Tess relaxed into the rocking chair, her feet propped on the footstool Carol had reupholstered in the same fabric as the curtains she had made. The transformation to the baby’s nursery was nothing short of amazing. A month before, the room had held boxes of unassembled furniture, and Tess had hastily selected some room décor from an online store and put it on her wish list. When Carol had offered her seamstress skills, the animal alphabet items were deleted from the list.
Tess wasn’t an I’ve-got-to-have-it-all type who felt her worth as a mother was related to the number of baby gadgets she owned. Maddie had advised her on the essentials and most of those had been received at the shower. The rest could be ordered and shipped to the house since a trip to the big box baby store was out of the question now.
“I can’t believe you got all this done in less than a week.” Tess allowed her gaze to wander from the footstool to the matching crib set and finally to the curtains waiting to be hung on the nursery’s windows.
Tess could barely thread a needle and didn’t own a sewing machine. Her mother had never imparted much domestic knowledge, and when other girls were taking home economics in high school, Tess had enrolled in business classes. Even when Pauline had been in the pits of depression, things somehow got done at home.
Tess had mastered some basic cooking skills and handled the laundry. Several ladies from the neighborhood would often come over while Tess was at school and do light cleaning, though Tess always hated the pitying looks she received from them. Once she started working a part-time job in high school, she used her salary to hire a once-a-week housekeeper. No longer did she have to listen to the neighbors whisper behind her back about pitiful Pauline and her neglected daughter. They knew the truth. They knew Donald Callahan had deserted his family for another woman, but they seemed to have no sympathy for the wife and child left behind.
Tess had lived at home during her undergraduate years, but the law school of her choice was two hundred and fifty miles away. The distance combined with a rigorous classroom and study schedule didn’t allow for many trips home. Her hard work, though, had landed her a job back in Atlanta, and she had practiced family law at Hightower, Leggett and Beck ever since.
Pauline had improved during the law school years, and Tess often wondered if she had somehow enabled her mother by doing so much for her. What if she had insisted her mother seek counseling, get out of the house and act like a parent?
Carol’s daughters most likely had been prepared for their first period, instead of having to visit the school nurse for help. Carol would probably have spoken up if a group of older girls had ridiculed her daughter’s clothes. What if she’d had a mother like Carol Russo? Tess would bet her life savings that Carol had been a room mother, field trip chaperone and Girl Scout leader who baked cookies by the dozen and never forgot a birthday or other special occasion.
All the things Pauline Callahan was not.
Guilt washed over Tess at the unfair comparison. The two women had different circumstances. But not comparing was difficult. It was not difficult, however, to vow that despite having to be a working mother, she would be a different mother to her son than that her mother was to her.
What-ifs were pointless now.
“I have a lot of free time on my hands,” Carol said as she smoothed the sheet she’d just put on the crib mattress. “It’s just Ben and me, and the house doesn’t get very dirty. And I like sewing, so something like this goes quickly.”
Carol was so handy at sewing, cooking and all things domestic. And simply put, Tess was not. She had been known to staple a ripped hem back into place. She wondered if Nick compared her to his mother. If so, Tess would surely come up lacking. He had never mentioned anything, but the fact she had never once cooked a meal for him during the two years they had known each other spoke volumes. Or at least it did to her now.
Tess could identify with the time-on-her-hands situation. At least Carol had Ben for company. And even though Nick was gone much of the time, her other children all lived in the metro Atlanta area.
And this led Tess to make more comparisons—the close-knit Russo family as opposed to her single mom who had never fully dealt with her husband’s adultery and abandonment. And now, Pauline would not even have the joy of really knowing her grandson.
Carol set a folding stepstool in place by one window and took down the double curtain rod Nick had installed earlier in the week. “I thought maybe you’d be willing to let me share some of my free time with you after the baby arrives.” She deftly threaded one rod through the top of the curtain side panels and the other through the valance. She snapped the rods back into place and moved to the second window.
Tess’s usual instincts kicked in. “That’s very kind, but I don’t want to put you out.” No matter her baby’s grandmother had just made a generous offer that would be most helpful. That independent streak reared its head like a wild stallion resisting a bridle.
