“LET’S WELCOME MATTIE MCLEOD!” blared the ERA Premier Tour Group’s rodeo announcer.
In an alley leading to the National Western Arena’s entry gate, Amberley struggled to settle Calamity Jane as they waited their turn to compete for a final spot in next week’s team tryouts. She pranced sideways, whinnying, pulling slightly on the bit.
“She’s looking a little hot,” Jared observed, the blurred outline of his face tipped up at Amberley.
“Tell me about it.” She gulped down a breath of sweet, hay-scented air, striving to calm her own jittering nerves, as well. “It’s okay, girl,” she murmured to the restless ten-year-old bay. “Just two more horses to go, and then we’ll let it rip.”
Too bad they’d drawn the final spot in today’s lineup. Harley had the patience of a saint, but Calamity…well, she lived up to her name. How would she—they—do on the course? If she didn’t make the tryouts would Jared still want her as his—whatever they were… They still hadn’t defined their relationship exactly, but Jared said it was serious.
“She’s always a little amped before she competes,” a woman said with a strong Western twang. Amberley turned in the direction of the voice. Calamity Jane nickered, the sound instantly recognizable—a greeting.
“Hey, Ella,” Jared said. “Good seeing you. Hope you’re feeling well.”
“Doctor cleared me from bed rest, but still no riding. Which is why I’m awful glad Amberley’s giving Calamity these runs. She lives to compete.”
Amberley reached down and patted her mount’s soft velvet neck. “It shows. She’s been buzzing since we arrived this morning.”
“How’d your practice go?” Ella’s shape moved to Calamity’s head. “Hey, baby girl,” she clucked. The horse’s muscles relaxed against Amberley’s thighs at the sound of her owner’s voice.
“Great. We followed your suggestion and didn’t do any fast work. Focused on structure and calm instead.”
“Let the horse fly when the time counts,” Ella advised. “Especially Calamity Jane. Speed isn’t a problem for her.”
An uneasy laugh escaped Amberley. “True. She’s a little scattery, but she’s got legs. I’m just about used to her now.”
It’d taken a little while for her and Calamity to click. First off, Amberley had to change her riding style. The mare was lightning on legs and just as unpredictable. If Amberley got behind on her, she’d be in trouble. So far, though, no major mishaps.
So far…
She shook off the fear. It didn’t belong with her in the saddle.
“Used to her? She’s clocking in the low fourteens,” Jared scoffed, confident about her as always.
Ella whistled. “Should be good enough to make final tryouts. There’s two open positions on the team this year.”
“Two?”
“Yep. One’s permanent and one’s temporary until I can return to touring—after the baby.”
“Good to know.” Her fingers tensed on the reins.
She had to win one of those spots. She flicked up the drooping brim of her black Stetson and let out a breath. Just months ago, she’d thought her life over, her career dead. Now, here she sat, about to vie against ten world-class competitors. To even be among them was an honor.
But she wanted to—needed to—win.
Not just for herself, but for the Spirit Ranch kids who’d traveled three hours to cheer her on here in Denver.
“So, you’re okay taking the left barrel first?” Ella asked. “I know you and Harley usually do the right.”
“It’s Calamity’s favorite lead.” Amberley rolled one tense shoulder, then the other. “I want to make sure she’s comfortable.”
“I appreciate that.” Ella’s voice now sounded on her left side, out of the way of the blurred shape of an approaching horse.
“Fourteen fifty-two!” shouted the announcer.
“Shoot,” she heard the rider mutter after hearing her time as she passed, her mount blowing hard.
“Too bad.” Ella whistled. “What’s the time to beat to make the top five now?”
“Fourteen eighteen,” a rider atop a gray horse put in as she trotted by, heading in the opposite direction to the entry gate.
Amberley leaned down to Calamity’s twitching ears. “We’re next after this.”
“Saw they switched up the course pattern a bit,” Jared said.
Amberley’s teeth chewed on her bottom lip. “It’s angled more toward the track.”
