No matter how many times he felt the baby move inside Tess, Nick still marveled at the miracle of it. Soon that little miracle would join the world. He would be able to look into his son’s eyes and get to know him—unless he got the job halfway around the world and had to depart as suddenly as he had the night they’d conceived the baby.
One reality colliding with another didn’t sit well and weighed heavily on him. The conversation with Bella still resonated in his thoughts, and his conscience nagged him to sit down with Tess and let her know what might happen.
He’d halfway told Bella he would talk to Tess in the morning, and he dreaded the confrontation, which was exactly what it would turn into. He would argue that he had to make a living so he could help support his child. He couldn’t help that making that living took him all over the world. And Tess would argue right back that… Just what would her argument be? That she expected nothing from him and was getting exactly nothing? That he was deserting her like her father had?
He wasn’t deserting anyone. He wasn’t leaving her for another woman. He would provide financial support and be as present in his child’s life as his job would allow. When the baby was old enough, they could Skype so Michael would know what his father looked like. And Tess would argue… He could play this mental version of a courtroom cross-examination forever, but it would not solve anything.
The baby shifted again and so did Tess. She arched her spine slightly then reached around with her hand to rub at her lower back before becoming still again. She repeated the arch, back rub and shift several times before Nick realized it was a pattern.
“Here, let me,” he said, pressing his thumb into the small of her back and massaging firmly. When she groaned, he let up on the pressure. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“No, don’t stop. It feels good. That was a good groan.”
“Thank you for clarifying that, because I haven’t learned to differentiate between a good groan and a bad one.” He resumed the massage, balling up his fist and running the heel of his palm along her spine.
“A good one is usually accompanied by a smile,” she explained.
“It’s dark,” he said. “And you’re facing away from me.”
“Then I’ll try to remember in the future to tell you if it’s good or bad. How’s that?”
“I think that’ll work.” He stopped and flexed his fingers a few times. “Need more?”
“Mmm-hmmm,” she answered. “I guess it’s just part of being pregnant. It’s all been on–the-job training. I’ve read all the books, but everything in them is just an estimate since every pregnancy is different. Some women have morning sickness and some don’t. Some gain lots of weight and some gain very little. Your feet might swell or not. You might have back aches at night or you might sleep just fine.”
“Have you had this every night? Why didn’t you tell me? I’d have massaged your back for you.”
“Only once in a while. Usually the baby shifts position and it stops. Tonight it’s worse, but he’s getting bigger and doesn’t have much room to move around.”
Anxiety rippled through Nick, and he willed his voice to remain calm. “Everything is okay, though, isn’t it? I mean, I don’t need to call the doctor, do I?”
“I’m not having contractions, if that’s what you’re asking. I seem to always have something out of whack lately, and tonight it’s my back. And my emotions.” Tess’s voice weighed heavy with exhaustion.
Nick leaned toward her and pressed a kiss lightly to the side of her neck before resuming the back massage. “I think you’re entitled to both. You’ve been through a lot.”
An unexpected and problematic pregnancy. Her mother’s worsening dementia. How many burdens did the universe expect this woman to shoulder?
An hour after he entered her room, Tess finally drifted back to sleep. He listened to her soft breathing, remembering her earlier statement about having to depend on everyone. A sensation of satisfaction filled him from knowing she had been able to depend on him tonight and also the day before during the visit to see her mother.
Nick wasn’t used to being depended upon and generally shied away from anything not related to his work or immediate family. And even then, his family often came in second place to the job. Maybe he should call Pete and tell him to take his name out of the hat for Bulgaria. Surely one assignment couldn’t make that much difference in his career. And there would be another big story somewhere he could take on to make up for this one. Wouldn’t there?
Or perhaps he should consider resigning from Earth Events altogether and look for something that would keep him located closer to Atlanta—or at least within the United States. That way he’d never be more than a day’s flight away from Tess and the baby.
Exhaustion was not conducive to the decision-making process. He still had plenty of time—four more weeks until Tess’s due date, and he hoped he had at least that long before he had to decide about the assignment—if he was selected.
Nick closed his eyes and let the weariness take over. Tomorrow he would talk with Tess and tell her about his conversation with Pete. But now he would sleep.
