part0019

Jessica was sitting in a booth at the Dairi Burger pushing her hot-fudge sundae around on the dish with her spoon. After she'd stormed off the field that afternoon, she'd gone straight home and up to her room for a good cry. Ken had come by the house and practically dragged her out to get ice cream.

He was trying his best to cheer her up, but it wasn't working. Not only was she upset about quitting the squad, but she was still confused and devastated by the pictures she'd found the night before of him and Elizabeth. Coming here was a big mistake , she thought as she felt a lump in her throat. She didn't want to go out with Ken in the first place, but he'd been so forceful, and she didn't want to have to tell him about finding the pictures. She just wasn't up to it.

"I think quitting the squad was the best thing you could have done," Ken said. "I'm really proud of you."

"You are?" Jessica asked, looking up from her sundae dish. Even though Jessica was upset about the pictures, she still appreciated Ken's support. After all, she'd been talking to him more than anyone else about the whole cheerleading fiasco. Just put the pictures out of your head for now , she told herself.

"Absolutely. There was no way you could have continued on the squad like that," Ken said, popping a big spoonful of whipped cream into his mouth. "You would have gone completely crazy. Some people are born to be natural leaders, and you're one of those people. You don't need someone like Heather Mallone telling you what to do."

Ken's words were sweet, but they didn't make Jessica feel any better. "I still can't believe they chose Heather over me," Jessica said, eating a big bite of hot fudge and vanilla ice cream. "I mean, what does she have that I don't?"

"Nothing at all," Ken said. "She's a total loser, and I'm amazed that people can't see that. She's totally fake. I can tell that just from the way she talks to me."

"She's been pretty flirtatious with you from what I can see," Jessica said. Jessica wasn't even jealous of Ken and Heather. Her own sister was the only person she had to worry about in terms of Ken. As much as she tried to put it out of her mind, the image of them kissing each other kept creeping back. How could he have kissed her? she wondered as she studied Ken's face. Did he think of Elizabeth when he was kissing me last night? Is he using me to get to Elizabeth? She had to believe that he'd been sincere with her. More than anything else they were good friends. Ken couldn't have been pretending to be her friend . . . could he?

"And she's the worst kind of firtatious," Ken said. "She's not at all natural like you are. And you're about ten times prettier than she is."

"Thanks," Jessica said glumly. Normally, hearing that would have made Jessica happy, but even that didn't seem to matter anymore.

"Let's go to Lila's pool party and celebrate winning the game with everyone," Ken said. "It'll be fun. I think it would cheer you up."

"You go ahead," Jessica said. "I just want to go home and be by myself." The last thing Jessica felt like doing was going to celebrate the football game. She couldn't stand the idea of facing everybody after she'd quit the squad like that. Thank goodness tomorrow's Sunday , Jessica thought. I wish I never had to go back to Sweet Valley High. Robin's lucky —she gets to start over at a brand-new school .

"Come on, Jessica," Ken urged as they walked out of the Dairi Burger. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think you should hold your head high and show the world that you're stronger than ever."

"Can you just take me home?" Jessica asked, getting into Ken's car.

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"I'm sure," Jessica said as she fought back the tears. The reality was sinking in. I quit the cheerleading squad , she thought in horror. What am I if not a cheerleader?

"Have you talked to your sister since the game?" Lila asked Elizabeth, who was standing next to Lila's pool with Todd, Enid, Winston, and Maria. "I tried calling her to make sure she was coming here tonight, but there was no answer."

"I didn't have a chance to speak to her yet," Elizabeth said. And I'm probably the last person she wants to see right now , she thought sadly. She hadn't talked to her sister since the night before, when Elizabeth had said those awful things about Ken. She was at the football game earlier that day and had seen Jessica quit the squad. She felt terrible for her twin. She knew how much cheerleading meant to Jessica, and she knew her sister must be feeling awful.

"I'm so glad she did that," Maria said. "Heather is a horrible person, and she just totally stole the control of the squad out from under Jessica. She's better off not having anything to do with those girls, since they didn't show her any kind of loyalty."

