All night, Dena slept fitfully, dreaming that he was still outside and waking with a start. Several times she went to the window to look, but the street was quiet, and there was no sign of him. Early in the morning her phone rang. It was Albert, asking if she could come in to work after all. Dena got up and got dressed. She was exhausted, but determined. The long night had helped her to come to a decision. She came downstairs to find Jennifer, seated in the breakfast nook of her newly painted kitchen, still in her bathrobe, yawning and scrolling down her phone.
Dena made herself a cup of coffee, toasted a bagel, and joined Jennifer at the table. They glanced quickly at one another and then away. Neither one mentioned the revelations of the night before. But it loomed, like a third party, at the table.
‘Aren’t you eating breakfast?’ Dena asked as she swallowed down a vitamin with her coffee, and began to chew on the bagel.
‘Oh, I can’t,’ said Jennifer, making a face. ‘Morning sickness. Actually, I don’t know why they call it morning sickness. Everything makes me sick.’
Dena grimaced sympathetically. ‘I had it for a few weeks. Not that badly though.’
‘I don’t mind,’ said Jennifer, smiling. ‘It’s worth it.’ Dena nodded but did not smile.
‘So, what are you up to today?’ Jennifer asked.
‘My boss needs me to come in. So, I’ll do that. And then I have some arrangements to make,’ said Dena.
‘What kind of arrangements?’ Jennifer asked.
‘I’ve decided to call my sister in Chicago. See if I can stay with her until the baby is born. I can’t drive out in this condition, so I’ll need to see about having my car shipped. There’s a lot to think about …’
Jennifer reached over and touched her hand. ‘I’m so relieved, Dena.’
‘Have I been that bad a guest?’ Dena asked, trying to tease her a little.
‘You know it’s not that,’ Jennifer said seriously.
Dena smiled. ‘I know it. I think the best thing is just to get away from here, ASAP.’
‘Believe me, I agree,’ said Jennifer. ‘I just hope he doesn’t follow you.’
‘I don’t think he can, realistically. He has so many obligations here.’
‘He’s not going to like it,’ Jennifer warned.
‘He has nothing to say about it,’ Dena replied tartly. ‘That’s the point. My mind’s made up. It’s over. And I don’t want to keep running into him. Popping up everywhere I go. It’s over and it’s time for me to get away from here.’
‘Good for you,’ said Jennifer. ‘I really believe you should.’
Dena got up and rinsed her coffee mug in the sink.
‘Are you and your sister close these days?’ Jennifer asked.
Dena leaned back against the sink and thought about Marcia. Marcia was settled, with two kids and a husband, and she had always regarded her younger sister as something of a vagabond, even though Dena had a job and an apartment. Sometimes, in the past, Dena thought Marcia might secretly envy the freedom she had, the chances she had taken. Dena knew she would have to endure Marcia’s disapproval, but she needed her older sister’s stability right now. ‘We’re close in spite of our differences,’ Dena explained. ‘I mean, she’s my sister. Last night I was thinking about that Robert Frost poem. You know, home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in …’
Jennifer smiled sadly. ‘I’ll miss you. If things were different, we could have raised our kids together.’
‘I’ll miss you, too,’ said Dena warmly.
Jennifer’s phone rang and she answered it. A look of surprise, and then a smile crossed her face. ‘I’ll be out this morning, but I’ll be here all afternoon. OK, thanks.’
‘Who was that?’ Dena asked, noting her pleased expression.
‘The florist. It seems my husband has ordered me flowers.’
‘For no reason?’
Jennifer shook her head, and her auburn hair glistened. ‘It’s my anniversary today. We’ve been married for one year today.’
Dena smiled at her. ‘Congratulations. It seems like you really found the right guy.’
‘I did,’ said Jennifer. ‘I can’t help it, I just have to admit it.’
‘You guys going out tonight?’ Dena asked, drying off her plate and replacing it in the cabinet.
Jennifer shook her head. ‘I can’t keep anything down. It would be a waste to go out to dinner. I think we’ll just stay in, have a quiet evening. I’ll pick up something he likes at the store.’
‘Well, I better get going,’ said Dena. ‘I’ve got an appointment to show wedding cakes at the restaurant. What about you?’
‘I’ve got a doctor’s appointment, a couple of errands,’ said Jennifer, yawning again. ‘If I can just wake up.’
Dena came over and put an affectionate arm around her friend. ‘I’ll never be able to thank you for taking me in like this. You always were a good pal. All these years later, you haven’t changed a bit that way.’
Jennifer smiled and squeezed her hand.
‘Where are my car keys?’ Dena asked.
Jennifer pointed to a basket on the counter. Dena picked them up and jingled the bunch. ‘I’m on my way,’ she said.
A few hours later, in a darkened room, Jennifer lay on an examining table, waiting for the technician and trying not to think about anything but her baby. But she kept on thinking about Dena and all that had happened. At least Dena would get away from Brian, and have a chance at a normal life. If only she had been as insistent with Tanya …
The door to the examining room opened and the technician and a nurse bustled in. In a few minutes, Jennifer was staring at the moving image on the monitor beside her as the technician moved the microphone-sized instrument across the cold gel on her abdomen.