*****
A strange sensation woke Tess. A quick glance at the clock revealed the time: one o’clock. At first she wasn’t sure if it was something real or part of the dream she’d been having about Nick. She lay still for a moment, then wiggled her fingers and toes and realized what had caused her to wake. A long groan escaped from her throat.
Nick shifted and mumbled. “Was that a good groan again?”
“I…I’m not sure,” she said hesitantly.
“What do you mean you’re not sure? It’s your groan. You should know. Are you smiling?”
“Okay, then. I think it’s a bad groan because I think my water just broke.”
“Do you just think or do you know for sure?” Nick had scrambled to a sitting position and rubbed his eyes.
Tess touched the front of her nightgown and found it was soaking wet. But perhaps the baby had just punched her bladder and caused her to lose control. He had sat on it almost from the day of conception.
“Help me to the bathroom and maybe I can tell,” she instructed, explaining her bladder theory. Thank goodness she’d had the presence of mind to put a plastic cover on her mattress right after the doctor had put her on bed rest.
From the bathroom she could hear Nick stripping the linens from the bed. When she couldn’t control the liquid seeping from her, she accepted what she’d suspected all along.
“Are you okay?” Nick called from outside the bathroom door.
“Will you please call Dr. Merrell and tell him I’m pretty sure my water has broken?” Tess tried to keep her voice steady, but a quiver of fear crept through. “And will you bring me a clean nightgown and panties and my heavy robe?”
“I’ve put them beside the sink,” he said moments later. “And I’m calling the doctor now. Do you need me to help you? No? Oh, yes. Dr. Merrell. This is Nick Russo calling for Tess Callahan. Her water broke while she was asleep.”
Tess could hear Nick pacing in the bedroom as she donned the dry clothes, stuffing several sanitary napkins into her panties to absorb the trickle of amniotic fluid.
“No, no contractions that she’s mentioned. No blood on the sheets. Mmmm-hmmm. Okay. Yeah, sure. We can do that,” she heard him say. “We’ll see you at the hospital.”
She returned to the bedroom and found Nick putting on jeans and a sweatshirt. He pulled on a pair of white socks and jammed his feet into his running shoes.
“Come on,” he said, taking her by the elbow. “Dr. Merrell is going to meet us at the ER and figure out what’s going on.”
“I need shoes.”
She saw his gaze sweep to her bare feet, and she wiggled her toes in the carpet.
“Do you want socks and shoes or—”
“My slippers will be fine. It’s not like I’m walking to the hospital. They probably got pushed under the bed when I got up.”
Nick swept his hand back and forth under the bed until he found both slippers, and then let her hold onto him while she slid her feet into them. At the top of the stairs, Nick paused.
“Wait. Where’s your suitcase?”
Pack Suitcase was the top item on the to-do list for the following week. “I haven’t packed it yet. I was going to do it this week. It’s on the top shelf of my closet. Get it for me and I can pack something quickly.”
“No. We need to get to the hospital now. You can make me a list after we get there, and I’ll bring it to you.”
“It’ll only take a few minutes,” Tess argued, turning toward her room. “I know exactly what I need to pack.”
Nick stepped in front of her and put both hands on her shoulders. “Minutes count, sweetheart. And you don’t have any to spare right now. Let’s go, and I’ll get the suitcase later.”
Tess heard an urgency in his voice that almost frightened her—not that she wasn’t frightened already. But she had to believe Nick only had her best interest at heart as well as the welfare of their baby. It wasn’t as if she needed the new gowns and robe she had received as shower gifts right away.
He guided her downstairs and into the car after grabbing his jacket from the back of a kitchen chair and retrieving her purse from the kitchen table where she’d left it that afternoon.
They rode for the first few miles in silence. She knew she was far enough along for the baby to be well developed, but she had hoped to carry him to full term. “I shouldn’t have gone to visit my mother today. If I wasn’t so stubborn and had followed the doctor’s orders, this wouldn’t be happening.”
Nick reached over, grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips for a soft kiss. “I don’t think that’s what caused your water to break, if that’s actually what has happened. I think maybe Junior is just anxious to come out and meet his beautiful mother.”
“You’re just saying that to be nice. I know you’d rather tell me ‘I told you so.’ Go ahead and say it.”