“Usually it’s squared to the roping boxes,” Ella said. “But this time we’re trying to get the barrels in better grounds so the horses have surer footing instead of being on the track.”
“I like how they centered them off the entry gate.” Jared gently squeezed Amberley’s jittering knee. “When you run in, it’s pretty even whether you go right or left. The distance is the same. The eyes are still sixty feet off the barrel back to the alley.”
Electronic timers, called eyes, were positioned on the course to record times down to the thousandths of a second. What would her time be today? Good enough to beat fourteen eighteen? Her stomach twisted. In the distance, the announcer called out the next rider’s name, and the crowd hollered.
“It’s still a standard set. Just keep the new angle in mind,” Jared warned once the tumult lessened.
“Got it.” Her voice emerged in a squeak. She cleared her throat. “Got it,” she repeated, only a bit steadier.
A new mount, a different course, legal blindness…what could go wrong? She swallowed down the bubble of fear that rose in her throat.
She still had Jared, and he’d see her through like he promised. Her jumping heart settled. Except for a one-day business trip, he’d been her rock all week, coaching her with single-minded focus. Their evenings together turned even sweeter, ending on his or her front porch, holding hands as they rocked together on the swing, talking about every livelong thing like they always had except now there was also kissing, lots and lots and lots of delicious kissing. So much of it, in fact, she worried she’d become as addicted to Jared as any of his girls, except she was different. He’d called their relationship serious at the wedding. For keeps, she hoped.
She loved him.
Was in love with him. And she’d tell him so tonight.
“Your comeback’s incredible,” gushed Ella. “It’s a flat-out miracle. How are you handling this course with your—your—”
“Eyesight?” Amberley rushed in so Ella wouldn’t feel awkward for bringing it up. “It’s a challenge. But we practiced the pattern, so we should be fine.”
She hoped.
“She’ll be great,” Jared affirmed in that steady voice that leveled her right out.
“Thank you so much for lending us Calamity Jane.”
“You’re doing me a favor,” protested Ella, her voice warm and sincere. “I hated thinking of her cooped up in her stall.”
“Understandable,” Jared answered smoothly for Amberley, knowing, she guessed, that her mind flew to Harley and how much she missed him today. They’d competed together for the past seven years. Could she do it on her own?
She eyed the empty gate and wiped her damp palms on her thighs, thinking hard.
With most of the children here and not at the ranch, he’d have a long, lonely day. Her belly twisted. She’d spoil him rotten tomorrow and make it up to him. Sierra had cleared him for small pasture grazing, and she knew the perfect clover patch for his first venture.
“And you’re okay using the whip?” Ella asked. “You barely need to tap her—just enough so she knows it’s there.”
“No problem.” Amberley forced her fingers to unclench around the whip’s handle. She hadn’t worked with one much, but Calamity needed recognizable cues, signals a rider and horse developed over years…not days… As long as she rode in a similar style to Ella’s, she hoped for a good, safe run with Calamity.
A winning run.
Daddy, if you’re watching, I hope I make you proud.
Doubtful, yawned the devil on one shoulder, skeptical.
You’re not supposed to tell her that, protested the angel on the other.
A gray horse loped down the alley from the course, blowing hard. Silver Streak. Amberley straightened her spine and squeezed Calamity’s sides to move her forward. They were next.
“Fourteen eleven!” cried the rodeo announcer.
“Guess that’s the time to beat now,” Jared said in her ear. “You’ll take the fifth slot for the finals if you best it.”
She nodded, but the motion felt jerky, disjointed. Fourteen eighteen had sounded hard. How could she beat fourteen eleven?
“Good luck, Amberley!” Ella called as Calamity pranced forward.
“Thank you!”
Jerking her head, Calamity reared slightly. Amberley worked to settle the overexcited mare. “Steady, girl,” she soothed. Her own nerves hummed softly through her bones, just the tiniest of vibrations, but it sent goose bumps rolling all over her skin. “Steady.”
“All set, sweetheart?”
