Something had changed.
Spencer saw it in Olivia’s eyes, in her posture, he heard it in her tone. Something had softened in her, and brightened. She was demanding as she hadn’t been, confident in her touch and her appeal, and he was completely transfixed. The feel of her lips on his nipple, her fingers on his skin, her weight on top of him, made him want to just close his eyes and enjoy.
But he wanted to watch her, too.
He reached up and removed the clip from her hair, letting it spill over her shoulders as she moved to kiss him. He let her take command, and she did with a passion that left him breathless.
And ready.
Her hand slid over his chest to his shoulder. “The compass at the top of your sleeve.”
“It points to true north.”
“It points to a building that looks a lot like the lodge.”
Spencer smiled. “Wolfe Lodge. My true north. The thing that’s most important to me.”
She kissed the point of the compass. “I guess mine would point to my bee.”
“There are bees at the Pines in Honey Hill,” Spencer noted.
Olivia smiled, then silenced him with a slow sweet kiss. He eased his hands beneath her shirt, then cupped her breasts in his palms. She squirmed a little, then sat up to discard his sweatshirt. She didn’t look like her usual composed self. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were shining. Her nipples were taut and he caressed them, watching her arch her back in pleasure. She smiled down at him, then tugged at the waistband of his jeans. “I want you naked. Right now.”
Spencer grinned and unfastened his jeans. Olivia helped and he was soon lounging on the couch naked as she surveyed him.
“I’ll have to remember that recipe,” she whispered, then kicked off her own jeans and crawled over him again. She claimed his nipple with a kiss, sucking the peak between her teeth in a move that Spencer knew he’d taught her.
Having her do it to him was enough to make him dizzy. “Is the wolf for your name?” she asked.
On his chest, Spencer had a large tattoo of a wolf with a feather. It was a piece he loved. The feather swirled, the howling wolf silhouetted at its base, a full moon in the middle of the feather, and its tip breaking into a flock of birds that scattered over his skin.
“That and more. As soon as I saw it, I had to have it,” he admitted, then Olivia’s mouth closed over him and he felt himself shiver. She stroked him, indicating that he should continue. He reached down and let his fingers tangle in her hair, then closed his eyes in rapture.
She was in command and he was content to let her do whatever she wanted, sensing that she needed this change in the balance.
Spencer’s voice was husky when he continued. “The sight of it filled me with wonder, exactly the way I want to feel every day about everything in my life. I want to be in awe. I want to appreciate every bite, every moment, every taste.”
He realized that he felt this way with Olivia, that the sight of her filled him with joy, that her smile could change his world, that he wanted to be with her every moment for the duration. He didn’t just want her: he loved her.
He gasped as her tongue moved over him, as her teeth grazed him lightly, as she took him almost to the edge, then retreated. “I want to live every day as if it’s a new experience.” He moaned as she began her assault again, the silk of her hair around his hand. “I want to love with all my heart. I want to give every moment my best. I want to howl at the moon.” He caught his breath and his fingers tightened in her hair, because he was close, too close, and he hadn’t touched her yet. “Olivia!” he whispered, hearing his own need, and she eased over him. She claimed him with a kiss, a demanding kiss, as if she’d suck him dry. Her passion fed his own and Spencer gripped her waist, wanting to roar when she took him inside her with one smooth move.
“Who’s getting lucky now?” she whispered, her eyes filled with mischief and her hair falling all around them.
“Definitely me,” he said, smiled up at her. “Let’s fix that.” He eased his hand between them, inhaling sharply to discover how wet she was, how hard her clitoris was. He watched her sit up and stretch her arms overhead, watched her lips part as he coaxed her to moan. He caressed her as she rode him, their pleasure mounting as they drove each other onward. She looked down at him, desire glittering in the green depths of her eyes, a flush on her cheeks and her breasts.
“Come here,” he whispered and she lowered herself over him, still riding him as her mouth locked over his own. He held her tight and kissed her hungrily, finally rolling her to her back to drive deep inside and make them both roar with satisfaction.