He kissed her hand again, his lips lingering against her skin a little longer this time. “This isn’t your fault, Tess. So stop blaming yourself. If you are going into labor, you need to focus all your energy on having this baby.”
Middle-of-the-night traffic was light, and they arrived at the hospital without incident. Nick pulled into the ER entrance and they were met by two nurses who whisked Tess inside while he parked the car.
The admitting staff bombarded Tess with questions as they helped her into a wheelchair and took her to an examination room. She had pre-registered with the hospital so it took only moments to retrieve her files on the computer.
“Ms. Callahan, my name is Paula. Dr. Merrell is on his way, but in the meantime I can check you to see if your water has indeed broken.” Paula and another nurse helped her onto an exam table and draped her with a sheet. “Let’s take a look here,” she said.
Tess couldn’t see anything from the uncomfortable position flat on her back, but she could feel the nurse’s gloved hand against her bare skin.
“And I’m Debbie,” the other nurse explained as she swiped a digital thermometer across Tess’s forehead and noted the result on the computer. Next she wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Tess’s arm and soon the cuff began to tighten.
“I bet it’ll set a new world record,” Tess remarked, trying to laugh but failing to achieve the humorous tone she’d hoped for.
“No,” Debbie replied. “It’s pretty normal, all things considered. Take deep breaths and try to relax. I know that sounds impossible, but you need to let us take care of everything now.”
Just then a woman stuck her head into the exam room. “There’s a Nick Russo out here asking for you, Ms. Callahan. He isn’t listed on any of your paperwork so I can’t let him back here without your okay.”
Apprehension knotted tightly inside her and Nick was the surefire antidote to that. “Please let him come in. He’s the…he’s my… I need him with me.”
Need him. Words she never thought she would utter. How had she thought she could do this alone? Tess had prided herself on the ability to manage her life, and pregnancy had challenged her management skills to the limit, especially after she had been put on bed rest.
In a few days she would be home with a newborn, juggling feeding schedules and diaper changes. And several months after that, she would add her job into the equation. Her work day wasn’t always a nice, neat eight-to-five schedule. A mediation could run long. An appeal could need a last-minute extension. Even with her top-notch paralegal, she couldn’t always count on leaving the office at five o’clock.
She still had to find a nanny. How flexible would she be? Insecurity and fear, emotions she’d conquered long ago, swept over her and the tears gathering behind her lids spilled down her cheeks.
And what if the baby had an extended hospital stay due to his early arrival? She hadn’t even taken that possibility into consideration.
Moments later Nick was ushered into the exam room and took a seat at Tess’s side. He brushed her hair away from her forehead and wiped away the tears with the pad of his thumb.
“Has the doctor been here yet?” he asked.
“He’s on the way,” Tess answered, trying to keep her voice steady but not succeeding.
“Your water has broken so we’re taking you up to the Labor and Delivery wing,” Paula said. “We’ll let Dr. Merrell know to come straight there.”
“So. This is it, huh?” Nick asked nervously.
Tess nodded and her independent streak reared its head. “But you don’t have to be in the labor and delivery room with me if you don’t want to. I can call Maddie and—”
Nick grasped her hand and barely squeezed it. “There isn’t any place I’d rather be right now. Let Maddie sleep. I’ll call her in the morning, but I do need to call my mother now.”
Tess sent him a quizzical look. “At this ungodly hour?”
“She made me promise, and you know my mother.” A sheepish grin lifted the corners of his mouth. “She and Pop will probably rush right over here even though there’s nothing to do but pace the waiting room floor.”
The clock read three in the morning by the time they reached the Labor and Delivery suite. Dr. Merrell had arrived at the hospital and greeted them in the room. He studied Tess’s records while a nurse helped her put on a standard-issue gown that snapped across the shoulders and tied up the back. Tess settled into the hospital bed with pillows added and adjusted to achieve as much comfort as possible. One nurse inserted an IV into the back of her hand and another hooked her to a fetal monitor.
“No, Mom. You don’t have to be here. It’s the middle of the night and I only called because I knew you’d disown me if I didn’t,” he argued into the phone. “Yes, she’s fine, or as fine as a woman having a baby can be.”
He glanced toward Tess, shrugged and rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’ll tell her. Love you too.” He shoved the phone in his back pocket and returned to Tess’s side.