“Put me out? Tess, you’d be doing me a favor. I would be able to get out of the house more often and do something more rewarding than sorting books at the library sale or baking for the parish fall festival.”
Tess opened her mouth to continue her objection but Carol held up an index finger, shook it from side to side and continued. “I know we’ve just met, and we met under awkward circumstances. But it is what it is, and you have no clue what you’re in for with a newborn baby. I’ve raised four children and helped with three grandchildren.” She patted Tess on the knee. “I know a thing or two about babies.”
Carol was absolutely correct. Tess had no clue. She had chosen to work in retail rather than babysit for extra money. It wasn’t that she didn’t like children. She was merely… Oh hell, why not accept what she had been embarrassed to admit for years: Children scared the living daylights out of her. They were completely helpless at first. Totally dependent. Then they became mobile and nothing in the house below the three-foot mark was safe.
When they learned to talk, it was an endless barrage of meaningless babble before it morphed to “No!” and “Mine!” accompanied by tantrums. The older they got, the more they revolted against authority until they reached puberty and all hell broke loose.
How had Carol survived all that times four and still appeared to be a sane human being? How had her own mother handled it when she had been dealing with her own issues? Guilt sliced through Tess at the memories of how she had sometimes behaved.
But here was Carol, offering to help with dirty diapers, spit-up and who knew what else. Tess had already promised they would be part of the baby’s life. And depending on just how much help Carol wanted to offer, this could help her juggle being sandwiched between a child and an aging parent. She would be a fool to turn down Carol’s offer. On the other hand, just how awkward would things be without Nick to act as a buffer?
“Give it some thought,” Carol said, apparently suspecting Tess’s inner turmoil over the idea. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. And don’t worry. My feelings won’t be hurt if you decline. I just thought once Nick left again you might…”
“How have you handled Nick’s long absences so well, especially when your other children live so close?” Maybe Carol had some special insight on the subject.
Carol put down the curtain rod she had been ready to hang and sat on the stepstool. A doleful expression crossed her face.
“I won’t lie. It’s hard. And I feel guilty if I even consider wishing he didn’t love his job so much. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to want for your children? That they lead happy and productive lives? Nick certainly does that.” Carol paused, pretended to examine her fingernails, and then sighed deeply. “Maybe I’m to blame. Nicky was born prematurely and I was a smother mother. I coddled him too much. That and the situation with Mellanee probably combined to turn him into a man with a permanently packed suitcase and a passport filled with stamps from every continent.”
Mellanee. There was that name again. Tess wanted to know more but was hesitant to ask Nick. Maybe Carol would provide more information. Tess would never know unless she asked. And the worst Carol could do was decline to answer. Or at least Tess hoped that would be the worst response.
Tess drew in a fortifying breath. “That girl, Mellanee. Would you be willing to tell me more about her and what happened? If she’s driven Nick’s behavior and lifestyle, then maybe I can learn what not to do.”
“Honey, I’d tell you more if I knew it. And you’ve already avoided the biggest mistake.” Carol stared directly at Tess’s protruding abdomen. “I was so upset over what she did. Upset for myself, upset for Nick. I grieved for that grandchild I’d never hold and finally went to a counselor to seek help. He had me talk about my feelings and write them down when I was at home. Ultimately I had to let it go or I’d have gone mad because there was nothing I could do to change it.”
“I wish I could change how I handled this,” Tess said, rubbing her right side where the baby’s foot lodged under her rib cage. When Carol shot her an alarmed look, Tess quickly clarified. “Don’t even think that. He was unplanned, but he’s definitely wanted. I went through about a month of denial then just about the time I really accepted I was pregnant, I had to move my mother to an Alzheimer’s facility.” Tess’s voice cracked.
“That must have been difficult. My mother died from a massive stroke about five years ago. She died quickly, thank goodness. She was such an active woman and would not have liked being an invalid. But I can’t imagine having a parent with Alzheimer’s. It would be like losing them twice—first to the dementia and then later to…” Carol’s voice trailed off. The two women sat in silence until Carol broke it.
“Think about my offer.” Carol rose and moved to the window. “Now let me finish getting this room ready for my grandson.”