They were breathing heavily when he kissed the corner of her mouth, liking how she smiled. “I love you,” he said, holding her gaze, and saw the panic light her own. “Which means I want you to have whatever you want.”
She eyed him warily. “Even leave for England?”
“Even that.” Spencer heaved a sigh and pushed his hand through her hair. “I’ll miss you, and every time I see you, I’ll try to convince you to give me another chance, but you have to howl at your moon.”
Olivia dropped her gaze. “Isn’t there a saying about loving someone enough to let them go?”
“There is. No creature is happy caged.”
She brushed her fingertips across his chest piece, her touch lingering on the flock of birds.
“Will you tell me,” he dared to ask.
“Tell you what?” Her gaze flicked to his and Spencer knew that she knew exactly what he meant.
“Why you don’t believe in something I think is unassailable.” He eased her hair back from her cheek and kissed her temple. “Tell me why you don’t believe in love, Olivia.”
She moved and he rolled to his back, letting her do what she wanted. She braced an elbow on his chest and looked down at him. “It’s like what you say about Lexi and doubting she’ll come through.”
“A learned response.”
“Exactly.”
He slid his hand up her back, unable to think kindly about anyone breaking her heart. “Tell me about it,” he invited, instead of offering to deck some guy.
Olivia nodded slowly. “Mise en place,” she whispered, then brushed her lips across his. “Let me put all in order then I’ll explain.”
Spencer was content to wait. They had time. And her agreement to tell him meant that she trusted him.
He knew that trust was the cornerstone of everything.
Could this be the beginning of a future for them?
Where would she start?
Liv felt agitated by even the prospect of confiding in Spencer. Or was she agitated because he’d said those three words—and she’d wanted to respond in kind?
She appreciated that he gave her space and time to think about it. They cleaned up the kitchen together and she helped him organize the perishables in the basement. The basement was bigger and higher than she’d expected. It was made of poured concrete, which must have cost a fortune, and was meticulously clean.
“This is huge,” she said without intending to, turning in place and looking around.
“I wanted it done right.”
“But it must have cost a fortune.”
“It pretty much did.”
Liv turned to face Spencer, not wanting to ask the obvious question out loud.
He grinned. “I can guess what you’re thinking.”
“I thought you put everything into Wolfe Lodge.”
“I did, but then something happened.” He beckoned to her. “Come on. It’s warmer upstairs. I’ll tell you there.”
She took one last look around the basement, unable to evade the thought that it would make a good lab.
“Once upon a time,” Spencer said when they were back in the kitchen. “My great-great-grandfather arrived from England and started to buy land around here.”
“The sawmill guy,” Liv said, remembering Lexi telling her this story.
“The sawmill guy. He owned a huge chunk of the highlands. Some of it he logged, some of it he sold off, but one piece, the ten acres he thought was the prettiest, he kept pristine. He was working hard and he wasn’t married, but he had the idea that one day, he’d build a house on that parcel of land. So, he put away two hundred dollars, saving it for that house.”
“When was this?”
“In the late nineteenth century. He never built that house. He married late and kept on working to ensure his kids had a legacy. When he died, his wife invested the money and kept the title to the land. She managed his business and raised his kids, thinking one of them would build the house. But his oldest son moved away to Boston and his second son died in the war. When she died, she left the title and the money, which had grown into a larger sum, to their oldest son, who didn’t want to move away from Boston. His oldest son, did move to Bangor to raise his family, but by the time the land and the money came to him, he was well established himself. He put it away for his son.”
“Your dad?”
Spencer nodded. “And the same thing happened. By the time this legacy was passed to my dad, he already had the house he wanted in Honey Hill. He tucked it away for me. I didn’t know anything about it until Gabriel and I had bought back Wolfe Lodge and reopened the restaurant. Gabriel had his house in Honey Hill, the one he bought when he sold his restaurant in Portland, but I’d sunk every nickel into the lodge. When my dad found out that I was sleeping in the unrenovated part of the lodge, he gave me the title and the money. He told me to build myself a house that I’d have, regardless of how things went at the lodge. He said he wouldn’t give it to me unless I promised to spend the money on building a house and not invest it in the lodge.” He raised his gaze to hers. “I thought he was talking about a couple of thousand dollars.”
