Regaining My Pride

Dear Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul,

About a year ago, I bought Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and the Journal. I felt a little weird buying the books because, first of all, I’m not much into self-help books. And second of all, I’m not a teenager anymore—I’m twenty-one years old. But I realized that these books aren’t really about self-help; rather, they’re “self-inspiring.”

When I bought the journal I filled it out completely. In many ways, it has helped me to get over and put to rest a lot of things that were upsetting me about my life. I was finally able to move on from situations I’d been stewing over for years. One situation in particular has plagued me, but by writing about it in the journal I realize I am a better person for having gone through it. That was a big step for me.

I started twelfth grade in the fall of 1995. It was supposed to be the best year of my life. I was finally going to graduate from high school. Over the next twelve months I was going to be taking steps toward my future. I applied for college and a ton of scholarships.

Unfortunately, I was struggling terribly in my history class. I ended up dropping it with only two weeks to go in the semester. My guidance counselor assured me that everything would be fine, as long as I passed all my other finals. I was so happy that day. I felt like I could conquer anything.

Finally graduation day came and the principal spoke those cherished words: “We now present to you the graduating class of nineteen hundred ninety-six.” When I heard those words I knew I was really doing it; I was heading to college. Or at least I thought I was—until I received my transcripts in the mail.

I opened the envelope that would confirm that I had officially graduated from high school, and my knees buckled. I could not find my voice. I had missed graduating by one credit, my history credit. I had trusted my guidance counselor. I was devastated.

I spent the next month losing my dreams and losing myself. The walls around me started caving in, and I constantly wondered when they would stand up again. I was terrified of having to go back to high school, having to face everyone who would know that I was a failure. I was not prepared to move backwards. I had waited for so long for a new beginning, a new way of life. I hated the thought of being left behind while everyone else got to go out and discover new worlds in college. I was miserable.

But I started high school again in the fall and things actually started looking up. I finished in November. It was a shock to be back in school, but suddenly my life seemed to make a 180-degree turn. I made some new friends who have turned out to be lasting and unforgettable. They took me in and made me feel at home, and that gave me the strength to move on. I rediscovered my identity and came to the realization that I was going to be all right; I was really going to make it. The feeling of loss finally subsided.

I finally took that big step and went to college in the fall of 1997—a year after the rest of my class. College has been everything I dreamed of and hoped for. I am proud of the person I am today, and I am that person because I swallowed my pride and went back to high school.

Thank you for your books—and for helping me to discover that the obstacles I’ve faced in my life have also been my most profound learning opportunities.

Sincerely, a devoted fan,
Crystal McHargue