Simon walked me to the after party, stopping for an ever-so-classy pash once outside the milk bar and once in the car park behind the pub. I strutted inside with his arm over my shoulder and my hand in the back pocket of his jeans. I ushered him onto the dance floor and we made out through two entire songs.
I saw Justin at the bar. The bartender had been to school with practically all the debutantes and didn’t care that we were underage. Justin leant on one elbow and took a sip of beer.
“So,” he said casually. “You and Simon, huh?” He attempted to run a hand through his waxed hair, but his fingers slid off and he tried to disguise it as a fly swat.
“Yeah. Me and Simon.”
He was still in his shiny black tuxedo trousers, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up. He sat his glass on the bar mat. “Abby…”
“What?”
He hesitated. “Do you want another drink?”
I perfected my nonchalant lean on the bar. “No thanks. Simon’s already bought me heaps.” Really, I’d only had a Coke, but Justin didn’t need to know that. He nodded and tapped his fingers against the side of his glass.
“You’re with him to make me jealous, aren’t you?” he said boldly.
I paused, his brazenness catching me off guard. “No,” I said. “I’m with him cos he’s hot like a fox.”
“Why do you keep saying that? You sound like a dickhead.”
I felt my face flush. Justin began to walk away.
“Wait,” I called over the music. He turned back to face me. “If I was with him to make you jealous, would it have worked?”
Justin covered my wrist with his hand and slid his fingers down until they laced with mine.
I swallowed heavily. “Where’s Mia?”
He shrugged. His thumb ran up and down my finger. I stood motionless, techno thudding in my ears. The bass was making the floor shake. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Simon was holding out a pot of beer. He glanced down at my hand, which was firmly linked with Justin’s.
“Fuck you,” he hissed, slamming the glass onto the bar. Foam frothed down the sides. “Fuck the both of you. I should have bloody known. You know I only asked you to be my partner so Rachel would stop hassling me.”
In spite of the situation, it still felt like a kick in the guts.
Justin tugged my hand. “Come on,” he said, his eyes catching Simon’s for a second. “Don’t worry about him.”
I followed him away from the bar. We sneaked up a roped off staircase and came to the empty function room. Large round tables were covered in white sheets and chairs were stacked along the wall. Glass doors led out onto a balcony.
“Are we allowed to be up here?” I asked.
Justin rattled the locked glass door. “Who’s going to know? Come and look. You can see out to the reef.”
I stood at his side. Through the glass I could see over tiled roofs to the shadowy sea. Boat lamps glowed in the darkness. Justin stepped away from the window and pulled me onto the floor beside him. He reached blindly for my hand, brushing his palm over my thigh as he did. I could hear my heart thumping in my ears. It was so loud I was afraid Justin could hear it too. He kissed my fingers. Muted music from the party floated up from the open windows. I could hear laughter in the street. Clinking bottles. Simon’s voice.
Justin took my head in his hands, his palms covering my ears. The noise became muffled, like I was listening from underwater. I could smell the soapy wax in his hair and the beer on his breath. Then suddenly his mouth on my lips and his hot tongue sliding over mine. I shuffled closer to him as we kissed again and again, desperate to make up for years of messing around.
“I’m sorry,” I gushed, between kisses. “About everything. About being so obsessed with my violin. And with getting away.”
Justin just kissed me again.
I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer. “Are you going to sleep with Mia?”
He rested his forehead against mine. “Abby, I always thought you would be my first. Not Mia. I don’t want to be with her.” He sat up and stared at me. “I want you, Abby. I always have. I’m sorry I didn’t do the ball with you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I kissed him softly and slid my singlet top over my head.
“Are you sure about this?” he said.
I took a deep breath. “Yes. Are you?”
Justin nodded. “Hell yeah. I’m sure.”
I stretched back against the warm floorboards. Justin threw off his shirt and lay over me; his bare skin hot and sticky against mine. My heart was thumping. He began to kiss my neck; his lips sliding along my collarbone. He slipped my bra strap off my shoulder. I felt my breathing quicken. Suddenly Justin pulled away.
I opened my eyes. “What is it?”
“It’s Mia,” he hissed. “I heard her voice, she’s on the stairs.” He pushed my top into my hands. “You have to hide. Get behind the curtain or something.”
“What?! You arsehole!”
“Come on Abby, just do it.” He fumbled with his shirt buttons. “Please.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the floor. “Over there,” he hissed, steering me into the corner. I heard him open the door to Mia.
“Hey baby,” she sung. I heard them kiss. Justin led her to the glass doors. I could hear their voices as I slunk past them into the hallway.
“What have you been doing up here, baby? Simon told me you were up here.”
“Nothing. Just waiting for you.”
I ran back to the caravan park, tears streaming down my face and my stupid stiff curls sliding free from their hairpins. Shoes in hand, I raced into the lounge and flopped face first onto the couch. I hugged a cushion to my chest and began to sob; my shoulders heaving as I gasped for breath. I reached up and grabbed the blanket that was thrown over the back of the sofa. Curled into a ball and wrapped it around me like a shell. I yanked the last pins from my hair and flung them across the room. They bounced off the TV screen. My sticky hair fell over my eyes. It stank of hairspray and stale cigarettes.
I gulped down my tears and curled up in the stillness of Acacia Beach. Inside, the kitchen tap dripped. Outside, frogs twittered. I rolled onto my stomach and fell into an uneasy sleep.
I woke up as Nick stumbled through the back door and let the fly screen slam.
“What the hell are you doing home?” He collapsed on the end of the couch and jerked me out of my daze. “Big night?”
I poked my head out of the blanket.
“Your makeup’s all run. You look like shit.”
I sat up angrily. “Yeah well you stink.”
Nick pulled the blanket off me and wrapped it around his shoulders. I shuffled onto the arm of the couch and stared at him. His blonde hair was tangled over the cushion. Dark shadows underlined his eyes.
“So what is it?” My head was throbbing. “What are you taking that makes your life so wonderful?”
Nick rolled onto his side so I couldn’t see his face. “Stay out of it, Abby. It’s got nothing to do with you.”
“Yeah right! I’m the one who has to pick up the fucking syringes you leave on the floor in the toilets!”
Nick sighed. “They’re not mine, okay.”
“Bullshit!”
“Would you shut up!” he hissed. “Do you want to wake her?”
I picked at the hem of the blanket.
“So how was the ball?” Nick asked finally. “I was going to come down to the party but-”
“But what? But you were too stoned to even remember your name?” I shook my head in disgust. “You need to get a life.”
Nick snorted. “You’re an arrogant shit, Abigail, you know that? You know nothing about anything. You’re going to die of shock if you ever get out of this place.”
I leapt off the couch. “What would you know? You don’t know the first thing about me!”
Nick let his hand fall over his eyes. “Yeah and you sure as hell know everything there is to know about me.”