“Is all this normal?” Nick asked, gesturing to the array of machinery behind the bed. “Or is there a problem because the baby is early?”
The doctor patted Nick on the shoulder. “Stop worrying, Daddy. Everything looks good right now. He’s going to be a bit on the small side, but his vitals are fine. See here?” He pointed to one of the monitors. “That’s his heartbeat and it’s right where it should be. And here’s where the uterine contractions will be displayed once Tess goes into active labor. You’ll be able to watch the progress of a contraction and help Tess breathe through it. You’re still planning a natural birth, aren’t you?”
At Nick’s wide-eyed look, Tess answered that she was.
“But what if I screw up?” Nick asked. “I mean, I read the book, but…”
“You’ll do just fine,” one of the nurses attending to Tess assured him. “My name is Karen and I’ll be here through the labor and delivery. You just follow her lead and pay close attention to the monitors and everything will work out.”
“And I’m going to the doctor’s lounge to nap until we get to show time.” At Nick’s worried look, the doctor issued more assurances. “I’ll just be down the hall and Karen will text me if necessary. She’s one of the best nurses in this hospital. Tess and the baby are in good hands.”
An hour later the first contraction grabbed Tess and a quick glance at the monitor showed a slight blip on the screen. She inhaled deeply through her nose and let the breath out through her mouth in a long hiss.
“I think it’s starting,” she said when the contraction ended. “It was just a little cramping, but I guess that’s how it begins.” She had read all the books and attended classes. And until this moment she had felt completely prepared for childbirth. One small contraction, however, shredded her confidence and sent her emotions into overdrive. And it galled her to react that way—especially in front of Nick.
She tamped down the anxiety, put on her best courtroom face and took a long, deep breath for relaxation.
An hour later, much stronger contractions held her in their grip. “I think we need to change breathing,” she announced, squeezing Nick’s hand. From that point on, every subsequent contraction became a little stronger and the time between contractions shortened.
Nick held her hand, wiped her face with a damp cloth and watched the monitor to talk her through each contraction as she inhaled and exhaled in a slow but rhythmic pattern.
“I’m going to throw up,” Tess called out without warning. Karen held a basin under Tess’s chin and she vomited into it.
“What’s wrong?” Panic showed in Nick’s face. “What’s happening?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” Karen assured him as she offered Tess a glass of water to rinse out her mouth. “It’s just nature’s way of making sure her stomach doesn’t have to work at the same time her uterus does.”
“You must have skipped that chapter in the book,” Tess commented sarcastically. She was grateful Karen had confirmed what she remembered from her reading and that this wasn’t some abnormality unique to premature labor. She had enough worry plaguing her without adding to it. “I—”
The beginning of another strong contraction cut off her remark, and this time she squeezed Nick’s fingers until he visibly winced.
He watched the monitor and let her know when the contraction had peaked.
“It’s almost over. Just a few seconds more. Now take a good deep cleansing breath. Inhale through your nose—”
“I know how to take a damn breath,” she snapped as soon as the contraction eased.
“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to help. We should have gone to childbirth classes.”
“I did,” she deadpanned after deliberately exhaling into Nick’s face. “With Maddie. You weren’t here, remember?”
“Like you’d let me forget,” he mumbled.
“Call Maddie about six-thirty? That’s when the girls get her up anyway, and she’ll be livid if I don’t let her know I’m in here.”
Nick promised he would just as another contraction began. He talked Tess through it using the line on the monitor.
When the nurse checked her progress at six o’clock, it was apparent Tess’s labor was progressing rapidly. “I think we’ll have a baby by seven o’clock,” Karen predicted. “Eight at the very latest. You’re dilating pretty quickly for a first pregnancy, and I think you’re going to start transition soon. So be ready. You’ll want to push but you can’t yet. Just remember your breathing.”
Tess felt as if she was caught in a whirlwind. Everything was happening far faster than she had expected. One advantage was she had no time to obsess. She had to remain focused.
“Go ahead and call Maddie now,” she instructed Nick. “You won’t have time once I start into transition.”
*****
Nick tried his damnedest to remember what transition was because it was apparently something important. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and stepped just outside the labor suite to make the call.
When Jack’s groggy voice answered, he explained the situation and asked to speak to Maddie.
