I can’t quite believe what I’m seeing. I take a quick look at Kerry’s face and all I can see is anger. I don’t blame him. For me, the surprise isn’t that much of a surprise. They say a leopard never changes its spots. It’s certainly true in this case. Jody Wright may have had me fooled for a while, but not any longer.
I beckon Sophie to me and whisper to her to stay very still and very quiet. ‘Don’t worry,’ I say in her ear. ‘Me and Kerry will look after you. You’re safe with us.’
I can see through the doorway into the main room as Roisin and Joe come into the house. She pushes a wet strand of hair from her face.
‘You’ve got to stop this now. If you don’t, I will,’ Joe is saying. ‘You can’t let Marie Hurley go to prison. And as for taking Sophie Keane, for feck’s sake, Roisin, that’s kidnapping and I’m now a party to it.’
‘Man up, for God’s sake,’ says Roisin. ‘To tell the truth, I’m past caring. Maybe I really will disappear and then the Hurleys will get what’s coming to them.’
This time it’s me who is held back. Kerry grips my hand. They haven’t noticed us here, pushed back in the shadows. They are too busy arguing. Jody puts a carrier bag down on the floor beside the campfire.
‘You can do what you like, but I’m taking that child back to her mother,’ he says.
‘And you’ll be charged as an accessory,’ says Roisin.
‘Like you, I really don’t care. What I care about is doing the right thing.’
‘You didn’t worry about that the night of the accident,’ says Roisin.
‘I was a kid then. I’m not now. I’m a father myself. This is all wrong. You hear me? All wrong.’
At this point Kerry moves out of the shadows.
‘Funny,’ he says, ‘I was just thinking the same thing.’ He steps into the main room and I follow, keeping Sophie close to me.
Roisin gives a small scream of alarm. Jody swears.
‘Jesus! What the feck are you doing there?’ he cries.
‘Again. I was just thinking the same thing,’ says Kerry. He moves into the centre of the room. His jaw is set tight and I can see him clenching and unclenching his fists.
‘Oh and look who’s with you! It’s Mammy Erin,’ says Roisin. Her ability to regain her composure amazes me. ‘Might have known your sidekick would be with you, Kerry.’
‘Now we’re all over the shock of seeing each other,’ says Kerry, his voice like steel. ‘Perhaps you can explain what’s going on.’
‘Oh, please, Kerry,’ says Roisin. ‘Don’t be so hick and naive.’
‘Leave it out,’ says Joe. He’s keeping a wary eye on Kerry. I think he must recognise the anger that’s bubbling away just under the surface. I’m not sure how long Kerry will be able to contain the rage.
‘Shut up, Joe,’ says Roisin. ‘You’re such a wimp. Frightened of upsetting your cousin now. First it was your wife, then it was her,’ she waves a hand in my direction, ‘and now it’s Kerry. Grow some balls, man.’
‘I didn’t want to get involved in this,’ says Joe, turning to Kerry. ‘I’ve just this minute been trying to talk her out of it. I was saying this has gone too far and has to stop.’
‘Shut the fuck up, Joe,’ snaps Kerry. Joe looks at me. If he thinks he’s getting some sort of support or empathy, then he can think again. Roisin sits down on an upturned milk crate in front of the hearth with a total look of nonchalance. God, I want to slap that unconcerned, superior look right off her face.
‘What exactly did you expect to gain from all this?’ I ask. ‘Taking Sophie. Have you any idea what Fiona is going through right now? Not to mention that my mother is currently under arrest for your murder. And have you not stopped to think about your own mother?’
Roisin stands up, her face contorts. ‘Don’t you dare lecture me about what my mother may or may not feel. You have absolutely no idea.’ She pauses, the muscles in her face relax and she sits down again. A contemptuous looks descends upon her. ‘Not nice is it? Thinking you’ve lost someone you love. Knowing you’ve lost someone is even worse. I thought you Hurley girls needed a taste of your own medicine; to know what fear really tastes like, to feel that pain of losing a child. Not nice, is it?’
‘Is that what this little stunt is all about? Was that it? Or is there something else in that warped mind of yours?’ Sophie’s arms slip around my waist. She gives a little whimper.
‘Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty,’ says Roisin. ‘What I want is the truth about Sophie. Nothing more, nothing less. I want you to confess to what you and your sister did. I want Sophie to be part of my family, her family. The Marshalls are as much her family as the Hurleys and, you, Erin, have denied her that. You and your family have kept her a secret from us for all this time.’ She comes to stand in front of me.
