Kurt kept checking his phone. He’d been on pins and needles all day. Jane had said she’d test and get back to him, and now it was nearly eight in the evening, and he was at Hank’s with his two unmarried brothers, along with Hendrix, Ellen and Jimmy Deluca, a friend of Miles’s, who’d joined their party once they arrived. He’d been trying to distract himself by playing pool and darts and watching some golf on one of the many TV screens hanging above the bar. But he was starting to go mad. How long was she going to make him wait?
He didn’t want to have to contact her again—didn’t want to seem pushy, overly worried or impatient.
And what did it mean that it was taking so long? They’d purchased the test when they were out of town so they wouldn’t spark any suspicion. She should have what she needed to find out. Was she disappointed that she wasn’t pregnant? Or did she not know how to break it to him that she was?
“Hey, you talking to me yet?” Ranson asked, handing him a cold beer.
Kurt shoved his phone back in his pocket and refused to take the drink.
“Whoa, you must be really pissed,” Ranson said. “Come on. Get over it.”
“You told Mom that I’ve been sleeping with Jane!”
“I let her know you slept with her. As in...once. I didn’t know it was ongoing.”
“So will I have to worry you’re going to spread that around, too?”
Ranson’s eyebrows slammed together. “Hey, hey. You weren’t trying to make Mom believe you’re still a virgin, right? So who cares? She’ll forget about it eventually.”
He tried to hand Kurt the beer again, and Kurt still wouldn’t take it. His stomach had soured after his first beer. He was too wound up to drink more. “No, she won’t. And it wasn’t something I wanted her to know. I didn’t want anyone to know.”
“It’s just Mom!”
“No, it’s not. Mom knows everyone. She’ll be so excited to tell her friends I’m seeing a local girl that the whole town will be talking about it—all because I can’t trust my own brother to keep his mouth shut.”
This response was caustic enough that Ranson finally took him seriously, lost the cocky smile he’d been wearing and set the extra beer he’d purchased on the closest table. “I didn’t think it’d be that big a deal! I’m sorry. She was hounding me about when I was going to settle down, and I remembered seeing Jane in our kitchen that morning, and—”
“And had a sudden lapse in judgment,” Kurt broke in.
“I guess I did,” Ranson responded. “I never dreamed you’d get this mad.”
Because he didn’t know it wasn’t as simple as starting to see someone. Kurt checked his phone again. Maybe it could be that simple. Maybe Jane wasn’t pregnant, and he could somehow stop himself from seeing her in the future, meaning he wouldn’t sleep with her again, and nothing would come of the past several weeks. The rumors would fizzle, and no harm would be done.
“Who are you texting?” Ranson asked. “Jane?”
“Why do you want to know?” Kurt asked. “So you can report it to Mom?”
Ranson winced. “Damn. I said I was sorry.” He started to stalk off, but Kurt grabbed his arm.
“Wait. You don’t understand everything that’s going on in my life right now. What you did... Never mind. I’ll get through it.”
“What’s going on with you?” Ranson looked concerned. “If you’d told me, I would’ve known better than to do what I did.”
“I assumed you already knew better than to do what you did,” he grumbled.
“So are you going to tell me now?”
A text came in. Kurt glanced down as soon as he heard the sound. It was from Jane.
Can you meet me where I parked my car on the ranch when we went to Bozeman?
She had the results. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be requesting this private meeting. What was she going to say?
His chest grew so tight he thought he might have a panic attack.
“Kurt?” Ranson sounded worried. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”
Kurt handed him his pool stick. “Nothing. I—” he had to pause for breath “—I just don’t feel that great and want to go home. Can you catch a ride with Miles or Hendrix or someone else?”
“Sure.”
Kurt was on his way out and pulling his keys from his pocket when Ranson caught up with him at the door. “Do you want me to drive you home?”
That was the last thing he wanted. He needed to be able to meet with Jane without anyone noticing. “No. The others are back from the bar with their drinks and waiting for another game.” He indicated Ellen, Hendrix and Miles, who were looking over at them in confusion.
Ranson seemed torn.
“Really,” Kurt insisted. “I’m not that sick.”
“Okay,” his brother said, reluctantly, “but if I’ve screwed up something that really matters to you, I’m sorry. I mean it.”
Kurt mustered his best approximation of a smile. “I’ve just been messing with you. I’m fine.”