She smiled down at the blurred shape of the walkie-talkie and tried not to let Jared’s endearment throw her. “You bet.”
“Here comes our reigning WPRA World champ!” bellowed the rodeo announcer. “She’s a three-time titleholder making the comeback of a lifetime after losing her vision, folks. Some call her a riding miracle. Will she have one here today? Ladies and gents, this is the incredible Amberley James from Carbondale, Colorado.”
Amberley tapped the top of her dad’s black Stetson for good luck, lightly applied the whip, left, right, and galloped out into the arena to a deafening roar.
Adrenaline buzzed in her bloodstream, and she bit the inside of her cheek to stay focused. She pictured the children lined up in the front row with Spirit Ranch owners Benny and Joan. What must they be feeling?
She hoped she made them proud.
Kids. This one’s for you.
She bent low over Calamity’s neck and rocketed forward, riding jockey style the way the speed demon liked it. Every muscle in her body tensed. She breathed through her nose, keeping her lips clamped together.
“Five degrees left,” Jared urged, and she angled her mount at the first barrel, pinning her gaze where she imagined it to be. The raucous crowd muted in her mind. Every atom of her tuned only to Calamity Jane, herself and this unfamiliar course. One, two, three…she counted along with her mount’s thundering hooves, her strides feeling longer than during any of their practices, faster.
Would she sense the first barrel in time?
“Coming on it!” Jared exclaimed, and she put weight in her heels and relaxed her midsection, directing Calamity to shorten her stride. Instead, Calamity dashed on and missed the cue. The barrel shimmered into view.
Too quick!
They overshot it by a stride. Amberley pressed her lips tight and tensed her core, twisting into the turn as she direct reined Calamity around the barrel.
Every bit of air rushed from her when they cleared it, clean.
Precious time lost, though.
Cold sweat broke out at the back of her neck.
No more mistakes.
“Hee-yah!” She ducked and leaned forward, centering herself in the saddle as she applied the whip and held the reins loosely, careful to stay out of Calamity’s mouth when they needed speed most. Sprinting full out, her mount churned up the clay, legs pumping like locomotive pistons, freaky fast.
“Right there!” Jared cried a moment later.
Reacting instantly, she pushed down on the horn with her outside hand. The barrel flashed beside her thigh.
Find the pocket.
She turned Calamity’s nose around the blurred yellow and pressured with her inside leg. Calamity responded like a champ. Her entire body bent as she flexed smoothly through and past the turn.
Nice!
Exhilaration whirled inside Amberley’s tight chest, rising in her throat with a howl. She gritted her teeth and tamped it down.
Don’t get ahead of yourself.
One more…
She slid forward, snatched the reins and angled Calamity for the next turn.
“Go, Calamity! Go!” she shouted, whisking the whip back and forth and giving her mount her head.
Calamity blasted into another gear entirely—another dimension, it seemed. Her mahogany-colored mane streamed over Amberley’s flaming face and her short, quick blows matched each burning gasp of air Amberley’s lungs dragged inside.
The blurred world passed at the speed of light. At this velocity, she was losing her bearings.
Where were they?
“Ten feet,” came Jared’s voice, as if reading her mind. “Pull her a hair off to the left, too close.”
Her hands were sweat-slick. She could hardly grip the reins now, but she hung on, despite the dizzy, sickening thud of her heart. Amberley counted, one, two…monster strides, hustling the horse like nobody’s business. Then she turned her to where the barrel should be and pressed the back of her calf into Calamity’s side to keep her from leaning toward it as Jared had warned. Yellow swept by as they flexed around the turn, girl and horse, synchronized in a flawless pivot she didn’t have to see to know.
Yes!
Then they burst past the barrel and the cheering crowd unmuted itself as she swept under the arena and loped down the gated corridor.
She pulled Calamity to a stop, swung her leg around and jumped down.
“Fourteen ten,” the announcer crowed, and Amberley threw her arms around the horse’s slick, steaming neck.
“Way to go, girl!” she whooped, dancing along with Calamity’s prancing hooves.