“But he wasn’t.”
“Compound interest is your friend, especially over a century or so. There was plenty to build this place and to build it exactly the way I wanted it to be. I own it outright, just the way my dad planned, and it’s my haven.”
“What about Lexi?”
“I’d originally suggested that I could split it with her, but my dad said it was always a legacy for the oldest son. He’s not sure Lexi’s going to stay in Honey Hill either and it was important to him that this place not ever be sold, the way Wolfe Lodge was.” He shook his head. “It really annoyed him that we had to buy it from the guy who let it run into the ground.”
“That’s a nice legacy.”
“It is. And there’s a picture of my great-great-grandfather in the lobby of Wolfe Lodge. I wanted to change the name to Hamish Wolfe Lodge, because he was the one who built it in the first place, but Gabriel didn’t want to redo all the paperwork and the signage. He also said no one would be able to spell Hamish.”
Spencer’s smile flashed and Liv knew he didn’t really believe that.
She looked around with appreciation, thinking about a family having a presence in one town for over a hundred years. No wonder Spencer thought he belonged here. No wonder he had no plans to leave.
But Liv’s roots in Maine weren’t nearly that deep.
He was looking out the window. “I think we should seize the moment and bring in some more wood.”
The snow was past Liv’s knees outside the door and a pile of it cascaded into the cabin when they opened the door. It was still snowing like crazy, the sky filled with swirling white, and the trees were almost buried in the white stuff. It was very quiet outside, just the sound of the wind in their ears as they worked.
“I think you should learn how to make a roast chicken,” he said when they were back inside.
“Why?”
“A basic survival skill.” He cast her a smile. “Everyone should know how to roast a chicken.” Moving with his usual purpose, he chose vegetables from the coolers and began to organize the ingredients on the counter. Liv realized that she was starting to get hungry again and knew she’d be ready for their meal by the time it was done. She helped and enjoyed the rhythm of working with Spencer, even as she planned how she’d answer his question.
They were washing the dishes when Olivia cleared her throat. Spencer glanced her way, but didn’t say anything to prompt her. In a way, he wanted this interval to last forever, for the snow to never melt, for him to have the rest of his life to convince her to give them a chance.
In reality, he knew that it was only a matter of time before the power came back on, the snow was plowed, and Olivia went to England.
Could he convince her to come back?
“You wanted to know why I don’t believe in love,” she said, her voice a little husky.
“Still do.”
Her smile was fleeting. “Well, I learned early that while love might exist, it didn’t last forever.”
“Because nothing is static. You were into science early?” His tone was teasing but she didn’t smile.
She shook her head. “It was because of my dad.”
Spencer was confused. “Because he died? Did that break your mom’s heart?”
“Not exactly, although I would have believed that at the time.”
She fell silent again and Spencer gave her a nudge. “Come on. You can’t start the story then stop, leaving me in suspense.”
“You’re right.” She frowned. “It’s just hard. I haven’t talked about it in a long time. Only once, to Brandon.”
“So, start at the beginning.”
Her gaze dropped to his tattoo and her smile was quick. “Well, he left and Mom said he wasn’t coming back, that he’d died.”
Spencer felt his eyes narrow. “That sounds like maybe he didn’t die.”
“Brandon and I never doubted it at the time. Mom said it, so it was true.”
“You were little.”
“Four. I adored my dad. I thought he could do anything.” She sighed. “But then he was gone, and there was just the three of us. I suppose it made a kind of sense that Mom taught us to be independent and self-reliant.” She took a deep breath. “She said that as soon as you rely upon someone else, you become vulnerable, and if that person doesn’t have your best interests in mind, it will end badly. She taught us to take care of ourselves.”
“So, neither of you believe in love.”
“It’s a fiction, and one that tends to work out particularly badly for women.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“But the problem, Spencer, is that I do. You have to make sure that no one can trash your life on a whim.”