‘Everything looks good,’ he said brightly, as a broad smile wreathed Jennifer’s face. ‘Five months, right?’
Jennifer nodded, nervously toying with the hair barrette in her hand as she gazed at the screen.
‘He’s sleeping at the moment, but he’s doing fine. Everything looks perfect. I’ll make you a picture of him to take home to your husband.’
‘He?’ Jennifer exclaimed.
‘Figure of speech,’ said the technician, reaching back to turn off the machine.
Jennifer hated to see the image disappear. Reluctantly, she turned away from the darkened screen. The nurse, standing by the examining table, began to wipe the gel off Jennifer’s abdomen and then pulled the sheet up over her. ‘We call them all “he” until further notice,’ the nurse explained, smiling. ‘Doesn’t mean a thing.’
‘Oh, OK,’ said Jennifer, not sure if she felt relieved or disappointed. They had decided not to find out the baby’s sex beforehand, but if she just happened to find out … Jennifer pulled herself up to a sitting position. All of a sudden she shook her head and let out a weak exclamation.
‘What’s the matter?’ asked the nurse, switching on the lights and turning around. ‘Whoa, I just felt really dizzy,’ said Jennifer with a shaky laugh.
The nurse automatically reached for her wrist and checked her pulse. Then she put a blood-pressure cuff on her arm and pumped the bulb. ‘Did you eat this morning?’ she asked.
‘Not really. Nothing stays down very long these days,’ Jennifer admitted.
The nurse nodded and tore off the cuff. ‘Your blood pressure is a little on the low side. It’s not unusual.’ She reached in a cabinet and fished out a plastic-wrapped packet of saltines. ‘Here, eat a couple of these before you leave.’
‘I will,’ she said obediently. She clutched the packet in the same hand as her barrette.
‘Be careful getting off the table,’ said the nurse.
Jennifer nodded, and reached up to replace the barrette in her long, auburn hair. Her arms felt a little weak.
The technician held out a grainy black-and-white printout from the sonogram and Jennifer reached for it eagerly. ‘Thank you,’ she said sincerely, gazing at the printout.
‘You can get dressed now,’ said the nurse. ‘The bathroom is that door on the right.’
Jennifer thanked the nurse too. Her bladder was ready to burst from all the liquid they had made her drink before the sonogram, but she could not immediately get herself to stop gazing happily at the picture. Wait until Ron sees you, she thought. He’ll be over the moon.
When they left her alone in the room, Jennifer put the picture and her package of saltines carefully in her satchel and wadded up her clothes to take into the bathroom. She pulled on her T-shirt and her black stretch pants, then sat down on the toilet to relieve her bladder. As she stood up again, she felt that woozy sensation sweep over her. She noticed the light beginning to disappear around her like a shutter closing around a camera’s lens, and then, as her knees began to buckle, she actually saw a starburst twinkling in the blackness before her eyes. You do see stars, she thought, and it was her last thought as her arms splayed out and she crumpled to the floor.
The next thing she was aware of was her cheek, smushed against the cold floor of the bathroom. Wow, she thought, pulling herself up with a feeling of amazement and rubbing her cheek. I really went down for the count. She tried, unsuccessfully, not to feel a little scared by it. It happened so fast – what if she had been out in the middle of the road somewhere? As it was, this bathroom was a pretty dangerous place to topple over. She felt an immediate sense of gratitude that she had not cracked her head open on the sink.
I should have eaten those crackers right away when the nurse gave them to me. She reached into the satchel which was on the floor beside her, rummaged inside for the saltines and broke open the package. She stuffed the dry crackers into her mouth. I’d better be careful on the ladder, she thought. She still had some stenciling of borders on the wall left to do in the baby’s room. If she told Ron about this, he’d probably forbid her to finish. He was paranoid about anything happening to her, or the baby.
I’ll keep it to myself, she thought, rising unsteadily to her feet. She gathered up her bag and opened the door to the examining room. The nurse came in. ‘What’s the matter?’ she said. ‘You still in here?’
‘I passed out,’ Jennifer admitted.
‘Come with me,’ said the nurse sternly. She pressed her arm under Jennifer’s and propelled her out the door. ‘Did you eat those crackers I gave you?’ she demanded.
‘Just now,’ said Jennifer meekly.
Jennifer allowed herself to be led out into a little area off the waiting room. There the nurse made her sit, and checked her blood pressure again.
‘All right,’ she said. ‘Now listen, if you feel that woozy feeling again, stop whatever you’re doing and put your head between your knees. And no jumping up quickly. Now lean back and just relax for a few minutes.’