*****
“Give me twenty minutes to talk to her,” Tess explained as she and Nick walked to her mother’s room. “Then come in.” Twenty minutes was about the duration of Pauline’s concentration, and Tess prayed she’d be able to get it across that she was going to be a grandmother and then introduce Nick.
Tess knew this would be her last visit with her mother before the baby came, and she’d called ahead to ask the nurse about her mother’s mental condition that day. Had Pauline been in one of her overly confused and agitated states, Tess would have declined to visit.
But when the nurse said Pauline was having a good day, Tess dressed as quickly as she could and they headed for Waterford Village after eating a quick lunch.
“What if she asks me questions I don’t have the answer for?” Nick asked with a hint of panic in his voice.
“To be honest, I think we’re going to just have to play it by ear. I’ll do as much of the talking as I have to.” Tess tried to sound reassuring even though she had the same worries.
“Are you sure you even want to do this? We can go back home now if you think it’s going to upset her too much. And I certainly don’t want you and the baby put in danger if this gets too emotional.”
“No, I really don’t want to have this conversation with her, but I feel like I owe it to her to at least try and make her understand what’s going on and why I might not be able to visit again for a while.”
In her heart, Tess knew her mother hardly remembered her visits anyway. The dementia was becoming increasingly worse, and Tess knew it was only a matter of time before she’d have to transfer her mother to the lock-down wing for her own safety. She had begun wandering away from her room, and just a few days before, she’d become lost on her way to the dining room, a trip she had made three times daily for the past few months.
Tess knew today’s visit was a risky move, but her conscience had won out and she’d take her chances.
“It’ll be okay. I know it will,” she told Nick as much to reassure him as herself.
It has to be okay, Tess prayed fervently.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do,” Nick said, squeezing her hand gently in a show of support.
When they reached the door to her mother’s room, Nick gave Tess’s hand another little squeeze and then checked his watch. “Twenty minutes, right?”
Tess nodded and then rapped softly on the door, which stood ajar.
“Hello, Mama,” Tess called out.
Pauline glanced up from her easy chair where she sat looking at a magazine. Her once-dark hair was now snow white and cut into a short, easy-to-manage bob. Her brown eyes frequently contained a look of confusion. Despite her years, she had a smooth, creamy complexion that many women only achieved with the help of a plastic surgeon. Her hands, however, belied her age. The joints were knotted with arthritis and her veins showed blue through the thin skin.
“Tessie. What a surprise. I didn’t expect you to come back and visit again today.”
Time held no real meaning for Pauline Callahan now. She could remember events from her childhood, but not that Tess’s last visit had been a week ago and not earlier that day.
“I have some news for you so I thought I’d come back and tell you.” Tess knew she might as well play along because it was pointless to argue. It only upset her mother and that, in turn, upset Tess.
“Oh, I love good news. It is good news, isn’t it? I don’t like bad news. There’s so much bad news on the television today. It reminds me of when the president was assassinated and all we heard for weeks was the reports about that.”
“Yes, Mama, it’s good news,” Tess explained patiently, mentally ticking off the minutes and desperately wanting to tell her mother everything before Nick came into the room. “Remember how I told you I was going to have a baby?”
Pauline cast a glance at Tess’s abdomen and a puzzled look crossed her face. “I don’t remember that, dear. But I can see that you’re in a family way. What did I wear to your wedding? I’m sure I would have worn something in a peach or rose color since that goes so well with my coloring.”
“You do look good in those colors, Mama.” Tess decided to avoid the wedding question altogether. With her mother’s limited memory, anything she told her would soon be forgotten. “The baby is due pretty soon, so I might not be able to visit again for a while. Probably not until after the baby arrives. But I’ll bring him to see you just as soon as I can.”
“Him? You already know it’s a little boy?”
“A little boy, Mama. And I’m going to name him Michael after Grandpa Mike. His middle name is going to be Reece—your maiden name.”
Her grandfather had been seventy-five years old when his son-in-law left his wife and daughter for a younger woman. Tess’s grandmother had died from cancer before Tess had been born. In spite of his grief, Mike Reece had stepped in and provided as much fatherly support and advice as he could, attending Tess’s piano recitals and clapping as loudly as anyone when she had graduated at the top of her high school class. He’d been so proud of her acceptance to college and law school, but sadly he had died in his sleep at the ripe old age of ninety, just three months before Tess graduated from law school.