Spencer folded his arms across his chest. “What was the whim?”
“My dad didn’t die. He left and never came back.”
“How do you know?”
“Mom confided in Brandon when he finished high school and he was mad. He went looking for our dad and I never heard the whole story until he came back.”
“He found him then.”
Olivia nodded. “With his other wife and family, in Nevada. My mom, apparently, was a fling and we were a surprise.”
“Hard to have two kids be a surprise.”
“And he didn’t like the winters and he didn’t want to stay, so he left.”
“Why did Audrey say he died?”
“I think she was embarrassed, and I think she didn’t want to tell us the truth. Honey Hill is a small town. If you’re going to lie, it’s better if everyone hears the same story.”
“Or the truth will come out.” Spencer frowned. “But isn’t your dad buried at the cemetery?”
“There’s an empty box buried under that headstone, apparently. My mom went away for a few days, as if she was collecting his remains, then brought back the box and had the funeral.”
“Huh.”
“When Brandon came back, she told us the whole story. She said he might as well have died because she knew he wasn’t coming back. He took the car and the clothes on his back, and all their money from the bank.”
“So, he planned ahead a little bit. The bank can’t make that kind of withdrawal late at night.”
“Yeah.” Olivia nodded. “So, all that stuff in our childhood, of him traveling for work, of him loving us so much, that was all a lie. Apparently, that marriage pre-dated the one with my mom. So the whole thing was a lie because he was a bigamist. An excuse to follow a biological urge.” Her lips tightened. “And my mom was hurt, which was why she taught us never to believe in stories of love and happily ever after.”
Spencer thought she’d probably taught her kids more than that. It couldn’t be an accident that both Brandon and Olivia had been so driven to succeed in school, or that their inclinations had been to excel in math and science respectively.
“You didn’t hear from him again? He never came back?” Spencer couldn’t believe that any man could forget his kids, especially when one of them was Olivia.
Olivia shook her head. “Not a word, as far as I know. Apparently, the one person she confided in was Jane Watkins.”
“If I was going to trust one person in Honey Hill with my secret, it would be Jane.”
“And Mom needed her help, too.”
“Because your dad took all the money.”
Olivia nodded. “They came up with the story of him having a car accident in Pennsylvania. Mom took a trip down there and came home, telling everyone she had his ashes. Jane also lent her the money for the so-called funeral.”
“How did she repay Jane?”
“That’s how she got into cleaning houses—she started with the Pines, to repay Jane with work instead of money. After the debt was paid, she kept cleaning there. My dad’s justification for taking all the money was that he’d earned it. My mom had dropped out of high school to marry him and gotten pregnant with Brandon right away. She’d never had a job, at least until my dad left and she needed one.”
“Jane helped,” Spencer said, not at all surprised that the older woman had done such a thing, never mind that she’d kept Audrey’s secret all these years. “Did you ever talk to him?”
Olivia shook her head. “He didn’t care about us,” she said, her voice hard. “He was able to just walk away and forget us.” She raised her gaze to Spencer’s and her eyes were vivid green. “He lied to my mother. He deceived her to get what he wanted and once he had it, he didn’t care about the fallout. Her life was hard, harder than it needed to be and harder than she deserved.”
“Your mom has a fierce work ethic,” Spencer said.
Olivia nodded. “She cleaned houses and took care of us, and took correspondence courses to become a bookkeeper. I don’t know when she slept. I look back and am amazed that we were so confident that there’d be enough to eat and that we’d be safe and warm. I remember talking about college and her conviction that both of us would go. We both applied for scholarships to make her proud of us, but she must have been so relieved when we got them.”
“You did make her proud.”
“And I can’t stop doing that now,” Olivia said with such ferocity that Spencer understood what drove her. She had her own ambition, but it was amplified by her desire to fulfill her mom’s dreams for her.
“That’s fair,” he said. “Thanks for confiding in me.”
She smiled a little and heaved a sigh. “It was easier once I got started. You do understand, don’t you?”
