chapter 10

Weekends at MacAvoy basically suck. But that isn’t surprising, because everything at MacAvoy basically sucks. Alisha’s gums flapping all of the time, and Buffy skulking around looking for someone to get in trouble. She doesn’t have a new roommate yet, so she has too much time on her hands. She always seems to be standing outside my door when I leave my room to go to the bathroom or something else equally exciting. On the other hand, the Ks are basically invisible. They hole up in their room like little field mice most of the time. When they do come out, they don’t talk to us much. They just look kind of scared if we look at them. Alisha likes to glare at them and give them the finger behind the workers’ backs. She thinks it’s funny. I don’t think it’s funny. I think it’s stupid.

Sometimes we go out places, which sucks even more than staying in the house. There’s nothing more pathetic than five loser group home girls wandering around together with their worker tagging along like a demented hen chasing her chicks. We’re so obviously nut jobs that everyone stares at us anywhere we go. Alisha and Buffy stare back and make loud and obnoxious comments that make the hen even more demented. The Ks ignore them and just kind of blend together into one slightly bigger K. I ignore everyone and try to look like I’m by myself.

This Saturday we’ve all been herded into the van and taken off to the video store to choose movies. That is our big outing for the weekend. Of all the lame things we do, this is the lamest. We have to pick three movies between the five of us, and the movies have to be OK for all of us.

“Are you freakin’ kidding me? I’m not watching that baby crap!” Alisha is shouting at one of the Ks.

“Alisha!” The hen of the night looks up from the other aisle, twitching a little as she pokes her beak over the rows of well-behaved DVDs.

“Come on! Seriously, I’m not twelve. I’m not watching G movies!”

“Come on, Alisha. The Ks are just little kids. They have to watch G movies. Right, guys?” Buffy smiles at the Ks and they actually smile back and kind of creep over to stand behind her, like she’s going to protect them from Alisha or something. Crazy. Don’t they know Buffy is out of her little mind? Alisha does not smile. She looks at Buffy like she’s going to feed her a DVD sandwich. The hen doesn’t seem to notice and just keeps clucking.

“You get three movies. One can be for the younger girls. You three older girls can decide on the other two. Nothing more than PG, though.”

“Oh, goody. We girls will get right on that. Here, how about this one. Sexy Sirens.” Alisha wanders to another aisle and is waving a movie at us.

“How can a siren be sexy? Isn’t it just noisy?” Buffy asks. Alisha laughs.

“You are such a total idiot! Why don’t you head back over to the baby section with your little babies!” she says just loudly enough so that everyone in the next town can hear her. Buffy throws the DVD case she’s holding at her. The Ks hold hands and shift away from Buffy to find a new safe spot. Buffy doesn’t notice, because she’s too busy glaring at Alisha. I think her switch has flipped from protector to killer. Maybe I should go and hide out with the Ks.

“Girls!” The hen, whose name is Allison, I think, scuttles over to save the day.

“What’s your problem?” Alisha has Buffy by the front of her shirt, shaking her. The hen is pecking at them, trying to separate them, but Alisha has a pretty good grip. Buffy looks like she’s trying to scratch Alisha’s eyes out again. I just watch the action, wondering where the nearest exit is so I can make my escape.

“Sadie! I can’t believe you’re here! I just finished asking my mom if you can come over tomorrow and she said sure. I’m here with Chandra and Mom picking movies for the gang. I didn’t see you at first because we’re over in the Family section. Although, we are going to pick a couple for after the little ones go to bed. Maybe you could come over tonight instead?” Rhiannon stops for breath, smiling at everyone. She doesn’t seem to notice that Alisha is about to throw Buffy through the window and that there’s a hen flapping her useless wings trying to stop her. Everyone just morphs into a bunch of bizarre-looking mannequins, frozen in place as they all stare at Rhiannon like she’s some kind of alien who just fell out of her spaceship through the ceiling of the video store. She doesn’t notice that, either.

“Hi. I’m Rhiannon,” she says, stepping forward and looking at Allison as if she wants to shake hands or something. Alisha kind of snarls at her.