“My daddy was a good man,” Pauline said, taking the conversation in a different direction. “He worked the night shift, and I only saw him in the morning before I’d leave for school. I’d sing a song for him and he would give me a penny to buy candy. Do you know what I sang to him?”
Tess checked her watch again. She didn’t have long to explain to her mother about Nick before he came through the door. She knew the song, but also knew that it wouldn’t matter if she replied in the affirmative because her mother would answer anyway and sing, just like she’d done dozens of times before. But she had to try and interrupt this once.
“Yes, Mama. You sang ‘Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries’ and you taught me to sing it too.”
“Your father never gave you a penny for singing to him.” Pauline’s smile disappeared.
And life had not been a bowl of cherries for Pauline Callahan.
“Remember I said I had good news?” Tess asked in an effort to steer the conversation back on track. “I brought my baby’s father here to meet you today.”
“Oh, wonderful.” The smile returned, but only briefly. “It’s not that dreadful Carson boy, is it? He seemed like such a hooligan, and I wasn’t at all thrilled when he asked you to the senior prom. You wore a peach dress to that, didn’t you?” Pauline paused and shook her head as if to jiggle the memories back into place. “I just don’t remember if I wore that color to your wedding.”
That hooligan had been the mayor’s son. Steve Carson now had a couple of doctorates and was CEO of a high-tech company in Silicon Valley where he lived with his wife and three children in a home that had been featured in a major architecture magazine the year before. He wasn’t Tess’s type, but he had been the only boy to ask her to the prom, so she had said yes.
“You should be glad you didn’t marry him. I’ll bet he’s in prison now.” Pauline continued, and Tess began to question whether she should just step outside and tell Nick to stay in the hall. Her mother’s thought patterns had deteriorated so much that holding a normal conversation was like picking your way through a corn maze, never knowing at each turn if that route would take you out or to a dead end.
“I think you’ll like him, Mama.” Once again Tess tried to direct the conversation back to the subject at hand. “He’s going to make a great father.” An absent one, but a good one nonetheless.
“I remember how excited I was when I found out I was going to have you. You were quite a surprise, Tessie. Your father and I had tried for years and years to have a baby, and I’d given up hope. Then you came along. I wanted your father to come into the delivery room with me. They were starting to do that then you know. I wanted to take those classes and have him with me to see this miracle, but he said he wasn’t sure he would be able to be there since his job kept him so busy.”
Given that her father had abandoned them for another woman, Tess would have been willing to bet good money her father would have felt inconvenienced at having to be of assistance to his laboring wife and chose instead to leave her to her own devices.
“Is your husband going to be with you?”
Before Tess could answer, Nick walked into the room and stood just inside the doorway. He shoved his hands into his pockets, and a look of both uncertainty and fear filled his face.
Pauline looked at him, puzzled by the visitor to her room. Then a broad smile filled her face. “Donald. Here you are. Just in time to hear all about Tess’s baby. We’re going to be grandparents, Donald. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Of all the scenarios Tess had imagined, this particular one had never crossed her mind. And from the look of trepidation on Nick’s face, he had no idea how to proceed.
“It’s going to be a little boy too, and she’s naming him after my father. That’s okay, isn’t it? Because she can name the next one after you. I think there’s still a trunk of Tess’s toys in the attic and you can hang a swing from the big maple tree in the backyard. Don’t just stand there, Donald. Give your daughter a hug.”
*****
Nick moved to Tess’s side and pulled her into a side-to-side embrace. He had expected an awkward situation, trying to explain about being the father of Tess’s baby. But he never imagined he would be mistaken for someone else—Tess’s father if he had guessed correctly from the context of her mother’s comments.
Tess had only spoken about her father once, and not in flattering terms. The white-haired woman who’d just mistaken him for someone else was a dozen or so years older than his own mother. What a difference that must have made in Tess’s life. And what a difference it made now. She had a mother with dementia and a long-gone father, which was such a contrast to his family. His parents were as much in love as the day they had married— no, more.
Now he was experiencing more than a moment of regret for giving his mother such grief when she nagged him about settling down and giving her more grandchildren.