Ranson didn’t seem convinced, but he said, “See you at home.”
With a nod, Kurt pushed open the door and stepped out into the cool April night. Then he closed his eyes and drew in as much breath as the tension restricting his chest would allow. Was he about to find out he was going to be a father?
Kurt spotted Jane’s Mustang right away. His brothers didn’t have any reason to come to the far side of the ranch after dark, but he pulled deep into the cover of the trees anyway.
She was still waiting in her car when he cut his engine. The Mustang was more visible to anyone who might pass by, but she didn’t have four-wheel drive, so she was smart to stay closer to the road.
She got out when he did.
“Hey,” he said, his heart beating about a thousand beats per minute.
She offered him a nervous smile. “Hey.”
“Is Kate back home yet?” He figured starting out with some casual conversation might help them ease into the discussion they needed to have.
“Not yet. When I got home from work today, Papa told me she came and got some of her stuff, but she didn’t take everything, so I don’t know what’s going on. And I don’t plan on calling to ask.”
“Better to let emotions die down a bit.”
“Exactly.”
He cleared his throat as he searched for other things to say. “Now that she knows Will lied to her in the past, it’ll be hard to trust him again.”
“I bet it won’t work out. I just hope she doesn’t marry him before she leaves him the next time.” Jane tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She was wearing a lightweight sweater, could probably use a warmer coat, so he gestured at his truck.
“I’ve got a jacket if you’d like.”
“No. I...I’m fine.”
“Let me get it,” he insisted and grabbed it out of the back seat of his crew cab.
He handed it to her, and she put it on.
“So...” he said. “How are you feeling?”
“Anxious,” she admitted. “I took the pregnancy test we bought in Bozeman.”
He caught his breath. This was the moment. “And...?”
“I’m pregnant, Kurt.”
His knees went weak. Despite what the research suggested, she’d conceived. They were going to have a child.
“Are you disappointed?” she asked when he said nothing.
He was still trying to absorb the news, hadn’t been able to formulate a sentence. “No.” He wasn’t sure that was true, but he’d signed up for this so it wouldn’t be fair to make her feel terrible now.
She gave him a sheepish look. “What are you feeling?”
“Shock. Disbelief. Uncertainty.” He tried to steady his breathing. “How long have you known?”
“Since last night.”
He’d been agonizing over this all day. And she knew all along? “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I was putting it off because...because I was afraid you were hoping for the opposite.”
He said nothing.
“After all, I told you it was unlikely to happen this soon,” she rambled on. “I set up your expectations for a negative response.”
He nodded. That was true. He’d started to view the unlikelihood of a pregnancy as a possible escape.
“Are you upset?” she asked with a wince.
“No,” he said again, but it was all he felt he could say, and she seemed to recognize that.
“I’m sorry I dragged you into this,” she said.
“You didn’t drag me.” She’d been all he could think about. He was fairly sure he was in love with her. He’d gotten himself into this, and now it seemed as though the whole thing had just blown up in his face.
“Do you want to talk about...about whether or not you’d like people to know you’re the father?” she asked.
He could no longer avoid it. His parents would find out—and be furious that he hadn’t been smarter than to avoid this situation. His brothers would find out—and think he was an idiot. Everyone in town would find out. “Since Ranson discovered you in the kitchen, I think it’ll be obvious who the father is.”
She pressed her lips tightly shut for several seconds. Then she said, “You’re probably right. Does that mean you’d like to be involved in the child’s life?”
Yes! He wanted to be involved in her life, too, but in the traditional way. He wanted to be with her—possibly even marry her although they weren’t quite at that point in their relationship—and have a family. But trying to win her over, he’d left himself completely vulnerable to forever being on the outside, paying child support and merely having visitation rights.
“Kurt?” she prompted.
He was so leveled he couldn’t formulate coherent thoughts, let alone express them. “Can I...can I have some time to come to terms with this?”
She blinked quickly, as though she was fighting tears as she removed his coat. “Of course,” she said softly and handed it to him.
He stood rooted to the ground as she got in her car and drove off. He told himself to stop her. To say something more reassuring. But he couldn’t even move. A baby was a lifelong commitment. What the hell had he been thinking?
Jane wasn’t sure why she felt weepy. It was the impending life change that a baby would signify, she told herself. It had nothing to do with Kurt.