She’d done it. Scored the fifth spot for the final tryouts next week. Last place. Still, it bought her one more day, one more try and next time she’d be number one.
Promise, Daddy.
Boots thundered behind her and strong arms whirled her around then gathered her against a firm male body.
“Jared!” Laughter and tears burst out of her.
“I knew you could do it! That’s my girl!”
She lifted her mouth for his kiss, but met air instead.
“Reporters,” he warned under his breath, giving her pause.
Didn’t he want to go public with their relationship? Then again, they hadn’t discussed an official announcement yet…
She ducked her head. “Right.”
“Amberley! Would you mind answering a few questions?” someone shouted.
“Miss James, Red Carter with the Denver Gazette, would sure be grateful for your time…”
“How about a photo, Amberley?”
Clicking noises erupted, and she imagined the sea of cameras pointed at her and Jared. Guess he’d been right to postpone that kiss. They’d just have to make up for it later. Her lips curved.
“I’ll take care of Calamity Jane while you give your interviews. Be back soon.”
“You better,” she muttered under her breath, then gave a toothy smile to the out-of-focus horde. “I’m all yours, fellas.”
And then she’d be all Jared’s, she vowed. And he’d be all hers.
Winning.
It sure felt good for a change.
* * *
JARED DROVE IN silence later that evening, his hands shrink-wrapped to the wheel. His burning eyes reached into the dark beyond his headlights as if searching for the words he’d struggled to say all week.
“You’re quiet.” Amberley scooched closer in her bucket seat, leaned across his pickup’s divide and dropped her head on his shoulder.
The sweet scent of her shampoo, something light and floral, rose from her hair. His chest lifted as he breathed her in. He wanted her that near, not just beside him, but inside him, where she belonged, where he would always carry her.
Only now he had to let her go.
“Been thinking.”
She pressed a small kiss to his tense shoulder. “About?”
“Us.”
“Oh.” She sighed, a warm contented sound, the kind you make when stepping into a hot shower after a long day in the saddle. Anticipation, relief, contentment. “What were you thinking?”
He weighed his words, trying to ignore the shattering din in his head. Earlier this morning, his agent had reached him with an offer to return to the Broncos as a starting halfback. He’d impressed the coach during last week’s workout, passed his physical with flying colors and secured his comeback. At last, he could fulfill his promise to his father and himself to achieve his destiny, something he couldn’t do as a bad boyfriend to Amberley. His demanding schedule meant he’d neglect her while on the road, unable to support her fully.
He’d hidden the purpose of last week’s “business trip” to keep from disturbing Amberley’s focus. The thought of causing her pain killed him. It’d be doubly cruel to break things off before she finished her tryouts for the premier touring team.
He was a lot of things, but cruel wasn’t one of them.
Until now.
He swallowed the bitter bile rising in the back of his throat. The Broncos insisted he report to his first official team practice, and sign his contract, tomorrow. There was an exhibition game scheduled the same day as Amberley’s final tryout for the premier team.
His hard work, his drive, his new determination to push through challenges was finally paying off. He’d regain his career, but lose his love. A long-distance relationship wouldn’t work with a woman like Amberley. She deserved a man who could devote his entire life to her, not just bits and pieces of it. He’d be spending a lot of his time on the road focusing on his rebooted career. He couldn’t take care of her the way she needed.
A long exhale vibrated his lips.
“Those sound like some serious thoughts…” she teased, her voice a bit woozy. Her lashes fluttered against his T-shirt. She had to be exhausted after a day of competing and interviewing. He should postpone the hard conversation.
Maybe tomorrow…
His jaw clamped.
No. He wouldn’t take the coward’s way.
She needed to know his mind once he’d made it up. Period. No matter how much this shredded him. They’d always been honest with each other. He wouldn’t leave her in the dark another minute.
“I got an offer from the Broncos.”
“Hmm…” She fiddled with the radio, trying to tune into something, usually a fruitless mission out on elevated back roads. The tires hummed steadily on the pavement, at odds with his thrashing heart.