“Tess is in labor,” he explained when he heard Maddie’s sleepy voice on the other end of the line. “I can’t talk long because they said she’s going into something called transition and I need to get back in there. But Tess wanted you to know. Tell Jack I’m sorry I woke him.”
“Thanks for calling, and don’t worry about Jack. And Nick,” she added, “transition is the last part of labor and it’s intense. If you thought the mood swings were bad before, watch out and consider yourself warned. But it’s also pretty fast. Jack swears up and down I questioned his parentage when I was in transition and I don’t remember saying a word of it. It’s hard work to give birth. That’s why they call it labor. Just be there for her. And tell her I love her and I’ll be there as soon as I can get someone to watch the girls.”
“I’ll tell her, and thanks for the refresher on transition.”
Nick heard Jack’s voice in the background along with a muffled conversation.
“Oh, wait. Jack says he’ll stay home from work and watch the girls so I should be there in a little bit.”
“Thanks, Maddie. Tess will appreciate you being here. You’ve been a great friend to her.”
Much better than I’ve been.
Nick ended the call and returned to the labor room to face an entirely different woman than the one he had left minutes before.
Pain contorted Tess’s face, and she spit out a string of curses like machine gun fire. Under different circumstances he might have commented on the unique way she strung the words together.
“Find a focal point in the room and concentrate on it while you do your transition breathing,” Karen directed. “Remember how to do it? It’s like this.” The nurse began a breathing pattern that sounded like she was puffing out the words hee hee hee who.
Pointing at Nick, the nurse delivered an order. “Come over here, please. You’re going to have to help her so she doesn’t push. Just keep her breathing like I showed her and find something for her to focus her attention on.”
As the contraction subsided and Tess slumped back against the pillow, Nick moved the stool so he could face her. Sweat beaded on her forehead and weariness creased her brow. He glanced around for something bright use as a focal point and then caught sight of his reflection in the fetal monitor screen.
He’d pulled on a Great Pumpkin Festival sweatshirt before leaving the house and a bright orange jack-o-lantern dominated the front of it.
“Use this,” he said, pointing to his garment. “Look at the pumpkin.”
Just then another contraction began, and together they huffed their way through it. “You know where I’d like to shove that pumpkin, don’t you?” she asked with a feral grin.
Nick remembered what Maddie had said and took a deep breath. “Close your eyes and rest before the next contraction starts,” he suggested, reaching to wipe her forehead again.
She swatted his hand away. “I feel like I’m trying to give birth to a giant pumpkin. Imagine trying to push a jack-o’-lantern through a drinking straw.” She reached out and grabbed the waistband of his jeans. “Or maybe think about trying to sit on a—”
He pried her hand off his pants. “Okay, okay. I get the picture. Get ready. Here comes another one. Deep breath now.”
“Awwwwwwww,” she wailed. “I need to push.”
“Look at my shirt, Tess, and breathe like I’m doing.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” she snapped. “You didn’t go to the classes. You’re useless. I don’t know why I took you back after you ran out on me, you sorry bastard. I don’t need you to take care of too.”
“That’s the pain talking, sweetheart,” he said, glad he had his phone conversation with Maddie.
“Don’t sweetheart me, you jackass. It’s not the pain. It’s my brain finally coming to its senses about you. Why I thought you’d ever be daddy material, I’ll never know.”
Nick saw the nurse shrug and give him a half smile. He understood at an intellectual level that this was not Tess’s most rational moment. But at an emotional one, he wondered why he had even considered staying with the woman who had neglected to tell him she was expecting his baby. Dumb luck had put them both in the same place at the same time. Otherwise, he would have never known he had fathered a child.
At that moment, he made the decision he had been waffling over for weeks. He would keep his cool during the remainder of her labor and delivery and hang around long enough for her to get home and settled. Then he was going to get the hell out of Dodge.
“Just pant and blow and rest between the contractions. It’ll be over soon,” he repeated before she let loose with another diatribe aimed directly at him. This one would have made a sailor blush.
Now he was really pissed. And in that moment he had to dig deep to stop himself from walking out of the labor room and letting Miss Independent have the baby all by her herself.
But while his sense of pride had been injured, his sense of obligation—or at least knowing what his mother would say if he walked away—kept him in the room.
