Chapter Four: A Severe Double Bumblebee Sting
I went to Full Reverse on all engines and backed my nose out of the pipe. It was beginning to sting and burn.
My nose, not the pipe. Pipes don’t burn.
“Drover, I need to ask you a personal question.”
“Oh, okay. Ask me anything. I just hope I know the answer.”
I glanced over both shoulders and lowered my voice. “This conversation must be held in strictest confidence. I don’t want it to be blabbed all over the ranch, in other words.”
“Sure, Hank. I’m no blabber.”
“Great. I was hoping you’d say that. Drover, do you see anything on my nose—such as a single red mark that might indicate the sting of a bumblebee?”
He twisted his head and studied the soft leathery portion of my nose. “Well, let’s see here. Nope, I sure don’t.”
“Hmmm. That’s odd. I could have sworn that something stung me on the nose. In fact, I’m pretty sure something did, which would account for this burning sensation. But you don’t see a red mark?”
“Nope, no red mark.”
“That’s strange, even odd. Because you see, Drover, I feel a pulse pounding inside my nose, almost as though it were beginning to swell up.”
“I’ll be derned. I don’t feel a thing.”
“Yes, well, you wouldn’t feel a thing, Drover. You see, if my nose were stung by a bumblebee, you wouldn’t feel it.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I would feel it, but you wouldn’t.”
“I’ve got it now.”
“And you don’t see a red mark on my nose? Are you sure?”
He squinted at my nose. “No, I sure don’t see a red mark.”
“Hmmmm. That’s very strange, Drover, because . . . something is happening to my nose.”
“No, I see two red marks, but not one.”
I stared at him. “What did you just say?”
“Me? I said . . . well, let me think here. I can’t remember.”
“Did you say something about two red marks on the end of my nose?”
“Well, let’s see. Yes, I might have said that, sure might, but that’s not what we were looking for, so I didn’t want to bring it up, I guess.” All at once his eyes widened. His ears jumped and his mouth fell open. “Two red marks! Oh my gosh, Hank, you don’t reckon you were . . .”
“Hush! I know what you’re fixing to say, and don’t say it.” I cut my eyes from side to side. My data banks whirred and clicked. My nose throbbed. “Two red marks, Drover? Are you sure? Count them again.”
“Okay. Let’s see. One. Two.”
“One more time, Drover, just to be sure. You might be seeing double. You might have miscounted. It happens all the time. And let me remind you that we’re looking for the telltale signs of a bumblebee sting, which would be one red mark on the nose.”
“Okay, here I go. One . . . oh my gosh, Hank, there’s another one . . . two! There’s two little drops of blood on your nose, and you don’t suppose . . .”
“Hush! We’re not looking for drops of blood, you moron! Bumblebee stings don’t draw blood. We’re looking for one small inflamed red area, that’s all. For the last time, do you see it?”
“Well, let me check it again . . . no, I don’t see it.”
“Fine. Great. That means I was mistaken and nuffing hes heppened to may nothe.”
He stared at me and twisted his head around. “Gosh, you’re sure talking funny all of a sudden.”
“Mo, you wong, Bovuh. I’m mot talking fummy. Thomething must be wong wiff you ee-uhs.”
“My what?”
“You ee-uhs.”
“My what?”
I put my nose in his face and raised my voice. “YOU EE-UHS! Those things om you het dat you use to heeuh wiff!”
“Oh my gosh, Hank, all at once I can’t understand what you’re saying, and I think your face is swelling up, and maybe that’s why you’re talking funny. And Hank, do you know what this might mean?”
“Yeth, of cose I thoo. It meanth that I wath sthung on the nothe by two bimblebeeth, not one.”
He rolled his eyes around. “Well, that’s not what I was thinking.”
“I don watt to heeuh what you are tinkink, Bovuh, because there wath not a rittlesnake in the pipe. It wath two bimblebeeth, pewiod!”
“Well, okay, whatever you think. I can live with that if you can.”