“Well, yes and no.” Spencer leaned on the counter beside her. “I think there’s a flaw in your logic.”
“No.”
“You can’t tell me all this about your mom and her sacrifices for you and Brandon, then insist that love doesn’t last.”
“That’s not romantic love.”
“Is it really all that different?”
“I think so. There’s no biological urge to make more driving my mom’s choices.”
“Just the biological need to defend her young.”
“Exactly.”
“But you’re extrapolating from a single example to an entire population. That doesn’t seem like a good protocol.”
Her expression turned stubborn and Spencer knew he’d found a weak point.
“I mean, my parents are still together and still happy. They still do mushy stuff, so either their love has lasted or they’re putting on a good show of it.” He held her gaze steadily.
“Or it’s mutually beneficial for them to stay together, for financial or social reasons, and they’ve both committed to their marriage because of that.”
Spencer shook his head. “They’re in love.”
Olivia folded her arms across her chest, her body language telling him that she didn’t want to be convinced. “Brandon is just as single as I am, and as our mom is.”
“But is it genetic or is it environment?” Spencer whispered. “Are you skeptical because you can’t fall in love for the duration, or because your mother taught you to learn from her example.”
“I don’t think there’s any genetic marker for everlasting love.”
“But you don’t know. Would your results change if you believed?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are people who believe in love more likely to find it and keep it for the duration? Does optimism or conviction or belief influence results?”
Olivia bit her lip. “They definitely influence behavior.”
“And maybe that makes all the difference in the world. You know that you perform certain acts better when you believe you can do them, as opposed to when you doubt your abilities. Whenever we try something new, it often doesn’t work out as well the first time.”
“We need to be confident in the result to achieve it,” Olivia mused. “That’s interesting.”
Spencer wasn’t done. “How would your behavior change if you believed in love everlasting.”
“We wouldn’t be here,” Olivia said.
“Really?”
“I would never have made that plan with Lexi if I thought that there was any chance of a relationship. Of course, you’d feel tricked and be annoyed.”
“And your choice could have terminated any chance of a future, if it hadn’t snowed.”
She eyed him. “Because we would have argued and parted.”
“Or you would have disappeared with Lexi and not realized that I knew that it was you, and I would be confused as to why you would want me to be unaware of that.”
“So, my choice would shape the results of the encounter.”
Spencer lifted a hand. It seemed self-evident to him. He watched Olivia think it through.
“Whereas if I had thought there might be a relationship, I could have asked you out.”
“Or just given me a hint of your feelings,” Spencer said. “I would have jumped at the chance to try to convince you to give me a try.”
“Really?” She looked very pleased by that.
“Absolutely.”
“But you always treated me like another little sister.”
“Because you always acted like I was another big brother. I didn’t want to do anything that meant I might not see you at all.”
Olivia’s smile turned mischievous and her voice dropped low. “And what would you have done, if you’d had a little encouragement from me?”
“Oh, something like this,” he murmured, bending to brush his lips across hers.
“That wouldn’t have convinced me,” she said and he grinned.
“Something like this,” he said, kissing her ear and drawing her into his arms.
“Better, but I still wouldn’t have been sold.”
“Something like this,” he whispered before capturing her lips with his own. She made a little purr of satisfaction, a sound that got him right where he lived, and leaned against him. Spencer deepened his kiss, lifting her against him, guessing that this was his another chance to make his argument. He bent and scooped her up in his arms, then carried her to the bedroom, glad he knew the obstacles well enough that he didn’t have to break his kiss.
He didn’t know how long it would be before they were compelled to rejoin the real world, but he was going to make every moment count.
It had to be very early in the morning when Olivia heard a click and a whirr. She opened her eyes and sat up, well aware of the weight of Spencer’s arm around her waist. She realized she’d heard the sound of the fridge starting.
And there was a light in the bathroom again.
She glanced down to find Spencer watching her. He looked warm and relaxed, his hair tousled, and so attractive that her heart clenched. They’d had sex so many times, but it just got better.
It had changed from having sex to making love.
