This isn’t your typical marriage book. At least we don’t think it is. In our experience, there are many valuable resources about marriage, particularly in modern Christendom. We’ve observed that books in the Christian marriage category tend to fall on either side of what we call the hopeful-helpful intersection, which sometimes proves problematic. Here’s what we mean.
Hopeful books offer what we need for eternal hope: reminders of the gospel, deep explorations of scriptural truth, and theologically rich prose. While these books are incredible, they can leave us wondering where we should go from there. Our hearts and heads are filled but our hands are left wondering what’s next. The reader is charged with discovering the particulars of how to apply their newfound knowledge.
Helpful books are the inverse. They offer plenty of practical advice—action steps—without troubling too much with the underlying theological truths behind them. The tragedy with these books is that readers rarely learn the reasons behind the actions they take. We hear what to do without understanding why we are doing it—not truly, anyway. Our behavior changes for a time but our beliefs are largely unaffected. In our years of speaking with and ministering to married couples, this has proven troublesome.
We wanted to write a book that was different. If we were going to add another book to the Christian marriage book stockpile, we wanted it all. We wanted a book that infused readers with deep, beautiful, eternal gospel truth while equipping them with time-tested, wisdom-fueled advice for how to apply it. In short, we envisioned a book that could meet readers at the intersection of hopeful and helpful.
Fierce Marriage is our attempt at exactly that. It’s our “marriage manifesto.” Our modern tell-all. An exposé revealing all we believe marriage can be according to the Bible. We’ve done the exegesis of Scripture, read the commentaries, compiled the research, and done our absolute best to synthesize gospel-centered help that is rooted in the never-failing hope of Christ. We’ve worked hard to discern how much to expect from you, how much you should expect from us, and what you can expect to have once you finish this book.
We made a decision early on to expect much from you, dear reader. We expect that you want to know more than just a few new techniques for helping your marriage. We expect that you want to grow deeper in your understanding of Scripture and how it applies to your marriage. And we expect that you want to learn to trust Jesus more—with your heart, and with that of your spouse.
From us, you can expect our best work. You can expect honesty. We’ve shared stories in these pages that you will most likely never read elsewhere—they’re the stories we’d share with you if we got dinner together. They’re stories of pain, joy, romance, anger, and deep conviction. We’ve shared them all here, hopefully for your benefit. Finally, and most of all, you can expect from us a heavy reliance on Scripture and commitment to what it says.
Now, from this book you can expect order with a heavy dose of levity. The following words are a distillation of ideas that have been passed through layer after layer of theological and editorial oversight. We’re not theologians in the scholarly sense, so we have asked smarter men and women than us to keep us in line. The end result, we hope, is a relevant interpretation of timeless marital truths rooted in Scripture. The chapters of this book are loosely but intentionally organized to be hopeful first and helpful second.
We will start by sharing a key event in our lives and marriage that has forever shaped us. Chapters 2, 3, and 4 unpack foundational, irreplaceable concepts for Christian marriage (the meanings of the gospel, covenant, and love). Chapters 5 through 9 build on those foundational, hope-filled principles to provide gospel-centered help in the key areas of marriage: priorities, communication, money, sex, and conflict. Finally, chapter 10 casts a vision for what can be had and extends an invitation to those who will have it.
While we don’t know everything, we promise to share what we do know honestly. We’re not counselors or ordained ministers, nor do we claim to have all the answers. All we have is Jesus and more than half our lives together, and all we can do is talk about what he’s done. We do know one thing for sure: we wouldn’t be married today if it wasn’t for the loving kindness and infinite grace of Christ.
Finally, thank you. Thank you for inviting us into your life as you read this book. And thank you for allowing us to speak into your marriage, your most sacred and personal relationship.
We hope and pray that this book blesses you and your marriage for years to come.
Stay fierce,
Ryan and Selena