“They don’t care who you are. Take off!” She lets go of Buffy and steps toward Rhiannon as if she’s going to grab her. Rhiannon’s smile kind of falls off her face, and she looks at me as she steps back out of range.

“Back off, Alisha.” I can’t believe my mouth let the words out. I don’t get involved in stupid arguments.

“Back off? You’re telling me to back off your little friend? Did I scare her with my big bad mouth?”

“Just leave it, OK?” My mouth seems to be stuck open with words coming out.

“You’re that kid who lives in that foster home, right? Your mom has like a million foster kids all the time. You a foster kid, too?”

“No. You know that.” Rhiannon’s voice is quiet and she’s looking down at the floor, like she’s trying to avoid Alisha’s eyes. Don’t blame her. They’re probably registered somewhere as lethal weapons.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. So you’re like a professional foster sister or whatever. Taking pity on all the poor little foster kids like your mommy does. That’s why you hang with poor little Sadie here, right? Just another foster girl to add to your collection?” She smiles at me when she says it. I don’t smile back. I want to punch her in the face, but I don’t do it. Don’t want to make a bigger scene than we’re already making.

“We’re going. Now! Don’t make me call.” Allison is standing pointing toward the door. Don’t make me call is every worker’s favorite threat. Calling means getting Sandi away from wherever she is and making her come and save the day. This seriously pisses Sandi off when it happens and she finds quiet little ways of making our already hellish lives go even deeper down the hole. She’s not too easy on the hen of the night, either. Probably sends her back to the coop for retraining.

“Fine. See you later, foster sister.” Alisha walks past Rhiannon and kind of brushes against her, knocking her back into the videos. The Ks have already scurried out to the van, and Buffy is stomping out behind Allison. Rhiannon looks at me like she’s expecting me to say or do something. I just stand there. Her eyes look kind of wet, like maybe she’s thinking of crying. I really hope she doesn’t. I hate crying. Besides, Alisha’s not worth even one tear.

“Uh, I guess I’d better get back to my mom,” Rhiannon says.

“Yeah.”

“Sadie, about what your friend says…”

“She’s not my friend and I don’t listen to what she says!” My words fly out harder than I expected and slap her in the face. I don’t think Rhiannon has ever heard me yell before, and she flinches a little.

“Oh. OK. Good. I’ll call you about coming over.” She tries a smile, but it’s dull and flickering, a lightbulb about to go out.

“I think I’m busy all weekend.” Not sure where that’s coming from. It’s not even true.

“Oh. OK. Well. Another time.” Her voice is still quiet and her eyes drop back down to the floor. Maybe there’s something interesting written on it. I resist the urge to check. I have a feeling that she’s upset and that I’m supposed to do something about that. I can’t think of anything and, besides, I’m not too thrilled about being part of the freak show, either.

I walk to the van and get in. I don’t look at anyone or talk to anyone. Allison must have told them all to keep their lips together because no one else talks either. The ride home is short and quiet. When we get home, there is nothing to do because we left without the movies. I don’t care. I don’t want to watch movies with them anyway.

I don’t want to go to my room because Alisha is in there, and I don’t want to hear any more of her mouth. Not that I listen to her. At least I try not to.

I go out back and sit on the step. I try not to think about Alisha’s big mouth but her words seemed to have stuck themselves in my brain. Figures. Can’t get anything useful to stay in my mind for long, but her words manage to find a place to sit.

I wonder about what she says. It would explain a lot. I mean, I’m not exactly the kind of person that people hook themselves on to. I had a few so-called friends I hung with a bit in my last couple of schools, but it wasn’t any big deal. I never went home with them to meet their mommies or anything. I never brought them home to meet my pseudoparents, either. We just kind of hung out together when there was nothing better to do.

This Rhiannon babe is different. She asks me questions about myself and tells me things about herself. She wants me to spend time with her family. She attached herself to me from Day One. I never could figure out why. I thought maybe she was just too lazy to look around for someone better.

