on top of her head and was dressed in her work smock with “Vidlar’s” stitched on the pocket over her left breast. She’d worn glasses for years but always chose an especially stylish frame. When they were together, Jane heard comments about how much they looked alike, but she couldn’t see it. They each resembled their fathers.
Her sister jerked her head toward two women who were in the corner of the store bent over a glass case containing vintage jewelry. “Has it been busy?”
Jane nodded. “So busy that I was hesitant to close for lunch.”
“Well, I was grateful to have an excuse to get out of the pharmacy, so this works for both of us.”
There was a lot of drama where Kate worked. The pharmacist she helped was in his fifties, and he was married, but he stayed fit and seemed interested in attracting younger women. At any rate, he kept saying inappropriate things to her. She’d finally complained about it to the store owners—Mauve and Bing Vidlar, some of the wealthiest citizens in Coyote Canyon—but they hadn’t done much about it. In such a small community, it would be difficult to find another licensed pharmacist to take over for Leon Johnson. They couldn’t lose him. From what Kate had told Jane, they’d said they’d speak to him about his behavior, but nothing had changed, and she was reluctant to press them too hard. She had a job with hours she liked and decent pay, and there weren’t a lot of better alternatives for her in town. She was afraid they’d solve the problem by finding an excuse to fire her and hire a dude instead, so the same thing couldn’t happen again, right when she was saving for her wedding.
“What’s going on at Vidlar’s today?” Jane asked.
Kate lowered her voice so the women who were browsing the store couldn’t hear. “Leon’s been driving me nuts.”
Jane shoved up the sleeves on her sweater before taking out her sandwich and unwrapping the paper. “What’s he doing now? Don’t tell me he’s been trying to get you to go to another pharmaceutical seminar with him.”
“No. Now that I’m with Will, he’s given up on that. But he’s still says stuff that makes me uncomfortable.”
“Like...”
“Mostly innuendos. He thinks he’s being clever because if I ever complain about him again and tell the Vidlars what he said, he could claim he meant something entirely different than the way I interpreted his words. Lately, he’s been coming in with a new blonde joke every day, too.”
Jane’s hair was also long and blond. “Trying to establish what he considers his mental superiority?”
“I guess,” Kate replied. “It’s not like he gropes me or anything—or drives past my house at all hours of the night. Nothing I can really point to if someone were to ask me what he does wrong. It’s more subtle than that. He just gives me too much attention—or requires too much of my attention.”
“I’m surprised Will hasn’t asked you to quit.” Jane liked her sister’s boyfriend. A horse trainer and farrier, he used to ride in the rodeo and seemed to be a good man. He was certainly protective of her.
“He would be bugging me to quit if I told him all the things I’ve told you. But I haven’t, because I don’t want to be looking for a job before the wedding.”
Jane opened the bag of chips. “Maybe it’d be worth it.”
“On days like today I might agree. But, fortunately, Leon’s usually too busy to get on my nerves this much.”
“Not many prescriptions being filled today—even though it’s Saturday?”
“Not that we didn’t anticipate and get ready for during the week.”
“I see.” Jane typically closed for lunch. But the two customers she had weren’t paying her any attention, so she felt it would be okay to go ahead and eat. Settling on the stool behind the register, she took a bite of her sandwich. “God, this is good. I’ll Venmo you.”
“Don’t worry about it. The Vidlars cover one meal per shift if we get it at the deli.”
“I don’t want to eat your lunch—”
“It’s okay. I had a burrito. I needed a change. As good as their sandwiches are, you get tired of them if that’s all you ever eat.”
“That’s a nice problem to have,” she commented as she chewed. “Thanks for thinking of me.”
One of the women asked to see a necklace. Jane stood, but Kate waved for her to continue eating, took the key and opened the case.
“I love black onyx,” Jane heard the woman say to her friend right before she brought the necklace to the register and bought it.
The bell rang over the door as the woman and her friend left, and Kate checked her watch. “I only have a few more minutes. But I wanted to see which days you needed me to watch Papa next week.”