Tess’s mother would most likely forget she even had a grandchild, the memory of it stolen by dementia. His mother, however, would know his child. If she treated this baby like she did her other grandchildren, the child would know an abundance of love and laughter. And Nick had no doubts that would be the case.
His regret was also compounded by guilt because this new job opportunity—if it was offered and if he accepted—meant he would have to leave Tess, perhaps before the baby even arrived. Would she lump him in the same category as her father? Or would he at least be a notch above because he did care about his child and would provide for him even if he was working in Timbuktu?
“I think it’s wonderful the baby will be named after your father,” Nick adlibbed. “He was a good man, and I know he would be honored to have his great-grandchild named after him.”
“I just don’t understand where your husband is, Tess.” Pauline shifted in her chair, glancing toward the door. “Didn’t you say he was coming to visit me? A woman in your condition shouldn’t be traipsing about alone. I’m disappointed in him. What did you say his name was again?”
Nick could feel Tess tense in his arms. He could not imagine how she must feel at this moment. If it was his mother, he’d be devastated. Of course there was always the possibility that one day one or both of his parents would be in this very situation.
“Don’t be disappointed in him, Mama,” Tess reassured her. “He’s at home fixing up the baby’s room and getting everything ready.”
Pauline stood and pointed her finger at Tess. “I have something I want to give you for the baby. Wait here and I’ll get it.” She disappeared into the adjoining bedroom.
“I’m so sorry about this, Nick,” Tess apologized after her mother left the room. “I never imagined she would think you were my father. Thank you for playing along.”
“And she probably won’t remember this tomorrow, right?”
Tess nodded and leaned against him, exhaustion evident in her expression and the slump of her shoulders. He needed to get her home soon.
“Here it is,” Pauline exclaimed as she returned to her sitting room. “It’s a little music box I’d like for your baby to have.”
She held out a heart-shaped box made of Italian inlaid wood. She opened the lid and let it play a few bars of something Nick recognized as a popular movie theme from the sixties.
“Thank you, Mama. I’m sure the baby will love it.”
“You look tired, dear,” her mother commented. “Donald, I think you need to take her home and let her rest. She’s in a delicate condition you know. And when you get back, I’ll fix us a nice dinner.”
Nick could see that Tess was tired, both physically and emotionally. Her mother’s rapidly deteriorating condition along with her own problem pregnancy had taken a tremendous toll. And he had to make sure neither Tess nor the baby paid the price.
“Yes, I’m tired, so I’ll go on home now. But I need to use your bathroom first.”
When Tess returned much too quickly to have actually used the bathroom, he sent her an inquisitive look.
“I’ll explain,” she mouthed, and then she hugged her mother and left the room quickly with Nick on her heels.
Tess was strangely quiet until they were almost home.
“I had to put the music box back in her room. Walter gave it to her for her birthday one year. ‘Moon River’ is her favorite song. I knew she’d forget she gave the box to me, and then she’d accuse one of the staff of stealing it. I don’t want her forgetfulness to cause any trouble. I’ll just have to remember to tell Walter about it in case she mentions something about it. He’ll understand.”
Nick nodded in agreement, sad that Tess had been forced to deal with yet another complication of her mother’s failing memory.
As soon as they reached home, Tess maneuvered up the stairs to her room, toed off her shoes and crawled onto the bed. Nick had learned to read her moods well enough to know at this point he should leave her alone except to bring her a dinner tray. After feeding Alley and changing her water, he fixed a simple meal of soup and a sandwich, and when he returned later to collect the tray, Tess had barely touched the food.
“Can you stand guard outside the bathroom while I shower?” she asked. “Then I just want to go to sleep.”
Nick complied with her request though he still wasn’t able to sit outside the bathroom door without wondering what she looked like naked and her belly swollen with his child. He might never know, but it didn’t stop him from speculating.
After settling her into bed, where she fell asleep almost before he had turned the off the light, Nick retreated to the den to do a little soul searching.
He could ask himself a thousand questions and play the woulda, shoulda, coulda game forever, but none of that could change the facts.
He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed Bella. Maybe talking to her about the possible job offer might help shed some light on things.
After some chit chat and a report on Tess’s condition, Nick changed the subject.
“Pete Clark called about an assignment.”
