CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Dear Diary,

The darkness draws me ever nearer, just when I’d begun to find the light. It envelops me in its icy cloak, dank and musty and cold. It whispers to me of days gone by, when I was still a kid. The fun I used to have swimming in the river; playing soccer with my dad.

Those days of innocence are over and I can never go back. Even the love of my family is no longer enough. I’m no good for anything or anyone, but him. He knows me like no other. He knows who I really am… And I love him for it. It’s only a matter of time before the world knows our secret.

We all have secrets, but mine is worse than most. I hide my shame like I hide my secret, in the dark. I’ve tried to seek help. I’ve even tried counseling, but I don’t really want any help or want to change. Even my therapist knows it. I embrace the darkness inside me. I listen for its call. Right now, it’s crooning a soft, sweet lullaby… My lover is standing close…

* * *

Ava heard the knock on her door over the sound of the six o’clock news on the TV and frowned. She’d had a simple supper of an egg white omelette and greens and was now relaxing after her unscheduled call in to the office. She wasn’t expecting visitors.

The knock came again and with a sigh, she set her wine glass on the coffee table and pushed away from the couch. Padding barefoot down the hall, she looked through the peephole and gasped.

Lachlan.

With her heart pounding double time, she glanced down at her old robe. Though it was threadbare at the elbows, she still refused to toss it out. She’d been wearing it since her final year of college and there were a lot of fond memories stored within its woven cloth. Besides, it was comfortable.

With no choice but to open the door and let Lachlan see her in her finest, she undid the security chain and turned the door handle. He looked so sad and despondent, she immediately forgot about her worn attire.

“Lachlan! Are you all right? What are you doing here?”

He stared at her blankly as if trying to comprehend her questions. At last, he blinked and nodded. “Hi. I’m… I’m fine. I needed to see you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” she said, a little warily, wondering what had brought him to her door. She wasn’t sure she was ready if he came to tell her he’d reconciled with his wife.

At the possibility, she swallowed a desperate sigh. If that was his reason for being there, she might as well get it over with. Stepping backwards, she opened the door all the way and indicated he could enter. “Come in.”

She turned and walked back to the open concept kitchen and living room and muted the TV before turning back to face him. “Can I get you something? A drink?”

“Thanks. A beer would be good, if you have it.”

His tone was still quiet and his demeanor remained downcast. She frowned and tossed him another worried look. It was Kristy. It had to be. He was here to tell Ava his wife was moving back.

All of a sudden, Ava’s legs turned to concrete and she could barely force herself to move toward the fridge. With her heart heavy with dread, she came to a halt. If the news was bad, she didn’t want him staying any longer than he had to. She wanted him to get it over with and then she’d ask him to leave. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. Some things were better done fast and with gritted teeth.

“It’s about Kristy, isn’t it? You’re getting back together, giving your marriage another chance. It’s all right. You can tell me. I’ve been half expecting it. It was my idea, after all.” She laughed without humor and tried to fight back the tears. Unable to look at him while he told her that news, she turned her back on him and braced herself.

Instead, she felt his hand upon her shoulder, strong and gentle all at once. She flinched and moved away.

“I’m fine, Lachlan. I am. And…I’m happy for you. For all of you. Your kids—”

“It’s not about Kristy, or my family. Well, it is, kind of, but that’s not why I’m here. Kristy and I have decided to formally separate. In time, we’ll get a divorce. I’m here because I wanted to say I’m sorry for the things I said. I was angry and hurt and…”

He cursed beneath his breath. “What I really want to tell you is that I’ve fallen in love with you and… I’m wondering how you feel. You told me once you liked me and I can’t help hoping there might be a chance the two of us…”

His voice faded off, as if his courage was depleted. She stared at him, so lost and uncertain and joy trickled into her heart. He loved her! He wasn’t getting back with his wife. He wanted to know if there could be something between them—if he had a chance.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” she cried and threw her arms around his neck. In less than a second, she’d gone from despair to wild jubilation.

