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Willie didn't seem surprised when the Wienie Wagon arrived, missing forward and aft sections of the hot dog. "What planet are we on that you did not even get scolded for this?" Matt asked Sady peevishly.
"Hush and let me enjoy the moment. It's like a victory lap. Besides, you're doing enough scolding for everyone."
"Why don't you just take a bow?" he asked sourly when the grandkids all came running to see the damaged dog.
"It's not a bow-worthy wreck, according to Amanda," Sady replied. "Say cheese." She elbowed Matt as Willie snapped a picture of them standing by the vehicle. "We go on the wall, over there," she said pointing to a large corkboard nearly covered in photos. "This won't get any points in the size of the wreck category, but it's near the top for originality," she said proudly.
"Wonderful! I've finally made it to someone's wall of shame without lifting a finger. Thanks, Sady!"
Sady sniffed and asked Willie if she could get a copy of the picture sent to her phone. Matt ignored her when she asked if he wanted the picture as well. It suddenly became quiet- too quiet. Matt looked around and the grandkids were gone.
"This is like one of those movies right before something really bad happens," Matt whispered to Sady. "All the locals disappear, just before the innocent bystanders get whacked in a particularly gruesome manner."
"William!" Patricia sounded mad. Sady looked at Matt in dismay. They could hear her mumbling as she approached the garage. Matt whipped around, looking for Alicia.
"She lied! Did you hear what Patricia just said? I bet she hangs out at pool halls," he complained. Sady ignored Matt and hid behind him. But she needn't have worried. Mrs. Keller had one target in mind- Mr. Keller.
"Willie! You did this on purpose, didn't you? Just because you don't want me sneaking around behind your back. You're not the only one who likes to drive the Wienie Wagon. So don't you lie to me because I always know when you do! Am I going to have to cut you o..." She stopped, then gave them an embarrassed look before she lit into him again. "What I meant to say is you'll be in the guest room for the next couple of weeks."
"I bet the guest room is in the backyard and has a sign above the door that says Rover, Fido, and Willie," Matt whispered to Sady.
Willie stopped Patricia with a huge hug and a big smacking kiss on her cheek. "I'm not buying it, Willie. You're gonna have to do better than that." Patricia rolled her eyes and gave him a classic 'like mother, like daughter' Amanda stare. Willie tipped her over and planted one on her lips. Someone whistled when he finally pulled her up.
Matt winced in pain and said, "I was worried he'd throw out his back and drop her... or both. Not much else could top this day's activities."
Patricia tilted her head in disappointment and asked, "Is that all you've got?" She tapped her foot and placed her hands on her hips.
"In front of company?" Willie joked. With a sigh he said, "Okay, I'll help you get your license back. Is that better?"
Patricia's smile answered that question. She said, "Uh, huh. And make sure you call that body shop right away and tell them this is a rush job. This thing had better be ready when I get my license."
Matt glanced at Joey and then asked Sady, "What's wrong with that guy? How can he stand here and watch this? He should have run away as a child. His chances for a happy future are slipping away each time Amanda slaps him. He's still wearing that stupid hat... and so are you."
Sady rolled up her eyes so she could see the front of her hat. "These hats rock, Meadows!" Turning, she said, "Hey, Willie. This hat is better than any beauty pageant crown!" She ignored Matt's taunt about her shameless angling for the hat. He didn't finish his sentence before Sady hugged Willie, thanking him for the hat. Willie held out his arms to Matt with a big grin. Matt threw the Top Dog hat to him.
"You just blew it! I wanted that one too, so why didn't you just give him a hug, for crying out loud?" Sady asked.
"You can only wear one at a time, Miss Wienie Wagon," he said. "Quit complaining and enjoy the moment."
Sady's face lit up with a grin. "Dang, that was fun- wasn't it?" Amanda and Joey nodded, but Matt raised his eyes as they walked toward the house.
"You're the only one who didn't have fun, Matt. You need to lighten up," Sady told him.