“Already? I thought you had some vacation time coming.”
“I do,” he said. “But this is a big story and Pete said he wants only the best crew covering it. I should feel flattered, and I do, but I don’t. I know that sounds crazy.”
“Doesn’t sound crazy at all,” she replied. “But that’s going to go over with Mom and Tess like a lead balloon,” she said, stating the obvious. “What do you feel?”
Nick stared blankly at the carpet beneath his feet, silent as he tried to make sense of the emotions coursing through him.
“Are you still there, Nicky?”
“Disappointed. That’s what I feel. Disappointed I won’t have the balls to turn down the job if it’s offered. Disappointed I’ll miss my son’s birth if I take the job. Disappointed I’ll let Tess down when I’ve kept telling her I’d be there for her.”
“Have you told Tess about the offer?”
“No. It’s not definite yet, so why get everyone upset over something that might not happen?”
“You mean why should you do today what you can put off until tomorrow? Don’t you think Tess has a right to know you might have to walk away at a moment’s notice? Are you supposed to be her Lamaze coach?” Bella grilled him like a hard-hitting police interrogator, and he felt like a criminal for what he might have to do.
“Her friend Maddie went to class with her and is supposed to be her coach. But I’ve read all the books and watched the video, and she said she wanted me there for the birth. So, I guess… I mean…I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll be there as a participant or just a spectator.” Frustration over all the unknown factors in his life gnawed at him.
The thought of watching a child being born—his child being born—both captivated and terrified him.
“You need to tell her. Warn her so she can make plans in case she’s counting on you to be there at the birth and to be around to help once the baby is born. It’s the decent thing to do, Nick. And maybe…” Bella paused for a few moments before resuming the conversation. “Maybe you should talk to your boss about your situation and explain that you might need some extra time to deal with family matters.”
“What? Bella, if I’m offered this job and then turn it down, I’d be committing career suicide.” Nick stood and paced the length of the den. In his profession, staying in the public eye was critical for success. He’d seen several great photographers’ careers dwindle to nothing because illness or injury had taken them out of commission just long enough for the powers that be to forget about them when the time came to staff the next big assignment. He hadn’t worked his ass off to give it all up now.
But Bella had a point. He couldn’t leave Tess in a bind. She had to be prepared to care for the baby properly, and that included help both in the hospital and after she and the baby came home. He felt trapped between that proverbial rock and hard place.
“I’m not telling you to turn down the assignment, which if I understand correctly, you don’t even have yet. I’m just suggesting you explore your options, and for heaven’s sake please give Tess a heads-up that she might need to make other plans.”
“I will,” Nick conceded. “I’ll talk to her soon.”
“Tonight, Nick. Talk to her tonight.”
“She’s already asleep. The trip to visit her mother wore her out, and based on how quickly she fell asleep, I don’t think she’s going to budge until tomorrow morning.”
“Then tell her tomorrow. As soon as possible,” Bella said with big-sister firmness. “I’m speaking as a woman, and we like to know what’s going on. We like order and some sense of security. You might be able to throw two pairs of underwear and some socks into a backpack at the last minute and fly halfway around the world, but a mother and a newborn need a heck of a lot more than that.”
Nick knew his sister was right and grumbled something to that effect before hanging up and heading to the kitchen to grab a beer.
He flopped onto the sofa and punched the remote, bringing the TV to life. He flipped to his favorite channels but couldn’t concentrate on any of the programming. In his mind, he kept replaying the visit with Tess’s mother and his conversation with Bella. Tess had more on her plate than anyone deserved. And he shouldn’t be the one to add another serving to the load.
*****
The sound of Tess’s crying woke Nick, and a quick glance at the alarm clock next to his bed showed it was half past eleven. He imagined the tears stemmed from the upsetting visit with her mother, but in the back of his mind he was remembering his sister’s advice to tell Tess about the possible job offer.
If she was this upset now, how much more upset might she get if he told her he could be called away at any moment? He allowed his conscience to be convinced that the best course of action was to wait until he knew something for sure. If the job didn’t pan out, then there was nothing to tell. If it did, he’d make sure she had all the help she needed. He knew for sure his mother had offered to help, and just as surely, she’d be mad as hell at him for his actions.
