35

The Battle of the Bots

Max sat glumly in the back of CAR, tortured in more ways than one by the smell of Elmer. Max was miserable about everything the kittens had ruined. But, as it turns out, there are worse things than ruined collectibles and destroyed statues.

Believe it or not, there are even worse things than robots that smell like pee, or failed contest submissions.

There are still worse things than not having your parents around while your life is falling apart—or having your cousin be the only person around to help you out—aside from a sister who’s already mad at you and House, who thinks that ordering pizza is the solution to every problem.

The very worst thing that Max had to face on this particular night?

A front door, wide open, leading to a front-yard gate, also wide open . . .

 . . . and two traumatized cats streaking out of the house because they think you hate them. Helpless, defenseless kittens, alone again in a dangerous world.

Max wallowed in his misery as they arrived at the Battle of the Bots venue. He shuffled along behind Javi as Min registered and weighed Elmer (a bit heavier than she’d calculated, but still made weight). He plopped down absently into the bleachers by the Battle Arena, with the bright lights, spinning blades, and flamethrower obstacles dazzling everyone but him.

Max was barely able to enjoy the popcorn Javi brought him as he watched Min pilot Elmer through the first few rounds. “Noobs,” she said during a break. It was an open competition, and a lot of robots looked like they had come from a kit. So far, Elmer’s battles had been super easy. His AI had barely been tested. Each round, Elmer walked in calmly, squatted in the center of the arena, and waited. Each round, the enemy robot would approach and Elmer would shoot out an arm, grasper extended, and flip the robot into the wall of the arena.

The semi-finals battle against the team from South Los Angeles was the first real challenge for Elmer. Max and Min knew some of them from summer gaming camps, and they were some of the smartest kids they knew. Their robot, Toro, was wedge-shaped and extremely fast. Toro’s move was to zoom in before the other bot could even react, wedge forward, and launch them into the air, over and over, until the crash landings crushed them. Too quick to catch, Toro was going to be hard for Elmer to beat.

The match started, and Toro screamed toward Elmer. Max saw Min tap a button, and Elmer shifted into crab mode—body high, balanced on four legs. For the first time, Toro didn’t know where to hit. It rammed one of Elmer’s legs, zipping under it and flipping it upward, but Elmer just let it swing up and shifted his weight into his other three legs. No problem. Toro couldn’t flip Elmer, but then again, Elmer couldn’t catch Toro.

Max had an idea. “Give it the hammer!” he shouted to Min. She glanced at Max with a half smile, nodding. Max saw Elmer switch out a grasper with a punching attachment (aka the hammer), which was tube-shaped and slammed out a metal rod, kind of like a sledgehammer workers used to break up concrete. Min turned Elmer so the hammer was facing Toro, and as it rushed in, she raised the leg and tapped a button. She timed it perfectly, and the hammer shot out just as Toro reached Elmer. A loud crunch echoed in the arena. Toro stopped cold. Elmer raised the hammer again. Crunch. For the first time today, Toro was completely still, smoking. Min was in the finals.

Min carefully placed Elmer in his charger and joined Max and Javi back in the stands. “NASA, here I come,” she said to Max and Javi as they waited for the final round.

Max was impressed. Min sailed through the competition and Elmer didn’t even have a scratch. There was a pretty big crowd, and a big screen flashed with Min and Elmer’s picture up on it. He had to admit, watching robots get smashed up was rather fun.

Only one real challenge remained between Min and the trophy: Team PAYNE, their robot piloted by Simon Payne, an obnoxious rich kid from Laguna. Simon’s parents had created PayneSoft, a massive company that built anti-virus software. Team PAYNE had matching uniforms, a logo, and even a small cheering section.

And PayneBot was formidable.

It had wheels on all sides, so when it flipped over, it ran upside down. It was shaped like a flat disc, with a blade wheel surrounding it that spun so fast it could rip through solid metal. PayneBot had left a lot of sliced-up bots behind. Min was worried that it might tear off Elmer’s arm if he tried to grab it.