“Did you hear me?”
“You said the Broncos?”
“They’re giving me a contract to come back. Starting halfback.”
She dropped her hand and whipped around to face him.
“What? How?” she gasped. “I mean. That’s incredible.” She squeezed his rigid bicep. “Right?”
“Yeah.”
He lifted his eyes to the truck’s ceiling momentarily and blinked the sting from his eyes.
“So how did it happen? Tell me everything.” She shoved back the hair that’d fallen loose from her braid. “I’m so excited for you.”
How bittersweet. Of course she was glad for him…
“I tried out last week.”
“Last week…” She tapped a finger against her teeth. “You mean that business trip? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to say anything unless I succeeded.”
A doe and her fawn appeared on the road’s shoulder, and he slowed. Then slowed more. When they didn’t budge, he braked and waited for them to make up their minds. A moment later they bounded across the lane and into the dense forest on the opposite side. Their tails flashed white against the dark, then they were gone.
He understood that kind of paralyzing indecision. It’d plagued him all week as he’d stayed silent, longing to confess all to his best friend, but needing to hold everything in to spare his girlfriend. He’d wanted both women and was now settling for neither.
“Didn’t you want me to cheer you on? I could have come with you and…”
She cut off at his fierce head shake. “I needed to do it alone.”
“Why? We never do anything by ourselves.”
“We do now.”
“What—what are you saying?”
His pulse trickled in his veins, then froze, right along with his words. They lodged in the back of his throat, choking him.
“Are you—are you breaking up with me?” Petey lifted his head from the back and woofed at her anguished tone.
“I’m going to be on the road a lot.”
“I know. This isn’t your first year playing pro ball. What’s the difference?”
“We are. We’re different.”
“Us? Or me?”
He rubbed the back of his tense neck. “It was fine when we were just friends.”
“We were never just friends.” Her voice had turned brittle, breaking.
“Best friends, yes, but now, now you need more.”
“How do you know what I need?” came the fast, fierce question.
Amberley.
Always a fighter. His feelings for her swelled his heart to aching fullness.
“I’ve always known what you need,” he said simply.
“Not now you don’t.”
He shook his head. No. She was wrong. He wouldn’t put her through what he saw other athletes’ wives endure, the strain of time apart, of wondering and worrying about their partners. Living on their own. And it’d be even harder on Amberley. Her vision loss already challenged her confidence. He wouldn’t erode it further.
Most of all, he wouldn’t fail at a relationship with her. She deserved better. A hero. Something he couldn’t be to her now. It’d be selfish to string her along, keep her waiting on his calls and visits. As much as it ripped him apart, he needed to end their romance and just hope—pray—she’d stay his friend.
Not having her in his life at all would be like losing a limb. He couldn’t function without her.
Now, how to say any of that and make sense? He knew how to smooth-talk women. Lighthearted, playful conversations. These life-and-death stakes twisted his tongue in knots.
“So, you don’t want me.”
“I do,” he insisted. He held so much emotion inside him, he swore he could hardly move.
“I don’t understand what you want!” she cried, and Petey leaped to his feet with a growl.
“I want us to go back to being friends again.” Liar. “That’s all I can handle right now.”
“Because you don’t want to have to—” she made air quotes “—‘handle’ a disabled girlfriend. I should have known you wouldn’t want someone like me.”
“No,” he denied, vehement. Water misted the road, the first evidence of the rain that’d threatened all day. “It’s not you. It’s me.”
A half laugh, half sob escaped her.
“That sounds like a line, but it isn’t.” He eyed the caution sign and slowed as they cruised around a steep, tight turn. The road glistened, coated with damp.
“It sounds like an excuse.”
“It’s not. It’s just… I’ve got a lot going on. I can’t take care of you, Amberley. Not right now.”
“Take care of me…” She gasped, like he’d sucker punched her. “I can take care of myself! I don’t need you for that.”
“Yes, you do,” he insisted, needing her to see the truth so that she’d understand him, his reasons. “How will you get around without me?”