He grimaced and too late, she remembered his collarbone, but she kissed him anyway, on his lips, his nose, his cheeks. Her glasses made the action more awkward and laughter rumbled through him. He pulled back a little to stare at her, his eyes wide with disbelief.

“Yes? You mean it?”

She nodded and smiled and tugged off her glasses, wiping the moisture from her cheeks. Taking him by the hand, she led him to the couch and sat down beside him. Still holding his hand, she said softly, “Tell me everything.”

Over a beer and a glass of wine, Lachlan filled her in on his meeting with his wife. Ava was surprised to hear Kristy had found someone new, but was relieved to know this hadn’t factored in Lachlan’s decision—or that he wasn’t devastated by the news.

“I loved her for a long time,” he murmured. “Once, we were good together, but time has a way of playing tricks. We grew up and put our high school days behind us. We could have grown together, matured into our adult life. Unfortunately, the longer we stayed together, the more obvious it became how far we’d grown apart. We had two beautiful kids who I’ll love and support until I die, but I can’t live my life with their mother, knowing I’m in love with someone else, no matter how hard I try. And I can’t ask her to do the same.”

Ava stared at him. Lachlan moved closer on the couch, until their thighs were touching. Her short robe had ridden up. His jeans were rough against her naked skin. He shifted his head until his lips were inches from hers.

“You believe in marriage and all it stands for. You cried at your sister’s wedding,” he murmured, his breath warm on her mouth.

“Y-yes,” she said a little uncertainly, unsure where he was heading.

“You’re a traditional girl with traditional values. I understand. Believe it or not, I feel that way, too. My marriage to Kristy might not have worked out, but that doesn’t mean I’m forever soured against the institution. You want marriage and a lifelong commitment.”

He stared into her eyes. He was so close she could see the dark flecks amid the green. Her breath caught at the intensity of emotion in their depths.

“I want to give you that,” he whispered against her lips. “If you’ll let me. I want to love you until the day I die.”

She gasped on a sob of pure joy and happiness and he held her against his chest. His lips found hers and they kissed like they were ravenous. She matched his passion at every turn, loving the feel of him against her. He reached inside her robe and his fingers found her naked breast.

He stroked her nipple back and forth until she was wild with need. She moaned against his lips and lay back on the couch. Careful of his injured arm, she reached up and pulled him down on top of her. He willingly complied with a growl deep in his throat and tugged at the tie around her waist. Spreading her robe wide, he stared down at her nakedness, panting.

“You’re so beautiful. I love you, Ava Wolfe.”

“I love you, too, Lachlan.”

He bent his head and captured her lips and kissed her again and again. She squirmed against his erection, desperate to feel more. Pulling away, he undid the button and zipper and shucked his Levis and boxers down his hips. Returning to his position, he lay naked, fully on top of her and both of them sighed loudly in relief.

“That’s better,” he growled.

She stared up at him. “You feel so good.”

He pressed his cock against her entrance. She was sure he could feel her heat. Slick with wanting, her need coiled tightly inside her.

“Do you want me?” he murmured, his eyes heavy with desire.

Anticipation surged in her belly and tingled through her core. “Yes,” she breathed and pulled his head down for another soul-searching kiss.

His cock nudged at her entrance and she suddenly realized he didn’t wear protection. “Do you have a condom?” she whispered.

He stilled and drew slightly away from her. “No,” he said. “I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to see me. I didn’t want to appear presumptuous and spoil everything…again.”

He stared down at her, his expression solemn. She smiled softly, tenderly and reached up to cup his cheek. “It’s all right. That was my fault as much as yours. I’m sorry. I was the one who made assumptions. It was wrong of me.”

“Let’s just agree to forgive each other and forget. Can we do that?” he asked.

Ava smiled in relief. “I can if you can.” Once again, she pulled him down on top of her and kissed him. Passion quickly built up again inside her and she twisted impatiently against him.

“I need you inside me,” she murmured.

“What about the condom?”

“I don’t care about the condom. I’m free of disease and you look pretty healthy. Besides, I’m taking contraception pills.”