But she hadn’t felt quite this bad before she’d told him about the pregnancy. His reaction had telegraphed his stunned disappointment, and she couldn’t help taking it personally. He obviously regretted helping her, which made her regret getting him involved, which definitely took away from any excitement she would’ve felt over the fact that she was going to become a mother.
She wanted to call Averil and tell her how the meeting had gone. It was Averil who’d psyched her up for it; she hadn’t yet brought Talulah or Ellen in on the latest. But she didn’t have Bluetooth in her old Mustang. Now that she was at home, she could talk but it was getting late, and because of Mitch, Averil had to be up early again.
Tempted to call in spite of that, Jane picked up her phone twice but set it back down each time. So she was relieved when Averil called her.
“Did you tell him?” Averil asked as soon as she answered.
The sound of her friend’s voice made Jane choke up again—so much that she couldn’t answer.
“Oh, no,” Averil said. “It went that badly? Want to come over and talk about it?”
Jane finally managed to speak around the lump in her throat. “You’re already in bed, aren’t you?”
“I am, but I’m willing to get up. Come on over.”
Jane cracked open her bedroom door and peered out. Papa was asleep, and she didn’t hear movement or anything in the rest of the house to indicate Kate was home. “I can talk from here,” she said, closing her door again.
“So?” Averil said. “How’d it go?”
She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “It wasn’t bad. I don’t know why I’m crying. He was...polite.”
“But not excited.”
“Definitely not excited. Stunned would be a better word.”
“That’s to be expected,” Averil pointed out. “Having a child is no small thing.”
“I shouldn’t have asked him. I feel I’ve taken advantage of our friendship, and he’s going to end up hating me.”
“He had his choice all along, Jane. He could’ve bailed out.”
“What if he didn’t because he likes me?”
“He’s a big boy. He could’ve said something.”
That was true. Averil’s feedback was helping. “I’m not looking forward to having Talulah and Ellen find out.”
“They’ll be torn between supporting you and supporting Kurt, especially Talulah.”
“Why can’t Kurt have a child?” Jane asked. “How does that hurt anyone?”
“It doesn’t. It’s just that doing it this way is dangerous—fraught with emotional pitfalls—so his friends and family will be protective of him. For them, so much depends on how fair you’ll be.”
“They’ll treat me like I stole something from him.”
“No, they won’t. They might be mad at first, but they’ll get used to the idea and calm down when they see that you’ll be as generous and kind with this as everything else.”
But this mattered more than anything else. Could she stand to be as kind and generous as they might like? What if she disagreed with something Kurt did with the baby? What if she felt she was losing control over her own child’s life? What if their son or daughter someday asked to live with Kurt?
Jane dropped onto her bed. “I have no idea what made me think this was a good idea,” she said.
“You probably should’ve gone with a sperm bank,” Averil agreed.
At this point, Jane wasn’t even convinced using a sperm bank would’ve been the right thing. Her pregnancy felt unnatural, out of order and far too progressive for her background and where she currently lived. Bottom line, she’d taken a giant leap into a completely foreign world, and there would be no going back. “It’s too late now,” she said.
“You just need some time to adjust to the idea of having a child. It’ll be okay.”
“I hope so,” she said. After all, Averil had a child. She should know about the rewards of motherhood. She was also single and making it work. That was encouraging.
But if Kurt wanted to be part of their baby’s life, and he and their child grew close—and everyone in his family also grew close to the baby—no one would be happy when she wanted to leave.
The feedstore had been slow this morning, and the owner’s daughter had come home for a visit and was willing to help out, so Averil had been sent home, which turned out to be fortunate. She’d arrived only a few minutes after Jane had received a call that her grandfather had fallen. The neighbor insisted he was okay, but Jane had been worried enough that she wanted to go see for herself, so Averil had agreed to come down and watch the store.
She probably wouldn’t have been quite so amenable if she’d realized Talulah and Ellen would be coming in. It was hard enough when she bumped into just one of them around town. Confronting them when they were together was even more intimidating than when they were alone, and she knew they wouldn’t like seeing her behind the register of Jane’s store. She was an outcast, and because they believed she deserved it, Averil doubted they’d be friendly to her anytime soon—at least in any kind of authentic way. Talulah was always polite. She couldn’t complain about that. Ellen, on the other hand, usually tried to ignore her entirely.
“Where’s Jane?” Ellen asked as the jingle that had gone off over the door fell silent.
