chapter 23

“I’d like you to look at each of the following pictures carefully and tell me what is missing from each picture.”

What’s missing from this picture? My mind, that’s what. I can’t believe I’m here with this dweeby-looking guy listening to him tell me how wonderful it is that I’m letting him do his job. Man, he looks like some kind of accountant or something, all dressed up with a tie wrapped around his pencil neck. He’s so formal and uptight I have an urge to grab that tie and give it a good pull, just to see if it would loosen him up a bit. He’s so different from Jackson, who is so happy I’m doing this that she’s practically dancing around her office. I guess she’d be pretty disappointed if I pulled this guy’s tie and snapped his neck.

I am not sure how I got from half-agreeing to talk to Ms. K to all of a sudden sitting here. Well, not so all of a sudden. It’s been a couple of weeks or so. I talked to Ms. K the same night I brought the forms home. She didn’t really pressure me at all to do it. She just said that I had the right to make up my own mind, but that, if it was her, she would want to know. I’m not her, and I’m not sure I want to know anything about how this guy thinks my brain works, but I decided it was easier to just give in to Jackson because I figured she’d keep on bugging me and getting all the adults in my life involved until I did. Cecilia rushed right over to sign on the dotted line when Ms. K called her. You would think she’d have better things to do, but I guess not. Slow day.

And that’s that. Jackson said that we had a super short wait because of my “situation.” Meaning that I disappear on a regular basis from every school I’ve ever been in, I guess. The Kerrys told me I can live there as long as I need to, so I can stay in this school and everything, but there are no guarantees. I don’t come with one. I have a habit of messing up everywhere I go and making people who say they want to keep me change their minds and trade me in for a newer model. I come with an unlimited exchange policy.

So here I am, Day Two of wasting everyone’s time trying to answer weird questions and make weird block pictures and storyboards and decode bizarre symbols and generally make a fool out of myself in front of Pencilneck. I can’t remember his actual name. He’s some kind of psychobabble guy from the Board Office or something. Two days of testing, and he’ll unlock the secrets of my personal universe. Yeah, right.

“There’s no ear on the left side of his head.” Picture dude must have been listening to church music.

Pencilneck nods and holds out the next card. He’s not very chatty, this guy. I should introduce him to Rhiannon. She’d fill in all his blanks.

“There’s no little thingie inside the light bulb.”

This is ridiculous. What do light bulbs and earless people have to do with my brain?

“All right, Sadie. We’re done. I appreciate the time.”

“No prob.”

“I’ll be back in a couple of weeks with my report. Your parents will be invited to the meeting, and of course you are free to attend if you wish.”

I’m free to attend? Is he kidding me? They’re talking about my brain here. Of course I don’t wish to attend. But I am sure as hell not letting them talk about me behind my back!

“I’ll attend. My parents won’t because I don’t know who they are.” I smile sweetly. The face on top of the pencil neck turns into a red eraser.

“Well, your guardian or whoever you live with can attend. Ms. Jackson will figure that out.” He packs up all his little easel books and toys into his bag and stands up. He looks kind of uncomfortable, like I’m making him nervous or something. I like adults who I can make feel nervous. You’ve got to wonder what he’s doing testing kids all day if they make him nervous, though. Maybe he needs some psychobabble help of his own.

“So, how did it go?” Jackson pops into the room about a second after Pencilneck scuttles out.

“No idea. None of it really makes any sense or means anything to me.”

“That’s fair. It wasn’t too awful, though, was it?”

“I guess not totally terrible. It wasn’t the most fun I’ve ever had, either.”

“I don’t imagine it would be.”

“He said there would be a meeting or something in a couple of weeks.”

“A couple of weeks would be pretty quick but, yes, there will be a meeting at some point.”

“He said my parents should come, which is not too likely. Then he said my guardian should come, which is Cecilia.”

“Yes.”

“Well, does it have to be her?”

“I’m pretty sure it has to be your legal guardian. Why?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s OK.”

“No, Sadie, it’s all right. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

What am I thinking? Just stupid stuff. Nothing worth saying out loud.

“I was thinking, maybe, Ms. K?” Now, why did I do that? Words coming out of my mouth that should be sitting way down in my throat. I don’t even know why I’m thinking it. I mean, she isn’t my guardian. She’s just another pseudomom who has her own kid to worry about and doesn’t have time to come to some stupid meeting for some kid who’s only been in her house for a few weeks.

“Of course Ms. Kerry would come. Cecilia and your foster mom can both be here.”

“OK. Anyway, I gotta go. See ya.” This conversation has gone far enough. I can’t trust my mouth, and I never trust Jackson not to say something sappy.

“OK, Sadie. I’m really glad you did this. I’m proud of you.” And there it is. Almost got out before she managed it, but not quite quick enough.