But why was everyone mad at him? Why wasn’t anyone mad at Tess for not letting them know about the baby sooner? He’d been kept in the dark and then constantly blamed for everything.
Nick had been thrust right into the middle of the situation purely by chance. He could have walked away with a “nice to see you again” and left Tess to her own devices. Instead he had done his damnedest to make sure Tess was cared for and was prepared for the baby’s arrival. Hell yeah, it sucked that he had forfeited an airline ticket to St. Kitts and the deposit on a beachside villa in order to stay in Atlanta when Wendy didn’t work out. He had never mentioned it to anyone, especially Tess. She felt guilty enough about not taking better care of herself prior to the store incident. No use giving her more to possibly feel guilty about.
He rolled over and pulled the pillow over his head to drown out the sound of Tess’s sobs, but when the pillow failed to do the job, he became more concerned. He slipped from the bed and padded in his bare feet to her bedroom door.
“It’s me,” he said, knocking softly on the partially open door. Then he felt incredibly stupid, because who else would it have been? Burglars didn’t announce themselves. “Can I get you anything? A glass of water? Extra pillows?”
A cure for Alzheimer’s and a baby daddy who isn’t an adrenaline junkie and drops everything on a moment’s notice to take photos in the most godforsaken places around the globe?
Tess sniffled and in the moonlight shining through the window, he could see her reach for a tissue.
“I’m okay. It’s just the hormones again I guess.”
Nick moved closer to the bed, drawn by her vulnerability and the attraction he could not avoid. “Those damned hormones.” He dragged the words out. “They get blamed for an awful lot, don’t they?”
Tess seemed to want to share. “It’s a lot easier to blame hormones than to blame some of the choices I’ve made,” she confessed. “And I sure can’t blame my mother because she didn’t ask to have Alzheimer’s.” She dabbed at her eyes and crumpled the tissue in her hand.
“If it makes you feel better,” Nick said, “you’re not alone in the blame game. We’ve probably all made bad choices in our lives.” The mattress dipped when he sat on the corner of the bed.
“I used to blame myself for my parents’ divorce. My mother and father were both forty years old when I was born. My arrival completely disrupted their lives. My mother gave up her career as a nurse to stay home with me and she became completely dependent on my father for everything.” Tess swiped at her eyes again with the tissue.
“When I was ten years old my father came in one day and announced he was leaving. I watched him pack a couple suitcases, put some stuff from his desk in a box and he drove away. I was too young to understand anything about the divorce. It wasn’t until I was much older that I found out he left for a woman twenty years younger than him. I guess he was going through some sort of midlife crisis and this blonde bimbo thought she was getting the catch of the century. Funny thing is, a man who will cheat on his wife will cheat on his mistress too. And I’ve heard my father has left a trail of broken hearts in his wake.” She sighed heavily.
Nick pushed off the bed and walked around to the other side. He reached for the bedside lamp.
“Don’t.” Her voice sounded almost desperate. “It’s so much easier to spill your guts in the dark. That way you don’t have to see the pity in other people’s faces.”
Nick slipped into the bed beside her and helped her get into a more comfortable position. He propped against the headboard, brushed a lock of her hair away from her tear-stained face and tucked it behind her ear. “That’s an awful lot for a ten-year-old to carry around,” he said softly.
“So there was my mother at age fifty with a young daughter and uncertain job prospects. She really struggled financially. After I got out of law school, I looked at her divorce settlement. My mother must have had the worst attorney in the state of Georgia. She should have been awarded half their property and assets plus part of my father’s retirement, and she got virtually nothing, including no alimony. I would never let a client sign a settlement like that, especially where such blatant adultery and abandonment was involved. And his child support payments were a joke. The state mandated how much he had to pay, but when he didn’t, my mother didn’t have the funds to file contempt charges against him.”
Silence loomed like a dark spell between them until Nick broke it. “I never knew any of that about you and your mother.”
“You never asked.”
“I guess I was always too busy having fun to think about anything else,” he admitted.
“I’m not sure I’d have told you if you had asked. I’ve always kept my private life just that—private. I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me. I wanted to succeed like hell and prove to myself that I could make it on my own and not need anyone else. Maybe…” Tess paused.