‘Stop, Roisin,’ I say. I draw Sophie behind me, aware that she is listening to every word Roisin is saying. ‘Not here.’
‘You should have thought about that before,’ says Roisin. ‘You had absolutely no right to do what you did. No right whatsoever. She is my brother’s child. My brother who died because of you.’
‘So, what now?’ I ask, wanting to prevent Sophie hearing any more of Roisin’s ranting.
‘You and I go to the solicitors and make this all official. I want it in writing that you will let us, that’s my family, have regular contact with Sophie. That my mum can see her, the child can stay with her, she can take her out, treat her exactly like she should as a grandmother.’
I nod, ignoring the pain that’s racing to my heart. I don’t want to share Sophie with Diana Marshall. She didn’t want her in the first place. What if she doesn’t want her now? ‘Does your mum know?’ I ask.
‘Not yet. But that’s none of your business anyway. What do you care about my mam? You never bothered about her feelings when you went off to England.’
‘She didn’t deserve to know, then,’ I say. ‘She didn’t want me to have the baby in the first place. What I told you before, that she wanted me to have an abortion, was true.’ The words blurt out before I have time to check myself.
‘You’re a liar,’ says Roisin.
‘Why would I lie about that? Why would I continue to lie, when you’re about to tell your mum?’ I stand my ground; we are inches apart. For the first time I see an uncertainty in her eyes.
‘My mam would never agree to an abortion,’ she says.
‘Your mother did not want to ruin Niall’s chances at university,’ I reply. ‘If she hadn’t been so set on Niall having a glittering career, one that she could be proud of, one that she could show off about, then we wouldn’t have had to run away.’ Sophie moves further behind me, but I barely register this. All I can focus on is Roisin.
‘If you had gone along with what she wanted then you wouldn’t have had to run away!’ Roisin is shouting, but her voice is full of raw emotion. ‘If you hadn’t run away then you wouldn’t have had the accident.’ She pushes me in the shoulder. I stumble back. For a moment I think I’m going to stumble over Sophie, but she moves quickly to the side, sinking into the corner. Once again I am back to focusing on Roisin. It all happens in a few seconds. I regain my balance and I return the shove. Roisin grabs my arm and for a moment we engage in some sort of strange rocking-from-side-to-side motion, like two Sumo wrestlers getting ready to start throwing each other about.
‘Not again,’ groans Kerry and then he’s forcing his way between us. Joe grabs at Roisin.
‘That’s not fair, Roisin. You can’t blame Erin for the accident. You know that. I know that,’ says Joe.
‘Calm down the pair of you,’ says Kerry.
‘Tell her to keep her hands to herself.’ I’m fuming. All the anger from ten years ago comes rushing back to join forces with the anger I’m feeling now. Kerry is still holding onto me. I shrug his hands from my arms, but he pulls me closer. He kisses my head and mutters soothing words, like he might if Storm or Breeze needed calming. It has the desired effect after a minute or so. ‘I’m okay,’ I say. ‘Honest, I have it under control.’ I go over to Sophie and reassure her with words and another hug. I feel ashamed that I let things get out of hand in front of her. She has had enough to deal with.
Roisin wipes tears from her eyes. I wonder if she really does believe me now. It must be hard to accept that your own mother could do something like that. But something tells me there’s more to those tears. There is still something I don’t know, something she is hiding. I look at Joe. He looks away, but it’s too late, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in his eyes. Guilt.
His words of just a moment ago, coming rushing back to me.
‘Joe,’ I say, my voice one of total calm and composure. ‘What did you mean just now, when you said I wasn’t to blame for the accident?’
‘Nothing,’ says Joe.
‘You said Roisin knew I wasn’t to blame and that you knew it too.’
‘Tell her, Joe. Tell Erin what you told me earlier,’ says Kerry. ‘I don’t want to have to knock it out of you, much as I’d like to give you a feckin’ good thumping right now.’
Kerry’s threat isn’t wasted, although I’m not so sure it’s just a threat. I’m pretty certain Kerry means every word.
‘Don’t!’ cries Roisin. ‘Don’t say anything.’
Joe hesitates. He looks at each and every one of us.
‘Erin needs to know. She has a right to,’ he says at last. Roisin goes to protest some more, but Joe continues to speak. ‘Just as your mother has a right to know about Sophie, Erin has a right to know about the accident.’
My legs suddenly feel weak and my throat closes, making breathing difficult. I take a gulp of air. Kerry holds onto my elbow. ‘You okay?’
I nod. ‘I’m fine.’ All I want now is to hear what Joe has to say.