Can’t handle all these sappy people sometimes. Jackson always talking about how smart I am and what a good student I’m turning into. Rhiannon always telling me how nice I am and what a great friend slash roommate slash fostersister I am. Ms. K talking to me and asking me about my day and listening to my answers like they mean something. It’s like I’m trapped in some kind of surreal, parallel universe where Sadie is someone people give a crap about.

I have no idea how to be this Sadie.

“Hi! How’d it go? You were in there so long I thought I might have to come in and rescue you but I couldn’t have even if I had tried because Jackson was hovering around the whole time you were there, did you know that? She really likes you, which is kind of cool because she’s a really good teacher and everything. I wonder why she was hovering; maybe she thought you’d make a run for it. I kind of thought you might because you hated it so much yesterday and I wondered if you would make it through today. Are we on setting or clearing tonight?”

“Um, I think we’re setting and Chandra and Adam are clearing.”

“Cool. Let’s go home.”

Rhiannon heads off down the hall, bopping along like she’s dancing, except she has no music. She’s one of the only people I know who doesn’t always have her MP3 player plugged into her head. I think she has so much going on inside her that any other sounds would just get drowned out by her own babbling brain.

We walk home together most nights. I know hanging out with Rhiannon again makes me one of the totally uncool here, but I pretty much blew the cool thing the minute I walked into the sped room anyway. It doesn’t matter. I’ve never worried about cool. I just make sure everyone understands that I’m not someone they can mess with. No one has really messed with me much at this school so far. I get stared at, and I see the some of the airheads with too much makeup on whisper to each other about me sometimes, but no one says much out loud. Which is good because it means I haven’t had to smack anyone around yet. Keeps Cecilia happy and gets me closer to freedom.

“Hey.”

The voice is a little familiar, and I stop to see who’s actually talking to me. Rhiannon is still ahead of me, but has stopped and is waiting at the front door of the school.

“Hi.” I don’t know her name, but I recognize her from the group that hangs out by the dumpster. I don’t think I’ve seen her at all since the second time I tried hanging out there, which isn’t any great loss.

“So, you still go here.”

“Guess so.”

“Haven’t seen you outside much.”

“Nope.” She makes it sound like I’m missing out.

“Tom asks about you. He thought you were cute or whatever.” She laughs and then starts coughing.

“I have no idea who Tom is and I don’t actually care what he thinks.”

“Tom is one of my guys. You met him. He’s cool. Except he’s mine. The other guys are relatively cool, too, but I get a little tired of them sometimes. Could use another girl around to keep them busy.”

“Not interested.”

“Whatever. You’d rather hang out with that foster girl kid. She’s a total loser, you know. Makes you look like one, too.”

“Your opinion.”

“Not just mine. You haven’t been here that long. You can still change things for yourself. You know how it is. I can tell.”

“You can tell? You met me twice. You know nothing.”

“I know you’re screwing yourself at this school.”

“Gee, I’m so scared.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to help. School sucks enough without the hassles.”

“No one hassles me.”

“Yet.”

“No one hassles me. Ever.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t bet on it.” She starts hacking away again and walks off, probably toward the dumpsters where all the cool kids hang out.

“What did she want?” Rhiannon asks me when I catch up to her at the door.

“Nothing.”

“Do you know who she is?”

“Some kid who smokes too much.”

“That’s not all she does. Her name’s Grace Miller. I told you about her, remember? I’ve known her since I was about five. She’s two years older than us. She’s been drinking and smoking since like grade seven. There’s rumors she’s into drugs, too, but I don’t know about that. She skips school all the time and hangs out with Tom Shorten and his friends.” She says his name like I should know who he is. I look at her and shrug my shoulders.

“Tom Shorten? You never noticed him? Really tall and totally good looking but a real jerk. He hangs out with Grace and a bunch of guys who just like to act tough and make everyone’s life miserable. He thinks he’s some kind of movie star or something just because his face turned out like a Greek god’s and he’s all tall and strong and everything and all the girls think he’s gorgeous. He’s a total player and doesn’t care about anyone.”

“Never noticed him.”

“You must be blind, then. Every girl in school notices him and kind of hopes he’ll notice her back. Except me, because I only notice Eddy, who doesn’t notice me at all.”

“Then Eddy must just be stupid. You want me to talk to him?” I’m really hoping she says no because I don’t really have any intention of talking to Eddy or anyone else in the sped room.

“No way! I would absolutely die if you ever talked to him about me! Totally completely and utterly die right in front of you!”

“OK, then I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Thanks Sadie, you’re such a good friend. And so nice and understanding and always there for me and…”

I stop the sappy stuff with a handful of leaves which I shove down the back of her shirt. She starts laughing and throwing leaves at me. I start throwing them back, and all of a sudden we’re in a total leaf fight on someone’s front lawn like two little kindergarten kids getting in trouble at recess. There are leaves in my hair, down my shirt, in my mouth, and a couple stuck up my nose. I can’t breathe and my back itches.

I should be pissed, but all I can do is laugh.