With that, Lachlan bent his head and captured one rosy nipple. He suckled and licked until Ava was driven wild with need and then he moved to the other.

“Stop!” she gasped. “Please, I want to feel your cock.”

He moved slightly. A moment later, his thickness probed once again at her slick entrance. She lifted her hips and met his thrust and in one smooth movement, he embedded himself to the hilt. He groaned in relief.

Clinging to his shoulders, she urged him on. His thrusts came hard and fast and she kept begging him for more. No man had ever felt the way he did, buried deep inside. She panted with exertion, close to orgasm.

He picked up his pace once again and her hips met every thrust. Her fingernails bit into his shoulders and finally she was on the edge. A breath later she was crying out and toppling over, clinging to him for dear life.

With a triumphant yelp, he thrust into her over and over again. All at once he tensed and then growled low in his throat. His warm seed poured into her and she loved the feeling that they were one. As their breathing returned to normal, he rolled sideways and brought her with him.

“That was…” She shook her head, unable to find the words.

“Amazing, wonderful—out of this world,” he supplied.

She smiled tenderly. “Yes to all of that and so much more.”

With her head resting against his chest, she wriggled a little, searching for more room.

“This isn’t the widest couch in the world,” he murmured against her hair, “and my shoulder is kind of sore. Is there somewhere more comfortable we can go?”

She pushed away from him and found her feet. Reaching out, she took his hand, helped him up, and led him down the hall toward her bedroom. She’d left a lamp on earlier, intending to read once she’d finished her wine. The light softly illuminated the room.

“Nice,” he said, looking around at the pastel prints on the walls. The pale pinks and blues matched the color of the bedspread. Cushions in contrasting hues decorated a window seat that looked out onto a small courtyard surrounded by garden.

“Don’t give me credit for the décor.” She winked at him. “The place came fully furnished.”

He smiled and tugged her over toward the bed. “Who cares about the décor? The view is so much better from here.”

Pulling her down beside him, he snuggled her in his arms. Ava spooned into him and sighed with contentment. Thinking back to how he’d arrived at her door, looking so full of despair, she giggled.

“What’s so funny?” he mumbled against her hair.

“I was just thinking how I managed to brighten your mood.”

“Yeah,” he replied softly.

She turned in his arms and looked at him. “You don’t sound altogether convinced.”

His expression grew somber. He kissed her gently on the mouth. “It wasn’t just us and our problems that were playing on my mind.”

She stared at him and ignored the tiny flash of fear. “Talk to me.”

In a heavy voice, Lachlan told her about Martin and the IA investigation and what had happened at the station.

Lachlan’s expression hardened. “I hate that Becker doesn’t have the guts to go against the party line. This is a friend, a colleague who’s being treated like shit. It could happen to any one of us. We need to know the police service and the hierarchy will support us in times like this. Otherwise, what the hell are we doing?” His breath came faster and his eyes flashed. “Tell me, Ava. What the hell are we doing?”

* * *

The illuminated numbers of the clock on Ava’s nightstand read 3:15, but still Lachlan couldn’t get to sleep. The woman in his arms had dozed off hours ago, her breathing slow and deep. He wanted nothing more than to join her and escape, even for a little while, from the nightmare of the day. Even so, sleep continued to elude him.

The faint sound of his phone ringing from the other room startled him. Remembering he’d left it in the pocket of his jeans, he carefully eased his arm out from under the sleeping woman and padded down the hall. He glanced at the screen and frowned. Pam Griffin.

Why the hell would Pam be calling at this time of night? Dread formed in his gut. He’d attended enough crime scenes to know nothing good ever happened after midnight. His body went cold at the thought, but he answered the call.

“Pam? What is it?” he asked, forcing himself to remain calm.

“Oh, Lachlan! Come quickly! It’s Martin! He’s been drinking since early evening and now he’s turned plain mean. Hurry, Lachlan! Hurry! Oh, God! He’s… He’s got a gun!”