“I wiss you wooden pudd it dat way.”
“What?”
“I thed, I wiss . . . I tink I bettuh go thee Thally May. Thumping’s wong wiff my nothe.”
All at once I was feeling very strange—lightheaded, faint, woozy. That pounding pulse in my nose was getting stronger by the minute. And yes, Drover had been correct in thinking that my nose was beginning to swell just a bit.
Quite a lot, actually.
All at once I was seeing parts of my face that I’d never noticed before, and I seemed to be looking at them with eyes that were growing smaller and smaller, almost as though they were . . . well, swelling shut, so to speak.
The sting of a bumblebee will do that, cause a guy’s face to swell up, and two stings in the same general area will increase the swelling by two or three times.
Yes sir, we had definitely taken two direct hits on the nose by an angry bumble . . . and yes, I had a strong feeling that Sally May should be informed that her Head of Ranch Security had . . .
See, some dogs are allergic to the sting of a bumblebee and that can cause even more swelling of the injured part than . . . obviously, I had a slight allergy to bumblebee poison and . . .
Staggering? As I made my way down to the yard gate, I found myself staggering. Walking sideways. That’s one of the main symptoms of a bumblebee sting, makes a guy walk crooked, and that sure checked out. I was walking crooked.
And foaming at the mouth? Yes, it’s common knowledge that bumblebee stings will cause a dog to, well, foam at the mouth. And that checked out too.
What we had here was a classic case of Severe Double Bubble . . . Severe Double Bumblebee Sting on the nose, and were you aware that bumblebees often build their nests in old abandoned pipes? Yes, it happens all the time. Very common.
Sally May had knelt down and was pulling some dandelions out of her yard. Pete lay in the grass beside her, purring like a little chainsaw, twitching the end of his tail, and getting fatter and lazier by the minute.
He heard me coming and opened his eyes. The longer he looked, the wider they grew. Then a smirk leaped across his mouth. Then he started laughing.
“Why, Hankie! Have you been chewing on the air hose? I think your face has been inflated. And oooo! Two little puncture wounds on the end of your nose! I told you there was a rattlesnake up there, didn’t I?”
“Thut up, kett. It wath two bimblebeeth, and I haff nothing to thay to you. My bithnith ith wiff Thally May.”
Pete shook his head and sighed. “Well, now you’ve done it, Hankie. Next time, maybe you’ll listen to what I tell you. I tried to warn you, but you’re too stubborn to listen.”
I tried to think of a stinging reply, but all I could think about was the stinging in my nose. It was hurting and throbbing, don’t you see, and all I could manage to say was, “Thut up, kett.”
I waited for Sally May to notice my condition, which seemed to be growing more serious by the moment. I mean, the thought had even occurred to me that we might need to make a little trip to town to see the veterinarian.
Double Bumblebee Syndrome can be very serious. Some dogs actually die from it.
I was no fan of the local vet or any other vet for that matter, and I sure wasn’t the kind of dog who wanted to rush into town over the slightest little wound or sniffle, but hey, this thing was beginning to . . .
Drooling? Hmmm, it appeared that I was drooling from the, uh, mouth. Couldn’t stop it. It was a little embarrassing, and of course, Drover noticed it right away.
“Oh my gosh, Hank, are you drooling?”
I glared at him through my rapidly shrinking eyeholes. “Of coss I’m dwoowing, you dunth! What do you espet fwom a seveeoo case of Dibble Bimblebee Sting?”
“Well, I don’t know. I just thought you’d want to know.”
“I did not went to know, and I’ll think you not to make a mockawee out of my injuwee!”
At that very moment, I heard footsteps coming up behind me. I turned and saw Slim and Loper approaching from the south. No doubt, they had finished loading their horses and gear, and were ready to leave the ranch.
My serious medical condition would change all that, of course. I hated to ruin their plans. I knew how much they had been looking forward to this big week of roundups and branding, but what could I do?
I gave my tail a sorrowful wag and held my rapidly expanding face at an angle where they could . . .