He closed his eyes and cleared his brain of all negative thoughts.
“I can only imagine how this must feel, but you’re doing a great job. It won’t be too much longer until you’re holding the baby—holding Michael—in your arms.” It seemed odd to say the baby’s name aloud, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever even said it before.
His folks would be disappointed their grandson wouldn’t carry their last name. At least Tess had promised to let them have contact with the baby, and he prayed her current foul mood didn’t alter that promise.
She could make and break a million promises to him, but he couldn’t bear the thought of his parents being hurt, especially after all they’d done to help make Tess’s weeks of bed rest easier.
“Here comes another one,” he warned. The monitor had proven to be invaluable for keeping on top of the contractions. “Look at my face and breathe with me.”
With his encouragement and the nurse’s, she rode the wave of half a dozen more contractions before the nurse checked Tess’s dilation progress again.
“You’re fully dilated, sweetie,” Karen declared. “I’ll notify the doctor. Then we’ll get you propped up a little and with the next contraction you can start pushing.”
“Oh, thank God.” Tess’s relief was evident in the tone of her voice.
“Is there anyone else you’d like in here for the baby’s birth?” Karen asked after she’d texted the doctor. “We have room for a crowd.”
Nick weighed the questioning gaze that passed between them.
“It’s your call. My mom and dad are here and Maddie might be too.” Nick would love for his parents to witness the birth, but he would never insist.
Tess took only seconds to communicate her answer. “No. No one else. I don’t want to worry about anyone else but the baby, especially since he’s early.”
“Don’t you worry about him,” a male voice said from the doorway. Dr. Merrell entered, clad in fresh scrubs and accompanied by another nurse he introduced as Linda. Efficiently, he donned gloves and a mask and situated himself on a stool at the end of the birthing bed. “There’s a NICU doctor on duty in the hospital and he’s already been advised he’ll be needed to evaluate the baby.”
He folded the sheet back to clear the way for the baby’s birth, then shifted his gaze to Karen. “Who’s keeping track of the weight pool?”
Another contraction hit before Tess could comment, and with Nick on one side and Linda on the other, they counted to ten while she held her breath and pushed with all her might.
Once the contraction ended, she flopped back against the pillow. “Weight pool?” she asked breathlessly.
“Yeah,” Nick explained. “We’ve all been betting on how much he’s going to weigh. I’ve got ten bucks riding on five pounds even.”
“I don’t appreciate being wagered over, especially since gambling is illegal in this state.” She exhaled a puff of air, trying to blow away a strand of hair stuck to her sweaty forehead.
Nick reached out and pushed the hair aside then laid a cold washcloth where it had been.
“Easy there, counselor,” the doctor said as he laughed aloud. “The money goes to a group that knits blankets for babies in the NICU and older kids in the pediatric ICU. Surely you can turn a blind eye to our little fundraising effort.”
The next contraction hit before she could reply. With support on both sides and Nick counting steadily in her ear, she pushed again and again until a squalling baby boy made his entrance into the world shortly after seven o’clock.
The doctor lifted him up and placed him on Tess’s chest where a nurse covered him with a hospital baby blanket. His cries stopped as Tess stroked his tiny head.
“What was your hurry, Michael?” she whispered. “I could’ve waited a little longer for you.” Tess continued to murmur to the newborn until the spell was broken by Dr. Merrell.
“Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” he asked, holding out a pair of surgical scissors toward Nick.
Nick hesitated for moment, then grasped the scissors and cut the connection between mother and child.
“We need to check him out now,” Linda said and whisked the baby away to be examined and bathed while the doctor finished tending to Tess. Nick resumed his position by the head of the bed. Tess lay quietly, eyes closed, exhaustion evident in her face.
Thirty minutes later the door whooshed open. “Here you go, Mama.” A woman who had been introduced earlier as the neonatologist placed the baby in Tess’s arms. “He’s a bit of a lightweight, but otherwise he’s fine. Barring any surprises, you should be able to go home in a few days.”
He was swaddled in a white blanket trimmed with blue and pink, and a tiny knit cap covered his head. A few wisps of dark hair peeked from under the cap. Eyes as dark as coal blinked against the light and when the baby looked toward him, Nick gasped.
He was looking at a miniature version of himself.