It couldn’t last, even if it felt like it might. Liv refused to be fooled.
She was afraid of making a promise that she might not be able to keep. She knew what she wanted to say, but the last thing she wanted to do was to end up lying to this man, even if the words were well-intentioned when they passed her lips. Panic rose within her and her heart skipped a beat, but his gaze never wavered from her own.
He lifted his other hand and beckoned to her. “Again,” he murmured, his voice a low growl that she couldn’t resist. “While the hot water heats.”
Liv eased back into his embrace and loved how his arms closed around her. They loved sweetly and slowly, eyes wide open, so attuned to each other’s likes and needs that Liv was shaken by the power of their union.
When Spencer left the bed, she pretended to be dozing, so she could think. It couldn’t continue to get better, to be more potent, to be more compelling. This had to be the end point, or close to it. During these days, she’d felt cherished by him, and if life could be like this forever, she would sign up in a minute.
But nothing lasted forever. Liv knew that in her very bones.
She compelled herself to think of her dad.
She thought of her mom, who hadn’t realized that Olivia had heard her weeping.
And she acknowledged that she didn’t have it in her to surrender that power over her own happiness to anyone.
Even to Spencer, who was the most trustworthy and thoughtful man she’d ever known. It wasn’t his fault. It was just biology.
Liv didn’t want to live her life in fear of being hurt or being left. She didn’t want to be waiting for the bad news, because that would keep her from enjoying what was good. It wouldn’t be fair to Spencer, who savored every moment and every experience.
And so, she had to go.
She heard the sounds of a vehicle and knew the end had come.
Leaving was the right thing to do, even though it felt so very wrong.
It would be kinder in the long run, even though it was painful in the moment. Spencer would fall in love with someone who could meet him halfway and return his trust.
Liv was never going to come back to Honey Hill to see that.
Spencer had suspected the truth when the power came back on, but he knew it for certain the moment that Olivia came into the kitchen. She spared him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes when she accepted the coffee from him. She closed her eyes when she took a sip and he took some satisfaction in that. “It’s so good. Thank you.”
Even her tone was dismissive.
He’d lost.
He didn’t have to like it.
He’d plugged in both of their phones and she picked up hers, turning it on and watching the messages flow.
“Did they rebook your flight?” he asked, trying to keep the frustration from his voice.
Olivia nodded. “Tonight. I’ll just have time to visit my mom.” She winced then. “The guy who was buying Mindy bought another car instead.”
“Leave Mindy with me.”
She raised her gaze to his. “I’m not coming back, Spencer.”
He nodded understanding. “Then sell her to me.”
“You don’t need another vehicle. You have a truck...”
“A pick-up. I’ve been thinking about getting something more passenger-friendly. It’s a solution that would work for both of us.”
She was reluctant to even have that much of a tie between them and Spencer saw it immediately.
He forced a smile. “Who else is going to let Mindy keep her name?”
“If you’re sure...”
“I am. What was he going to pay you? I’ll come around to your mom’s with the money this afternoon. Or I could drive you to the airport.”
Olivia looked concerned.
“Just friends,” Spencer said. “I know that’s what you want.”
Her smile was tentative. “That’s a lot of driving for you.”
He shrugged, knowing he’d be glad of every second in her presence. “I don’t mind. Your mom could come, too, and see you off.”
Their gazes held one last time. Spencer’s mouth was dry and he felt as if he was filled with words and arguments in his own favor. But he’d tried, and she wasn’t convinced. As much as he wished otherwise, he respected her right to choose.
Even if she didn’t choose him.
Steps sounded on the porch and there was a flurry of knocking at the door. He turned away and opened the door to Lexi, who fell into the cabin with a ton of snow. “Hey, you two!” she said, her eyes alight with the expectation that something had happened. “How’s that magic tattoo, Liv?”
Olivia put down her mug and reached for her jacket. “I told you there was no such thing as magic, Lexi.” She flicked a glance at Spencer. “Sometimes you have to run an experiment to be sure,” she added softly as if Spencer needed any more confirmation that he’d lost.