"You can't take credit for the back seat, Sady," he reminded her. "Joey obviously doesn't get many dates, and Amanda probably brought a bottle with her."
"I heard that, Stubbles, and you're wrong. Joey just finds me irresistible, right Joey?" Amanda asked.
Joey nodded, still wearing his hot dog hat and Matt muttered, "I think anything shiny would do the same thing for that guy."
"Be nice," Sady scolded. With a glare at Matt, she grabbed Joey's arm and asked him about his work. Twenty minutes later, her eyes were glazed, and she sent a desperate look around, hoping for a rescue. Joey lost her with his techno-babble computer jargon in the first two minutes.
"Joey!" He snapped to attention when Amanda yelled. "Quit hogging Sady's attention and get over here." He gave Sady a sheepish smile and raced to Amanda's side. Sady watched with her mouth open.
"You look as vacant as Joey," Matt teased. She ignored him and watched Joey for a few minutes, then her jaw dropped again.
"He's faking! Ooh, he's good," Sady said with admiration.
Matt poked her. "What do you mean? That guy's one of those geniuses who can't tie his own shoes." Sady looked at Joey's feet and laughed- the closures were Velcro.
Still she shook her head. "No, that's a diversionary tactic. He knows perfectly well how to tie his shoes. He's putting on the dumb act so Amanda will keep an eye on him. Growing up in the beauty pageant world you learn how to work everyone you meet. Sometimes the dumb act is necessary. He's working Amanda right now. I wonder if I should tell her?"
"And ruin my fun? Don't you dare," Matt replied as he watched in fascination. Pretty soon he and Sady were both laughing at Joey's antics. He was like a Yo-Yo with Amanda pulling the string. He grinned each time it happened. When he realized Matt and Sady were watching him, he gave them a big wink, then turned back with a stupid grin on his face.
"I bet he's only known as Joey over here. No sane adult would choose to be called that," Matt said.
"I'm half tempted to sneak over to his house and introduce myself to his folks so I can see how he really lives. He might still live at home, but I bet that's by choice," Sady replied.
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't let that get around." They both jumped when Joey spoke from behind them. "In case you haven't noticed, Amanda likes to be in control. And I like it when Amanda's in control." He no longer had the 'room for rent' sign flashing in his eyes. They gleamed with intelligence and mischief.
"Dude, you seriously aren't going to marry her, are you?" Matt sounded aghast at the prospect.
"Nope, she's going to marry me... someday," he replied with another grin. "Patty's right- I've had a crush on her since the day we met. I let her beat me up because her folks would feel sorry for me and have me over to play. She beat me every time I gave her a kiss. Oh, everyone calls me Joe except family. They call me Joey."
"I think he took too many blows to the head," Matt told Sady. "How many times did you kiss her?" he asked Joe.
"Every chance I got," he admitted with no shame. He continued, "And get!"
"And she hasn't killed you?" Matt asked. Before he could reply they heard Patty calling for Joey. He plastered a smile on his face and went to find her. "I guess Amanda's met her match, and doesn't even know it," Matt said. "I wish I could be around when she realizes he caught her in her own trap."
"Don't you have any romance in that heart of yours, Meadows? I think he's sweet," she said.
"When it comes to Amanda, no! A certain amount of healthy fear, yes. A sense of self-preservation, yes. And he's not sweet, he's delusional! I hope his parents make him go for a psych evaluation soon."
"Why?" she teased. "Because he has a thing for Amanda? You have to admit that life with her would never be dull. Look at Willie- he doesn't seem to be in any pain."
"Willie's past the point of pain and is probably mixing his own blend of special sauce so he can survive the attack of the Keller women. Geez! There's already three running around, and we haven't even met the whole family. Then again... if Joe's willing to take one for the team who am I to complain? One less Keller woman on the loose is... she's standing behind me, isn't she?" Matt didn't wait for Sady to answer, but whipped around to scowl at Alicia. "You didn't catch me saying anything bad, so scram!"
"You can't blame a girl for trying," she muttered as she walked away. "A woman needs to supplement her allowance."
