chapter 27

Cecilia leaves and I head over to the school. She came first thing in the morning so I wouldn’t miss much school, but I’ve already missed first period and, if I walk slowly enough, I might manage to miss second period, too. Of course, the school is only a ten-minute walk away so I only manage to slow it down enough to arrive in time for the second half of the period. I stand on the edge of the school lawn, thinking about walking backwards and starting over again.

I let myself think about what Cecilia said about my so-called family for a second, but then I put it away. It’s not worth more than a second of thought. My mother and my brother haven’t been more than a stupid dream for the past twelve years. Why should I feel anything about them now? I sure as hell don’t want to see either of them just because they woke up one morning and decided they feel guilty about leaving me to the mercy of the system. I’m fine on my own. I do OK. They have their life and I have mine. End of that story.

I see a wisp of smoke from the side of the school. Grace and company. Not very good company, but better than Wilson and easier than walking backwards.

“Hi.” Grace looks at me with kind of a “knew you would come back” look. Looking at her little guy gang, I can figure out which one is that Tom guy, standing there looking like he thinks he’s god’s gift to girls. He looks at me in that player-dude-forgetting-that-the-girl-he’s-checking-out-has-a-head kind of way. Makes me want to grab his chin and shove his head up to face level. Except that would mean touching him which would probably make him think I’m interested. It makes me want to wash my hands or something.

“Hi.”

“So, had enough of being a model student?” Grace always sounds sarcastic and like she thinks she’s better than me. Loser.

“I’m no model student. I’ve just been trying to keep clean so I can get my own place.” Why did I tell her that? It’s none of her business. Now I’m acting like a loser.

“Your own place? Your parents are cool with that?” Tom looks impressed. I open my mouth to answer but Grace is faster.

“Foster parents, right? You live with that Rhiannon kid,” she says with a smile that doesn’t exactly look friendly. What am I doing here?

“Man, that sucks. She’s a total freak fest, isn’t she?” Tom says. One of his stupid henchmen laughs. I don’t.

“She’s OK.” I should probably say more to defend her, but I don’t.

“So, how do you get your own place?” Tom asks, looking actually interested. Grace kind of glares at him. Guess he’s not supposed to be interested in anyone but her.

“It’s a foster care thing. When I hit sixteen, I can ask to be let go. I get my own apartment and a job and everything. No big deal.” Except that it is a big deal and it probably isn’t going to happen and I’ll have to find another way to get out. And it isn’t any of his business and I really need to bite my tongue in half so that I stop talking.

“That would be awesome. Party every night!” Tom looks at me like I’m a cheeseburger and he’s starving. I stare him down, but he just kind of grins at me. I can see where other girls might think he has a nice smile. It looks like those smiles you see on movie guys, only this one is on a creepy guy.

“Whatever. I’m not there yet.”

“So, does it suck living with the Kerrys? I hear they have all kinds of weird little foster kids living there all the time.” Grace moves over so she’s standing in front of Tom. She leans back against him and blows smoke in my face.

“Like me, you mean.” Might have to tap into my aggressive side and see if she wants to swallow that cigarette.

“No, you don’t seem weird. You seem pretty cool to me. Cute, too.” Tom turns up the volume on his smile. He thinks it makes him look cuter. He’s wrong. Grace seems to agree with me on that one and leans back against him again, only this time I see an elbow go into his gut.

“Yeah, cute is so what I’m going for.”

Tom laughs. He gives Grace a little push and steps away from her.

“Well, you’re not a freak fest anyway. We’ve got a party on tonight. You want to come?” Grace glares at him again, but he ignores her. The other guys look at each other and laugh.

“Not much into parties these days.” I used to be. I used to do my share of drinking and other recreational-type activities that would make Cecilia have a heart attack if she knew about all of them. I haven’t bothered with that stuff since I moved here, though. Part of my master plan to get out. The only party I’ve had is Rhiannon style—watching movies and eating ice cream straight from the container. What am I turning into?

“You will be into this one. You need to meet a few new people. You can’t spend your whole life at that house with all those little kids. You’ll lose your mind.”

He has a point. I mean, if no one else is going to try to help me escape my life, why shouldn’t I listen to him? All Cecilia managed to do is to make me realize that my whole stupid life sucked even more than I thought it did and that it isn’t going to change any time soon. That my own so-called mother decided that I suck so much that she left me with strangers while she hung out with my brother. I need some breathing space here. I’m entitled to a good time, away from the superbrats and Rhiannon’s chatter and Ms. K’s all-seeing eyes. Away from thinking about things I don’t want to think about. Besides, it would be worth it just to piss Grace off completely.

“I might come.”

“That’s cool. Meet us back here at eight if you’re coming.”

Tom walks off and the other guys follow him like brainless baby ducks. Grace blows a puff of smoke into my face and waddles off after them. Obviously we are not destined to be best friends. How sad. She doesn’t appear to like me. Which appears to be something to do with the fact that I am female and therefore must be interested in Tom. I’d tell her she doesn’t need to worry, but it’s more fun ticking her off.

I don’t know if I’ll go or not, but at least I managed to miss the rest of English class. It’s lunchtime by the time I actually head up the stairs of the school. I usually go to Jackson’s room during lunch, but I think I’ll pass on that today. She’ll want to talk about the report and college or whatever, and I’m not up for that right now. I’m tired of being told how happy I should be that I’m brain damaged.

I stand in the front hall and watch as all the classroom doors open up and vomit out hungry kids. Maybe I’ll try the cafeteria. But if I go there I’ll have to sit with Rhiannon and that kid with the braces. I’m not up for that right now, either.

Screw it. I’m not sitting in the cafeteria with the dweeb brigade, and I’m not sitting in the resource room with the sped brigade.

Maybe I should figure out where the dumpster gang hangs out during lunch. Guess they don’t actually eat at the dumpster, which is probably a testament to some level of intelligence.

At least none of them cares if I’m smart or not, or if I go to college or not, or finish my homework or not. They don’t care if I have a family who wants me or not. They don’t even care if I’m nice or not. I’m not sure what they care about except having a good time and not worrying about anything that isn’t part of that good time.

Sounds like a fine attitude to me.