"I agree," Lila said. "Look at the way Heather's flirting with the entire football team in the pool. I didn't even invite her to my party, but there she is."

"She was making me sick the way she acted like a movie star after the game," Maria said. "She kept bouncing from one interviewer to another, taking all the credit for the team's success."

"I noticed that too," Winston said. "She acted like she was the quarterback of the football team."

"Speaking of the quarterback—I'm surprised Ken isn't here," Lila said. "I guess he's trying to cheer up Jessica. I'm glad she has him right now."

For the first time since Jessica and Ken had started dating, Elizabeth didn't feel jealous. She, too, was glad that Jessica had Ken to talk to. She felt guilty not only because of Ken, but also because she hadn't really been there for Jessica when she had wanted to talk about Heather and the cheerleading problems she was having. I'm the one who told her to make Heather a cocaptain in the first place , she thought.

"I can't even imagine your sister not being a cheerleader," Todd said.

"I know what you mean," Winston agreed. "When I think of Jessica, I automatically think of cheerleading."

Elizabeth felt so far away from Jessica. The fact that she'd kept a secret from her created an enormous gulf between them. Usually when Jessica had a problem, Elizabeth was right there to bail her out. Because of the distance Elizabeth had created, she hadn't been there for her sister when Jessica had needed her the most. Maybe I should just tell her about what happened between Ken and me , Elizabeth thought. Keeping a secret like this from her feels wrong, and if it goes on any longer, it could ruin our relationship for good!

As soon as Ken dropped Jessica off at her house, she went right up to Elizabeth's room. She knew that Elizabeth would be at Lila's party and that her parents had gone to dinner with friends. She didn't know what she was looking for, but she was determined to find out more about her sister and Ken.

Jessica knew that Elizabeth always kept a diary of everything that happened to her. In the past Jessica would have thought her sister's life was too boring to read about, but now she was desperate to find her diary. Apparently, there are things I never knew about Elizabeth , Jessica thought as she felt a chill through her whole body.

Where does she keep that stupid diary? Jessica wondered as she searched Elizabeth's desk. She looked in the closet and on Elizabeth's bookshelf, but she found nothing. She got down on the floor and looked under Elizabeth's bed. There it is , she thought as she grabbed the red leather book and sat down on the bed.

Her hands were shaking as she opened the diary to the first page. She wasn't sure she really wanted to find out the truth about Ken. He'd made her so happy, and she hated to let go of that.

She also knew that if she didn't find out what happened, the doubts and suspicion would always haunt her.

Jessica skimmed through the first few pages of the diary, and it appeared to be mostly about the books Elizabeth was reading or the tests she was studying for. How typical of Elizabeth to write down every boring little detail of her boring life , Jessica thought as she continued to flip the pages.

Then her eyes settled on three letters: K-E-N! And to Jessica's horror his name was all over the diary! Her hands were shaking, and she felt the sweat start to form on her brow.

Ken called me this afternoon, and we went to a movie tonight. It almost seemed like a Saturday-night date, but of course he's just looking after me like Todd asked him to. Still, when he dropped me off at my house afterward, I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did as I looked into his eyes to say good-bye . . . .

Jessica's eyes skipped ahead frantically to more passages about Ken. As painful as it was to read about her sister's feelings for Ken, she couldn't resist.

The backyard was dark, and we slipped eagerly into the shadows. Without another word Ken folded his arms around me, lifting me slightly so his mouth could find mine. I kissed him hungrily, my fingers tangling in his hair. Meanwhile, his hands were on my neck, my shoulders, my back. We couldn't seem to stop touching each other —maybe because for weeks we'd been dying to do this, but holding back .

Jessica dropped the diary onto the floor and collapsed onto Elizabeth's bed in tears. It was true—Elizabeth had had an affair with Ken while Todd had been in Vermont. Jessica's feelings were so jumbled up and confused that she didn't know which emotion was stronger—her jealousy, or the feeling of being betrayed by a sister who had kept a secret from her.

This has truly been the worst day of my life , Jessica thought. I'm not a cheerleader anymore, and the person I thought was becoming my new boyfriend had an affair with my sister!