“Her grandfather had a fall,” Averil replied.
Talulah clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, no! Is he okay?”
Averil eyed Mrs. Bybee, who bought feed for her horses, as the older woman browsed Jane’s store. If a client were to approach the register to check out, it could cut Talulah and Ellen’s visit short, which was an appealing thought. But the woman hadn’t even picked up anything yet.
“I think so,” Averil said. “Herbert Hensley, the neighbor, said he’s fine—just tripped while tinkering in his workshop and couldn’t get up. Fortunately, Herbert was outside at the time and heard Papa call for help, so he wasn’t on the ground long, and he doesn’t seem to be injured. Herbert helped him back into the house. Jane went home just to double-check that he doesn’t need to see a doctor.”
“I hope he hasn’t broken a hip or something like that,” Talulah said.
Averil glanced at Mrs. Bybee again. She was smelling the handmade soaps before putting them back. But she still didn’t look serious about buying anything. “We don’t think that’s the case.”
“So how do you like living above the store?” Ellen asked.
“I love it.” Averil would’ve invited them over for a housewarming party—if she’d thought they might like to come. She was planning a brunch for her family when she had the money to dress the place up a bit more.
“It’s a cool apartment,” Talulah said.
They’d seen it when Jane lived there. “It is.”
Talulah hitched her purse higher. “Ellen’s really good at decorating. I can watch the store if you want to take her up and show her around. I bet she could give you some good tips.”
This was a more generous offer than Averil had expected. But she was afraid to accept it. She didn’t want to get her hopes up that they’d let the past go. It was enough, for now, that she had her own place, she’d gotten away from Jordan and Jane was back in her life in an honest, caring way. That was a start. She figured she should accept what she could get and not set herself up for any more disappointment. She needed to remain stable, didn’t want to relapse and start seeing Jordan again. “That’s okay. There’s no need to put her out. I don’t have a lot of money to spend on that sort of thing at the moment.”
“That’s just it,” Talulah said. “She can make any place look good for a fraction of what it would usually cost.”
Averil didn’t know how to say no again without being rude. But Ellen frightened her more than Talulah. Ellen was the newcomer who’d taken her spot in the trio she’d once belonged to, and the way Averil saw it, Ellen had nothing to gain by including her. It wasn’t as if they’d cared about each other before, like it was with Talulah. “She’s probably tired of doing that sort of thing,” she said, shrugging off the comment.
“I’m not tired of it,” Ellen said. “I’d be happy to take a look.”
Averil hesitated. “Do you know how to ring people up on Jane’s system?” Averil asked Talulah.
Talulah looked over at Mrs. Bybee. “I can probably figure it out. It can’t be too different from what I use at the diner. And if I have a question, I’ll come get you.”
With that, Averil felt she had no choice except to lead her former best friend’s new best friend up to her apartment. “I’ve just moved in, so I haven’t had time to do much,” she said apologetically as she opened the door.
Ellen walked past her and took a turn around each room. “Looks like you’ve gotten a good start.”
Coming from Ellen, those were kind words indeed. “Thanks.” She wanted to say that Jane would help her when she had the time, but she was afraid that would be interpreted as a snub, so she kept her mouth shut.
“You know, I have an old chair in my garage that we could reupholster. It would look great in your living room.”
Averil didn’t know how to respond. Did Ellen mean the two of them? “I don’t know much about that sort of—” she started to say, but Ellen cut her off.
“I can show you. Why don’t you come over on Saturday?”
Averil felt her jaw drop. “To your place?”
“Yeah. Where we have room to work in the garage.”
“I have to be at the feedstore on Saturday. It’s our busiest day.” And she needed the money, since she was paid hourly, and they’d asked her to go home today.
“What about Sunday?” Ellen pressed.
Averil had thought saying she had to work would dampen Ellen’s enthusiasm. Ellen had been kind enough to extend the invitation, so she’d get credit for that even if it never happened. She’d chosen not to take the out Averil had just given her, which came as a shock. “Um, yeah. That would work. I’m off that day.”
“Great. You can bring Mitch if you’d like. Hendrix can help keep an eye on him while we work, maybe pitch him a few balls.”
“Are you sure you want me there?” She hadn’t meant to sound quite that surprised, but she knew she hadn’t done a very good job of concealing her true reaction by the way Ellen smiled.
“I’m sure,” she said.