“My mother.”
“She works.”
“Then I’ll take a cab.”
“In Carbondale?”
A strangled sound escaped her.
“And you can’t compete without me.” His chin dipped to his chest, and his rounded shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry about this, but my first preseason game is the day you were supposed to try out for the final spot.”
“I see.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the glimmer of pain that flashed across her face, so real and endless that he felt it in his gut. “I’m sorry.”
“I heard you.” She brushed furiously at her cheeks.
“Please, sweetheart, don’t.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“Don’t call me that. Not if you’re breaking up with me. That’s what a break is.” She held out her fists, pushed together, then yanked them apart. “No more us.”
“Even as friends?” His eyes were hot. He tried to breathe slowly, but in his head, a terrible reality was dawning. He was going to lose Amberley completely.
“How can we?”
“Because we love each other, damn it.” He pressed his lips together to hold back the emotion raging inside.
“But you’re not in love with me.”
Raindrops began pattering on his windshield. He clicked on the wipers. “Are you in love with me?”
She turned and spoke to her reflection. “What’s it matter now?”
He opened his mouth to insist that it did, then shut it at the sudden chasm-opening revelation that she was right. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered if they weren’t together.
Nothing except football and becoming the hero he’d promised his father to become.
The wind lashed the trees on each side of the road. The drizzle picked up, pelting the truck and the road, turning the side ditch into a stream. A hissing sound spewed from the vents as the defroster fought the white mist fogging the glass.
“Turn here,” she ordered.
“That’s not your—”
“Drop me at my aunt’s.”
“I’m taking you home.”
“I decide. Not you,” she choked, swiping at her cheeks harder, the gesture ripping his heart from his chest. He knew how much those rare tears cost her. “Let me out!”
Fine.
He needed to listen to her.
Minutes later he cranked the wheel and pulled to a stop in front of a small double-wide. In the tense silence, the only sounds were Petey’s agitated moans and the swoosh patter of the rain and wipers.
“Goodbye, Jared,” she said and then opened her door.
He hopped out of the cab and into the swampy evening air. Craggy mountaintops towered black above the fields, and he could smell the nearby river: wet rocks and moss and mud. He hustled to Amberley’s door in time to grab her hand as she stepped down.
Petey leaped to her side. He head-butted her legs until she reached for the handle of his harness. A light blinked on above the garage and a door opened.
“Who’s there?” a woman shouted from the top of a short set of stairs, her hand shading her eyes.
“It’s me. Amberley. Be right in.”
“Is Jared with you? Invite him in.”
“He’s just leaving.”
Rain plastered Amberley’s hair to her head and trickled down her cheeks. Her eyes burned into him. “Go.”
He moved to touch her face, but she jerked away and Petey growled. His curled lip revealed a flash of white teeth. “I’m sorry, Amberley.”
“Me, too.” Her head drooped, and she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering in the chill wet. “Good luck with everything. I hope you get—get everything you want. I mean that.”
“I know.” His eyes blurred as he watched her turn and hurry away, Petey trotting ahead, skirting the puddles in the pitted gravel drive.
She pulled open the door, then disappeared inside without a backward glance.
For a while he simply stood in the rain, his feet rooted to the boggy ground, feeling as if somebody had pumped a numbing sensation into his arteries. His face was losing sensation. He ran a hand over it, brushing away the salty damp, not rain.
No. Not rain.
He watched the shadow shapes of Amberley and her aunt glide behind the window shades, his eyes hot with remorse. Truth stared him full in the face—now the dream had shattered—and he could hardly breathe. This woman was not his. She would never be his—as a friend or anything else. No matter how much he loved her, she would never be his.
He climbed into his truck, reversed back onto the road and cracked open the window. He breathed the night air and peered out at the shining road, at the distant mountains and at the dots of light from scattered homesteads. He listened to the steady drum of the rain, to the sudden blare of a radio channel, and felt as if he were being wrenched from his home.
Nothing left but to chase his destiny.
But what if Amberley was his destiny?