‘OK, thanks,’ said Jennifer. She sat in the little anteroom, watching people pass by the door. One woman met her gaze as she walked by, and waved shyly at her. Who is that, Jennifer wondered. Do I know her? It was an all too common experience for her these days, since she’d moved back here to her home town. People were always hailing her, and starting conversations, while Jennifer tried to make small talk and not let on that she had no earthly idea who it was. She would try to say innocuous things while she did a frantic brain search, trying to match the person by age, sex and level of familiarity to some part of her past – the school, the neighborhood, the church. It was embarrassing how often it occurred. When she moved away from Monroe to go to college in Boston, she had let go of the past, thinking she would never need it again. And now, she was trying to reassemble it, like a broken mosaic, before her old friends and neighbors realized how careless with their memory she had been.
‘OK,’ said the nurse, bustling in. ‘You can go. But for goodness’ sake, find something you can keep down in the morning. And take it easy this afternoon. No stress.’
Jennifer thanked her again, and went to collect her bag and coat. She still felt shaky, although, thank God, there was nothing wrong with the baby. That would be the worst, Jennifer thought. This should be the happiest time of a woman’s life, she thought. But obviously it wasn’t, not for everyone. She couldn’t help but think of Dena, all alone when she should be sharing her happiness with a loving husband. Well, better to be alone than with Brian. The thought of Brian filled her with the customary fury. Oh Tanya, she thought. You’ve had no justice. He broke you like a toy. Stop, she told herself. Stop it. The nurse said, no stress.
Jennifer rode down the elevator and walked out to her car. It was parked in the small lot in front of the medical building. That was the beauty of living in Monroe again. A small town where you could always park, and people had time to stop and talk. Of course, that was also the problem, when you couldn’t recognize them, she thought wryly. She got into her car and drove down the tree-lined streets toward their new home.
Jennifer parked the car in front of the house on Chestnut Street. It was a street of older, well-kept homes with lovingly tended gardens and dappled sunlight on the pavement. She got out of the car and imagined them, walking the baby in a carriage here. Someday that baby would grow up, and ride his bicycle over these uneven slate sidewalks.
Jennifer picked up the empty recycling can beside the car and carried it back toward the house, her shoes crunching on the gravel driveway as she walked. As she returned to the front of the house, a woman wearing a headset jogged past her on the sidewalk and smiled. Across the street, the mailman waved as he paused to push some envelopes through a brass door slot. Two blocks down, a man was pulling a child in a red wagon. Jennifer sighed at the peacefulness of it all. She opened the back door of the car, took out a bag of groceries and Ron’s dry cleaning from the back seat, and then climbed the steps to the front door.
The multi-paned enclosed porch was warm with the morning sun. Jennifer opened the door and called out, ‘Dena?’ but she didn’t expect an answer. There was no sign of her friend’s car in the street. Jennifer picked up the mail from the floor and then walked back to the kitchen, placing her satchel on a pine chair. Then she picked up her phone to call her husband. His secretary reported that he had gone to a meeting with one of his clients.
‘No problem,’ Jennifer said. ‘I’ll talk to him when he gets home.’ She hung up, feeling wistful, and filled with longing for him. Ron was so absolutely the right man for her, that it was hard to remember now how panicky she had become before she met him, thinking perhaps she would never find someone. She’d joined clubs, gone on blind dates, even tried internet dating. And then, when she’d given up all hope, she’d met Ron.
The phone rang at her elbow, and Jennifer jumped, half expecting it to be her husband. They were so close they had ESP sometimes. ‘Hello,’ she said eagerly.
‘Hello, Jennifer, this is Mariah. Your Lamaze instructor.’
‘Oh hi,’ said Jennifer, a little disappointed.
‘Listen, I’m going out of town next week so I’m scheduling an extra class this week. Tomorrow night. Can you make it?’
Jennifer looked at the kitchen calendar and nodded. ‘Yeah, I think we can do that. No problem. And I’ll tell Dena Russell if you’d like.’
‘Would you? That’d be great. Save me a call. See you then.’
Jennifer made a note and posted it on the refrigerator under a bunch of bananas magnet. Then, she posted her sonogram under an apple. A wave of anxiety swept over her as she thought of Dena again, so alone and vulnerable, despite the brave front she was keeping up. But at least she had made up her mind to leave. Not to be a victim. That was the important thing now.
Jennifer took out a bottle of fruit juice from the refrigerator door and took a swig, remembering the nurse’s warning. If only Ron were home. The thought of him brought unexpected tears to her eyes. He was so strong, such a rock. She had never known she needed a rock until she met him. She took a deep breath and closed the refrigerator door. Stop it, she told herself. Don’t get all weepy. You’ve got teddy bears and duckies to paint.
At that moment, she heard a noise from the front of the house. She thought she heard her husband, calling for her. Was it someone at the front door? ‘Ron?’ she called out. Maybe he had come home after all. Read her mind, and decided to surprise her.
But there was no reply. The feelings of apprehension returned, stronger than ever. Stop it, she chided herself. It is broad daylight in Monroe. What in the world is there to be afraid of? Ever since you got pregnant, you’ve become a wimp, she chided herself.
She left her cheery, disorganized kitchen, and walked out to see who could be waiting at her door.