THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Ever since I’ve known you—how long has it been now?—I’ve been getting my butt kicked in about a hundred different ways. Well, the butt-kicking officially stops here.

On this page.

Before the next period

•

That’s why this could be my best story yet. I’ve got a ton of stuff to tell you about. More than ever, in fact. For a while, I thought maybe I’d call this book The Butt-Kick Stops Here. Or maybe Look at Me, I’m Special. Or First Kiss. Or Rafe Khatchadorian: Secret Agent Artist.