Since Jane worked later on weekdays, Kate came over to sit with him when she could. Otherwise, he’d be alone for too many long stretches, even with the neighbor looking in on him regularly. “Can you do Tuesday and Thursday again? That seems to break up the week nicely.”
“I think so. I forgot to tell you I brought a puzzle with me last time, thinking he’d really enjoy it. We used to do a new puzzle at Nana and Papa’s every Christmas, remember? But once I spread it out on the table, he just sat there, looking at all the pieces. I don’t think he could figure out how to do it anymore,” she said sadly. “And it wasn’t any fun for me to do it alone.”
Jane swallowed what was in her mouth. “I didn’t see it when I got home...”
“I packed it up and put it in the games cupboard before I left. I didn’t think it would make him feel good to have it sitting there, staring at him.”
“I can barely get him to play cards with me these days,” Jane confessed. “Not even canasta. And he used to love that game. I think he’s struggling to remember the rules but doesn’t want to say so.”
Kate sighed. “What are we going to do?”
“I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.” Jane took another bite of her sandwich. “I signed the extension on the lease for this place, so...we’ll just keep doing our best to make him comfortable and happy.”
“For how long?” her sister asked.
“I don’t know.”
Kate gave her a remonstrative look. “Jane, as nice as it is of you to make the sacrifices you’re making, Mom and Dad really want you to be free to move on with your life.”
“I appreciate that.” She plucked a chip from the bag. “But do you think Mom would feel the same if we were talking about one of her parents?”
Luckily, their grandparents on that side were alive and well, playing pickleball, traveling and enjoying their retirement.
“Maybe not,” Kate admitted. “Heaven forbid it was her—or Dad—who needed the help. But I have to be honest. It’s enraging that your father doesn’t do anything for Papa—that the entire responsibility of looking after him falls on you.”
“You help me out.”
“Four to six hours a week is nothing compared to what you do.”
“It’s enough to get me by.”
“I’m happy to hear that, but it should still be your dad’s place to make the decisions you’re making.”
“I learned a long time ago not to expect anything from him.”
A man and a woman eating ice cream cones while sauntering down the sidewalk outside looked like they were about to come in. The woman put a hand on the door, but the man said something and drew her away.
While Jane wanted as much business as she could get, she was glad of the respite. It provided her with more time to finish her lunch and visit with her sister. “Any plans for tonight?” she asked Kate.
“Will’s grilling steaks.”
It seemed like Kate was never available. If she wasn’t working, she was with her boyfriend, whom she lived with these days. Will even joined her on the evenings she spent with Papa—some of the time, anyway.
It’d been lonely since her sister had fallen in love; it made what Jane was going through worse. But her sister was so happy she couldn’t complain.
“What about you?” Kate asked. “What are you doing tonight?”
Jane’s social life had dwindled to almost nothing. Talulah was busy with her business and her marriage. Ellen was in a similar situation. Averil was probably available more than Ellen or Talulah, but she’d become so sullen and angry. That was why Jane had been hanging out with Kurt. He had two single brothers, so he had more options than she did, but he worked with them all day and seemed eager enough to spend time with her instead. At least, that was the routine they’d fallen into. “I’ll probably watch a movie with Papa,” she said. “I was out last night, and I don’t like to leave him alone all weekend.”
She also didn’t have any invitations...
“What’d you do when you went out last night?” Kate asked.
“Averil and I went to Hank’s for a bit.”
“Averil!” her sister exclaimed. “I thought you two had drifted apart.”
“We have, but she’s moving into the apartment above the store, so she was here looking at the place and asked if I’d like to get a drink. We went to Hank’s, but she left after only an hour—as soon as Kurt and Ranson showed up and announced that Talulah’s pregnant.”
Kate’s eyebrows shot up. “Talulah’s pregnant?”
“You haven’t heard?”
“No. When did she find out she was expecting?”
“A few days ago.”