Min carried Elmer to the entrance of the arena and set him inside. She went back to her tablet and moved Elmer into position. Like before, Elmer moved to the center and sat calmly. On the opposite side of the arena, PayneBot zoomed in, blade swirling. PayneBot swung around, doing circles around Elmer, before settling into position. “Show-off,” Max said to Javi.

A countdown timer on the big screen reached zero, the signal that the battle had begun. PayneBot took off straight at Elmer, showing no fear. Min tapped quickly on her tablet and Elmer switched out his grasper for a blade attachment, hoping to fight blade with blade. She underestimated the speed of PayneBot, and the crowd gasped as it slammed into Elmer, putting a gash on his side, knocking him backward.

“Come on, Min, you can do it!” Max yelled, sitting up now, tense with the combat. He watched Elmer adjust to regain his balance. Elmer calmly moved back into position, ready for the next attack. Max stared at Elmer, at the gash in his side, and saw something he couldn’t believe.

“Javi, look at Elmer—do you see that open compartment in his side?”

One of Elmer’s spare compartments had flipped open, and Javi squinted, trying to see what Max was pointing at. Javi’s face dropped.

Min, preparing for the next strike, had swapped in the flamethrower attachment. Elmer twisted his arm toward PayneBot, spitting flame. The crowd yelled in excitement.

“Min, wait!” Max yelled, and leaped down the seats to her spot by the side.

“NOT NOW, MAX,” Min warned, concentrating. PayneBot swerved in circles around Elmer, trying to get close without getting burned.

“Min, look.” Max grabbed her, pointed at Elmer.

“Oh no,” she said as she saw a tiny tail through the gash in Elmer.

“No way, no way, this is not happening.” PayneBot was circling, menacing, looking for an opening. It lunged, and Elmer shifted back onto three legs, barely avoiding the sharp blades.

As Elmer’s body tilted, the rear compartment door fell open, and a calico kitten plopped out of Elmer into the arena, frozen in fear. Nobody saw it. Of course, nobody was looking for kittens in the arena.

Elmer shifted, and a second tiny kitten tumbled down onto his sister. Stu and Scout, kicked out of their hiding place, had nowhere to run.

“Min, you have to stop the fight!”

“If I stop, I get disqualified!”

PayneBot circled, afraid to get too close to Elmer’s flames, but could attack at any moment.

“Min, PLEASE.”

Furious, Min slammed a bright red button on the wall. This was the FAILSAFE, something you only pressed when there was an emergency. It cut power to the arena’s spinning blades, and all robots were required to power down. It also signaled “Surrender” to the judges and the other side. Just like that, Min had lost.

Defeated, Min swiped down on her tablet. Elmer’s flame went out immediately, and he squatted down into his dignified gorilla pose, waiting for instructions. Stu and Scout cowered between his legs.

The Payne team was so busy celebrating they didn’t notice Max run into the arena and scoop up the kittens. The crowd gasped at the sight.

Max, walking back, started crying. He was so worried, so relieved, and felt so bad for Min, all at the same time.

Min stared up at the screen: TEAM PAYNE WINS!!!! in bold flashing letters. A NASA logo flashed up next to a picture of Simon Payne, smiling smugly. Min’s heart was pounding. Her palms were sweaty and her ears were buzzing. She couldn’t hear the noise of the arena. Everything was a little hazy.

She looked out into the arena at her brother, looking so sad, holding the kittens. Suddenly she felt a calm she couldn’t explain.

She saw two furry creatures that were the most annoying things she could imagine. But she also really saw, for the first time, two furry creatures that were alive, vulnerable, and she was glad they were safe.

She saw how Max carried them and almost—almost—understood why he cared so much about them.

Maybe, she thought, someday, I can forgive Max for ruining my life.

She walked to the center of the arena to pick up Elmer. She saw the scorch marks and smelled the pee.

Someday, she thought as she carried Elmer back to his case. But not today.