“You have succeeded, Tess. You’re one of the strongest women I know.”
“Maybe I succeeded a little too well and got carried away. Maybe that’s what put me in this situation.” Tess huffed out a wry laugh. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? Because I wanted so badly not to have to depend on anyone, I’ve ended up having to depend on everybody.”
Nick took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. It’s made me realize how incredibly lucky I am to be part of such a wonderful family, and I want you to know that they all consider you part of the family now too.”
“I really enjoyed the visits with your mother. She and your dad have been so sweet to do so much for me. I mean, the nursery is beautiful, like something out of a magazine.”
“My mom loves to do stuff like that. She’s done all she can do at their house and dad threatened to sell her sewing machine on Craigslist if she even mentions another project to him. She really should have been a professional decorator.”
“She has a great eye for things. I’d have never thought about the color combinations she came up for the nursery, and I love it.” Tess heaved a sigh. “I just wish my mother could understand what’s going on. She used to hint about maybe one day being a grandmother. And I think I cheated her out of knowing me because I became so focused on not ending up like her. I had a deep need to ensure that I had a career and money and everything required to take care of myself and not have to depend on anyone, man or woman, to help me.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad goal for any woman to have. It’s an uncertain world out there.”
“Yeah,” she said, “but maybe I was a bit too independent. Pride can be a destructive thing if you let it get in the way of what’s right. I really did want to tell you about the baby, but after I tried and tried to call and you didn’t call back, I figured you had moved on to another woman and I was yesterday’s news. I certainly didn’t want to leave a message saying, ‘Hi, Daddy. Guess what? I’m pregnant so please call me back,’ because that’s just a little abrupt. I thought you deserved to be told in person.”
The bed shook a little as Nick laughed. “Well, I sure found out in person, didn’t I? I wish you could have seen the look on your face when you turned around and saw me standing there.”
“You looked pretty shocked yourself. I don’t know why I wore that particular shirt that day because it fits snugly and you can’t miss that I’m pregnant. If I’d worn…well, it doesn’t really matter, does it? My mother has seen me all though the pregnancy and she’s never once asked me directly if I was going to have a baby. Then today she thought you were my father. I’m so sorry, Nick. If I’d had any idea she would think you were someone else, I’d have never asked you to come into her room.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” He continued to stroke her hair.
“I just wonder sometimes why she never said yes to Walter’s proposals. He’s the kindest, most unselfish man, and he clearly loves her.”
Nick said nothing. Perhaps her mother had refused Walter because she had already been emotionally devastated once. Trust was a hard commodity to come by when yours had been so ruthlessly betrayed.
Nick knew that firsthand.
*****
Tess yawned loudly. She was tired but wasn’t sure she would be able to fall back to sleep. So many notions whirled through her mind. Often she joked about her chattering monkey brain and how much trouble she had shutting it down every night. Her thoughts were usually about her clients and upcoming trials. Now the monkey had new worries to chatter about when she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.
“Would you stay with me? Let me prop against you like before?” she asked when Nick began to move off the bed. “I promise I won’t complain about, you know.” She waved her hand in the direction of his lower body. “That morning thing.”
Nick chuckled. “Sure, and I’ll try not to let that morning thing get in your way.” He slipped under the covers and stretched out behind Tess.
She took a deep breath and contemplated her next statement. It could have consequences. Oh hell, who was she trying to fool? It would have consequences. Consequences she wasn’t entirely sure would be so bad. “And if you wanted to wrap your arm around me, I wouldn’t complain about that either.”
Minutes passed that seemed like hours, and Tess worried she had pushed too far. She had asked so much already, and he had given more than she had asked. He would be leaving for his next assignment soon, most likely before the baby arrived, and she wanted to savor the time they had together. Who knew when he would be back? And just how involved would he be in their lives when he returned?
Uncharacteristically, she thought, why worry about what might be? She’d concentrate on the present.
She sensed the heat from his skin before she felt his touch. Nick reached out and let his hand rest gently on her hip. She covered it with her own and moved both to a spot on her abdomen where the baby moved.
Before long he’d be moving outside of her, living in the room painted by his grandfather and decorated by his grandmother. And he would be sleeping in the crib assembled by his father. But would his father be there to watch him sleep?