"When are we getting paroled?" Matt asked. "I can't take any more of this." He smiled at Sady when Willie announced the limo driver was ready to take them home. "Am I good, or what?"
"Or what," Sady sniffed. She hugged the Kellers and thanked them for a memorable day. "I love the hat!" She adjusted it with a look of glee.
"If you're wearing that hat, then I'm sitting at the other end of the limo," Matt scoffed. Sady stuck out her tongue and climbed in next to him.
"Hey," she called to the driver. "Open the roof so I can stand up and show off my hat."
"I hope it blows off and gets run over by a semi," Matt told her.
Sady looked down at him with an arch expression. "I'll just use the chin strap," she retorted, sitting down so she could tie the straps under her chin. "How do I look?" she teased.
"An adult woman wearing a stuffed hot dog hat, tied under her chin, and waving out the top of the limousine? You don't want to even know what I'm thinking, Sady! I'm just grateful the windows are tinted, so no one can see me."
She shoved her head next to his and yelled for someone to take a picture. Three cell phones appeared at once. "Thanks," Sady said, before standing in the limo so she could wave to other motorists.
At one point she quickly sat down and tapped Matt on the shoulder. He gave her a questioning look. "Tell the limo driver to follow that truck," she demanded. "The one that looks like it belongs to Billy-Bob and Jimmy-John."
"Why?"
"I want to tell them off! You should have heard what they said to me. No, you shouldn't have. It's not something I would even repeat," she said, with a flushed face.
Matt laughed. "I don't have to hear it- I can imagine. What do you expect when you ride around with a hot dog strapped to your head?"
Sady glared and looked to Harry for support. He smiled, shook his head, and pointed at Matt. "What he said."
"Sady, do you really want to be seen wearing that thing?" Matt asked. She nodded with a smile, but sat inside the limo for the rest of the trip home.
On the way back to Ann Arbor Sady remembered the packets she'd stuffed into her pockets after the accident. She pulled them out and handed them to Matt. "Here, since you didn't get a souvenir hat. Now you can remember your special day."
"The empty wallet is reminder enough," he griped. "That, and the likelihood of nightmares from having witnessed the threat of the Amanda Apocalypse. Overall, I'd say it's a day I'd rather forget. Keep the sauce."
"Psst," she whispered. "Don't say anything, but I don't like the sauce. It tastes like pickles."
"Well, I don't like it either," he replied.
"Fine. I'll give it to Amanda. Maybe she likes it." She passed them down to Amanda.
Amanda looked at her like she was crazy. "If that's a thank you gift, I'll pass," she told Sady.
"No, these fell out at the accident and I grabbed them in a hurry. You can give them back to your dad."
Amanda snorted, "You've done your part to help clean up the streets. You can keep them as a reward for your efforts."
Sady insisted Amanda take the special sauce packets. "Sorry, Amanda, I didn't want to have to tell you this, but I don't like the special sauce." With a shrug Amanda took the packets, then looked at them with a frown.
"These don't feel right. I wonder if there's been a recall. I'll give them to Pops so he can have them checked out." They crawled out of the limo at their apartment and said goodbye to the Knights.
"Thank God that's over," Matt said, as Sady bounced into the lobby with a grin, still wearing her hot dog hat. The security guard sent her a thumbs up while Matt made a face. Sady thanked Amanda as Matt waited for the elevator. "Yeah, thanks Amanda. It's been a memorable day. I lost fifty dollars and my dignity. Now hurry up, Sady," he warned. "I'm not holding this elevator for long."
Sady rushed to the elevator. "Do you know what I need to go along with this hat?" she asked Matt.
"A paper bag?"
"No, dummy! But just for that I'm not telling you," she said in a huff. They exited on the tenth floor and Sady paused to say, "And don't think you can just borrow my hat now that no one is around to see you wear it." She put her key in her lock as Matt passed.
"Don't worry," was all she heard as he continued. The rest of his comment was mumbled and probably profane.