“Then that is strange. The rumor mill around here usually works a lot faster,” she said jokingly as she stole one of Jane’s chips. “Brant must be excited.”
“He is.”
“How do you feel about it?”
Startled by the question, Jane swallowed. “I’m happy for her. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“It’s not easy seeing your friends enter a new stage of life when you feel as though you’re stuck where you’d rather not be, especially when it’s due to circumstances beyond your control.”
Jane hadn’t realized her pathetic situation was quite that apparent. She did have a thriving business, after all. In her view, that put her ahead of Averil and Kate, at least in one category. They both had jobs she wouldn’t want. “Maybe I’ll take control,” she said.
Uncomprehending, her sister blinked at her. “We’ve tried and tried to get you to move Papa into a facility so you can head to San Francisco or wherever you want to go. You won’t do it.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?”
Jane took a drink from her water bottle. “Nothing.”
Her sister gave her a funny look, as if she wanted to press her on the subject, but she was out of time. “We’ll have to talk about it later,” she said as she moved to the door. “I can’t be late, can’t give the asshole I work with a legitimate excuse to complain to the Vidlars about me.”
“Okay.” Jane wadded up the paper that’d been used to wrap her sandwich and tossed it in the wastebasket. “Thanks for bringing me lunch.”
Kate had her hand on the door when Jane called her name.
“What?” she said, turning.
“You’ve always liked Kurt, right?”
“Elway? For the most part. I mean, we’ve had our frustrations with each other over the years, but...we’re friends now. Why?”
Jane tightened her grip on her water bottle. “Did you two ever...you know...sleep together?”
Her sister’s face flushed. “What makes you ask me that? Has he said something to you about it?”
“No. Not a word. I just...don’t remember you talking about it.”
“Because we could never get on the same page. I’d be into him when he was interested in someone else. Then he’d be into me when I was interested in someone else.”
Jane couldn’t help feeling some disappointment. “But you did sleep with him.” Somehow, it suddenly seemed important to clarify that.
“Once or twice, if you must know, but the first time was when I was on the rebound after David Polk cheated on me. I was so heartbroken I slept with Kurt and Eugene Dreyfus in about a two-week span.” She chuckled self-consciously. “That’s embarrassing to admit, but I was hurting so badly I would’ve done anything to numb the pain.”
“So you and Kurt were mostly...friends?”
“We were friends and then we weren’t. We were more and then we weren’t. It’s complicated, because it went back and forth so much, which even made us enemies at times. But ultimately, it wasn’t meant to be. Why?”
Jane couldn’t help remembering Kurt’s comment right before he got out of her car last night: I’m sorry I’m not the right man. “Just curious.”
Her sister looked perplexed. “You’re not interested in Kurt...”
“Of course not!” she said, so Kate wouldn’t think she was desperate enough to go after one of her old boyfriends.
Kate’s expression immediately cleared. “Good, because we have enough history I’d feel so uncomfortable.”
That was what Jane had been wondering: if—hypothetically and thinking way outside the box—she ever allowed the line between her and Kurt to blur, would a more intimate relationship make things awkward between her and her sister?
Now she had her answer.
“And you know you’d never be able to leave Coyote Canyon if you got with him,” Kate continued. “That ranch is his whole life—all he’s ever done and all he knows. He’d never leave it, so you could kiss all your dreams of adventure goodbye.”
“I wasn’t asking for that reason,” Jane said. “We’ve become friends, and since I see him quite a bit, I was curious how you felt about him. That’s all.”
“Got it.” She opened the door. “Text me next time you can’t get out of the store for lunch. Don’t go hungry—I’m happy to bring you a sandwich anytime.”
“Thanks.” The door swung shut after her sister left, and Jane had a moment alone, before another customer came in. She walked to the front window and stared out at the street beyond, which was far busier than usual. Too bad circumstances weren’t slightly different where Kurt Elway was concerned, she thought. She knew how nice he was. And he was certainly attractive. Regardless of his age and prior affiliation with her sister, she had to admit that.