But Alisha’s version makes more sense. Why else would a kid like her want to hang with someone like me? She’s used to the whole foster deal. Her mom’s done the fostering thing her whole life and probably told her that she has to be nice to the poor pathetic group home girls because no one else likes them. She picked me because I’m new and probably because Alisha and Buffy are both scarier than me. They’re both aggressive, without the passive.

Man, what an idiot. I have actually been going over to that house and eating supper with all those dweeby kids and thinking…I don’t know what. That’s the problem. I haven’t been thinking. Stupid, stupid Sadie. Wasting my time. Not that I have much to do with my time, but there has to be something better than making a fool out of myself.

It starts to rain on top of me, not that sprinkly kind that you can sit in, but big buckets of water dumping on my head. I run inside and stand for a second or two deciding where to go next. I walk into the main room, where the Ks are sitting on the couch watching a movie about cheerleaders who look like hookers. I wondered if it’s G rated. Not that I care. They ignore me and I ignore them back. I head up to my room because I can’t think of anywhere else to go.

“Hey,” Alisha says as I walk through the door. She’s lying on her bed doing nothing. Her favorite activity. I ignore her and go over to my own side of the room. Not that there’re really two sides. The room reminds me of the closet Jackson uses, except that this one has a window. I could lie in bed and reach out and smack Alisha on the nose when she snores. Not that I do that, being passive and all.

“Come on! You’re not pissed ’cause of what I said to that little nerd kid, are you? I mean, I’m just telling you the truth. Didn’t think it would, like, upset you or whatever.” She doesn’t look too sorry. Just kind of annoyed that I’m not happy to see her. Don’t know why. I have never ever acted happy to see her.

“Nothing you do could upset me. That would mean I care.” I flop down on my bed and put my arms over my eyes, hoping Alisha will take the hint.

“That Rhiannon kid is a total freak, anyway. I’ve been here longer than you. I know the score around here. She’s more of a reject than we are. None of the kids hang around her. She’s always babbling and acting weird. She had one other totally freakazoid friend when I first came here, but I think the kid got beamed back up to her spaceship or something.” She laughs at herself. I don’t move or answer.

“Hey, you alive over there? I know you’re not sleeping.”

“Shut up, Alisha.”

“Shut up? You tell me to shut up? Girl, you have no idea who your friends really are. You need to stick to your own kind. Those kids at that stuck-up school don’t understand us. They’re all a bunch of baby-faced sucks with mommies who still wipe their bums. They know nothing. They look at us like we’re scum. They’re the ones who’re scum.”

“You still have a mom.” My stupid mouth opened without permission again.

“Yeah, but she don’t wipe no bums! My mom’s cool. She treats me like a grownup. Always did. That’s part of why I’m in this garbage heap. The stupid teachers at one of my schools found out my mom and I were drinking together. They called the cops or whoever, and there was a big investigation. They said all kinds of lies, like she gave me drugs and was sleeping with guys for money in front of me. Lies. It’s just a drink. She’s just respecting me.”

“Sure.”

“It’s true. She doesn’t think kids should be treated different from adults. She always talks to me like a real grownup. She doesn’t hide nothing from me. She’s so much cooler than the babes who hang out here. I can’t wait to get home.”

“Why’re you here?”

“You mean now? On a Saturday? I don’t know. Some lies about her not showing up at her AA meeting or whatever. There’s all these conditions on me visiting. It’s so bogus. She’s my mom. They have no right to keep me away from her.”

“Guess not.”

“Damn right. One of these days, I’m going to figure out a plan to split this place and get my mom to take me away where no one can find us. We can just be ourselves again.”

“Who are you now?”

“I have no freakin’ idea.”

She finally stops talking and seems to either fall asleep or slip into a coma. Either way, her breathing is steady and her mouth is closed. I can’t sleep. I have no idea if it’s anywhere near a time when I would want to be asleep. It doesn’t matter. My stupid head seems to be swirling around with other people’s words, keeping me awake and hurting my brain.

At least Alisha has a mother. Someone she figures wants her around. I don’t know if I have one or not. I’m allowed to know, but I never ask. It’s bad enough knowing that all of my pesudomothers don’t want me around. Don’t need to know my so-called real one hated me, too.